The Bipolar Burble welcomes guest author Daniel Bader, Ph.D of Bader Mediation and Counselling Services for today’s post on dealing with bipolar disorder in university. Bader proves again that you can do anything you want to do with bipolar disorder, you may just need a bit of help.
I was a student for a very long time, having just finished up my doctorate after nine years of study, not counting my two years of parental and medical leaves. It was quite a challenge, and most of those challenges came not from the program, but from my bipolar disorder.
However, having gone through it, I wanted to discuss some of the challenges of being a student with bipolar disorder and some of the tricks that I picked up along the way. Hopefully, it can help others who might be presently in university or considering going there.
Challenges as a Bipolar University Student
There were a lot of challenges with being bipolar as a university student, but there were definitely three issues that dogged me through most of my program:
- Isolation: Studying is an isolating experience. There’s endless research, reading and writing that is done entirely by myself. I found being alone with my moods was rarely a pleasant experience.
- Fluctuating Self-Esteem: It’s hard at the best of times to evaluate the quality of our writing. With bipolar disorder, my work would often seem incredible or terrible, making it hard to do revisions.
- Depression: Depression is awful, and it just crushed my ability to work efficiently. As a result, I often found myself falling behind.
My Strategies as a Bipolar University Student
Over time, however, I was better and better able to deal with these problems, ultimately finding my experience a satisfying one.
- Finding Ways To Be Social: For my entire university experience, I never once lived alone. I lived in residences with shared meals, with a good friend, with my parents and ultimately with my wife and children. This kept me from slipping into the infinite regress of self-reflecting moods that isolation brings.
- Finding Someone Whose Opinion I Trusted: I was able to develop a good rapport with my dissertation supervisor, who would help me see what was working and not working in what I was doing, when I wasn’t able to get the proper perspective. Before my dissertation, I would often show papers to friends to get their opinions.
- Getting Help: It took me a while to get proper help as a student, in part because I kept being put on the wrong medications (long story). However, once I had a proper regime of medication and therapy, I found that my depression improved significantly, and I was able to zip through the last few years of my doctorate, even while teaching half-time and starting a family.
Final Thoughts on Overcoming Bipolar Disorder at University
Being a student with bipolar disorder, especially a graduate student, provides a lot of challenges. The isolation and fluctuating moods can wreak havoc. However, by figuring out what those challenges were and finding strategies to deal with them, I found I was able to complete and even often enjoy my experience.
Daniel Bader, Ph.D., is a graduate and works at a practice: Bader Mediation and Counselling Services.
I have a paper due tomorrow and it is totally stressing me out. I hope it does not bring my mood down. I have decided to finish it today because I cannot stand having it on my agenda any longer. Oh well the worst that can happen is they will ask me to resubmit. They don’t like failing grad students at my uni but still….
HI Madam B,
What are the chances the paper is on “stress effects on mental illness?” If you wrote that, it would be from first-hand experience – always better writing :)
Definitely try not to stress. A resubmittal (if you end up with one) isn’t the end of the world.
– Natasha Tracy
I think every body is different even each healthy individual is different and it will be totally wrong to make this as a bench mark for bipolar disorder, being good in studies should not be bench mark of intelligence, many creative people are not good scholar but instead more productive than good scholar
Hi Sumit,
I agree with this, getting a university degree isn’t reasonable for everyone. I don’t think anyone is trying to set it as a benchmark, I think we’re just trying to say that if it _is_ something you want to do, you absolutely can do it.
– Natasha
Hi Natasha I don’t doubt the intent with what you have quoted the statement, but it is I think not that easy for anyone to become what he want to become, b’coz most of the time people are themselves not aware about there own strength and this is more in case of a person who are suffering from mental illnesses such as Bipolar and Borderline, as apart from the disease each med make an individual act in a different way some affects concentration, some curiosity, some communication skill.
