Recently I wrote about the phenomenon of “earworms” which (if you ask me) is a type of obsessive thought. It’s when music gets stuck in your head. It’s something that everyone experiences, and it’s annoying but I suspect that earworms are a type of obsessive thought that occurs in those with bipolar disorder more than for other people. (There isn’t evidence of this, but there is evidence that those with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) get more earworms and bipolar disorder may be linked to OCD.)
Obsessive Thoughts
But, of course, music isn’t the only thing that one’s brain can be obsessed with. In fact, I find that if music isn’t playing in my head like a broken record (ask your parents) there are thoughts obsessively circling that I can’t get rid of.
For example, if I have a particularly nasty encounter with someone I really care about, after, their words will echo and echo and echo on in my brain until I can’t hear my own thoughts at all, only their words. Once, someone called me “petulant” and that one word rattled around in my head for weeks. It’s not that I particularly believed the person or agreed, but that one encounter had a profound effect on my ability to think for ages thereafter.
‘You’re Just Sensitive’
Part of this feels like “sensitivity.” Like that I’m overly sensitive to other people’s reactions to me. Once I was called an out-of-control empath. But it’s really not that. It’s really obsession. It’s not that I can’t let it go; it’s that my brain can’t. It’s that the thought creates a groove in my brain that I can’t dig it out of. It’s that my brain artificially hangs onto the experience long after my mind has processed it.
And this obsession is a complete overreaction to the situation, I know, but I can’t control it. It’s an obsession, not merely a simple thought. And yes, hypomania sure makes obsessions a lot worse. It’s like turning up the obsession. It’s like the obsession is yelling at you.
Bipolar and Obsessive Thoughts Can Drive You Mad
Well, to be fair, bipolar can drive you mad all on its own, but. I find obsessive thoughts unbelievably difficult to escape. I have to consciously switch my thoughts onto something else. But that’ doesn’t really work because as soon as I’m not paying attention, the obsession comes back. In order to avoid the obsessive thoughts I have to remain ultra-vigilant and control every synapse my brain fires. And quite frankly that just isn’t reasonable. One simply can’t live that way.
Combatting Obsessive Thoughts
The only thing I’ve ever found to be successful at combatting obsessive thoughts is quiet time. I think quiet time, resting time, works because there are no external stimuli to derail my thoughts and allow the obsessive thoughts back in. During quiet time I’m in complete control. I’ve designed a psychological routine for myself that I can swim in. In rare occasions the obsessions even break through that, but, in general, it does work. (Of course one cannot live in a vacuum. Occasionally one must get things done outside of lying on a couch with one’s eyes closed.)
Questions on Obsessive Thoughts
So, do you obsess? What do you obsess about? Any secret tips on dealing with obsessive thoughts?
Banner image by: Benjamin Watson / CC BY.
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Thank you for all of this. I am living with a newly diagnosed bipolar teen. He is doing great but the lack of focus and the obsessions (his right now is his bmx bicycle and taking it apart and putting it back together and his hair and hair products oh so typical teen). This post and the post about focus really sounds like the teenager in my house. Now how can I help him cope with all of this? That is the battle. Your post made me feel oh so not alone because no one ever described the above as part of his disorder before. I just want to help him prepare for the rest of his life like other parents.
I let myself obsess a little, depending on what it is. Once I can figure out how it fits in my life once I let my mind find box or place for it I can move on. I also know what bad things s make me obsess and avoid them. Like certain movie or types of tv shows I know I can’t handle so I don’t watch. I’m obsessed with how my mind works and my own patterns so in away it has helped me. If it’s really bad I have used the pain method with just snapping a rubber band on my wrist, that works extremely well when I am in full emotional freak out mode.
Wow! Repetitive thought pattern tell me all about it. !0 years of the same damn thoughts 11 words every 20 minutes or so. I was cured of it. Now I have other mental problems. Oh to hell with it you decide for yourself. I have a blog schizophreniarepressioncured.blogspot.com I’d read the April posts. Thanks for your time.
This was a really interesting post. I was diagnosed with OCD (pure obsessional) before I was verified to be bipolar! I’ve always had “earworms” and drive my coworkers nuts by humming the same song over and over. And as for obsessional thoughts, I have entire fake reality storylines pop up in my head and they keep adding details and becoming more and more persuasive. For example. I used to live in North Hollywood, CA and since 2012 I’ve dealt with a lot of dreams of meeting celebrities and being rude to them. I am pretty sure none of these actually happened, but because it’s not all aliens and time travel (though sometimes I get those too), these thoughts are hard to dismiss. I don’t mind them too much (even the very ugly thoughts) because they give me interesting storylines to write about.
I’ve had more luck in the past year since discovering that I had low serotonin and was B12 deficient- I have been taking a serotonin precursor supplement (5-HTP) and B12 along with my prescription medications and amazingly, they’ve taken the edge off both deep depression and weird ideas. I now occasionally get weird ideas if I don’t sleep well, for example, but they don’t grab me the way they used to. I still have little self-calming rituals- I often find myself saying stuff that isn’t relevant to anything I’m thinking about, but which relate to some of the obsessive ideas I used to have. I don’t know how to put a lid on these so I just tell people to ignore it.
As for how I deal with my weird ideas: usually I talk to my doctor about raising my dose of medication temporarily, and I make sure to get a lot of sleep, eat well, and avoid stuff like horror films which might trigger nightmares. When I was very sick in 2008 my husband made me promise to avoid the internet and we took a lot of walks and things, and he made me read comic books full of jokes instead of novels. Mostly when they occur I let myself think about them for 15 minutes or so, like a coffee break, and then I find it useful to distract myself with work or with a conversation with a friend, though I tell them I might not be a great conversationalist. I also find it very helpful to write about what I’m thinking in a private diary. This forces me to organize and analyze my thoughts.
I know it isn’t the healthiest, but I use pain to break the obsessive thoughts. I suffer from bipolar disorder and I’ve always called this phenomena “cyclical thinking” it pretty much just runs on repeat till I break the cycle. And sometimes if I can’t get the thought out I’ll squeeze my pinky through my fist until it hurts a little. Focusing on that little bit of pain helps me get through the pattern.
I find that the opposite works for me. When I have obsessive thoughts, the last thing I want to do is be alone. Quiet time is when I tend to automatically and unavoidably sink into my own head and dwell on the bad thoughts. For me, it’s filling my time with constructive activities and work that tends to keep the thoughts away the best. For example, I got no bad thoughts when I was reading this and writing this comment despite the fact that 10 minutes ago I was being plagued to the point that I felt compelled to Google thought fixation which led me to this article. Recently, I was betrayed by a childhood friend who developed a drug habit and tricked me out of thousands of dollars worth of my belongings, and lately every time I think of her I’m filled simultaneously with a murderous rage as well as pity for her and wishing she never went crazy, which are terribly conflicting thoughts that drive me mad. I wish I could just be angry at her, and not feel any sympathy, but it’s hard because I used to care about her. I know with time these feelings will go away eventually, right now the wound is still fresh, but it still drives me crazy. In time the old neurons in my brain programmed to give a shit about her will die out and be replaced by neurons programmed to hate her guts, but I can’t help but be impatient for that time to come. I know she’s not the girl I once cared about, now she’s an absolutely awful excuse for a human being, but I can’t help but cling to the love I once had for her. I just need to be patient and wait, and in time my hatred will become pure and I’ll feel better. It certainly helps to write about what a fucking piece of shit she is, and how much I hope she dies of a meth overdose. She is, by a substantial margin, the absolute worst person I’ve ever allowed into my life and I wish she was never fucking born. Some people are just human garbage…. I apologize for my rant, I needed to get that out, it helped a little bit. Fuck that fucking horrible drug-addicted whore, I hope she gets murdered by a Jack The Ripper type serial killer! If I ever saw her again it’d take all my willpower not to bludgeon her to death with a metal rod. See, these are the kind of thoughts that drive me fucking crazy. I just want to get over my ancient feelings so I can process this fucking hatred more easily and eventually move past that as well, and get on with my fucking life. I know it’ll come with time, I just have to keep reminding myself.
Thank you, thank you everyone. Thank you Natasha, thank you commenters. I didn’t read every single one, but I am so glad to finally find others with similar predicaments with overthinking.
But am I the only one who kind of enjoys obsessing over things to an extent? Debates run through my mind, I always my own devil’s advocate; I rewind scenes of fiction again and again in my brain, I attempt to analyze the psychology of people, real and fiction and me. I can listen to Nyan Cat for minutes or hours, from a room or through memory. Of course, it comes with its downfalls. Sensitivity and obsession is a horrible combination that wrecks the brain slowly when coming in contact with a reactant.
I came to this blog after hours of thinking about dumb advice I gave with love and concern and time. I meant well, but I received many dislikes for my words (also a lot of likes, but the dislikes were more). When somebody asked why the negativity, the people explained that I was cringe-worthy (I’m that kind of overoptimistic ignorant aunt-figure?), that some statements I wrote were unhelpful and terrible (I didn’t mean it that way!), and they thought me too ignorant and idealistic in a situation rife with cynicism. They were all right. I knew the culture of the place hated emoticons and ignorance, but I didn't know I belonged to the ignorant side as I wrote. I spent hours thinking about how dumb and awkward, and a few occasions counterintuitive, my help had been, that for years I’ve been known as socially ignorant and I still haven’t changed, that the community was so thick-skinned that if any other person was in my situation, s/he would forget about it in minutes. Then I realized the guilt and shame and irritation would not stop, and I had to learn how to live with it for a while. So I came here.
