Bipolar and anger may or may not be linked. It appears they are and many people would assert they are, but as anger is not, technically, a symptom of bipolar disorder as defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, it’s hard to say anything definitive about it. Nevertheless, anger and bipolar disorder have been on my mind lately because I do feel very angry. So why are so many people with bipolar disorder so angry?
Anger
I’ve written before that being angry is somewhat useless. Anger is a superficial emotion and it’s almost always hiding another emotion deep beneath it. Usually, it drills down to the fear of being abandoned, or the desire to be loved, or something like that. It’s a long explanation, but just trust me, it does.
And anger tends to be destructive – not always, but generally. It tends to lead to fights and screaming and broken things (like lamps and relationships). Anger is also something that eats you up from the inside. It’s like being burned alive from the inside out.
There are better ways to spend your time and energy.
Anger and Bipolar Disorder
But, as I said, anger can be linked to bipolar disorder or anger can even be a bipolar medication side effect – I know, I’ve been there.
And I can tell you that I have no real reason to be angry. Not right now. Not at this moment. Not in my mind. But in my brain? That’s another thing entirely. My brain is very, very angry regardless as to what might be reasonable to my mind. As it stands at the moment, all I can think about it how I am so very, very angry. The anger is coursing through my blood. The anger is emanating from me in sharp, jagged waves. I try to think of other things but all my brain does is say “angry, angry, angry.”
Why So Angry with Bipolar Disorder?
I actually think there are many justifiable reasons to be angry if you have bipolar disorder. Just a few reasons why a person with bipolar disorder might be angry include:
- Because of being sick in the first place – Having a lifelong, chronic illness is an angering thing, trust me.
- Because of treatments not working or working insufficiently – Yes, a person with bipolar disorder could get mad when others with bipolar disorder seem to get better and yet he or she does not.
- Because of having to deal with doctors, therapists, pharmacists, the healthcare system and so on – All of these things come with their own challenges and all of them can make a person with bipolar angry.
- Because of doing all the things that attempting to be well entails – Yes, I know, we should eat right and exercise and go to appointments and take our medications and use coping skills and meditate and so on and so on and so on. This is exhausting and it’s normal to feel angry about having to fight to do it every single day.
And the thing is, these stressors that come from having bipolar disorder are placed on a person with bipolar disorder. In other words, these stressors kick you when you’re down. So if you have bipolar disorder and are angry, I get it.
Of course, all the above things are just part of reality and being a rational adult means dealing with reality. And that means getting over the above things. Like I said, I understand being angry about them but we can’t be angry forever about them because that will just destroy our lives further.
Dealing with the Anger of Bipolar Disorder
I know, for me, those stressors can make me frustrated at times, but, basically, I’m over the anger part. That’s not why I’m angry. I’m angry specifically because of the bipolar disorder and specifically because of the treatment. The anger is in my brain. It’s living there and building condos for all its friends. It doesn’t have a reason to exist, but it does.
So, what to do if you’re bipolar and angry? I try these things:
- Name your emotion, admit you have it and don’t judge it. Say, “I feel angry.” Because you do. And feelings are okay.
- Take deep, calm breaths. Anger will make you hold your breath and shallow-breathe so fight this with purposeful, deep, cool breaths. This can diffuse anger in the moment.
- Get in touch with your anger. If your anger is about something or is being worsened because of something that’s happening, figure that out. If you remove that stressor, you may be able to deal with what’s left.
- Meditate. You don’t have to be fancy about it, just think about slowing down, breathing, being mindful of the moment and quieting your thoughts as much as you can.
- Talk to your doctor. Don’t let anger – either bipolar-driven or medication-driven – go unannounced. Talk to your doctor, he might be able to help.
- Talk to your therapist. Similarly, therapists are just chock full of anger tips and tricks. Don’t ignore that resource.
- Tell the people around you that you feel angry but don’t get It’s important to acknowledge feelings, especially when they may affect our loved ones but it’s critical we don’t act on these unreasonable feelings.
- Make it clear the anger is not about others. People will often think that you’re mad at them. Many of us personalize another person’s feelings and assume that we are at fault. Make it clear this isn’t the case.
- Express anger with bipolar in a way that doesn’t hurt. Create art. Listen to music. Throw rocks into the ocean. It’s your call. Express your anger any way you like, just not in a way that hurts yourself or others. If you can’t do this – if you feel forced to hurt yourself or others because of bipolar anger get help immediately. This is not normal and can’t be tolerated.
And I think the golden rule might be: don’t take the anger out on others. It sucks being angry with bipolar disorder. I feel this suckiness every day right now. But I refuse to let this suffering of mine be the suffering of others. I will not let bipolar disorder harm others just because it’s harming me.
Because, as you know, letting your anger throw flames and light others on fire will just destroy the positive things in your life. And while dealing with bipolar anger is bad, it’s even harder to deal with if you let it destroy what you like about your life.
I find that when I am having a really depressive time I can sometimes get extremely angry. I know at the time that it is unreasonable but I cannot stop myself. I have tried meditation and even have put myself in time out. But I just get madder. Right now my father staying with me is the only thing that can calm me down. But he has a very jealous girlfriend who tries to make trouble between my dad and me. I don’t ask for a lot of time. Just when I am going through a bad spell. Don’t know how to handle that and my emotional situation v
Hi, I am mainly writing to talk about your video about why Bipolar people don’t take medication ( https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/refuses-medication-treatment-noncompliance/#respond) it works for some people but it can cause others to become for have their lives changed upside down and the doctors feel like they have the right to make us into guinnee pigs and they would never admit defeat no matter how many things they tried. To be honest, I have such a slight case of it that merely knowing that I was in the same group as fricken bipolar people was probably the worst thing that ever happened to me, I don’t know why they didn’t just take me out back and shoot me. I meanwhile I’m normal this diagnosis ruined my self-perception of myself and made me suicidal. I don’t like to be a Debbie downer or insulting but doctor’s need to know that NO means NO… I mention that because was raped in my life and this disorder was far far worse, I mean at least society agrees people shouldn’t be raped, but us bipolars only have the luxury of wishing to die.
