Someone recently reached out to me for some recommendations of mental illness resources as she was concerned for her sister. Unfortunately, the feedback I received from her afterwards was that her sister felt, she was “beyond help” for bipolar disorder.
I understand the feeling of being beyond help. I have felt that way so many times. I had so many goes at medication roulette and I had two doctors give up on me completely so I absolutely felt (and was pretty much told) that I, and my bipolar disorder, was beyond help.
Here’s the thing – those doctors were wrong and so was I.
Keep Reaching Out Until Someone Helps You
When I was a kid, at school they taught us about “bad touching.” And what they said was, if this happens to you, you need to tell an adult and you need to keep telling adults until someone believes you (because it is an unfortunate reality that many people don’t believe sexual abuse reports). And mental illness is exactly the same. You have to keep trying to get help until someone helps you. Because there is help available for everyone – no matter what – and anyone who tells you differently (even yourself) is just wrong.
Why You’re Not Beyond Help for Bipolar
Here’s the thing – there is an almost infinite type of help for bipolar disorder. Psychotherapies, medication cocktails, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), vagus nerve stimulation, repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation and then there are the experimental treatments.
And while not all of these treatments are (sadly) available to everyone, the things that are, are medication, psychotherapy and lifestyle changes. (Even if you can’t get access to psychotherapy proper, there are good workbooks on many types.)
And while some people decry medication, it has been my savior over and over. Yes, it’s taken, in some cases, years to find a medication cocktail that was effective, but it has always happened – eventually. Right now it’s seven medications and while I never recommend such a thing, what I can say for sure, is that it’s out there and it does work.
I’m Too Much of a Mess to Help
Look, I get when your life is so messed up from bipolar that you feel like you can’t be helped, but people have come back from complete ruin, homelessness, broken families and relationships, and so much more – and there’s no reason why you can’t too.
Persistence – You Can Be Helped
I don’t know how I kept trying over the years when nothing (even ECT) worked. It’s just persistence. It’s just a tiny candle flame inside your soul that says that life is not supposed to be like this. Life is not just pain. Life can and will be better. But you have to try. And try and try and try.
In short – you are not beyond help. You are not alone. There are agencies that want to help you. There are people that want to help you. They may not be the first, second, or even the sixth person you talk to, but they exist.
I haven’t given up on you. Please, please, please don’t give up on yourself. You deserve so much better.
Shane be strong. You are not alone. What is happening?
No one can help me…
Wow. I just recently found this blog and have been reading the comments on it, and this is the truly first time I have found words that coincide with what I have been feeling myself for the last two years. I honestly thought I was the only one in the world going through this immense pain. I’ve never been diagnosed bi-polar; I have only been diagnosed with severe depression. I shouldn’t say only. I am not glad that you are all suffering; I am just glad that we seem to have found some support out there. A lot of you have been saying, too, that you felt like the “only one.” I am really so impressed with the helpful, thoughtful messages that have been posted on this blog. I, too, like many of you have been put on all sorts of meds and none have helped. Honestly, the biggest help right now is to read these messages and finally not feel so alone in my pain. Some of you have been talking about loneliness, and I have got to say I often feel intense loneliness. But I try and remind myself that the loneliness is due to the darned chemicals in the brain…Anyway, I could go on and on. My only wish is that for those of you who are in intense pain, I hope you find some relief. I know what it’s like to be desperate for relief, even it’s just for a few seconds. So many people I’ve come across don’t understand it. When I tell them what I am going through, they just think I am wallowing in self-pity. Anyway, I am just really glad to have found this. And to anyone who is in pain, be it shallow or deep, please know, like I have just learned, that you are not alone.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
This is a message for “Chris”. I read your post and felt as if you were writing about me. I am also a “high peforming, functional person with bipolar, ‘(also alcohol dependency…. binge eatiing bla bla…) and I am a Director in a company with a modest salary! Your feelings about an “episosde coming on” mirror mine. I have been hospitalised after suicide attempts in the past… but today, like you, am no longer actively harbouring suicidal thoughts (but sometimes feel as if would love to be diagnosed with a short terminal illness or in a fatal plane crash, or other accident). Here’s the thing. Hang in. You know an episode will pass. You are not alone. And I want you to know that my épisodes have become fewer and farer between over the past few years..as long as there is life there is hope. I reach out to you. Be strong. (And yes exercise, take your meds, do yoga, eat apples, share with your friends, read self help books and do the hundreds of other things we are told to do !! Peace
How timely, as I feel completely beyond help. I felt the episode coming on — it’s all too familiar. First I become numb and completely uninterested in anything and anyone. Then I start to become lethargic, my body feels weighed down by bricks, and I can’t stop eating. This lasts 3-5 days before the agonizing and, as Natasha puts it, “bone-crushing” depression sets in where all I want to do is lay down in a ditch and die. And this is where I am today.
