This is not of the quality you typically find here. Sorry.
I knew I was hypomanic because yesterday I couldn’t sleep.
Not sleeping. Waking multiple times during the night. That’s hypomania.
I’m sleeping too little, eating too little, producing too much and feeling too OK; that’s hypomania. It makes you brilliant and insightful and creative and magical. It also makes me completely fucked up.
The hypomania is probably from being on Pristiq and Welbutrin together. That’s a long story.
Being a Writer, My Wordiness is Hampered
I know these words aren’t coming out right but that’s because I’ve had 6 mg of Lunesta, now 9 mg with clonazapam to boot. Sleep is critical to calming the mood swings, hypomania, depression so I try to make sure I get sleep, but at the moment my attempts aren’t looking terribly successful.[push]This is higher hypomania than I’ve been in quite a while.[/push]
So that’s right, I’m smashed on meds, typing incoherently, and I know, that in very short order this hypomania go to end with a devastating mess of epic proportions.
Signs of Hypomania
Signs of hypomania have probably been going back to a week ago, which is far for a gal like me. Usually with bipolar rapid cycling you’re up, you’re down, you’re hypomanic, you’re depressed, with almost no warning signs. But not at the moment. I’ve become so terribly obsessive over – everything. And song are getting stuck in my head for days. Over and over and over I hear the same pop tune endlessly playing.[pull] “I Would Die For You” by Prince was yesterday’s favorite, who knows what today’s will be.[/pull]
Yup, hypomania. Work production goes up, creativity goes up, randomness goes up, follow-through goes down. Chattiness goes up. Irritation goes up. Impatience goes up. Fragmentation goes up. Food intake goes down. Sleep down down. Oh, and you might have noticed, comprehensibility goes down.
Fear of a Devastating Afternoon
And extra-specially devastation is coming as the pendulum swign soars. Nothing that goes up, doesn’t come down. Depression crater.
I could cry. I think I’ve just realized this is me and my Dr was right several months ago. This f-ing mental illness journey will never end. I knew that when I thought I was just major depressive disorder but now I am overwhelmed by the thought of talking to my Dr about the many, many episodes going back for years that apparently could be hypomania, a thing I didn’t know existed. She said do you think you could be bipolar and I said no because I’ve never experienced mania. But this sounds like me when I think I’m doing well. And it never lasts that long. It’s now, but not for much longer. I hate the next part. Thanks for your post. Knowing is still better than not.
Hey, it is a duet with Stevie Nicks!
Mike – ack! Kenny Loggins! You must be crazy ;)
Anon, yup, I identify with all of that. It's almost a mirror of how I feel.
– N
And here I was thinking that it was only me who has a tune repeating over and over when in hypomania. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy the hypomanic moments, since (as you've all described above) I'm more creative, faster, smarter, and honestly more like the person I used to be before I got really sick. I seem to have the sleep thing pretty controlled right now, but that's definitely a HUGE part of keeping myself in an "even" balance. I hate those occassions though when sleep is just not going to happen despite lots of medication, which causes me to stress even more knowing that I have to get up in the morning for work. And then I'm a monster the next day because I'm tired, angry, and probably still hypomanic.
When I get hypo/manic,I start replaying old Kenny Loggins tunes in my head. Last time it was; "Whenever I Call You Friend." Go figure.
Hi Pink,
I'm bipolar II, so I don't really ever make it into mania. I do find hypomania exciting enough.
While I would advise someone to call their doctor, I'm not going to. I'm coming down today and either way, my doctor would have no idea what to do. I just have a GP and can't get in to see a psych.
– N
Hi Jess,
Yeah, that was nutty last night. So manic and no so many drugs to try to get me to sleep, it's a wonder a single word made sense.
And actually, I don't have a 9-5 job right now. I do freelance technical and other writing. Regardless though, responsibilities lead to stress, which lead to crazy.
– N
When manic I say throw caution to the wind and enjoy it! BUT..call your doctor today. That is my recommendation.
Hopefully you will stay hypomanic and not reach the full blown catastrophe that be mania…(said with a pirate accent) Hmm, is mania contagious. Just a thought. Oh, no coffee…worst thing you can do is chug some coffee while manic.
I'm sorry, gosh I think we are both going through some mania right now. I also have mixed episodes and rapid cycling but even so, sometimes I get super manic for about a week and half, while still having mood swings each day. They way I know I am super manic is because I , like you, lose a lot of sleep and start getting a lot done. Difference is I still have mood swings, just able to be productive at the same time.
Please know you are not alone, I am so grateful that I can have someone to relate too and not feel like a total nut bag. I commend you for being able to deal with this and still go to work…work just made me even crazier.