My wounded conscience thinks I should have kept this anecdote to myself, in case of more judgement from a person reading this, in case someone twists my words to ruin my image (yes, it can), but I am tired, I am overwhelmed with all this, and I – and everyone – will always be at risk for haters ganging up (not that I’m saying the people mentioned above did that for malice – it’s just in their culture). Maybe this would be the last nail to the coffin.
“But am I the only one who kind of enjoys obsessing over things to an extent?”
Aha. Ah ha ha ha. I forgot this was a blog for bipolar disorder. I haven’t been told I was bipolar, so I’m probably unique with this. Please excuse yet another display of my stupidity. I’ll just show myself the door. (And yes, I’m still coping with the incident, even if the only reminders of it are from my brain. It’s like my default trail of thought. It’s improving, though.) Again, sorry for my ignorance.
My mind screams all of the time, and have obsessive, repeating thoughts. I loop over and over events that took place years ago. Getting over confrontations, relationships and jobs are extremely difficult. Not to mention, when it is a disturbing thought that keeps coming up, my anxiety is triggered and I sink into a depression. I am being treated but I feel like there is no hope of relief, my mind never sits quiet, even while meditating. My friends get tired of hearing the same things over and over again, which alienates me even more. My moods are getting better, but getting my mind away from the aweful, self hating, pessimistic thoughts is exhausting and never ending. Maybe one day.
I’m not too sure if this is connected to a bipolar disorder, but how is it possible to continuously watch, or see something that it interferes with your sleeping?
Could this also be connected to obsessiveness because images start to play when my eyes are shut but always keeping me from proper sleep.
I knew obsessive thoughts were common with people withvbipolar but I didn’t think others really went through what I do on a daily basis.
I was told I have traits of ocd. I obsess over light switches, spiders in my bed, locked doors, I have to touch wood and chant if I think of something bad happening, I can only eat off certain forks and spoons, I have to check that my dad isn’t dead before I go to sleep (I know, morbid). I have quite a few others including noises I make. I stumbled across this page because I have a song stuck in my head with the same verse playing over so much that I can’t sleep.
I obsess about people. Usually someone who seems to have empathy, if I tell them about my bipolar. I was diagnosed with bipolar nos almost two years ago, after thinking it was unipolar depression for about six years.
Hi everyone,
I have Bipolar II disorder and would like to ask if anyone else experiences obsessions other than earworms, music, or voices.
I get obsessive regarding a subject, a fictional or historical character, a movie, a book etc. It does not happen often, let’s say twice a year. But when I have an obsession I cannot focus on anything else. It feels like I am in a different world and I hate to come back to reality. Any thoughts? Thank you :)
i’ve been working on a video for my father for almost 2 years. I could’ve finished it in a month.
When I get angry – I cannot focus on anything else.
I also carry items in my hands when I don’t need them. Sometimes 3 or 4 things. I’ll wake up with a lighter clenched in my hand.
I stay in my room. I feel anxious when I leave it. There’s a million things i need to do, but cannot. I just can’t. Everyone tells me to get out. But I can’t.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’m better or worse – diagnosed in 2009. I take Prestiq, Lamotrogine, Seroquel, valium and xanax.
Traded one addiction (self medicating) for another.
I see a psychiatrist every week – if I can. Like an act of Congress to get me out of my room. I feel hideous guilt. I cry a lot. I was never the kind of person who cried, when upset. I got angry… Now, I cry. And not just a small amount of tears. I will sob. In so much pain – It’s like I can feel my own heart breaking.
I lost my beloved granny in Sept 2014 and my only sibling, sister, on xmas eve 2012. Thoughts of either of them? Throw me into a total breakdown. My only escape? Take enough medication until it knocks me down for 10 or 12 hours.
What kind of life is this?
YES! My obsessions are almost completely based on fictional universes, characters I relate to (which is a handful and I sometimes go days believing that I AM the character), even film soundtracks–I’ll listen to it over and over, learn it on the piano, the list goes on. When I watch a movie I love with friends, everyone enjoys it and then goes about their lives, while I cycle through a fresh new wave of obsession. I’ll go home and watch the movie again and again by myself, refusing to return to a normal world.
At the moment, I’m obsessing over batman films and games (which will most likely change to something completely different). I’m also obsessing over how terrible my hands smell… I cooked with garlic and now I can’t get it off. I tried everything but now it smells worse! I’m convinced I will never cook with garlic ever again..
Anyways! It’s nice to find someone who shares my obsession.
Well how you get that quiet time. My mind wont stop even in total isolation, everythig Quiet but my mind races ninstop like a radio you cant turn off. For 2 years straigt by now.
34YO Male: Earworms, yes. For the longest time I thought this was something completely separate from my rapid-cycling bipolar, but as time goes on, I started to recognize that that they come on at the onset of a depressive episode. Sometimes it was something I heard the day before, others it’s something from years and years ago. I cycle over on a regular 48-hour period like clockwork. One day of productive up and a second of depressive, immobilizing down.
It’s toughest with work, as I have to put 200% effort in on my manic days in order to offset the next day of just sitting and staring at my screen. Left a previous job that was emotionally unhealthy and found another one. That felt good…like I accomplished something. But now, learning new things and getting settled into this is triggering stress and causing me to question. My wife is understanding and supportive…reminding me to eat, drink water and exercise. 200mg of Lamictal have helped. Toying with the idea of Abilify to bring the bottoms up a bit. Manic is not overwhelming, though I have seen some negative impacts–ticket for driving too fast, being a little abrupt with my dad. Things that have helped me are my faith in God, avoiding alcohol and keeping an eye on the ways that I self-medicate, primarily sugar and sex. Keep up the fight you all. There will be good days and bad. There is light and hope at the end.
Hi Alan, I’m a 61YO woman who has endured BP l for over 25 years now. I’m typically a high functioning person. My obsessive thoughts are more along the lines of rumination – they wake me up and I replay difficult events and intrusive conversations to the point where it can interfere with my sleep and overall functioning. I’ve been through quite a few meds over the years, but tend to go back to lithium when I’m headed into a real problem state. I do have to say that I was having a lot of obsessive thoughts and my Pdoc recommended Abilify a few months ago as an adjunct to my lithium. Although everyone can react differently, I found Abilify to be the best med I have ever been on to reduce the obsessive thoughts – and it kicked in within 4 or 5 days for me. I have two friends who also swear by it and both experienced similar quick improvement. I was reluctant to try anything new at first, but now am so glad I did. I wish you much success with reducing those obsessive thoughts whether you try Abilify or not. Peace to you.
How do I stop over-obsessing about a thought.I watched a movie and then a character shouted “I’ll kill you!” and then I can’t stop thinking about it.
I would love to know if anyone “hears” their thoughts like a choir speaking in unison? I’m not hearing ‘voices’ – it’s not external – and the thoughts are mine. For example, as I write this, I am hearing these words I’m writing in my head, and not anything else, but the sound in my head is like a large group of people speaking in unison. My diagnosis is CPTSD with OCD tendencies. When I write: “how are you today?” I hear those words in my head, but it will repeat to a cadence. It’s almost like music – like an opera recitative. It’s increased in recent months. The major change in my life is sobriety. I am in a program of recovery and hope to celebrate a year of sobriety this month. Even when I’m concentrating on something else, I don’t hear words, but a pattern of sound which repeats and repeats. Looking forward to your feedback!!
I need advice, I love a man who has bipolar disorder and recently he has been very depressed and called himself insane on more that one occasion. I want to help him and let him know that I am here for him always and won’t let him down. I had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder so I am fighting my own demons. He has attempted suicide before and I am very worried about him.
And Judi. I am truly sorry for this terrible anniversary you must go through. I agree, this disease fucking sucks.
