Sunday, 7:00 AM

Still on the ridiculous chronotherapy experiment schedule.

Last night I did get about six hours of sleep, which I do appreciate, but it is seriously not enough sleep for me. I get the impression this protocol suggests that seven hours is the “right” amount of sleep for people. These people are nutbar. OK, probably not nutbar but unreasonable. Never in my life has seven hours of sleep been enough for me. The bags under my eyes appear to have been chiseled there. Getting up at 3:00 AM just felt like an inhumane torture.

Yes, I’m feeling depressed, but the sun lamp seemed to help a little. Hanging on by the fingernails. My friend has, quite reasonably, gone home. It’s harder to hang on without another person though. Of course I’m not about to just call up any old person cause I feel like absolute shit. Not so much interested in superficial conversation. Too much effort for my wasted brain.

I suppose the one thing to be grateful for is that most of the nasty physical symptoms like nausea and dizziness are gone. I’m a little crampy from sitting around for three days. Yes, I could do other things, but, um, I’m way too tired and dead to do other things.

I really do feel like I’m not in my head. If that was the point, then mission accomplished, but feeling good, I’m not feeling that.

Thursday – stay awake all day and night

Friday – stay awake all day

Friday – 5:00 AM – 7:00 AM – light therapy

Friday – 6:00 PM – 1:00 AM – sleep

Saturday – 5:00 AM – 7:00 AM – light therapy

Saturday – 8:00 PM – 3:00 AM – sleep

Sunday – 5:00 AM – 7:00 AM – light therapy

Sunday – 10:00 PM – 5:00 AM – sleep

Readings:

Depression 5

Anxiety 3

Energy 3

Hypomania 0

Could sleep standing up although cognition seems to have improved a little.