Dissociative Identity Disorder Goes Crazy

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 28, 2010

As I mentioned last week, Holly Gray of Don’t Call Me Cybil is writing a guest post for me here this week. Well, that got kicked off because she asked me to write the inaugural guest post on her blog. My guest article was posted today and is about the label “crazy” and why us crazies shouldn’t be so afraid of it.

A little about Holly:

My name is Holly Gray. I’m 36 years old. I’m a writer and DID awareness advocate. I live in a stunningly beautiful area of the Pacific Northwest United States.

I am a real person with dissociative identity disorder.

Check out her dissociative identity disorder blog and check out my entry on my favorite word, “crazy” and how Words Don’t Hurt People, People Hurt People.

I’m thrilled to meet a real person with such a misunderstood disorder and it doesn’t hurt that she’s bright and articulate. Thanks to Holly for the opportunity to lend a few words.

Why Live with the Sadness and Pain of Bipolar Disorder?

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 26, 2010

I was very sad. Very upset. About something that happened in my real life. I was anxious, scared, angry and upset. But as with so many things, there was no resolution. Things just left in the air. Left to stab. Left to scathe. That’s what life is, I guess.

Because I was ignored. As per the usual. It is quite possible, and in fact likely, that the person is angry and thus ignoring me. Again, such are humans.

My Bipolar Symptoms Aren’t Your Symptoms: I’m More Bipolar Than You

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 24, 2010

If you’ve been reading me for a while, you’re probably familiar with the symptoms I typically experience as a bipolar:

Fatigue
Sadness / depression / tearing
Hypersomnia
Anhedonia
Lack of motivation / concentration
Slowness in thinking
Thoughts of death
Decreased need for sleep
Excessive speed talking / thinking
Increased productivity

Each symptom depending on the mood of the moment (blue being depression, yellow being hypomania).

However, did you know that someone’s list might look like this:

Irritability
Weight loss
Insomnia
Restlessness. agitation
Feelings of guilt
Indecisiveness
More goal-directed activity
Spending sprees
Inflated self-esteem

That is totally different from my list, and yet we’re still both bipolar. The diagnosis “bipolar” is more of a big-tent thing. It’s the clumping of people with group of symptoms into a group called bipolar, but each person in the group is still unique.

Is Multiple Personality Disorder Real? – Dissociative Identity Disorder

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 23, 2010

Since Sybil was published in 1974 I think people have been fascinated by multiple personality disorder, now known as dissociative identity disorder or DID. We see dissociative identity disorder on TV and in movies fairly frequently. I didn’t kill her, my alternate personality did.

And yet many people, doctors included, feel that the mental illness doesn’t really exist. I’m fascinated by someone having a disorder that the medical community can’t even agree exists (although keep in mind, dissociative identity disorder is in the DSM-IV).

I admit to having no idea either way and being terribly uneducated on the subject. Luckily for me, there is a new Blogger Holly Gray at HealthPlace that writes on just such issues in her blog Dissociative Living.

Seven Accusations of Bipolars – Bipolar Myths

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 19, 2010

Some people really hate the bipolars. Bipolar disorder evokes ire in many. I’ve had people refuse to see me for no other reason than I am bipolar. Bipolar seems to make you grow another head, or tentacles, or something.

But that is not the worst part. Not by far. No, the really bad bit is why people hate people with bipolar disorder so much. Among the other accusations, I’ve seen: we’re liars, we cheat, we manipulate and we’re violent and angry. These particular myths along with three others are in Seven Biggest Myths About Bipolar Disorder.

People Show Prejudice Against Bipolar Disorder

The thing is, the people who make these accusations, like everyone with a prejudice, is simply showing ignorance and a lack of rationality. It doesn’t matter what group of people you hate, you’re always showing ignorance and a lack of rationality. It’s terribly unimpressive.

What generally happens is that a person has a bad experience with one person, who is bipolar, and then generalizes to all of bipolar-kind and possibly mental-illness-kind. And they blame every problem on the bipolar. It isn’t fair. It isn’t right. In fact, it’s stupid. Sorry, it just is.

But there it is, my little poke back at the prejudice. I hope it makes someone think.

Worst Things To Say a Person with a Mental Illness

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 16, 2010

I think everyone with bipolar disorder, or any other mental illness, has their own personal list of annoying things people have said to them and about them. I’ve listed my 10 least favorite things to say to a person with bipolar disorder, plus a bonus #11. #11 is just my absolute least favorite.

Worst Thing to Say to a Person with a Mental Illness – We Create Our Own Reality

We create our own reality. This is one of my most hated sentences in the English language. This sentence screams of middle-class-real-problemless-spoiled-rich-person. Yes, undoubtedly people who have homes and families and health and happiness can make their own reality. They can fix the issues they have, like leaky pipes, and not be upset when the paperboy misses their front porch. I have no doubt this is possible.

But give me a fucking break.

Am I Manic or Hypomanic?:

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 9, 2010

Last week I provided a real look inside a hypomanic mind, which was interesting (more on living hypomania), but doesn’t really address the question of: what is hypomania?

What is Hypomania?

Hypomania, as a word, is becoming more well-known as bipolar II becomes more well known. People though, are often confused as to what hypomania is. Hypomania is not mania. The easy way to tell the difference is: if you’re not in the hospital, you’re probably not manic. Check out my article at HealthyPlace for more on the Difference Between Mania and Hypomania.

A Glimpse Into Hypomania

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 2, 2010

I do stream-of-conscious bipolar writing here sometimes. I like it. And actually, other bipolars generally respond quite well to stream-of-conscious writing as well. I have found, though, that those without mental illness are left somewhat dumbfounded. Or, at least, that’s the impression I get from the lack of feedback. Stream-of-consciousness writing is tough to get if you’ve never been in that type of consciousness. Hypomania. Crazy.

I Do Stream-of-Conscious Bipolar, Hypomanic Writing Anyway

Nevertheless, I insist on doing streamed bipolar writing anyway. I’m obstinate that way.

And I really think hypomanic stream-of-conscious is illuminating, particularly for those with no experience in it. It really helps to give a glimpse into a moment of life in my brain. So for HealthyPlace I wrote, Hypomania Means Never Having to Make Sense.

Take a gander. Let me know what you think.

Yes, I’m Grateful, But I’m Still Depressed

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Aug 28, 2010

People are frequently telling me what to do to feel better:

Find Jesus
Hand your life over to a higher power
Think positively
Be grateful for what you have
…

(And actually, it’s the first two I get all the time, but I’m not going to talk about it because it’s just too touchy a subject.)

I’m Grateful and Yet Still Depressed

So instead, at HealthyPlace I address the issue of gratitude. I am, in fact, grateful for many things. Right now I am sitting on a comfy couch that’s paid for, watching my cats run around and play, enjoying the beautiful sunshine, with Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer. I am thankful for these things. In spite of gratitude however, my bipolar depression doesn’t seem to get better.

(And yes, it bugs me that people think I’m not grateful just because of depression. And yes, it bugs me that people think that if I were grateful I would get better. And yes, people bug me.)