Pushing past your limits when you have bipolar disorder is dangerous. I should know; I tend to do it. I tend to work too much and too hard. And while that might simply make a normal person a “workaholic” or an “A-type personality” it makes me sick, sick, sick. This is an article about doing what I say and not what I do. Don’t push past your limits if you have bipolar disorder.
“Give it 110%.”
“Push your limits.”
“Try harder.”
We all know these phrases. We have all heard them and maybe even said them. And while there may be some wisdom in encouraging people that way, when you have bipolar disorder, I highly recommend you not try to push past your limits.
The Effects of Pushing Past Your Limits
I can understand if you’re running a marathon (assuming you don’t have bipolar disorder) and you think to yourself – “I can make it just one more mile. I can do it. I can push past my body’s limits.”
I get this. This might be the self-talk you need to get to that finish line.
The problem is, this identical line of thought, when applied to daily activities for one with bipolar, can cause great harm. Pushing past the limits bipolar disorder sets on you can lead to a worsening of bipolar symptoms.
Pushing Past My Work Limits with Bipolar
I am a writer and speaker. I am an independent contractor. Thus, I am not on salary anywhere so I only get paid when I work. This is my choice. It allows me to work from home, work odd hours and take breaks throughout the day as I require and not as is allowed by a nine-to-five job.
This is great, but if you only get paid when you’re actively producing work, it creates great pressure on you to work all the time. In my case, I’m trying to pay a tax bill that was much larger than expected so the drive to produce, invoice and pay that down is notable.
What I generally do is work all the hours I can physically do it and rest most of the rest of the time. I’m not saying I recommend this, it is not in any way balanced, but it’s what I need to do.
And last Monday, I was having a very productive day. I worked about twice the number of hours I normally would and then I went out to see a friend afterward. No breaks. No nothing. But, for some reason, I could do it that day.
Oh, silly, silly Natasha. I should have realized I was pushing beyond my limits. I should have realized the pressure of owing money was bearing down on me too hard. I should have realized that even though my hands were still typing, that didn’t mean I shouldn’t respect what I know are my daily limits.
The Effects of Pushing Past My Limits with Bipolar Disorder
So while your average person might feel proud that he or she was able to push the limit, I did not feel that way. The next day I just felt very, very bipolar-sick. Yes, my bipolar acted up, zapped me of all energy and ability to do anything and caused great pain.
This is the price I paid for “giving 110%.”
I need to know that I can’t even give 100%. I need to give only the percentage I can to stay well. Which is sucky, but reality.
I think the problem is that I refuse to acknowledge on a daily basis that I’m a person with a chronic illness. I have a disability that affects me every single day and I still can’t seem to make good decisions based on that fact. It’s like willful denial.
And it’s not like I don’t know it, I do, but I end up comparing myself to those without a serious mental illness and I just feel like if they can do it, then I can do it. And not being able to do what others can do makes me feel lesser-than. I know it doesn’t actually make me lesser-than, but it’s just how I feel.
I know now, knew then and will know in the future I need to respect the limits bipolar disorder enforces. It’s not about being lesser-than, it’s just about being. I’m me and not others and that’s okay.
Somehow, though, during crunch time, I just fail to remember this.
So yes, unless you don’t mind being worse because of the bipolar and pushing the limits, I recommend you respect those limits. The price of not doing so is just too high.
Banner image by Ian Paterson [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons.
Image by Flickr user Chad Elliott.
My biggest problem is doing too much. I have to do only what bipolar tells me I can do, not what I actually need to do. It’s taken me years to recognize the strange feelings that show up right before shutdown. Now I know. It was the ability to go beyond my limits and push through severe fatigue that got me to keep working a job for 16 years. Now I am paying the price because I never paid attention to my body. Now I will shut down after doing hardly anything, and it’s extremely annoying that I can’t do what I need to do without stupid bipolar disorder shutting me down. (I don’t have time for this! I have things to do!) What will happen is that I get a strange feeling that I’m being wrung out, and that my chest is going to burst. If I keep going, usually sometime in the next few hours I will end up completely rigid for a time, unable to think or speak. Time slows down for me. It is very strange and I’ve never met another bipolar person who has this happen. I wonder if it’s because I suffer from PTSD and anxiety as well? It usually only lasts a half hour or so, but it is scary when I can’t move my limbs or speak! After it lifts, I am left feeling very confused and weak. The worst part is when it happens in front of my kids, it’s terrifying to them and they call my husband to come home and take charge (Thank God for FMLA!) While I’m recuperating, there is no social media, no grocery shopping, no school meetings, no appointments, no doing ANYTHING but reading and watching TV or doing something like playing piano or crochet until I am better. I’ve finally learned….yeah, I can keep on going when I get that “wrung out, chest exploding” feeling, but my body will react in a very bad way if I do. Rapid cycling used to make it happen as frequently as every two or three weeks (I had a hysterectomy and ovaries removed just because of this issue, and it did slow down the cycling), but it still happens and it’s extremely irritating to have to constantly stop and rest and stop and rest all the time.
