I once had a very nice girl tell me that I was hard to get to know. I was surprised at this. I feel like I’m an open and honest person and if you want to know something about me, you can just ask and I’ll generally answer.
I didn’t prod her for more details when she said it, although I probably should have. What I think she might have meant was that I was hard to get to know emotionally. I think what she was saying is that I wasn’t showing my emotions around her and that was the hard part to get to know. This girl, in particular, wore her emotions on her sleeve, so I can understand the disconnect. She was right. My emotions are hidden. But that’s because not even I want to know them and I can tell you right now, no one else really wants to know them either.
Do you feel broken? I sometimes do. I sometimes feel very broken. I sometimes feel like the bipolar disorder has damaged me beyond repair. I sometimes feel like the bipolar disorder has damaged me beyond reason.
I sometimes feel like it would be impossible for another human being with a functioning brain to want me.
And this is too bad because it can lead to some very bad decisions regarding relationships. I’ve seen people with bipolar who feel this way stay with people who were entirely beneath them because they feel like that broken toy. The person with bipolar disorder feels like she/he doesn’t deserve any better.
This may be wrong. This definitely is wrong. But it doesn’t mean that some part of our brains doesn’t still believe it.
Standing By Someone with a Mental Illness
One of the most popular things I’ve written here is a piece called, Saying Goodbye to Someone with a Mental Illness. I think this piece is very important as it highlights the fact that you can’t stand beside someone just because they have a mental illness. Sometimes it’s simply an unworkable situation and you have to take care of yourself by putting some distance between you and the person with the mental illness.
Leaving Someone with a Mental Illness
Unfortunately, some people took this as an indication that I believe that you should leave people with a mental illness.
Now, in point of fact, Love and a Latté was uploaded onto Scribd as part of their Eat, Say, Love collection. I was asked to submit some “lovely” writing and this cute little love-across-a-crowded-coffee-shop story came to mind.
In this story there is no mental illness, bipolar disorder, hypomania or depression anywhere. Yes, it’s true, Natasha Tracy can write something that doesn’t drip with blood. It’s kind of against my nature, but what can I say, sanity happens to the best of us.
Love and a Latté – A Writing by Natasha Tracy
Love and a Latté is a story about a lonely girl in Seattle that bears absolutely no resemblance to me. Really. No. Seriously.
Our hero, the lonely girl, drinks coffee and gazes upon a beautiful, tattoo-laden creature. It’s cute. The girls are beautiful. The latté is hot. Enjoy.
Love and a Latté is featured in the Scribd collection Eat, Say, Love… Together. There are all kinds of love, anti-love, broken love and other stories to be found there.
Over 3,000 people have read the story so far. If you haven’t, you really have to ask yourself, why? (Yes, I’m terribly popular.)
Also Lovely Writing
A Powerless, is featured in the collection: The Best of Love on Scribd., (Of course, in that story there are depressing depictions of broken hearts and electroconvulsive therapy; one doesn’t stray too far from home, I suppose.).
You’ll also find Tales from an Ex-Stripper, Romantic Ideas and my girl Hyla Molander’s magazine piece on My Drop Dead Life.