January 2011 - Bipolar Burble Blog

Depression, Bipolar – Feeling Alone with a Mental Illness

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 23, 2011

People with a mental illness feel alone.

Depression makes you feel alone. Depression makes you feel like you’re the only person that feels the pain and sadness that you do. Depression brings about negative spirals of thinking that convinces you that there is only darkness, nothingness and that you are utterly alone in the world. This loneliness is a symptom of depression.

Bipolar makes you feel alone too. Bipolar makes you think you are alone because no one else experiences the highs of mania and the lows of depression. Then there’s loneliness with Schizophrenia thanks to the rest of the world unfairly thinking you are violent and dangerous. And dissociative identity disorder convincing you that you are alone and that no one on the planet is as “crazy” as you.

In short, mental illness makes you feel alone and like there is no one else like you in the world.

Depression and Lack of Want, Desire

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 19, 2011

Ah depression. Sucking, vaporizing, numbing black hole. A void where feeling used to be.

Last night I went out on a date. It was a girl I had connected with through a site online. Lovely girl. Smiling. Happy. There’s a picture of her taking another girl’s bikini top off with her teeth. Playful happiness.

And in person, she was, in fact, happy. Enthralled and entertained by me. She wanted to hear story after story. Captivated. Charmed. Her gaze burned into my flesh.

Most Notable Feeling in Depression is Nothingness. A Lack of Want.

And I felt, nothing.

Suicide Self-Assessment Scale – How Suicidal Are You?

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 16, 2011

Just how suicidal are you? OK, admittedly, it’s probably not the best idea to fixate on this question, but in point of fact “being suicidal” doesn’t mean just one thing. Being suicidal exists on a scale. But how does one quantify how suicidal you are?

Suicide Statistics

Thanks to very depressing research we do know many awful suicide statistics.

Men are up to 17 times more like more likely to commit suicide than women
Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death in the US in 2007
Suicide was the third leading cause of death in people aged 15-24 in 2007
People with anorexia nervosa have a 40 times greater chance of committing suicide than the general population (anorexia nervosa is the most deadly mental illness)
Age, race, substance abuse, mental health and history are all other suicide risk factors

(There are lots of other suicide statistics provided by the National Institute of Mental Health.)

Suicide Self-Assessment – How Suicidal Are You?

Bipolar, Hypomania, Depression and Looking Crazy

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 10, 2011

I can feel the post-depression-bounce-back hypomania beginning in my brain; not in my body, only in my brain. Hypomanic symptoms started yesterday evening. Things started seeming clear, perhaps just a little too clear, and certainly a little too fast. Bipolar fast. Gospel music (yes, oddly) played in my head intermittently while I guided an old tourist couple to the park, I drafted my upcoming novel, planned a conversation, and I investigated the fallen tree branch in the middle of the baseball field. Rapid fire thoughts, hypomanic thoughts, took over.

Hope and Resolutions – New Year, Same Bipolar

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 6, 2011

So here it is, 2011. Yes, a new year. People are full of hope, resolutions and motivation for change.

It should come as no surprise that I, the bipolar, the depressive, the philosopher, the writer, am not.

Resolutions and Hope for the New Year

Most people, mostly wrong people, think that they can seize this moment to change their life. People think that this arbitrary moment of existence somehow means that they can make their lives better.

Silly, sill them.

Resolutions and Disappointment for the New Year

The new year really means silly promises that people don’t keep and then are disappointed about by February 1st, if they’re lucky enough to last that long. Anyone still losing weight, going to the gym, reading more, quitting smoking, reducing debt or volunteering like they promised last year?

Resolutions and Hope: New Year, Same Bipolar

So my problem, the thing that really sticks in my craw, is this: if your average person can’t be expected to keep a New Year’s resolution, what chance does a crazy person have?

I’d say, very little.

Depression, Intrinsic and Extrinsic Sadness

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 5, 2011

There are two categories of sadness: intrinsic and extrinsic, or internal and external. Within those categories there are is all manor of sadness, but for our purposes, we will make this single distinction.

Depression is Intrinsic Sadness

Intrinsic sadness is sadness from within and without cause.[push]Intrinsic sadness is pain without cause. It is without beginning or ending. It is sea you fall into without shore.[/push]

It typically presents itself in a clinical sense as depression. In a physiological sense, it’s misfiring (or not firing) neurotransmitters. Research suggests that a serious deficit of this type (depression) rarely rights itself without proper medical intervention. Intrinsic sadness is the stuff I feel most of the time in varying degrees thanks through my bipolar. Luckily most “normal” folk will only experience very limited intrinsic sadness and it’ll probably lead to just a blue day, and not depression.