Under the Influence of Drugs – I Can Think Just Fine
I’m on Twitter. Not a surprise there. And I have a pretty active following there. Most of the people are fans, but a few aren’t. A few quite disagree with me and what I have to say. Which is fine. People can have their views.
And recently, I was tweeting along, minding my own business when someone said this to me:
and have you been on antidepressant, mind altering drugs all these years. Making choices while under the influence
My first reflex was to reply,
and have you been making choices all this time while being an ignorant, sanctimonious ass?
But I’ve heard through the grapevine that wouldn’t be professional. So I said nothing. If Mr. Twitter wants to judge me for taking medically prescribed medication, that’s his right. Even if it is a small-minded, uncompassionate, hateful thing to do.
And really, I have snarky answers for many of the asinine comments people make to me. However, I don’t tend to share them as it makes people all pissy. That being said, this particular comment hit a sore spot – being under the influence of brain-bending medications.
The first drug I ever took was an antidepressant and I can tell you, I was terrified. I didn’t want to do it. Not at all. But I was desperate and on the verge of suicide so I chose to try an antidepressant.
And one of my biggest fears was of not knowing what “reality” was anymore. My fear was that I would never again be able to think like “me” and I would only ever be able to think like the drug, like an alcoholic or other drug addict does. I thought I would be just like them.
Drugs and Hazy Thoughts
And certainly, there have been many times when my thoughts were tainted with drugs. But I can say, without a doubt, that when you compare bipolar tainting my thoughts versus medication tainting my thoughts the bipolar is far more pervasive and destructive. I’m not a drug addict or anything like it. My tainted-thought worry was just my fear talking. (And reasonably so.)
This Is Your Brain on Drugs
And now I can honestly say, after being on almost every medication known to, well, me, that medication does not drown out or taint your thoughts when properly used. Yes, there is certainly a period of adjustment when you take a drug and you might feel “slow and stupid” during that time. And certainly, if it isn’t the right drug or the right dose for you, that feeling might continue. But this still does not change your thoughts, per se, and this is merely a side effect that can typically be resolved with medication adjustment.
In all, Mr. Twitter is simply using a scare tactic based on misinformation to make me feel bad about myself and my ability to think. But I will not feel bad and my ability to think runs circles around most people, thanks. Yes, Mr. Twitter found my sore spot, but he, and my fears, can’t bruise me if I don’t let them. I have reality backing me and it’s more powerful than fear.
About Natasha Tracy
Natasha Tracy is an award-winning writer, speaker and consultant from the Pacific Northwest. She has been living with bipolar disorder for 18 years and has written more than 1000 articles on the subject.