How to Tell Someone You’re Feeling Suicidal Pt. 2
Last time I talked about feeling suicidal and who to tell if you’re feeling suicidal. This time I talk about how to tell someone you’re feeling suicidal.
How to Tell Someone You’re Feeling Suicidal
If you’re telling a professional, it’s actually not that hard. Just come straight out and tell them. Don’t dance around it and try not to be afraid because they’ve heard the words, “I’m suicidal,” so many more times than you can imagine. They know those words and they know what to do with them. Remember, you can’t get help and you can’t feel better if you don’t tell anyone.
If you’re telling a non-professional that you feel suicidal it can be tougher, but it can be done. Telling someone that you’re feeling suicidal is like talking about anything else serious:
- Make sure you have a quiet, private space and time to talk
- Plan out what you want to say ahead of time
- Try to be calm, if you can
- Bring a loved one, if you need to, and one is available
- Provide resources for the person you tell (like a website on suicide or a hotline)
And remember that the other person may need time to adjust to the news. It’s a big thing you just told them and sometimes people don’t’ react in the best way to big news. Give them a chance to digest the information though and hopefully they will come around.
What if the Person You Tell Isn’t Supportive
I’m sorry to say that even if you pick the right person and the right moment and say all the right words, not everyone is going to be supportive in such a serious situation. Your average person doesn’t have training on how to handle suicidal loved ones and they might react very badly simply because if their own baggage that has nothing to do with you.
[push]If the person isn’t supportive, it’s not about you – it’s about them.[/push]
I wish I could save people from having this experience, but I can’t. All I can say is that if the person isn’t supportive, it’s not about you – it’s about them. Most people will support you. If you find one who can’t, then you have to tell someone else. I know you don’t want to go through the hell of telling someone else that you feel suicidal again, but sometimes it can’t be avoided.
What if the Person Overreacts?
Well, overreacting is kind of natural when you hear a loved one is feeling suicidal but hopefully, with the correct information, you can work together to form a plan to deal with your feelings of suicide. The other person might be really upset. That’s because they don’t want to lose you and can’t imagine a world without you in it. Try to understand that perspective. Try to understand that their love of you is causing their reaction. It’s their love of you that will help you during this tough time so try to embrace it.
What Happens after I Tell Someone I’m Feeling Suicidal?
A professional might do any number of things but generally, if you tell a professional that you’re not planning on acting on your feelings of suicide, they’re going to try to help you through the situation without admitting you to a psychiatric facility. Psychiatric facilities are generally for those who are a danger to themselves or others.
In an ideal world, a loved one would always be supportive and they would always help you find help for your situation. Because while telling someone that you’re suicidal is a good first step, if they’re not a professional, they can’t really handle the problem and you can’t get better.
But what they can do is stand beside you as you make a plan to find a professional to help you with your suicidal feelings. And this is huge thing. It’s a huge gift. Having someone see your underbelly and love you anyway will give you strength. Hopefully it will give you the strength you need to get that help.
Because in the end, the goal of telling someone that you feel suicidal is to feel better. And you need to keep talking to people until that happens. You deserve it. You deserve help and you deserve a life that you want to live.
Jos - March 28, 2013 ←
My psychiatrist, who knows I am suicidal, has written today to my GP to discharge me from my local mental health services as they are currently being restructured due to NHS cutbacks.
Those same NHS cutbacks mean that I no longer have a mental health nurse who sees me, and I haven’t seen once since Aug 2012…due to constant restructuring and lack of funds.
And now my GP is going to have to decide if he is going to put me forward for reassessment by a new team and make me go through this hell again.
My psychiatrist knows my mental state, knows my plans and even has my suicidal intentions in writing…there is no support, no care, no help.
Jeeners - March 25, 2013 ←
Well, the last time I confessed anything to a Professional (my anxiety Psychologist) she called the Ministry of Children and Families on me.
Note: I have NEVER laid a hand on my children, the most I’ve done is raise my voice, yell but never physically melted down in front of them nor have I ever verbally/mentally lashed out at them.
I told this doc my 11 year old stays home alone at night for 3 hours between the sitter leaving and me coming home from my 2nd job. (which I need to survive). This was her overreaction from only meeting me for two half-hour sessions post-retirement of my former Psychologist . (He was lovely and was also aware of my situation, yet didn’t feel the need to be alarmed). My son had taken the Home Alone Course, Red Cross Babysittiting plus I had asked for advice from an RCMP, city Policeman and others about leaving him home alone.
So, yeah….on those days when I am feeling like there is no purpose left for me…I don’t trust ANYONE. And some people wonder why Post Partum Depressed Mothers harm their children etc…you get ONE Dud professional in the system and your life could be ruined. Individuals need to be assessed as they are…individually.
Gavin - March 15, 2013 ←
When my GP found out about my suicidal ideation he called me in to his surgery. Why? To sign waiver forms to absolve him and his partners from any possible liability.
Paul Winkler - March 13, 2013 ←
Let me start by saying I’m sorry you had such an awful experience, Juan. Our local mental health emergency hotline was taken over by a government group, whose sensitivity toward suicidal callers is perhaps best described as non-existent.
Anyhow, my main remarks are addressed to Natasha. Natasha, I love your blog and read it voraciously, but I can’t find common ground with you on your advice here. “Most people will support you. If you find one who can’t, then you have to tell someone else.” strikes me as utter nonsense. Such a reaction would be enough to tip me past the point of feeling useless and suicidal to feeling actively suicidal and committed to doing away with myself.
In the next paragraph, you wrote: “The other person might be really upset. That’s because they don’t want to lose you and can’t imagine a world without you in it. Try to understand that perspective. Try to understand that their love of you is causing their reaction.” Well, just write me off again there. I’m not into empathizing with others; I’ve got my own problems!
Basically, your scenarios may be realistic, but just carrying blithely onward after bad reactions to the most difficult admission in one’s life is absolutely out of the question for some people, myself included.
helen quinn - March 28, 2013 ←
I agree. People, I think, still believe, that if one shares suicidal thoughts, it’s not really going to happen. The old, “It’s just a cry for help.” No, No, No.
Juan B - March 13, 2013 ←
Not long ago I was feeling very low and called the advice nurse at my health care provider.
The questions were very intrusive and I hung up.
My reward for seeking help?
When I got home five heavily armed police officers advised me that I was going to a mental health center for evaluation.
I am glad it happened because there is no way I am ever going to confess those feelings of despair to anyone AGAIN.
Harry B - May 2, 2013 ←
Wow that sounds really traumatic. What was your reaction when you got home?
Stories like this is why I’ve never admitted to other people how bad my depression gets at times. I’m quite certain I would never actually go so far to attempt suicide, but the feelings are still their every day. I really don’t know how I could explain this to someone who hasn’t been in the same situation.