Hi. I am new to the blog and just wanted to try and quickly share my story. In some twisted bipolar way, it is comforting to connect with others who share the same plight. I drank for the sole purpose of getting out of control drunk starting in my early teens until my early twenties. I abused cocaine consistently throughout this period, crank (what we called meth back then I guess) peyote, and the other hallucinogenics. I believe that these unrealized decisions irrevocably altered my brain function and played in at least half of the role in having bipolar II depression (amongst other disorders). The other half is definitely genetic. Looking back, I had classic, classic bipolar symptoms, (so did my mother and she still does but is in denial and won’t take meds), however it was the 80’s and nobody really knew anything about it. I was popular in High School for all the wrong reasons. I in fact, started a list once (don’t know why, self destructive behavior. Why stop now sorta thing) of everyone I had casual sex with. I stopped at the 40th encounter and this was only in a year and a half time period. I should have contracted Aids and died years ago. Not surprisingly, I met my current husband because I had an affair (shocking with bipolar) with him while married to my first husband. Thankfully I have not even been tempted or had the desire to be unfaithful to my current husband. Having this disease in my opinion is the worst, most destructive, darker than black existence I could ever imagine and I actually have decent baseline days finally being on the med regiment it took years to get on. I have no extended family here, have isolated myself from most of them anyway. My sister refuses to believe I have anything wrong with me other than the medication (that fucking stings for sure), my mother – already gave you the short story on her, my father is my ally although he is almost 70 and won’t be around forever (and lives several hundred miles from me), my husband and daughters also support me but the guilt I have for robbing them of a fulfilling life has played the role in three suicide attempts. I am mostly deeply depressed with a crazy anxiety, mood, OCD thing. I love being hyper as long as I am not in my home state of Nevada where I will gamble excessively and take pain killers if they are readily available. I don’t seek them out or have a drug dealer. I was a functioning worker up until 2009. I resigned from a job that I LOVED. It gave me a sense of purpose. When I felt I could no longer give what I used to be able to give, I resigned. Current situation. I have been on disability for four years now. I hate it. I have a fear of socializing unless I am hyper in which case my non-filter causes destruction of some sort. My husband is very social and involved in many work and community groups. He has many hobbies that he asks me to participate in but I cannot commit to anything unless I feel well enough at that EXACT moment. Still working on not making plans ahead of time because I eneviatably (sp?) cancel the plans usually out of extreme depression or fear. My husband is a former Marine and very disciplined. He grew up in a loving stable home. Exact opposite of my experience. He has stuck with me through suicide attempts, four psychiatric in-patient hospital stays, and the dreadful crying-for-no-reason episodes. Having said all of that, I am seriously considering divorcing him. He yells at me, he treats me like a child (I’m sure I behave like one, but his reaction only intensifies the problem), I feel beatdown, I feel like a huge toll has been taken on he and I. He still doesn’t want me to leave, he still says he loves me. We just argue a lot. He doesn’t make me laugh. He can be very hostile which makes me hostile. I have a therapist. We have gone to marriage counseling. He is very passive/aggressive and we have some weird co-dependent relationship. I don’t want to be away from my two daughters (the only family besides my husband I have) however they are both adults. I don’t know if I would be going from the pan to the fire as my stepmother caused deep emotional trauma when I was at a very impressionable age; do I go back to that even though I am 47 but still feel stuck at 17. I am probably the most immature 47 year old in the world. I’m afraid this situation and confusion and depression I am feeling will lead to another suicide attempt. That option is never off the table. I can’t decide, I’m unable to decide. I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Any insight from anyone would be more than appreciated and despretly (sp?) needed. Funny, correct grammar and spelling was the best ‘hard’ skill I ever had and even that has rapidly declined. Not looking for pity, just any advice, something, anything please. Thank you
Hi Melody
I hear ya! And I’d like to help.
I was more than a bit like your husband. A number of years ago. With a kind of similar wife.
I have the benefit if hindsight now- fuelled with understanding because I am now in a similar situation to you. Overall. But more highly functioning.
Your biggest problem is your marriage. But your biggest priority is your health. Which is harmed by bad relationship, but made much better in a better relationship.
Old style antidepressants are better. Who gives a shit about “more important” side effect risks (which are entirely manageable) such as high blood pressure etc. — you need a life !!!
You need meds optimisation. You need a mood stabiliser- possibly low dose lithium. Because when you get benefit of a good antidepressant (really need that) then you have the issue of controlling your high/ mania. Not only in medication but you need to train yourself, a bit like a puppy- with the help of a good behavioural psychologist.
So you need a really strong antidepressant. Forget any SSRI or SNRI. Go with the older types (try moclobemide) and don’t be afraid of large dosage-but only in divided dosage. You don’t want up and down, you want even. You will have to push and educate a doc on this aspect. Ask for a dose per hour and you might get a dose per 4 hr. will quite likely need a compounding pharmacy to make up the special dosage, possibly in liquid form. Or you can consult google and do it yourself.
***Don’t be afraid to take control of your meds in this way*
Feedback feedback feedback. To your psychiatrist. ++++++++You’re not satisfied with the results of the current prescriotion(s)+++++++++ You might have to tell your psychiatrist this over and over again. But you have to be constructive. You have to provide usable, indicative information so that in his(psych) brain he can interpret it in terms of his books and experience. YOU are the ONLY one who can PROVIDE infornation. There is no such thing as a magic cloud that follows you around and measures all your levels 24 hours a day and downloads that info into the most up-to-date psychiatric prescription recipie engine that spits out the perfect precriotion, and micro adjusts it day after day. THAT’S YOUR JOB.
The (marketing) CONVENIENT idea of taking 1 pill per day is completely nonsense and the digestive system and metabolism simply doesn’t work that way. ESPECIALLY with unwell people- not only does “nerves” digest meds quicker, but a non-perfect digestive system is all too common with today’s diet and more common with unwell people.
Try to get an anti anxiety effect from the mood stabiliser/ antidepressant combo.
Anti anxiety meds (including pain killers) are addictive and depressive and take away your zest , “can-do” and motivation. If you reeally need anti anx med from time to time (NEVER use benzos) try 1/8th or 1/4 of a “Mercyndol”. DoNOT get addicted to it. Before this, first try a combo of herbal / traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) anti anxiety stuff. Solid dosing, all the time. Use a alarm watch to remind you.
Don’t drink alcohol.
Biggest help could be obsessive exercise- will be the key and the doorway to no anxiety + feeling can-do+++ it can be a connector to your husbands mode and act as a bargaining chip in a little thing called compromise.
“Herbal stuff like NAC (N-acetyl cysteine) and alpha-GPC choline will help.
Choline / Inositol balance will have to be monitored.
Reaasslly good diet. HEAPS of veggies. (Washed*)
Nothing from a ‘packet. (Except brown rice)
Nothing that couldn’t be prepared on an isolated farm. THAT’S THE RULE.
Your marriage is huge.
Start with the premise that he is not going to change because he is hard-structured that way.
But, everything he does and says (though not sensitive or intuitive or empathetic, and *possibly hurtful=DEPENDING HOW YOU INTERPRET IT)…. will in most cases be helpful. He would never want to hurt you. He only wants to help. Desperately. He is also human and hurting. Be “the bigger one” by using your empathy that he was not born with –into the way you interpret everything.
Realise that you are very unwell and you need help and direction/instruction.
So you have to start with this idea of being completely submissive. He is in charge. He is sane. You are not. He is the only one there for you, all the time. He can train you. Hopefully this transcends into your sex life and end up having great regular sex. Which is so important for bonding and being in this together, plus lots of sex for him WILL MAKE HIM LESS LIKE HE IS AND MORE HOW YOU WANT HIM TO BE.
So now we have established alot of end to argument , he is happy, getting his way, and it all is actually helping your lifestyle and your health.
Everything in life is a contract. He wants something, and you want something.
You have to start with the idea that giving him everything and he getting his way…. Actually gets you what you want. Especially in the end. This is called playing your (shit) cards in life in a smart way, so you win in the end.
Now you just get a little supplement:
Empathy. Try to buy a nasal spray online that contains oxytocin. I can supply a much more potent prescription version though.
Don’t tell him as much as you can. Get him to use it before bedtime cuddling because that’s what it helps. Bedtime cuddling. As a woman, you need this from your man. This is something he must agree to because its all about give and take. Oxytocin is a natural thing in the body that is released when you hug someone. It also makes you empathetic. That’s what you need from him. You need lots of cuddling. You need to feel secure and protected and safe.
Documentaries.
Watch documentaries together that show people’s struggle through illness and disease. Helping his heart wrench…somewhat. Use your brain and formulate articulate sentences that you relate to the sufferers. In HIS language. (Remember you have to be “the bigger one”) So that he can (just begin) to understand how you suffer and how strong you are because you endure so so much. So firstly, getting his empathy is great, then the happy ending. Often these documentaries have a happy ending. This can inspire you both and fill you with hope that you’re going to get better (not completely) but manage it for a good life together.
We’re still talking about empathy (the thing you want in your end of the bargain.)
He has too much DHT Testosterone.
Don’t let him take any supplements or anything that increases his testosterone. Don’t let him lift weights, if you can. No heavy weights. DHT Testosterone kills empathy.
Clearly no man likes the idea of losing testosterone, so you’ll have to be tactful, sneaky and strategic.
DHT- the “bad” testosterone. Try to reduce it by:
Try to get (online only probably) as many things from the list below, and use as much as possible in your home cooking and “salt and peppering” and “health shakes” / smoothies and home essential oil burning / mist from “nebuliser” type product.
The list:
coconut oil inhibits 5α-reductase.
Pine (Pinus sp. resin, active substance abietic acid)
Japanese hedge parsley (Torilis japonica)
Spore of Japanese climbing fern (Lygodium japonicum)
Black Pepper leaf extract (Piper nigrum)
Lingzhi mushroom or Reishi mushroom (Ganoderma lucidum)
Pollen of Turnip, turnip rape, fast plants, field mustard, or turnip mustard (Brassica rapa)
rapeseed oil
field mustard greens
Green Tea
Emu Oil
Saw Palmetto
Soybean Oil
beta-sitosterol
Zinc
Pumpkin seed
Quercetin
Zinc, riboflavin (vitamin B2), azelaic acid, β-sitosterol, certain unsaturated aliphatic fatty acids such as gamma-linolenic acid.
But if you/he just can’t pull most of that off, just divorce him, get fit and sexy, somehow control your madness so you can find a new husband:) the last thing you want is to be alone. Trust me. The doorway to despair.