And if we say that you can become whatever you want than we are putting unnecessary pressure on the individual, as the same quote is than used by the family over the individual, in this life everybody want to be successful no body want to be a failure, but we have been granted some qualities by the mother nature and our being adamant in order to defy those qualities of nature will not really work, it will only led a person to become more frustrated.
Hi Sumit,
That is a fair comment and actually I have said pretty much the same thing here. You’re right, saying we can be anything we want _can_ put unnecessary pressure on people and we _do_ need to realize our own limitations.
Perhaps I made a poor choice of words.
– Natasha Tracy
I went through Uni (did a B. Medical Science at the ANU) prior to being diagnosed. It was the most stressful experience of my life. While mostly doing well by pushing myself extremely hard and spending extreme hours finishing assignments at the last minute, I did fail a couple of units due to being terribly depressed. Who can make it to a 9:00am lecture when you can’t get to sleep and then can’t get up in the morning?
The other issue was that because I failed those units (and it’s only because I failed those units), I didn’t achieve the average grades required to further my study, I was planning to do a MBBS (equivalent to an american MD). The university has since refused to repeal the failed units. Despite being biologists and having an understanding of the illness, they just don’t seem to give a s$%#.
Hi @ar610,
I don’t know what country you’re coming from, but in North America there are frequently students with disabilities groups on campus that can help out with these kinds of matters. If that’s not an option, a disabilities group off-campus might also be able to help.
You might not be able to make the school see reason by yourself, but with backup, it might go better.
Just a thought. Good luck.
– Natasha Tracy
cheers tash, I’m in Australia.
Hi @ar610,
It’s amazing how many fans I have down unda’. If I ever make it there, it’ll be a party.
– Natasha
I absolutely needed this article right now!! I had to drop classes last fall, because my health took over. Between infusions, physical therapy, and no daycare for a full of life 5yr old little girl. It took me years to overcome the fear of going back to school. I know my patterns now, and am more treated for health (but those meds pull double duty effecting my bipolar). I promised myself I would return to school this fall when she goes to kindergarten. I’m now coming to terms with my bipolar, it’s been 18 years since first diagnosis. One of my psychiatrists many years ago said something so profound it changed the way I thought. ” Think of bipolar as cancer, there is no cure. There are medications to help, but your the guinea pig until we find the right ones.” It has been discovered I have sensitivities to a lot of the meds for bipolar. That doctor really prepared me to understand that this is a life long fight. Now my son with mental health understands the same. Thank you for making your stories available. It helps to know your not alone. Thank you again, humbly!!
Hi Justina,
I can totally understand being scared to go back to school. Perhaps you are afraid of “failing.” I’m not suggesting that’s what you did, but it might have felt like it regardless.
But you’re doing something magnificent – you’re going to go to school and be a mom to two kids. That’s pretty amazing. And really scary. But worth it for your betterment as a person (and probably as a mom).
My advice is just to take it slow and don’t overload yourself. All that matters is that you cross the finish line, not how long it took to get you there.
– Natasha Tracy
It was difficult being at university… and bipolar. I have a short recount on this in my blog tackling my “misadventures” as someone with manic depression. But to give a gist, there were indeed times I could not concentrate on my school work or write the essays required of me because I would always be dazed by those numerous, rapid thoughts circling in my head. There were times I would not just go to school but merely spend time at home, writing and writing poetry in my journal-cum-folio. Or stay in the library for the whole day, skip classes and read tonnes of literature until I would get the headaches.
In short I did not know what I was EXACTLY doing. The worse thing that could happen way back then was to cut myself in class. YES, in CLASS. My wrists would bleed to the horror of my seatmates and friends. I’d splash water in the bathroom and sleep elsewhere around the classroom corridors. Yes, everything was HORRIBLE. I was not still on medication then.
I never did get myself to deal with my disorder in the best way that I could because I could not trust anyone. I hated everybody. Good thing, the campus ministry people tried to make me feel welcome. Then little by little, I got a bit saner. Then they recommended me for guidance and counseling on campus and the office of the student affairs gave me a scholarship provided that I work for some time as a student assistant. Since then, things became a little bit better and I did graduate successfully.
