Earlier I wrote about the realities involved in bipolar relapse and now I want to address the question as to how to plan for a future when relapse of bipolar disorder tends to hang over your head.
I understand this question and this uncertainty. It’s very hard to live with a disease like bipolar that you know can bite you any day, any time and often without any provocation. And it can be very hard to see yourself as a serious professional, with a 24/7 career, when you know that relapse is almost a certainty, at some point.
It’s trite to say that, “no one knows what the future holds for any of us.” It’s true, but it’s hardly helpful, and it’s unfair to compare the uncertainty that the average person faces (ie, I might be hit by a bus tomorrow) to the uncertainty that a person with bipolar faces when, in his case, bipolar relapse is very likely.
So how does one plan, or even make big life decisions, when bipolar relapse means an uncertain future?
Planning for an Uncertain Future with Bipolar
I think it’s important to be realistic when planning for the future. You need to take bipolar into account, yet not let it define every moment of your upcoming life. So, for example, if you want to be a doctor, you probably can’t be a 24/7 doctor that is on-call for surgeries every day. You might be able to, however, be a practioner of family medicine and have your own practice.
In other words, like my father always said, you can have anything you want you just can have everything you want. You can reduce the risk of bipolar relapse to the point where you sit on your couch and watch television all day (very low risk of relapse) or you can throw caution to the wind and involve yourself in a high-pressure, non-stop, stressful environment (and basically ensure your own relapse), but you can’t have both.
Planning for an Uncertain Future with Bipolar Relapse Means Give-and-Take
Myself, I’m a middle-of-the-road kind of a gal, so I would give some things up for bipolar, but not everything. I believe in goals and I believe in achieving goals but I also believe in building the pathway that suits you in order to get there. With bipolar disorder, you likely can’t take the path of you average, non-sick person, but that doesn’t mean that a path isn’t possible and that doesn’t mean that your goal isn’t possible, in the long run.
And it’s important to remember our goals change as we accept reality. For example, someone may really want to have their own, biological kids but, upon finding out that isn’t possible, she builds new dreams and goals for herself. The same is true of those with bipolar.
So when you plan for this uncertain life of yours – a life with endless possibilities – try to take bipolar into account, minimize your chance of relapse, watch for signs of a possible bipolar relapse, plan for what to do should relapse occur and still plan on successfully meeting your goals. The balancing act of all that is easier said than done, of course, but it’s just one of the challenges of being a person with an illness. It not easy or fair, but it’s what we’ve got.
And remember, if you live in fear of bipolar relapse that means always living in fear – and that’s no way to live at all. Be brave. Stand up. Gain perspective. You can do it.
Wow. There is a reality check for you. We feel bad and figure we will never feel good again. We feel good and figure we will never feel bad again. It does good to remember our ups and downs. We do our best to stay in the optimal functioning range. The more we do it the better we are at doing it. If we get a little outa wack… we eventually get back. That’s life.
Kerry
If only that were so for many of us.. How does one deal with the ups and downs every day with no respide but for a few hours. One day is a vacation for me albeit I know I will pay for it the next day. Welcome to our hell.
Great post. I was seeing an on-call psychiatrist for an emergency-ish med change recently and after telling him what I’m generally doing in life (work and grad school), he said, “wow you’ve really accomplished a lot more than I’d expect.” Even more recently I was telling my pdoc that I’m going to have less hours at work during the summer so I was searching for a second job. He was pretty confused why I would be trying to continue working full time and suggested I “take the summer off” (despite the fact that I’ve been doing really well…). Comments like this make me feel like I’m being told it’s okay to just give up or even that I SHOULD just give up. I know there’s another side to these comments, of course, but I can’t help feeling like they’re supporting a self-fulfilling prophecy that I’ve actually been doing pretty damn well fighting against.
Wow, i really love your writing, so inspiring :)
I must be one of the “odd ducks”… I work because I have to work, to earn the income to provide for myself and my kiddies. I’ve had times of unemployment, not due to the Bipolar but due to economic reasons causing employers to lay me out and yes – 2 incidents where the Bipolar did roar.
Yet, when I had my last hospitalization in 2006, which had me firmly diagnosed with BP I (which so many years, here later, depending on which psychiatrist I see.. the diagnosis tends to change and move up and down the scale or off the scale entirely to yet a different scale)… and I immediately got told that I had to change my outlook on life, modify any ideas or dreams, stay on meds all the days of my life or risk relapse (funny, but when you stop taking the meds, you do have a relapse.. it’s due to stopping meds)…. and I got placed on 4 different meds and at heavy dosages and were told I’d have to take them or a combination or a complete switch out all the rest of my days….
I nearly lost all of the marbles I had left… that had not rolled off, during the high mixed manic psychotic space I was in that brought me there, to start
Faced with the long long long long long and longer term of taking medication that left me dazed, confused, sluggish, tired, sleeping 16+ hours a day…. and urinating upon myself cause I could not seem to wake up enough… terrified me.
I took the meds, faithfully and dealt with the side effects… and had to quit a job that I had currently held at the time, because while the AD was producing visual hallucinations.. the AP was keeping me from being able to function and stay “in the moment” enough to work the job (a crisis intervention/prevention MH/SA agency)
so, after I resigned and a few months more of the meds… I decided to stop the meds and I did. It took another month or so, to fully wake back up and I went and got another job. I have taken meds (Lithium), off and on since, but I will not be loaded down with them ever again… and I struggle something fierce with my Bipolar symptoms and I have to check myself and manage myself, as best as I am able at any given moment…
but I can work a job. Just as I did BEFORE any of the diagnoses… not always swiftly nor by way of stability… but I can work one when I find one to work and/or will take me…
during bouts of unemployment… nothing to distract me or take me out of “my head” and so, the Bipolar roared loudly… i am actually worse, Bipolar symptom wise, when I had not a bit of structure (work or otherwise) to keep me in a routine and left me more and more “inside my head”.
I’m Thrilled not to have to work, it’s the sick part I hate. What good is being off work for the rest of your life, if you’re depressed, then crazy one minute, and semi-sane the other? I had a bucket list, but now that I’m sick, all I can do is fill it w/ water.
A great pair of articles this week. I concur with virtually everything here.
I live with the possibility of a bipolar relapse at any time. It’s been awhile since I thought about it (I’ve been stable for a few years now!) but I know it could always happen; it’s certainly happened before – over and over and over again during the life I had before diagnosis.
But I don’t waste time worrying about it. I have a support system, I have good medications, a competent psychiatrist, and I’ve had good therapy. I know the warning signs, and so do those around me. I’m not afraid. Qué sera sera.
I stumbled upon your blog after reading a couple of awards you received. Good find.
I’m 50 y/o and I’m still struggling with what I want to be when I grow up. My psych and my therapist both agree that work and school are not a good idea, despite the fact I’ve been balanced for a good amount of time. I’ve come to the conclusion that I look into options that allow me to work for myself.. My love of blogging has me looking into options as a writer.
You’re right, whatever I decide to do I’m going to have to be realistic. I’ve already ruined one career via this disease, the last thing I want to do is shoot myself in the foot again.
I was an associate professor of special education with a Ph.D. I got to work in that capacity for 7 years before I had to go on disability. Too many hospitalizations and episodes causing me to miss class sessions. Difficulty thinking and finally panic attacks when I entered the classroom. I loved teaching, I worked hard to earn the Ph.D. The only thing that has saved me while on disability is volunteering.
A very wise blog.
What Career
This vicious disease took mine away 16 years ago. Haven’t worked since and Believe you me I wanted to. Hard to run a sales division of a company when you crash every few weeks for days.