Lots of love,
Geoff
Australia
firstnamekellandgmailcom
I was just put on Trileptal because, as is the nature of mental illness, I sank into a depressive episode. I denied – to myself – that I wasn’t okay. I told myself that it was situational. That I was just having a hard time this year with the anniversary of my husband’s death.
And I convinced myself that this was true until I walked into my shrink’s office and she asked how I was doing. I welled up, broke down, shook my head and plopped down on her sofa. If there’s one person I can’t lie to, it’s her.
So here I sit, tears streaming down my face, because I’m convinced that this medication isn’t going to help. I know that I’m experiencing relief, fear, and side effects. Realistically, I know I’ll find relief soon. It’s just hard.
It always is, and if anybody would understand, it’s y’all. My family tries but they can’t ever feel what I feel.
And I’m obsessing about a new interest in my life. He doesn’t respond as frequently to my texts as *I’d* like, but with good reason. He has his own health issues to deal with, and work, and his child. And while he’s stated that I shouldn’t stop sending messages even though he may not be able to respond, I obsess over the number of messages I send and if it’s too much. He always, eventually, responds.
But that’s just me and my illness. And it fucking sucks.
I was diagnosed with BipolarII in middle adulthood after 3 years of abstinent sobriety in a 12 step program. I have been treated with religious pharmaceutical compliance and regular check ups with a psychiatrist (and at times, in tandem with counseling) . It was very difficult in the first 4 years of treatment to begin to identify and separate out the symptoms and effects of what was purely brain chemistry versus psychological and developmental deficiencies related to having struggled through my teen years undiagnosed and untreated, and then complicated by the dynamics of addition and drug and alcohol recovery. Even before addiction played a leading role in my inability to function normally (hold down a steady job, combat overwhelming depression and fatigue that kept me in bed for nearly 20 hours a day 4-6 months at a time), I was baffled by how other people could function where I just could not. I didn’t have any hope that I would be able to function normally in sobriety, even with BD treatment. I just hung in there because I didn’t have any other option. I was damned if I did, damned if I didn’t. So I just did. The combined therapies over time began to help me make improvements that did in fact change my entire life. It is not always easy, even with the best fine tuning of treatment to recognize when I have swings and rapid cycling, or mixed states until my relationships become problematic and my ability to focus is out of whack. I tend to think I am just fine, as I am able to hold a steady and highly challenging job without much difficulty. And at times I am able to experience emotional intensity and still gather appropriate insight to my feelings and thoughts. It’s muddy with the earworms of obsessional thinking. Is my boyfriend truly always finding reasons to withdraw from me or lacking passion and enthusiasm for me , or is it a bipolar obsession tugging relentlessly at my moods and distorting my perceptions? He categorizes himself as being in the autism spectrum, but you’d have to really be looking for the signs to peg him that way. He can gush over animals and babies but appear completely distant and discompassionate (even impatient or irritated) in response to the emotional displays of adults. In our relationship this poses several problems for me. I may want him to respond to me in ways I consider “normal” – hugs when I’m feeling down or upset, display affection and enthusiasm toward me as he would greet a favorite friend, animal, or family member. He is logical and favors analysis. He was capable of hugs and kisses and holding my hand in public when he first met me, but his response to my seeking that attention now only produce the opposite effect. .I have become obsessed with the idea that he has fallen out of love, out of lust, out of passion, out of concern, out of adoration…. I have become obsessed with thoughts that he directs his passion and enthusiasm and tenderness toward anyone and anything other than me- that he may have a relationship on the side, that his quiet and need for privacy indicate that he is keeping something from me. I am defaulting to an idea of what would apparently be normal behavior for a man towards a woman he loves, who he looks forward to spending time with. This obsession creates a filter through which I interpret every subtle cue in verbal and non-verbal behavior to support this crazy idea that he is capable of nurturing and displaying affection, but just won’t concerning me. I try to shift my focus to evidence of the opposite- he lives with me, and though he doesn’t believe in legal marriage still seems to like the idea of my wanting to change my last name to his. He considers us married. I am obsessively looking for reasons to feel secure to combat the overwhelming sense that he does not feel for me the way I feel for him. A normal person in love would greet their mate with affection after coming home from a long day at work. A normal person would look forward to and plan events from time to time for a date, alone time, romance…. He appears like a normal person when greeting our pets, our grandchild, his daughters, but I sense the opposite when he greets me. I can talk to him about this and ask him to clarify what are his thoughts and feelings under the seemingly dampened response to me, and he does the classic shutdown and shows anger and frustration toward me, making it impossible to meet in the middle and have a discussion – even when I am not emotional or showing that I am hurt by it. The obsessive thoughts I have occupy me with the idea that I need to find a way to be happy without the affection and emotional connections I expect in a committed relationship. I question the stability of my emotional state and ability to accurately perceive what’s going on. At the same time, I have a job which requires me to accurately assess social and emotional dynamics in the individuals and families I provide Hospice care for. I do not become an emotional mess with my job, but I remain acutely aware of the fine line between what I am feeling and what my patients and families are feeling, and don’t seem to have a problem navigating the personal and professional boundaries. This makes me think that I can’t be wrong in my assessment of the dynamics of my relationship. Basically- I end up feeling that I have very little to work with in my relationship- I either trust him or I don’t- I either believe what my “instincts” are telling me, or I don’t – all or nothing, hot or cold, black or white. Is that Bipolar ? Or am I just in a relationship that I cannot make work for me? Daily I am walking the checks and balances of my thoughts regarding the relationship, and dealing with feelings that have at times overwhelmed and saddened me to the point that I just do not appear to be myself. I have isolated myself with these obsessive thoughts producing jealousy, anger, frustration, and grieving – it’s like my lights has gone out. I’ve lost my sparkle. Is that depression? Mixed state? The fact that I have written this much in a comment, without making much of a point, cue me in to some kind of bipolar activity rearing its ugly eye here. Would welcome feedback about my mental earworms.
For the past few months I’ve had obsessive thoughts–where I’d think I did something wrong and keep thinking about it, or things will randomly be said in my mind without me holding back, and then feeling weird about it, obsessing about whether those thoughts meant something or not.
Almost like a tic, where I’d HAVE to repeat something in my mind. Every three days it seems like it stops then comes back the next three days. I dunno whether I should see someone. I’ve tried, but can’t really schedule anything at the moment. It’s annoying but it’s not like out of control disturbing or crazy voices, just a pain and bugging me at the time.
Found this from Googling bipolar and earworms. I was just diagnosed last year, and a pattern I have noticed is that I get phenomenal earworms at the beginning of a big swing in either direction. They’re not always songs, though. Parts of movies, sometimes several scenes at once, play over and over, and it will start to feel like the characters are shouting at me, personally. For the last two days I’ve been struggling with the song “Hip to Be Square” and bits and pieces of several scenes from American Psycho. I haven’t watched that in years. It’s exhausting, and hard to sleep at night because, as stated, it’s like having a radio or stereo that can’t turn off.
WIhat a positive way to wind up my day (not sarcastic). My times at home are filled with audobooks and public radio in order to keep the ever churning thoughts at bay. My mother says she doesn’t have the radio or music on and can’t stand my dad and his tv because it’s too much racket. I need the external racket to block out the internal racket.
For me it certainly takes a great deal of discipline and near physical effort to shut those thoughts down in a time of silence/solitude. When I was younger it perhaps worked. After all these years it is good to know that others obsess over conversations, shoulda, woulda couldas and such.
Having just started back to college at 40+ it is hard to get a good grip on what “normal” is. My new friends act as if I overreact to virtually everything and I don’t really think I’m going over the top. I try not to be over the top, but mostly they just laugh “with” me and my obsession with good grades for one.
Today I was contemplating the fact that I’m going to have to learn how to be “a fraud” again. Even though some stigma has been lifted, the word “bipolar” changes the faces of people I tell. Yes it might be paranoia, but not always. I had a minor melt and two new friends were there and trying to comfort me. Nothing to comfort. Their attempts to help made it worse. I live in a world where the pieces are carefully but precariously placed and when one shifts, the whole thing will come down if I don’t get it put back right away. I’m pretty good at this. I told them it was just the stress of school and marital conflict and I just needed to put it all back together and I’d be fine. After about 5 minutes of trying to quietly communicate this in the public library they let it drop.
In the class following that episode, another new classmate and project partner said that she’d do the lion’s share of the project so I wouldn’t have to get stressed out and worry about it. Hmmm… I really don’t want people feeling sorry for me or that I’m not capable-which I am.
“Shiny Happy People” that’s my groove tune a lot of the time as I’m looking from my insides out at the world.
Just good to know I’m not “alone with my thoughts” :)
Blessings to you folks.
