I want to be happy. It’s been a long time since I, genuinely, have been. Yes, the bipolar medications do their job and keep me alive; and yes, I’m less depressed than when the bipolar medications weren’t working, but, still, I’m not happy. And while some people seem to think differently, I really, really want to be happy. It’s not my fault I can’t be happy.
I Remember Happiness; That’s Why I Want to Be Happy
I do remember happiness. Happiness is actually a complicated thing that most people have no idea that they’re even feeling. I have a strong memory of being happy and that’s how I know I want to be happy. It was when my friend told me she was pregnant and I actually felt happy for her. When I told her I was happy for her, I didn’t just philosophically mean it, but I actually felt the happiness. It was magical. Again, most people would not recognize this magic, but I certainly do. People only truly see their happiness after they’ve had a period when it’s gone. Luckily, most people do not have those periods for any length of time.
People Think It’s My Fault I’m Not Happy
The thing is, I think sometimes people think I don’t want to be happy and that not being happy is somehow my fault. People always think that just thinking can change their mood. These are the types of comments that indicate people think it’s my fault I’m not happy:
- Oh, just turn that frown upside down.
- Just reframe the issue.
- Look on the bright side.
- Start a gratitude journal.
I know I want to be happy, but these comments suggest that really I don’t. These comments suggest it’s a simple thing to just “be happy” and anyone can do it. I agree. Anyone with a neurotypical brain can do it. But that’s not me.
It’s Not My Fault I Can’t Be Happy
What I really want people to know is that I want to be happy and I have done everything possible to try to make that happen. The fact I can’t be happy isn’t my fault. It’s not that I 
haven’t been to therapy – I have, for, like, a decade. It’s not that I haven’t tried different treatments – I have, more than I can count. It’s not that I haven’t tried the above ideas – I tried things like that over and over. Nothing works. If it were simply a matter of really wanting to be happy, I would have been happy from the start. If it were simply a matter of “reframing” things, I would be happy. Believe me, I look on the bright side everyday but that does nothing to fix my brain.
I think people don’t want to conceptualize a world where one, physically, can’t be happy. It ruins their little fantasy that their emotions are really theirs to control. These people are wrong, of course.
I guess there are some people out there who wallow in unhappiness. I don’t know any, I’m not one of them but I suppose they exist. But my belief is that everyone want to be happy. Everyone. Simple, little trite suggestions people got from Oprah are insulting, quite frankly. What it says is I’m doing the wrong things or are simply not trying hard enough. These things aren’t true. I want, from the bottom of my soul to be happy – I just can’t be.
Banner image by Deviantart user mrsuan.
Image by TextImage.us.
I don’t understand why we collectively ”wish” others would understand our bipolar illness?
I understand there are literally 1000’s of different illness, many sick people who most certainly will die from what they have. There are so many different names, types, and strains of illnesses on earth, it’s horrifying.
I’m really very sorry but I don’t care to spend my life learning about the why’s, the how comes, and the origins of any and every ones illness on this planet. I’m depressed enough. So when I hear, “They don’t understand my bipolar”!!
I don’t give a shit who understands it -and who doesn’t.
I don’t expect ANYONE to ”understand” MY illness but me. Unless you can crawl into my head and have a seat on the brain sofa and feel my emotional pain, moods, ups, downs, confusion following clarity, heartache, exhaustion insomnia etc, don’t bother me.
The best I/we can do is to find a professional to put the correct drugs into each of us and hopefully help us to find our way to function. That’s all I know! I can’t care if my aunt or the woman next to me in the grocery store ”understands” my mental illness! It’s my effing problem not hers. Why is one horrible illness any worse than the other?
I can’t spend my life lifting my endorphins in a spin class on a stationary bike, while eating the proper food while pedaling, and comforting myself by ordering more crap online on my smart phone, or PC as I’m pedaling even harder and stuffing down the healthy foods and popping psyche drugs all at once.
. That’s no life or not the life I want to live.
The life I want to live is out of my reach. I am totally dependent on my spouse and I HATE that it has to be that way. I HATE being needy.
I understand that each of us must make our own way. Each of us are soooo different, yet with some similarities. Happy?
All I can do is spell the word, the feeling that, THAT word may imbue to others, leaves me flat.
I’m glad that I’m alive, that food tastes good, and I can travel, see and walk. Happy? What’s that?
I’m just grateful for those good moments… no matter how few.
Well said. I don’t suffer from depression so much anymore, and when I do I can exercise it off or whatever, because my medications work well and also because I’m more manic than depressed, but I would never, ever think someone who suffers from depression just doesn’t want to be happy or isn’t trying hard enough. I remember what it was like to feel nothing but numb, and worse, nothing but just wanting to end it all because I couldn’t get happy or even just a place where I wasn’t miserable. It’s a hell no one should ever have to experience, but the only way we can get people to understand and stop the stigma is to keep speaking about it.