As soon as I am consumed with it I completely lose control. I walk from room to room and throw and break everything in site. I am so far gone at that point I don’t even realize what I am doing. But 24-72 hours later when it randomly stops I begin to survey the damage and there is always so much damage.
I once was extremely angry and afraid of what I might say or do so I ran. I could have done it outside but I had a treadmill and used that. Normally I could not run even a quarter of a mile, but that day I ran a few miles! Another time I rode my bike like a speed demon on a hilly road when normally I would struggle on the hills. Both of these exercised helped me burn off the angry energy. I still wasn’t happy afterward, but I was no longer extremely angry. I can no longer do those things, but walking at a pace beyond my normal ability I’m sure would accomplish the same thing for me now. I channeled that negative energy into an acceptable physical response.
Here is a reference I use for “anger management” and found effective for my patients….and myself!
Overcoming Destructive Anger: Bernard Golden, Ph.D.
https://books.google.com/books/about/Overcoming_Destructive_Anger.html?id=47X1CwAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button
It is the littlest things that can set me off. To anyone else their response would be it’s a little frustrating but not that bad. For me I could just drop something on the floor and it is the end of the world. I tend to take it out on everybody.
My therapist just gave me a tool that is based on the fact that any strong feeling a lot of times only last about 90 seconds, so breath deeply for ninety seconds for it to pass. I tried this twice and it worked. Although these were mild instances, I will have to wait and see if it is effective for more severe instances of irrritability.
Hi James,
You have an excellent point regarding that technique. Thanks for sharing that.
– Natasha Tracy
i see myself as extremely happy when i’m leading up to / in a manic phase, although often my behavior and appearance frightens people whom i do not mean to frighten. (more than once i’ve stood in an office listening to someone shout, “security! security!” thinking to myself, darn, ti’s happened again; on the other hand, there is a weird thrill to being in a biker bar realizing that everyone is afraid of li’l ol’ me.)
however, depression finds me irritable and angry. my theory is that there is nothing more infuriating that to lose one’s mind. perhaps this anger is similar to that signature trait of alzheimer’s, eg, directionless, frustrated rage. with both disorders the source is the same: a mind is not just a terrible thing to lose, it tends to annoy the hell out of the person who’s losing it.
Excellent write-up, Natasha!! I especially like your adamance in not letting anger harm others — I needed to hear that. I sometimes really act like I am two years old and that everybody in my world must acknowledge and sympathize with my anger. I am an attention whore and a black hole indeed. I want everybody to know I am angry even when I have been told it is very, very obvious and really I am coming across like a petulant child. I am now challenging myself to not let myself force the inclusion of others into my anger sessions!! Thanks again for your posy!
On top of my head i would guess that anger comes from (lots) of frustration, short term or long term, short term or long term goals are not met that results to anger….bipolar-disorder then becomes an excuse that personal goals are not met. In my personal life bipolar-disorder made me change and change my goals so i don’t feel so frustrated and angry…i hop you natasha find this info usefull :)
Sometimes I get angry when people won’t leave me alone, when their unwanted (but often well-meaning) attention is sucking all the emotional energy from me that I need for myself at that time. This is typically during a dysphoric hypomania (mixed episode) when I need space to get through that period. Lashing out with anger is sometimes the only way to get people to back off and let me ride out the episode. So, getting angry can be about surviving a bad spell.
Anger and hatred have haunted me all of my life. When you don’t realise you’re sick, you fall into habits that are extremely difficult to break, even once you’re diagnosed and appropriate medication is taken. What makes this all so difficult is that, with these long-standing habits of thought and emotion, you don’t even *know* you’re angry until, say, you’re in a conversation about something seemingly innocent, and suddenly you lash out with a rush of rage at the injustice and intolerance encompassed within that topic.
I don’t think I’m too old to learn how to meditate or to become more mindful of my feelings, but it’s bloody hard when you’ve been deliberately *avoiding* all awareness since you were a kid. I’ll probably always be an “angry young man” (kind of old now, though! lol)
I’ve noticed that my dad and my brother get very angry in the manic phase. My dad became increasingly angry over the course of weeks as his mania rocketed skyward. He would be angry because no one else could stay awake and function as long as he did, no one else seemed to have the same degree of enthusiasm as he did about his business innovations, coworkers and bosses would be doubtful or discouraging. Family members knew where this was going and he knew they knew. He felt sabotaged on every side. This would eventually become dangerous enough that he would need hospitalized to keep him from hurting or even killing someone — including US. MY brorher’s Anger seems to come from a different direction. He becomes angry because he feels betrayed. He is generous and people take advantage of his empathetic nature time and again. Loans never get paid back. Instead, he is pushed aside and abandoned. Both he and Daddy were the most intelligent members of our family. Imagine what it is like to have had a high IQ and success in your profession and then have people treat you like you are mentally incompetent. It must be terrible.
I am angry that I am angry.
So am I!
Hi Michael,
I knew someone was going to say that. That’s sort of why I put in the bit about naming and acknowledging the anger without judgment. If you can do that I think you’ll find you won’t be angry about the anger.
– Natasha Tracy