Today I feel like I’ve just been given a get out of jail free card…
I finally got so fed up always feeling tired, lethargic, unmotivated with my place such a hopeless mess, on all the medication I’ve been given that I decided to stop one of my meds, right or wrong, to see if it would help. It was also starting to cause a noticeable tic. Then I pulled out my Keurig coffee maker and I’ve been trying out all the different types of flavoured coffees in my cupboard . I’m so addicted to that ‘old familiar feeling’ that I can’t bring myself to stop. My mug is 18 oz so it takes 2 K-cups to fill it and I’ve probably gone through the equivalent of a couple of boxes today. I know I’m dangerously wired perhaps even bordering on the verge of mania, racing thoughts, etc the whole nine yards but I really don’t care, it’s only coffee right? I don’t want to go back to feeling the way I did, for now, even though I know eventually I’m going to pay for it. It’s one of the few guilty pleasures that I do have in my life and besides I’m getting a ton of stuff done for a change, I rationalize… Tomorrow of course is another day when I’ll have to crawl back in my cage and be the responsible adult that I know I can be…
I tend to ruminate obsessively in a circulate fashion about an issue that i find worrisome. Over and over again like a broken record. Perhaps it’s my mind’s attempt to find a solution. If I think about it long enough I’m sure to come up with an answer, right? Well not necessarily. It’s very hard to break the cycle when I become single mindedly fixated. I also have GAD. Anxiety tends to feed this monster. And all of this perpetuates a massive amout of stress which in turn creates other problems. So for me I need to nip it in the bud early or find something else less worrisome to distract me. When I’m manic the problem can increase 10 fold so it’s very important for me not to let things get too far
That was profoundly helpful. About a year and a half ago I was taken on much of my bipolar medication by a overzealous psychiatrist (my symptoms has been mostly controlled for 14 years). So, now I work as a faculty member at a major university and the obsessive thoughts are becoming problematic. My new psychiatrist has added an antidepressant to combat the depression that followed the medication change. We are seeing how I can do with only one mood stabilizer, but every time I get stressed I fixate on a female former research assistant. I stopped working with her because the obsessive thoughts were creating problems in my marriage (as you can imagine). I am an obsessive helped (have always been), but now the needs for validation from female subordinates (students, research assistants, etc) is something I have to work incredibly hard to control. I exercise, do yoga, meditate. I don’t want to be on another drug if I don’t have to, but this vigilance seems silly if it can be controlled. Thanks
Great article Natasha!
All I have to do is think of the Frozen song “Let it go” and it rings in my brain for days. The more I fight it, the more it rings in my head. As you said, creating quiet time to relax does help.
[moderated]
Moderator: This read very much like an ad. I’m sorry, but that’s not allowed here.
Dear Moderator,
“…reads like an ad…” What nonsense! Ice is FROZEN. There you go, another ad…
Nobody said “You should get on your ITUNES AP and download the music from DISNEY PIXAR FROZEN THE MOVIE”. I think your comment is admin overkill and a bit unnecessary.
I am forty years old and was diagnosed with bipolar in my twenties.I tried numerous meds and finally stopped trying because after a brief feel better phase I always seemed to slip into the lowest levels of depression that I experience,which means suicidal thoughts and even attempt not to mention I had started cutting also.I have physical issues also such as I am going deaf in both ears and have an on going injury from being shot in back so I have been receiving disability,but now they are wanting to stop it because I am not actually on a phyc med,I’m scared to death because without the meds I’m severly depressed but I haven’t been cutting and haven’t attempted suicide,I’m afraid the meds will make my life even worse than it is.so I was looking through internet about bipolar and found this site and am so glad I did because you have told me so many things that now make sense about why I felf this or did that,that no one including my doctors have never taken the time to explain to me.Quite honestly it was like I was diagnosed with the bipolar given meds and that was it,I had now idea what all that included,the things it could cause etc,and now for the first time ever,I feel just a little less alone reading the other posts on here so thanks for doing this page.
so, I am in my teens, not exactly a 20-something yet. I often wonder and am unsure wether or not I have bipolar disorder. There are so many factors in play when you’re a teenager- hormones, school stress, drama- and I have never been good at separating my feelings from the people around me. But lately it’s gotten worse. I have never harmed myself, but I think about it whenever I look at a pair of scissors. I don’t hold conversations well, I can’t concentrate in class, I go through eating binges and periods without hunger, and I am constantly, constantly worried about life after school, about going in circles, about never having a life that means anything or interests me or changes.
Except when there are good times. And in those times, I talk too much, I draw maps of the world and think of all the places I’m going to go, I listen to road music, I change my schedule.
Today I typed what I was feeling- just literally a stream of my consciousness into google and this site was the fourth result. So typing it all out, it seems pretty clear that I could be bipolar. But that’s always been the trouble with the upswings- I am very good at convincing my parents I am fine.
I guess my question is, at what point do I see someone about this? On a similar note, a friend of mine was recently diagnosed with an eating disorder and depression. I don’t know if I should talk to her about my feelings, or if she would feel like I am trying to falsely connect with her by blowing up my own problems. I don’t know. I apologize for the rambling comment.
Thank you all for your insight and honesty. Finding this blog and reading your entries has really helped me this morning. It is so important in this fight for mental health to know that we are not alone. I have never posted on a blog.. I don’t even have a Facebook page ( I obsess that every comment I make will be scrutinized and that I am not as witty or interesting as others) … The comforting thing is that I can say to all of you “sound familiar?” and you would understand and more than likely have the same feelings. I guess I have to expect that even though I am on a good medicine regime, I will always have times that I struggle with obsessive thoughts that steal my joy. Your suggestions for getting through these times are so helpful. Thank you again and please continue to share your feelings and coping mechanisms. There is always something we can learn from eachother.
I too have OCD and I am trying Luvox too…
To me the obsessive thoughts are the worst part of bipolar. When I’m alone it feels like every single thing I’ve ever done wrong keeps cycling in my brain. I literally get guilt trips from things that I did in the second grade and they are vivid memories, not just hazy thoughts.
It also drives my family crazy because apparently I will tell them something and then half hour later, I will tell them the same thing, over and over. I can’t let a conversation die.
The only thing that I found that helps is listening to music. It drowns out that part of my brain that replays memories, but still lets me focus on what’s in front of me.
I used to have obsessive thoughts. I think I have even replied to this thread before. My counselor suggested Luvox, and what a difference! I still have obsessive thoughts, but they are not as “loud” as they were before. I can go to sleep without my mind jumping from one embarrassing thing to another. I can go to work comfortably without feeling everyone is judging me for something I did four years ago.
Most days I don’t mind being bipolar – if someone in my family has to have a mental illness, it might as well be me. I don’t shy away from it. I don’t care who knows, as long as they aren’t dismissive of it (a friend recently referred to it as “mood swings” and told me he “doesn’t know who I am anymore”). It’s just a part of me.
I have family members who, with my best interest at heart, will tell me not to obsess. It makes things worse. I try to explain to them that I’m not wired that way – my brain just isn’t equipped to function the way someone without a mental illness does.
The worst part is that, rationally, I *know* what’s going on…I just can’t find a coping mechanism that will help me deal with it. I went through extensive psychotherapy for other issues (EMDR therapy), but it’s not a tool to help with a mental illness. I can’t go back and pinpoint why I became bipolar. If I could I suppose that would take care of my obsessing. Therapy works in theory, but in practice I fail every time.
The only things that seem to calm me down to any degree (other than my best friends and my dad) are podcasts, cartoons, NPR and comedy channels on my satellite radio. And klonopin. Everything slows down but it takes a long time to stop. I mean seriously, I’m tired of the uncontrollable obsessing over someone I’ve dated for 5 months.
I’m just at a loss.
Judi,
I came across this and this is me exactly. Do you find the ruminating/obsesive thoughts get ‘louder’ if you are under any stress? Do you have any problems making decisions, even simple ones, and then catch yourself on this and get more stressed out?
I am married 7 years and have 2 kids and still obsess about events that have happened to me since I was a teenager. It makes marriage hard when you are still thinking about a girl you dated 8-9 years ago and keep comparing your wife to her, yet recognize when you are doing this you are not ‘with’ your wife, emotionally or conversationally. Your mind is elsewhere while she is talking you.
I remember in University I noticed that watching the cartoon network completely relaxed me.
Thanks,
Steve:
I’ve never thought about the obsessive thoughts as getting louder, per se, but that’s the perfect way of putting it. I’m under an extreme amount of stress right now (mostly self-induced) and *am* having difficulty making decisions.
For example:
I usually work from home but we have out of town clients in the office today and will be here for two days. I have a long drive to work, and rush hour traffic is horrible (a 30 minute drive can be as long as 1 1/2 hours, and I don’t do well with road rage). My best friend offered to let me stay at her place since she is much closer to the office but I completely missed seeing that the client was definitely going to be in the office for a second day so I didn’t pack an overnight bag nor did I leave food out for the cat.
I spent a good hour trying to decide if I was going to stay at my friend’s house as I don’t want to wear the same clothes as today (irrational; she and I wear the same size shirt) and I didn’t want to leave the cat (he can go without eating for 36 hours). I’ve also been in a funk and really need to be around people. Ultimately I have decided to go ahead and spend the night. Rationally I know that I need to be around people.
My mind wanders frequently. Right now I’m obsessing over a man that I recently met who is a great guy but he just entered a treatment center for his alcoholism (we’ve yet to meet, but there’s that definite connection). I fear that once he is sober that he will no longer want to pursue anything and I’m completely obsessing.
I’m sorry that my thoughts are somewhat scattered (it feels that way to me at any rate), but I hope this helps.
Oh, and I’ve also found that listening to hardcore punk music or old school rap helps calm me as well (it’s music from my high school days).