yes PLEASE Natasha ,I agree with Synergy and would much appreciate specifics if you dont mind. Your writing helps a great deal.
Hi Anneke,
I plan on answering this question, probably in next week’s post. Stay tuned :)
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha, you are actually lucky with the drive to overdue it. My experience with managing bipolar is about lethargy setting in during a depression. I loose the giddy-up to do much of anything.
Like I like to say, laziness says “I don’t want to.” Depression says “I don’t care.”
Well, for those of us that must work the 9 to 5pm, 5 or more days per week to pay the bills and the pills and the insurance costs of paying the pills and the docs and and and and….
You have to push past your limit/s, be they what they are. You are in Canada so, life may be a bit different but in my little world of the U.S.; many employers so dislike folks that do not push and many employers really have no want of someone not “able” to produce.. cover 3 other positions that have been let go due to budget cuts but the jobs still need covering… and show up when scheduled and leave when told.
Then.. you have life.
Errands to run, lawyers to contact, vehicles needing maintenance, kids have activities, elderly parents become frail, etc.
If one, cause all I speak of is for myself, lays about on the couch or says “I cannot do _____ today.” without a justifiable reason to the other…. then more criticism occurs not only from the other but from your own mind.
When you are working… you don’t want anyone to know you are limited… then you are discriminated against when it comes to raises and promotions.
When you are left to deal with a huge home project (like a deceased’s estate)… there is little time for limitations.
Yes… the Bipolar beast appears. It is ALWAYS ALWAYS there. If it is not out front and center demanding to be recognized and paid mind to… it is silently progressively sabotaging.
Add in your daily life function and/or daily life needs…
and well,… more pills to kill the ills because for every ill, there is a pill….
unless you are completely uninsured, not federally recognized as disabled, and have not enough monies… to pay for the pills, for every ill… cause for every ill, there is a pill.
I already have to limit my activity because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. So, I’m doubly disabled. Thanks, Natasha, for the article.
Natasha, I can appreciate this article. I am bi-polar type II. There is a good amount of “tired” that can come from medications as well. Knowing when it is OK to stretch the envelope long term and/or short term is the key for me. I must make concerted effort in real-time to make sure I don’t over-do. Alas, easier said than done. On the other hand, I feel like I should make the most out of my “feel better” times, to make up for the “not so better” times. Then, everything gets more complicated when having other variables like anxiety, diabetes, blah, blah, blah! Definitely a challenge.
Dear Natasha, Thank you for your wonderful writing.
I agree with every word and take it as a reminder for me today. We should all have a big sign on our bathroom mirrors, or fridge doors, our TVs, and our computers or any other regular hangouts reminding us that we are handicapped and must work in consideration of our limitations.
The unfortunate illusion of bipolar is that we judge our productivity not only in comparison to others without mental illness but also in comparison with our manic selves when we are able to get more done than those ‘regular folk’.
At least, that’s what I do.
Thanks for the reminder.
Dear WendyLove, Yes, I totally understand what you say. I “believe” that my productive and positive self is “the real me,” and anything else doesn’t measure up. I strive for that “real me,” and am often terribly, terribly disappointed and down that “today” I’m not the “real me.” I want to be up and happy ALL THE TIME.
Natasha, would you mind describing in detail what you experienced with “The next day I just felt very, very bipolar-sick. Yes, my bipolar acted up, zapped me of all energy and ability to do anything and caused great pain.” What was your pain? So often, our symptoms are only described vaguely. I hope to have specifics of behavior — like “feeling suicidal; sobbing for hours; screaming; throwing things.” I don’t know how the over-doing-it affected you.
Hi Synergy,
I plan on answering this question, probably in next week’s post. Stay tuned :)
– Natasha Tracy