If you’ve been reading me for a while, you’re probably familiar with the symptoms I typically experience as a person with bipolar disorder type II rapid-cycling.
My Bipolar Disorder Symptoms
- Fatigue
- Sadness / depression / tearing
- Hypersomnia
- Anhedonia
- Lack of motivation / concentration
- Slowness in thinking
- Thoughts of death
- Decreased need for sleep
- Excessive speed talking / thinking
- Increased productivity
Each symptom depending on the mood of the moment (blue being depression, yellow being hypomania).
However, did you know that someone who also has bipolar type II (maybe even rapid-cycling) might have completely different mental illness symptoms?
Your Bipolar Disorder Symptoms
- Irritability
- Weight loss
- Insomnia
- Restlessness. agitation
- Feelings of guilt
- Indecisiveness
- More goal-directed activity
- Spending sprees
- Inflated self-esteem
That is totally different from my list, and yet we’re still both bipolar. The diagnosis “bipolar” is more of a big-tent thing. It’s the clumping of people with group of symptoms into a group called bipolar, but each person in the group is still unique.
Your Crazy Is Not My Crazy and That’s OK
In the kink world there is a saying, my kink is not your kink, and that’s OK. That is because kink run the gamut. Some people revere feet, others play with blood and others are only interested in rope-play. And sometimes one group thinks less of another group. You lick boots? Ew. I only play with good, clean rope. or my kink is 24/7 so I’m kinkier (better) than you, who just shows up Friday night nights.
Naturally, entirely silly. Kink is all just kink. It’s all just stuff that would get you kicked out of a vanilla person’s bed, the specifics are inconsequential.
And the bipolar community does the same thing. Somehow we’re caught up in our differences and end up fragmenting the group. And even worse, people seem to have a constant of one-up-man-ship to see who is horrifically sicker. Ridiculous.
So, take a gander at my HealthyPlace piece, My Bipolar Isn’t Your Bipolar But That’s OK, where I write (and talk) all about it.
Doesn’t judging yourself to be more spiritual than someone else and even worse feeling you need to say it out loud or prove it to others kind of defeat the whole idea of being spiritual in the first place? Lol.
As for people thinking the are more BP than others, I have actually had the opposite thought before that I am less BP than others, which has made me hesitate to take part in support groups or blogs like these. So it is nice to see everyone’s comments about how stupid you all think it is that people might think they are more BP than I am or I am less BP than they are.
Basically, according to my psychiatrist, I have only ever experienced one definite hypomanic episode (I suspect a few more earlier on in my life) and my psychiatrist thinks it might have been brought on by a new antidepressant I trying at the time.
Hi Jessica,
I think that is a brilliant analogy. “I’m more Christian than you.” (To pick a religion out of a hat.)
I have thought that I’m less bipolar than others too, but I think that’s due to self-awareness and the insight of not needing to compete. Often, people completely identify with their disease and nothing else, and if that’s the case, then being the _most_ bipolar is equivalent to their self-worth. Personally, I’m glad I’m not _as_ bipolar as some.
FYI, reacting to an antidepressant with a hypomania is a “soft sign” of bipolarity. This doesn’t mean anything huge for you, but it should indicate to your doctor that he should try mood stabilizers for you. This is sort of a new area but basically, if you have “bipolar tendencies” then you may have more success on mood stabilizers and run the chance of getting worse on antidepressants.
It’s just a thought. You can check out soft signs of bipolarity here: http://psycheducation.org.
Of course if you’re on a med that works for you, then none of that matters. :)
– Natasha
Crow,
No, of course not, people always want to one-up others. Keeping up with the Jones' and all that. It's just particularly odd when you think about keeping up with mental illness. Don't people usually want to avoid that?
– N
It's not just a BP thing.
Then again, maybe it is :)
I live on a small island, where everyone seems to want to be thought of as very spiritual.
Everyone is more spiritual than you are.
More spiritual than anyone else.
Of course, none of them are.
It is an identity, worn to camouflage the lack of one.
Human nature, maybe?
Possibly BPs are just more BP than all the other BPs ( read: EVERYone ).
bp2
Yup, that's totally it. I don't know the age of these people, but I have to think pretty young.
– N
The most flagrant examples I've seen have been in online forums, where people tack their diagnosis, symptoms, medication, etc, at the end of every post, almost as if it's a badge of high IQ. "Your BP2 is nothing, you sniveling weakling. I'm a full-blown BP1. My Lithium dose kicks your Lithium dose's ass before breakfast – and after lunch, just for fun."
It never occurred to me either but it was brought to my attention by another commentor. It mostly happens online in user forums and the like. Forums are weird places that tend to attract some, well, less than mature individuals it seems. (But that's just me.)
– N
And even worse, people seem to have a constant of one-up-man-ship to see who is horrifically sicker.<<<who does that? I have never been around anyone who is a bp one-upper. It never even occurred to me.