I know just what you mean. My focus and attention have really flown out the window due to obsessive thoughts. Its only gotten worse over the past two years.. I developed bi-polar in 2010 – that’s when I had my first hypomanic episode – and over the past two years, has dwindled away to nothingness, and being in a new relationship, or experiencing a new obsession.. my attention just gets worse. I can’t work anymore because of it. I’m scared of losing my job, so I finally broke down and am going to my first PDOC apt next week to try meds. I’ve done really well managing this disease naturally, but now I really need some help. I just cant shut my brain off, I can’t slow it down, and I can’t keep focused on any one task anymore. Im really worried. I’m hoping the meds will stop all these obsessive broken record like thoughts spinning in my head all f-ing day and just let me concentrate on my work.
I have exactly the same. Conversations bad or good, mainly bad stay with me….forever. I do have the awareness that its weird that i can get mad about something what happened 5 years ago, and that person was not in my life for the last 16 years. Its a draw in my head. And before i know it i think, why didnt i say that. And then my husband asks me when? How can i say 10 years ago? I know i take the extreme solution to not have many friends anymore. Iam working on meditation now. Pff what a challenge right…
My sister is bipolar and a meth addict. She has this guy that she does everything for. She told us for every $100 she spends on dope she gets $25 she gives him $75. She steals from my parents but she gives him the money. He sleeps with many other women and wants nothing to do with my sister. She will wait for him to show up she will sleep in ditches waiting for him to show up. She is now in treatment for meth addiction but they don’t seem to be doing anything about this obsessiveness, which I believe is a way worse problem than her drug addiction. What can we do?
I do this a lot too (I have Borderline Personality Disorder, too, so that doesn’t help anything!) and what I do is break down the obsessive thought and deal with each part and run it through my DBT skills. Basically I think about each part and whether it’s rational, if I can do anything to change it or do something about it (e.g. can I go back and talk to whoever made the comment that they did and straighten it out?), and if not, what can I do to get rid of the thought/store it away? I also ask myself how the thought makes me feel and validate/acknowledge my feelings. It’s a hard process to learn but it saves me misery in the end. I remind myself that i have control over my obsessive thoughts and I can make them stop; I just choose not to sometimes. It also helps to talky o someone; even a friend, about it that way it’s off my chest and they can offer insight if I want or need it.
I obsess over problems that need fixing that are pretty much beyond my control, working on them, obsessing, working myself into an anxietypsychobeast that is probably a physical danger to others, so I medicate with seroquel. Sounds silly since I’m just a small person, but the rage makes me feel like a huge monster. I can’t stop obsessing until everything’s cleared up, and I’m obsessing now over the aforementioned problems. I’m trying to tame the anxiety before it gets out of hand. Ugh… I always count stirs when I stir things, I count steps on stairs, obsess over the way the recycling must be put in order in the recycling bin… goofy stuff
My counselor recently told me about a medication called Luvox. It has been a godsend. My racing thoughts are greatly minimized, and I can go to bed without loud music and talking going around and around in my head. The music is still there it’s just not as loud. And conversations in my head are gone. It was a period of adjustment having “just me” in my head at night.
I was diagnosed with bi polar type 2 and anxiety disorder 10months ago. The panic attack happened first then when i saw my psychiatrist she discovered after seeing her 3times a week that i was also bi polar. Well i have this obsession about not forgetting anything, particularly my ‘to-do list”, when i forget something i panic. Another obsession is with fashion, and redesigning my house. So when i get ideas from magazines etc. i obsess about buying that exact same jacket or sofa.. It came to a point wherein i had to re-upholster my sofa, and ended up re-doinng everything from curtains, carpet, decor, frames etc etc. and i was obsessing for dayssss and spent a ridiculous amount of money shoppig for decor i couldnt even afford. Its like when im in the hype, i cant stop. I get this high from it. I even dream of designs, i never get deep sleep cause im half awake thinking of ideas. And when i get up, i wake up to the same ideas. Its hard. But i find myself at peace when i give myself an hour to focus completely on these ‘ideas’ , deciding and letting it go.. Other times, i find that going to the gym is also very helpful, keeps my busy, makes me feel good and distracts me plus it tires you and gives u less energy to obsess. Hope this helps.
I obsess about negative events in my life. Things that other people may think are trivial are all encompassing. It’s very distracting and hard to live inside my head. My therapist suggested Luvox. What a difference a little pill makes. Sometimes I take 25 mg and sometimes I take 125mg. It just depends on how much stress I’m under.
I only have small breakthroughs, but I can handle them.
Hey Sarah I have the exact same thing all my obsessive thoughts r based on my relationship one time I told him that I feel like I have feelings ad flirt with other guys and I don’t it was an obsessive thought that drove me crazy this has happened to me before many times and I wind up ending the relationship to get relief from my thoughts this time I am not willing to give up so I’m in therapy seeing a psychiatrist it sounds crazy but I will tell him my thoughts and it will cause huge fights
I have been diagnosed bipolar 2 and I have obsessive thoughts about things that I don’t even know for a fact are true until I think them so much I believe it. Example would be that I have an idea placed in my head that my boyfriend is cheating or he doesn’t find me attractive and I replay those thoughts over and over until I believe it enough to say things to him and it causes distress in our relationship. I feel crazy but I can’t make it stop. There are several other things that replay in my head as well but most of them seem to revolve around my relationship and my insecurity. Its exhausting……for both of us.
has anyone ever heard of primarily obsessive OCD or have it the symptoms seem to fit me I never hear of that form of this disorder is it possible to have with bipolar
This guy said he liked to stalk people and bring misery into their lives. He said there was no other way he could feel anything, much less feel good about himself unless someone else was unhappy. He didnt tell me this but someone else who told me and I guess this person is a little worried. He said this guy obsesses on these thoughts. He is kinda creepy and he has a lot of anger and rage, I think? I also knew another boy when I was a kid that was a lot like him and he was a little slow and wet his bed. His parents were always angry at him and I think this affected him. A friend told me this, but looking at this guy you would never think he is like this. Cats have also been disappearing from his apartment complex too. I always see signs of missing cats in the general vicinity.
If I hear one harsh word from someone,even if it is my good old friend,I repeat it again and again in my head. And soon I turn that man into some monster.
I imagine being sexually harassed by someone. If I watch my thoughts I can stop but the moment I stop it they come back again. I don’t like it at all. And it feels so real that I just have to react. It’s like someone actually molesting you. And I get violent in my head. I even act out some of the things that happen inside my head. Hitting people etc. Only way to counter is to watch my thoughts or distract myself.
I have learning disabilities on top of bipolar dyslexia and attention deficit I thought that I would be a good idea to write a fanfiction story about a show I like over the summer It turned out petty good witch amazed me cause I always thought i was a sucky writer but now I’m obsessed with it I can’t get lines from it and new ideas for chapters out of my head and things I want to correct and the anxiety I’m experiencing from it is giving me back pain and nerve twinging **** every time I find something I enjoy my bipolar or learning disabilities ruin it for me I had my meds uppd but this does not seem to be helping I hope this is resolved before I go back to school can’t be obsessing about my anthropology papers to the point that my back hurts well I could but it would suck
my back is clenching up now does anyone have this problem
I am Bipolar with learning disabilities dyslexia and attention deficit I thought that writing some fan fiction about a show i like would help me get better with writing and I was surprised how good the story I wrote is thank god for spell check but now I’m obsessing with it can’t get lines from it out of my head want to keep going back and changing things this sucks i started out enjoying being able to put my ideas into words I’m also experience back pain and nerves are twinging from the anxiety I’m feeling**** every time I find something i enjoy my bipolar or learning disorders rouwen it for me I recently had my meds upd but this doesn’t seem to be helping hoping I can figure this out before i go back to school can be obsessing about my anthropology papers to the punt my back hurts well I could but it would suck my backs clenching up now has anyone else had this problem
sorry everyone my computer told me message failed the first time i typed this one in so retyped it and now I will obsess about how stupid I look for the rest of the day thank you computer
Mindfulness has eased up this living hell. I can obsess for years after someone has said something to me, replaying things I should and could have said. In my case, it stems from not being assertive mixed in with PTSD. OCD/ intrusive thoughts can be a way for our mind to protect us from trauma and pain. Thought loops are OCD/ anxiety and can be helped with Mindfulness therapy and breathing techniques.
Does it help the awareness? I just started it and i have the same issue as you. I find awareness great but with all honesty, i have to do it the whole day. I mainly listen to mindfullnes by mark williams. Any other ideas for good book or audio?
Wow!! I found my niche, I recently experienced a horrible trauma where I sat with a young lady as she died after a motorcycle accident. Most horrible experience of my life. Since then my world has come to a hault. Of course prior to 3/26 I had a life with a fulltime career and the balancing act of caring for a family of 6 with kids actively involved in sports.
