I had a mentally ill parent. It was my father. He’s dead now, but when he was here, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Of course, I didn’t find out about that until I was an adult. That secret affected my life from the time I was a child. What it’s like to have a mentally ill parent is different for different people, but here’s what having a mentally ill parent was like for me.
I hate bad self-help advice. I hate overly-simplified pop psychology. I (by and large) hate self-help gurus. The idea that you can manifest anything you want or attract anything you want into your life is bullshit. Life is more complicated, more difficult, and not to mention far less fair, than that. And while you might think some of this is obvious, often this bad self-help advice is wrapped up in such a pretty bow that you can’t see just how bad it is. Because make no mistakes about it, bad self-help advice hurts people and it can hurt you too.
Keeping productive and motivated during depression is a tall task. Depression wants to suck all of the productivity and motivation out of you to the point where you become nothing but a lump on your couch. I know all about this. I work from home and for myself and so without a boss or yearly reviews, depression really has a leg up when it comes to causing a lack of productivity. That’s why I have to take productivity and motivation very seriously. Here are a few techniques to maintain productivity and motivation during depression.
The scariest parts of bipolar disorder depend on who you ask, I guess, but I can think of quite a few scary things; after all, serious chronic illnesses like bipolar disorder tend to be scary on their very face. From having to deal with bipolar disorder for the rest of your life to possibly losing your life to bipolar disorder, there’s a lot of which to be scared. So here, I want to talk about some of the scary (and the scariest) aspects of bipolar disorder. Let’s face our fears.
I was recently asked what it was like starting to work for myself with a mental illness. Or, more specifically, what should people with mental illness know if they’ve going to try working for themselves? What do people with mental illness need to know about entrepreneurship? There is a definite appeal in working for yourself for many people, perhaps, especially for those with mental illness. But there are also special considerations for people with mental illness too. Let’s take a look at starting your own business if you have a mental illness.
People sometimes tell those with mental illness that it’s “all in their head.” Would it surprise you to learn, then, that sometimes people with mental illness think the same thing? Sometimes people with mental illness wonder if they’re making it all up. I’ve had these thoughts. I’ve wondered if I was making up my mental illness. I’ve wondered if my bipolar was all in my head. Weird, for an advocate, I know, but let’s look a little deeper at it.
I have been told that I trigger people with my writing and speaking. And let’s make something clear: that is never my intent. I never stand up in front of people or sit behind the keyboard and think about how to trigger someone. In fact, I soften my language quite frequently so people aren’t triggered. Nonetheless, people say I trigger them. Well, this is incorrect. They’re placing blame on me for their triggers. I didn’t trigger you, your brain and trauma did. It’s not my fault you were triggered.
Lately, I’ve been wondering why I can’t get over fatphobia. I’ve gotten over so much bad programming in my life, I would have thought I could have gotten over that toxic set of ideas as well, but it seems I just can’t. Ideas of fatphobia just seem to own my brain. Skinny is good; fat is bad. Skinny is lovable; fat is unlovable. Skinny is beautiful; fat is ugly. And so on and so on. My own fatphobia is shocking to me. But if I realize I don’t want to be this way, why can’t I get over fatphobia?
Bipolar disorder is not your fault. Schizophrenia is not your fault. Depression is not your fault. You did nothing to deserve a mental illness. You are a good person and your being sick does not affect that. Mental illness landed on you and started eating away at your brain. It could have happened to anyone. You had nothing to do with it. Mental illness is not your fault.
Our society encourages people to push their limits, and there is no out for people with mental illness. Our society claims over and over that we must “push the envelope,” “take risks,” and “do what scares us.” There is no societal pressure to “respect your limits” or “live the way you feel comfortable.” And maybe that’s good for the general population, I can’t say, but what I can say is that it’s terrible advice for people with mental illness. With serious mental illness, pushing your limits is a mistake.
Can a doctor have a good bedside manner and be medically competent? That is the question. In my experience, these two things rarely go together. This is a shame because I consider them two sides of the same coin when treating patients. You can’t just be good at one of them and expect to get the best possible outcomes. And I’m not the only one who says this, research bears this out as well (see more below). So why do doctors who are clinically competent rarely have a good bedside manner and vice versa? Do we really have to choose between the two?
Anxiety is such a common thing during this time of year, but you can beat anxiety during the holidays. I know things like parties, family, entertaining, and all the other things associated with the holidays can be anxiety-inducing for people — me too. Just thinking about my family sitting in my apartment while I stress about making Christmas dinner is freaking me out. And while we’re not all the same, I do believe there are some techniques we can all try to beat anxiety over the holidays.
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