I don’t believe there is any cocktail that won’t make me gain 102 lbs and the last weight gain med I was on actually didn’t work that well. It was ok. I lost 50lbs last year and finally made it to a normal weight and I am terrified of regaining. I already have started and it’s not even working well to make it worth it. That’s making me more depressed. Then, the thoughts roll in… I am single (for over 12 years and counting..), I am childless, who would care if I was gone? Yes friends, a couple of relatives. But it doesn’t matter in the grander scheme. They will move forward. I seriously have no interest in living.
I have a call into my pdoc to call me back and I am not actively suicidal or with any plan. It’s more like, I would love to be hit by a car, or be told I have terminal cancer with 2 weeks to live. I am envious of the dead and would like it to be me. And the darkness in my mind is too for anyone to listen to except my therapist. I see him very occasionally as I can’t afford to see him regularly, even on a sliding scale. I go to a DBSA support group and take my meds religiously. What else is there? I know, exercise. If I could get myself out the door, I would. Sometimes exercise helps. Only sometimes. It depends on how my brain is deciding to function that day. One never knows. The worst part of this entire ordeal is that the ups I used to get after the downs are no longer occurring due to my mood stabilizer.
I feel very beyond help. especially since I have been SUFFERING with mood disorders since I was about 7 or 8 years old. A lifetime. And I am tired and LONELY! And extremely disappointed with how my life has turned out. I have a master’s degree, hold a high title job with little pay, and am highly functional. But I am so disappointed that I can barely bear it. Thanks for reading and listening. I don’t have many other places to express my feelings.
Many of us have had doctors who get fed up that we don’t magically get well and who blame us for our illness. The solution is to get another doctor (if it’s possible). Keep getting different doctors until you find one that will work with you. There is no “end of the road” with mental illness regarding treatment, there is always something different to try.
You are so correct. We have to level set them that we are their customer and to treat us like that. I am reminded of a joke which really isn’t such a joke but here it is. What do you call the person who graduated last in their medical school class?…… Doctor.
Excuse me,
When I was particularly referring to CHRISTMAS & HOLIDAY TIME…
My rapid cycles EXTRA EXTRA…
Thnx.
Sandra
How well spoken & true…..
I’ve even had a psych to quote in the middle of a psychotic depression,to go go go leave hospital & kill myself
Unquote.
It’s extremely unfourtunate,like being in a clothing shop,you have to keep trying on things that fit..
I know,if in the interim,when I couldn’t get a psych if it weren’t for my wonderful & empathetic GP …I most likely not be exist today..
He helped me fight,now,got me a great psych ( who,ironically works in my GPs clinic!)
He listened to every story I told about the mental health care system,I don’t think he knew how ghastly it was prior to my new psych…
Now my new psych ( found out specialises in bipolar!!) some things are worth the wait!!
Best of all,like my GP he said everything we do will be mutual decisions!!
Love it!!
Plus,they are both empathetic & great listeners ( & gentlenmen @ that..)
I feel better,as 2 mood stabilisers upped plus addition of a anti depressant…
I no longer,touch wood am crying @ the mood or crying uncontrollably.