Now I Not only obsessing about the accident I’m reevaluating my life and obsessing about all the could of should ofs. I ended up on a php (partial hospitalization program) worked some but I don’t do well I’m group. I have enough going on to sit and hear others drama. Now being bounced around from cognitive therapy which hasn’t really help because I have to keep explaining myself….so now my escape has been an old flame that I’ve kept around for security. I swear I am in love with him. We sneak around to see each other and I recently decided to cut all ties with him. Naturally the very next day I referred my decision and called him with a just kidding factor. As most my support system I have exhausted him too! Now I’m sitting here like a sprung teenager obsessing over how to win him back, I’ve lured him in sexually and emotionally given home the how could you guilt trip. Now I can’t keep my fingers from private calling him every two hours only to get his voicemail. Mind you he’s asked me not to call him on the weekends because its staring problems at home. Wtfruit am I to do?!! I’m now an obsessed stalker! Is that even a bipolar sympthoms? I’m so all over the place, right before writing this I cried my eyes out for two hours straight…what does any of this have to do with the accident?
Time is what we have in life. I tell that to my self and measure problems against the measure of tome. Did I loose time or did I stay in good health? If one thinks they are loosing times to symptoms there is treatment for it. It’s like having to march towards it; even if others see it as ruffling feathers. Time is everything. Obsessive thoughts is something I battle too. I so wish I found a way to regain my mind for my obsessive thoughts. There’s so many things to think about that are worth while, but having a brain stuck in a fish bowl of ‘rut’ is hard because it’s such a lure to stay there! In good health!
I am a student and I tend to have noise in my head all of the time. I am constantly thinking about my area of study, philosophy, but it is sometimes to the point where I feel as though I am prisoner. Though it makes the world a fascinating place, sometimes I just want a break! I remember talking to a friend and saying, “Gee, I just want to give it a rest for a day or two..don’t you think? No philosophy for a few days.” It didn’t work, understandably! I attributed my love of philosophy to the love of learning, but it’s true that my thoughts become torturous sometimes. I dream about philosophy after thinking about it all day. I can’t escape myself.
I wonder if other academics think this way.
The constant radio can drive me nuts. Especially when it plays one song again and again. Yep I also relive those moments that hurt causing more pain like some pain loving fool. Geesh the fun never ends. I do allow it to run free for a brief moment. It lets me breathe a little longer.
Hello,
Yes I concur with what is being said here. Except my OCD bipolar thoughts don’t end till I take a small dose of [moderated – an antipsychotic]. (yes I tried others) Usually by the time I realize that I need the medication I’ve been having the OCD thoughts for about three consecutive days, or more. [moderated] In addition this drug isn’t something I can take on a daily basis due to side effects, but it halts the obsessive thoughts. After the obsessive thoughts subside pressured speech (in my mind or verbally) quickly pops up like a nasty sister to OCD. The second dose of [moderated] cuts it and I’m thankful I don’t get relapse for several weeks to a month at a time *if* I stay calm.
It’s a rather odd feeling because I can actually feel the OCD subsiding and I’m glad that those thoughts are vacating my brain. But at the same time, new rapid racing thoughts come flooding in, and the pressured speech starts. When this happens I exercise and wait till the [moderated] cuts it. So when I get OCD, it’s probably like what others think when they have a full fledged flu. It’s like **** I gotta take my fever reducer and wait it out.
[moderated] Most days I’m just fine, but as I’ve gotten older I find is crucial to NOT get into contentious situations.
Best advise given to me was… is see a *good* psychiatrist and be honest to them.
Moderator: Sorry, I don’t like people talking about specific drug regimes here.
My OCD thoughts are about times when I’ve embarrassed myself. The typical scenario is when I am brushing my teeth it reminds me of something and that reminds me of something else and on and on it goes until I reach a thought about an event that totally embarrassed me. I call it the relationship game.
This happens within a few seconds all day long while I am doing mundane things. It’s very spontaneous.
The conversation that I have with myself is that people like me and “that was something that happened 20 years ago!” It usually doesn’t help. It’s exhausting.
If I do something to embarrass myself now, I cannot get over it. I can’t sleep, I can’t watch tv or read. Not a funny embarrassment. I have a great sense of humor.
I am an English student and I love words, so much so, that if I hear a word that I think is interesting I will repeat it many, many times in my head all day long.
I am so glad I stumbled across your blog. There are so many things I don’t think to tell my psychiatrist about and we don’t talk about that it doesn’t even occur to me is the illness. I realize other people don’t do it, but then I think its just me. The biggest example is my obsessive thoughts. And, once I become obsessed with someone or something, my mind goes into super over drive. If I don’t get it in check, I can become completely out of touch. Sometimes, I don’t even realize I’m doing it. Anyway, thank you so much for making me feel a little less abnormal. It is more than relieving1
I can so relate to this article. I had a very traumatic thing happen about 2 1/2 years ago. It pushed me over the edge and in my rage I broke my hand hitting a wood entertainment center. The rage was so intense that I kept hitting it after I had already broke my hand. Scary thing is I felt no pain. That was a huge turning point in my bipolar misery. Sure I had some severe episodes before but those I was able to forget. This that happened over 2 years ago still haunts me. It is so bad that it even interferes with my dreams. At times the dreams are so real that I wake up wondering if I really did whatever bad thing I dreamed. I have tried pushing it away but it keeps coming back. My wife says it happened so Long ago that i just need to let it go. She and others don’t realize that I can’t. Now when I get tired…tired of fighting my mind…it scares me that I will “lose” it again. This time I often wonder if I will be able to control it.
I really relate to a lot of what you write about, even though my diagnosis is DID and not bipolar. I especially like this post though, because this happens to me all the time, and I can’t quite explain it to people. I have to have my cd player running constantly, literally from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, and hopefully I fall asleep while it’s playing. I can’t seem to just “let things go,” because they play again and again. I like the word “echo.” This lady at the library was really rude to me today, and I kept seeing her face, flashing again and again in my head. It’s not like I wanted it to happen. It was actually annoying the hell out of me, but I couldn’t make it stop. It wasn’t even anything that bad. So, yeah, I really relate to this post. Thanks Natasha.
I don’t know that I get obsessive thoughts but my thinking speeds up and alot of random thoughts fly by when in this state. I usually find cuddling or interacting w/ my cat or the dogs seems to calm my brain down.
The obsessive thoughts that I seem to experience over and over and…., are of negative experiences that I have had in my life. Would be nice if my obsessive thoughts, were about all the good things, I have accomplished in my life, despite dealing with my bipolar disorder.
when i was in High school, I would be falling asleep and then suddenly realize I don’t recall what the name of Albania’s capital is. I’d get up and look it up. I still do it. I get out of bed to check name of head of states and such.
worse then that (I can trust my maps and internet on capitals of countries) is “what s/he said and what s/he meant and are they truthful” and “did I really do this right, did I forget something?” (yes, forgetting something is my perpetual fear). And since my perception of reality is bit blurry and mulitlayered at times… and sometimes no way to verify if and how things happened (I *do* walk around with camera… as I say to have proof that it really happened. SO i can go over my life easier).
funny you mentioned musical earworms… because I do use music to outplay my thoughts at times. But tell somebody the reason i have such big music library is because I am ‘bit’ crazy.
I have had songs get stuck in my mind . There have been a few that ran through my mind so often , I now hate those songs . I do obsess after some conversations , sometimes for weeks . If it was a conversation that was harsh , I obsess over what I should have said to defend myself . If there was something I forgot to say I obsess over that .
Hi TJ,
I do much of what you do–ruminate and obsess over certain things from my past–even recent conversations and how I worded them. I will continuously think of how I should have said something differently. I will also dwell on issues and never let them go–thinking of what I should have said in the moment.
Words, music, sentences stick in my head like a broken record, over and over again. I just don’t know how to shake them. It becomes so frustrating.
I have been on meds to help alleviate this problem. I notice a little difference but the OCD remains. I’ll see my doc this month and discuss the problem with her once again.
I hope you are doing better. I understand the frustration you are facing. It isn’t easy.
i’ve been known, from time to time, to “ruminate” for hours on end… same conversation over and over and over in my brain… same conversation over and over and over out loud to myself
the wording of the conversation may change, but the root of the conversation – THE THOUGHTS – are the same, sometimes… for hours on end… sometimes for a day or 2
all the emotion, just swirling and swirling and swirling, around and around and the longer it goes the more the emotion ramps
sometimes… I find myself literally pacing in a circle… faster and faster I step and if highly agitated, I circle the island cabinet located in my kitchen… round and round and round
many nights I can’t get the thoughts to settle before I sleep… I just can’t no matter how hard I try… I can sometimes switch the thoughts, but like you.. as soon as I’m not “thinking” the thoughts, the conversation returns
but I can break it sometimes by listening to “classical” music… just hearing it, while either sitting or laying within the darkness… and concentrating on that music… I can sometimes just drift.. having finally found some peace
How do ppl deal with OCD germaphob.. I can handle colds and stuff but can’t handle stomach bug. I obsess about it, even if I read it or hear someone has it! I’m on meds. I have a hard time in public places. Any help or suggestions!
I do not have auditory hallucinations, but I liken some of my obsessive and compulsive thoughts to them: as if I “have” to do certain things….but I do not literally hear a voice instructing me to do so.
~~I would like to “put down” the compulsive thought and “step away from it”.
What I feel and experience, though, is a sense that the unwanted thoughts are not coming from me, per se. I wish I could own them, but they feel invasive and foreign. (Like Sam has written here, I do not find mindfulness nor sitting with the thoughts of help.)
I hope I have not obfuscated the point here. I am still definitely trying to deal with these demons.
We look forward, eh?
