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Feeling Like a Failure When You Fight Bipolar and Lose

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 14, 2015

Every day I fight bipolar disorder. I have to because every day my bipolar disorder requires fighting. Every day, bipolar disorder is at the forefront of my mind. Every day, I have to do all the things that are required to improve (or at least maintain) my mental health. Every day, I have to fight the bipolar depression that makes me exhausted and upset. Every day, I have to focus on medication and schedules and sleep. Every day, every day, every day.

And my reward for all of these fighting and fighting and fighting of the bipolar disorder? If I’m lucky, it’s the reward of not being sick. If I’m lucky, my reward is feeling like one of the normals for one day – a way that other people feel without putting any work into it at all.

And if I’m not lucky? My reward is just another day with illness, with me expending hopeless amounts of energy in a seemingly-impossible fight to stay alive.

Yay me.

I’m Not Myself Today – Feeling Bad About Feeling Bad

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jun 3, 2013

As I’ve mentioned before, people with bipolar disorder, statistically, spend more time depressed than they do manic or hypomanic. People with bipolar II have it the worst. People with bipolar II can spend up to 35 times more time depressed than hypomanic. This means that if you’re a symptomatic bipolar II, you’re probably feeling depressed right now.

And, of course, depression is a big problem in bipolar disorder as there are only two Food and Drug Administration-approved treatments for bipolar depression (although other treatments are prescribed off label).

While that picture is dark, I would argue there is one aspect of depression that’s more within our control but is equally debilitating. It’s (often obsessively) feeling bad about feeling bad.