Now with that, I could attest to the fact that it really helps to have some support group while in university. It would not be much of hanging out with different people but with the mere fact that you know somebody’s there to listen makes much of a difference.
Thank you for sharing about this important topic. I just dropped a class in my graduate program. Although, it was a hard decision it was a good one for my overall health. I can see now that the illness was getting in the way of my learning. I hope to return when I am well. School can wait, the bipolar will not.
Hi Jennifer,
I’ve talked about this subject before, and, just to let you know, I think it’s completely reasonable to drop classes to improve your mental health. It took me extra time to get my degree but I did it, lived to tell the tale, and that’s what matters.
And your last line is brilliant: “School can wait, the bipolar will not.”
Absolutely, unavoidably true.
Thanks,
– Natasha Tracy
I am currently an un-enrolled graduate student and I have recently waived for myself enrolling at university for two semester. What should be noteworthy, though, is that I have been in graduate school since 2005 but I could have already finished my studies if not for a 4-year hiatus. I had to leave because I was finding a hard time juggling between the bipolar symptoms and that of living an equally “stressful, normal life” that a graduate student must espouse. I came back 2009 although I had to stop again because I got myself employed in a teaching job with lots of workload (something which, for some, may be considered “bad” for anyone with manic depression). Although in this current job I have as a university instructor entails that I finish my master’s degree within four years, it does not take away the fact that it takes a lot of effort to balance the condition and the tasks or study load expected of me inasmuch as I would always have to try to act “normal” or “sane” even during days wherein I am not so at all. How tedious but it only takes discipline, I guess…
Hi Reira,
I agree, it does take major discipline and focus but it also takes courage and heart and general amazingness to get out there and try :)
Don’t see yourself short. It’s not like the average person has a doctorate – let alone the average person with a mental illness. What you’re doing is extraordinary – damn the bumps along the way.
– Natasha Tracy
I also dropped out of uni due to Bipolar. I managed to complete two years, so got a diploma, but not the degree I was setting out for. It was completely the right decision to leave, it’s just hard explaining to other people what happened- they don’t really understand.
Rachel
HI Rachel,
It’s great that you recognize it was the right choice for you. That’s half the battle right there. You should be proud that you took that step to protect yourself and your wellness.
As for other people, well, they’re just other people. Generally, if I just say, “I got really sick for a long time” that explains a lot to people, even if you don’t want to discuss what that illness was. It is, after all, none of their business.
But, in the end, you have to live with the choice, not them, so it’s your opinion that matters most.
– Natasha
Its good to know that other people are going through the same thing as me! All of your advice is really helpful and reasuring. Im in my third year of university and although i have known for a while that i have bipolar disorder (runs in my family) i have not long been diagnosed and not yet on meds. I didn’t do great in my first year because of the depression and stressful life events that were happening at the time. I was very close to giving up. Then in my second year i felt very creative alot of the time (alot of mixed episodes) i did extremely well and felt on top of the world. Now in in my third year i just want to give up again..it all seems too much for me and everytime i go to sit down to do some work i end up in tears because i cannot concentrate or get the motivation to do it. I have also taken on being a carer 4 days a week and have been doing that for about 1.5 months. The thought of taking on so much made me feel powerful and strong but in reality its too much for me and i feel so depressed! For work i have to sometimes wake up at 6am which affects me badly, especially when ive been laying there for hours unable to sleep just hating my life. If you were in my situation how do you think you would handle it for the best? Any comments are much appreciated. Thankyou
Hi S,
Well, I think my general advice would be just like in the article – simplify your life to the point where you don’t find it overwhelming (generally).
For example, maybe that isn’t the right job for you if you find the hours unworkable. How about finding something else? Is there a reason you chose that job? Can you change your hours?
How about dropping a course or two or even taking a semester off?
It all comes down to finding the right balance for you. Work with your doctor to get your symptoms under control and try to simplify your life until you can take on more.
– Natasha Tracy