I’m much better since I’ve been on Seroquel, but I do get trapped in circular thoughts sometimes. I find the only thing that helps calm my brain and slow the obsessive thoughts is cello music, particularly Bach cello suites. It works so well that I started to learn the cello myself about 2 months ago! I get stuck into practice and my brain seems to settle down :)
When the obcessive, negative thoughts won’t go away, I do art or write poetry about the feelings behind the thoughts. Once they’re down on paper/in color, they fade. Listening to music or playing guitar can also change my mood and thoughts.
After some traumatic life event I will obsess and obsess for months. The echoes of it continue years after it. it comes in the form of replaying the memory, analysing it, writing imaginary letters about it in my mind and so forth. It’s like my brain has no proper way of dealing with the strong emotions resulting from the event. The thoughts and feelings involved are so pervasive that they destroy my peace of mind, my enjoyment of life, and it’s very difficult to rest my mind.
The first time it happened I was in my late teens. After about six or eight months of this I finally got the willpower to decide to get on with my life and to push the thoughts aside. However these days I am trying to recover from various manic and psychotic episodes – my brain and my mind are still too weak to process and take control of the reverberating obsessive thinking from difficult life events.
After I recovered from the traumas of an abusive relationship in high school, after I recovered from my first divorce (of two), I thought I had learned enough about myself and enough coping skills to make me “weatherproofed” against future traumas.
Well, of course I wasn’t. The things that caused my second divorce and the divorce itself (and one of my meds stopping working) landed me with a nervous breakdown and a diagnosis of PTSD on top of my bipolar (II) disorder.
The clinic where I got therapy and pdoc help during the several years of aftermath offered a “lite” version of DBT. Basically, the group therapy (skills training) broken down into three nine-week modules with sessions of an hour and a half.
Various of the DBT skills have helped–and do help–me greatly reduce the flashbacks, anxiety, and obsessing over the whole mess.
If you go into DBT with the understanding that, “Some of the skills work for some of the people some of the time,” it can be very helpful with this kind of thing (stopping obsessing).
It’s not like you never think about it again, it’s just that it’s so greatly reduced that it doesn’t really count as “obsessing” anymore.
Also, “The skills only work if you do them.” Knowing about them isn’t enough. Understanding and insight aren’t enough. But that doesn’t mean doing all, most, or even many of them all the time. It means you’ve got all these skills in your toolbox and when you have a problem, you regularly go to your toolbox and either try a tool that’s worked for you before or try one you think applies to the situation. “If you do them” is about using the toolbox as a whole, not every tool in it.
I like DBT because even though it takes a long time and a leap of faith to go through it (because the process of learning the skills can be a real pain in the ass, particularly because a lot of them don’t have value that’s instantly obvious), once you integrate the skills into your life, using them can get to be so automatic that it amounts to a *partial* cure. You can get long-term improvement that doesn’t come in a pill.
I still need my meds, of course. It’s just nice to get *some* improvement that’s not taking another pill every day or “sharing” life stuff at length with others. NTTAWWT.
DBT was developed for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and most people who get referred into it have BPD, but not all. There’s a lot of comorbidity of bipolar and BPD, and a lot of us bipolars who don’t have BPD do have some *traits of* BPD. A whole lot of people with no diagnosis at all have some of those traits–they/we just don’t have enough traits severely enough to meet the diagnostic criteria. (A Good Thing. [smile])
Since some doctors prefer to call BPD “Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder,” it’s easy to see the overlap for those of us with a trauma or two. The skills help. Finding DBT and getting into a group, that can be the hard part.
One of my “trades” is programming. I think of obsessive thoughts as my brain being a computer that’s stuck in a loop. With particularly obsessive thoughts, it’s like a program that runs again periodically or frequently and gets my brain stuck in a loop when it does. I guess, think of that like annoying pop-up ads if your computer has an adware virus.
Once I figure out consciously what particular thought is giving me trouble, thought stopping works. Eventually.
I hate it when an obsessive thought gets “stuck” and it’s subconscious and just below the surface–you know something’s making you feel rotten, or whatever it is you feel, but you can’t quite verbalize or even maybe put your finger on what it is. That happens to me and I can get locked into inaction or avoidance or some non-helpful reaction to what’s going on in my head–until I finally can dig out what the hell is bothering me or what’s bothering me about it.
Once I can put the obsessive thought or feeling clearly into words, I can take it apart and look at it rationally. Looking at things rationally doesn’t, at first blush, seem like much help with obsession. It can be, though. If I can find the obsessive thought, I can figure out what’s wrong with it. Obsessive thoughts always contain logical fallacies of one kind or another–something we tell ourselves that isn’t true, or something that we’re failing to choose to cope with, or something that we’re failing to accept.
If the thought wasn’t “wrong,” your brain wouldn’t be having to play it over and over like a broken record to keep trying to get you to believe it, or to get you to keep believing it. Obsession is the brain’s version of, “Na na na! I can’t heeeeaaaar you!!!” to *something*.
So if my obsessive thought is, “I’ll never be able to write another book again,” or “I’ll never be able to write a good book solo,” (for example) then the part of me that beats myself up is having to keep beating me over the head with that—because it’s not true. If it was true, that “beat myself up” part wouldn’t have to keep repeating it to try to keep the rest of me believing it.
The part of us that beats ourselves up is just as much a champion of denial as the other parts of us. It refuses to accept, despite all evidence, that we’re good or worthy or kind or smart or whatever it is that is contrary to our perceived “original sins.” And so it says, “Na na na! I can’t heeeaaar you!” and repeats the falsehood over and over and over again.
We don’t repeat these negative thoughts in our head because we believe them. The judging part of ourselves repeats these negative thoughts in our head because we *don’t* believe them. We know they are not true. And if the judging self were to go quiet and shut up it’s constant flogging, all that would be left would be plain old reality and truth.
Anyway. So I find the flaw or at least some of the flaws in the thought. (“What? I can’t finish a book? Some angel is going to come down from heaven and stay my hand from typing “the end” like it was preventing Abraham from sacrificing Isaac? Oh, please.” [insert rolled eyes at judging self’s over-drama])
When the obsessive thought comes up, as soon as I *notice* I’m looping on it again, I repeat the counter-thought.
One of my favorites when I’m conducting those imaginary, hypothetical conversations to justify myself for something and I catch myself doing it is, “If I’m this busy defending myself, some part of me is prosecuting. I’m just beating myself up again, and I don’t have to do that.” (anymore.)
If you’ve learned to meditate, anyone, you know that part of the learning is not arguing with yourself over your mind wandering, not following the thoughts that come up, just bringing your mind back again and again, *gently*, to the thing you’re supposed to be focusing on. For the technique a lot of therapy places teach, that’s usually your breath. And you sometimes realize you’ve been thinking about other stuff for like five minutes of your meditation, and you’ve just been thinking away and let yourself drift off focus for a long time without realizing it. And you learn to let the thought go as soon as you *notice* it and not get hung up on not noticing sooner.
This is how I deal with obsessive thoughts. I bring my mind gently back to my carefully crafted counter-thought (“Everybody doesn’t hate me. Sue is being cranky around me. Whatever *Sue* feels about me or whether this has anything to do with me at all, it’s not my problem.”).
I do this, gently, every time I notice I’m thinking the obsessive thought I want to get rid of. Gentle is the key–if you get in a knock down drag out fight with obsession, obsession wins.
Over time, the frequency of the particular obsessive thought gets less and less.
That doesn’t keep new ones from cropping up, and it doesn’t keep daily things from bugging the hell out of me, but it does tone it down and make obsessive thoughts a lot less intense of a problem for me than they once upon a time were.
I definitely obsess, usually about what I have and haven’t done, interactions with other people and committing suicide. I feel like my brain is driving things and not my self. It feels pathological, like my brain is attacking me. If it is really bad I can’t process or concentrate on anything else an images/sounds will constantly replay in my “mind’s eye”.
Tips? Running helps. Other forms of intense cardio exercise don’t work, I think because they don’t get my heart rate up high enough. It doesn’t stop the thoughts but it can dial down the intensity. The thoughts are particularly “loud” at night time, I think because there is nothing to distract myself from them, and if I’ve gone on a good run during the day it is better. Music also helps a bit, but it has to have lyrics so I can try to focus on the words instead of the barrage of thoughts.
I don’t find “mindfulness” and simply “sitting with the thoughts” of any use. If anything it makes things worse, as then it’s just me and the thoughts attacking me. I do CBT and challenge the thoughts but it doesn’t stop or dial down their intensity because I know they are illogical/wrong anyway. So challenging them just exhausts me mentally — but not such that the thoughts stop hounding me! I’ve also tried any-psychotics. Oddly, they make things worse and only inncrease my anxiety. The thoughts are worse the more depressed or anxious I get.
I apologize for for rambling. I just wish my brain would shut the hell up and give me some peace.
Madness is to think of too many things in succession too fast or of one thing too exclusively. ~ François …
It feels like you’ve been inside my brain and can see what’s going on
I find my Risperdal works pretty well for obsessive thoughts (that reminds me, I need to call my APRN to see if I can het sine PRN Risperdal for the holidays…). I find for me, while I get earworms, misic can shut things down for me. Of course, sometimes it makes it worse.
Resting or using my DBT skills like distracting or being in the moment help.