I also have something crucial & new….HOPE.
Not that everyday will be perfect,but I’m heading in a better direction…I know it’s going to take a long time….
Though I’m not thrilled by that..is what it is.
I’m sure better than previous,that’s good enough,baby steps.
I can’t say a doctor gave up on me, but I have found that my doctor only seems to “half listen” to me. I feel like he is so busy that often he is looking at his computer or using his iphone while I’m talking. I believe in reaching out to others who know you – or who support you, because after you have been a patient with the same doctor for a long time – they tune out. I need to ask for a referral!
I had a psychiatrist tell me that I had been on every medication and there was nothing more to do for me. And this was before I had been on half of the meds I have been on- he was just wrong. But fortunately I was manic, so I had no trouble telling him what an idiot he was and he better not bill me for this session and stormed out of the office. But if I had been depressed, I would have been really discouraged.
I am sure that many of us recognise the never ending merry go round. I want to comment on the idea of Drs “giving up on you”. You may feel like Drs are giving up on you but sometimes they wish to end the patient Dr Relationship because it is in your best interest. Maybe they recognise that THEY are no longer doing you any good ( for many reasons… they may have lack of experience with your type of mental illness, or be uneasy trying “unusual” medication combinations or prescribing off label meds ( off label means they prescribe a medication for an action other than the one it is manufactured for. Topomax for example is meant to be for people with migraines and seizures but it is sometimes prescribed purely for it side effect which is weight loss)…. or they may consider that their type of therapy is not adapted to your needs… My tried and trusted loyal Psychiatrist explained to me nearly a year ago that he wished to transfer my care to a colleague in another clinical practice. He was honest with his reasons and felt that after many years in his care and many different treatments that I would benefit from a totally new point fresh point of view from a new specialist. I reacted badly at the time, I felt that he too was “abandoning me” as a lost cause. But with hindsight he was simply acting in my best interests. Indeed today I consult my original Psy once a month, or in an emergency if needs me for my meds, and the new Psy for my therapy and the 2 consult each other and so far it is going really well. ( I live in Europe where this is possible I am not sure how it would work in other countries) So I guess what I am trying to say is … a Dr who gives up on you is almost certainly doing you a favour!
The system, or at least the many crappy practitioners in it are really good at making you feel like you’re beyond help, and somehow that is your fault rather than their inability to find out how to help you, whether due to time, knowledge, or competence. When an “expert” tell you there’s nothing else that can be done, how are you supposed to know any better?
I have had doctors give up on me. My current doctor who has been in practice is at his wits end. T add to the anxiety he ordered a PTH test done because it can cause anxiety and depression and lao many other issues . Lo and behold I have a high PTH level which bring a whole new set of circumstances which may lead to surgery on my parathyroid glands (not thyroid) so it has made me worse. SOme meds affect those glands. I have struggled for decades and am now an ultra ultra cycler as in 2 or more cycles per day and yet I am not giving up, but the added stressors and triggers are just piling on. The cocktails of so many drugs at different stages over the decades have caused issues with my kidneys and heart and sugar levels. I just cant see me trying other drugs willy nilly. Now they are talking about Ketamine. I just cant be a lab rat anymore. I have this thought every so often that the doctor will call my wife and say we finally have his bipolar completely handled and thats the good news but his heart exploded. in the office…Our condolences….. I am holding on. But it is so painful and I have fallen in to such a deep depression because the hope is going away. Cycling almost every day and sometimes up to 4 times is so enervating. My wife has aged so much watching me not knowing what to do and she is depressed. Its not just me that is affected. YOu say people have come back from complete ruin, homelessness. I would agree, but what are they coming back to? A forever disease that they have to keep fighting and fighting.. No magic pill or potion, just management? I just want to smile again. I have lost who I am and I truly feel like I am just a breathing piece of flesh and skin.
The only help is self help, ironically you sometimes need help to get to a place where you can self help. This blog is that kind of help.