Hi
I’m from S.A. and so many ppl lose their jobs, family etc and being labeled as crazy. I would rather prefer having cancer or some other illness! We tend to wear our masks very well but reach a point, where u can’t fight no more. Having mental illnesses, we just get dismissed. When you have cancer, ppl have emphathy and get covered by work.
U never really realise how strong u r but year in and out…eventually you can’t fight no more. Not many ppl r educated bout it n never realise how awful it is. Hope sum day it will b seen as the real hell2 we struggle with. To want to end and being Single mum n bread winner. N can’t find a job or u simply can’t work. To those going thru it. Keep da faith n pray. May God b with all of u.
NATASHA
2 of my comments got lost
1- to you
1- to mr friendly.
???????
Natasha
In re to creativity
Just quickly going to point out,now I’m stable much more A) of my PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY worked at a higher capacity B) I’ve become more of a CREATIVE PERSON MOST DEFINITELY.
MY PSYCH MADE A GOOD POINT, SAYING LAST APPT ( 1-MONTH AGO- KEEP ON SAME DOSE, LEARN PATIENCE)
ALSO INTERESTINGLY INCREASINGLY MY SELF DISIPLINE……(??) and I am GENERALLY QUITE
MORE PATIENT RE MEDS AS I KNOW IF I DONT GIVE IT A GOOD GO ??? THE POINT?
MY BRAIN IS MUCH MORE INTERESTED IN LIFE! EVERY BIT THATS GOING ON. HAVE DONE ODD BITS OF POETRY HERE & THERE,TOO.
STAY WELL
I think we all must not judge each other.
Like a dress,bipolar isn’t a one size fits all illness to treat.
Sure subtle things are fine ( natural) but bashing meds can be outright wrong for others.
Meaning baths,excercise,etc…reading…
Although,personally you,mayve found them horrific.
It may trigger someone to stop their meds,I’m one of these ppl who CANNOT DO THAT.
Think what you like,but please don’t cyber bully me about my course of treatment!
For it has been the ONLY MIXTURE CURRENTLY THAT HAS EVER MADE ME STABLE & MORE LOGICAL
LITERALLY AMAZING
I did check in with my nuerologist the other day ( I also have both seizures & migraines)
3x she offered me DRUGS I REFUSED saying I don’t want anything to interact & upset the balance…actually she agreed!
Ex I had a bit of a neurological prob ( not bipolar) concerning her flared up….so we made a deal ..if it returns ..
I must ring her office ASAP fo book an EEG fair enough.
I just find I don’t FREAK OUT so much anymore,in general best way life is EASIER LIKE THIS.
I’m having some sleep probs but this is NORMAL NOW AS THE CHANGING TO FALL, I RECOGNIZE THAT
NOT MY ILLNESS
I laugh more,cry WAY LESS, FALL EVEN MY WORST TIME IVE ONLY HAD 2 BAD EPISODES of crying.
Used to be EVERY DAY & NIGHT.
MY SISTER REALLY NOTICES……..IM EVEN MORE AWARE OF MY FAMILIES LIFES & BEING SUPER SUPPORTIVE OF THEM, BOTH MY OLDER SISTER & I ARE HAPPILY) MENDING FENCES SOOO MUCH BETTER
NICE TO HAVE FAM IN TOWN CLOSE AGAIN..,,,,,NO FIGHTS IN QUITE A LONG WHILE
IM SAYING THRU EMAILS TO MY LIL BRO HOW HE CAN EMAIL OR CALL ANYTIME ( THEY JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE) HIM & HIS WIFE…UNDER TONS OF STRESS HE WROTE TO ME YESTERDAY
ONE COMMENT I GOT TUESDAY WHILE OUT AT THE MALL ” FUN” SHOPPING at t shirt place…..
THEY GUY ( ROUND 25?) THE CHICK (40?) SOMEHOW WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT CHRONOLOGICAL AGE
As my T SHIRT WAS THE BLUE TIE DYE W THE UK FLAG ON IT)
I played them so I asked HOW OLD DO YOU THINK I AM?”
THEY BOTH SAID SERIOUSLY ( no joking) AH……33.??
OMG!!””” I NEAR FELL OVER IM 55 YRS OLD!!” THEY KEPT SAYING NO WAY REPEAT…….get that CONSTANTLY.
Yay! Was pretty sweet,like someone handed me a million $ cheque!
Look,I don’t live in Bev Hills I’m a reg person w a nasty illness just like everyone else here.
But…..COME ON, THATS RAD.
THAT MEANS YOUR SPARKING INSIDE & OUTSIDE TOO
Think I’ll keep spreading my fairy dust round!!!!
( joke ok!)
I smile laugh it’s not MANIC it’s REAL
WHEN IM DOWN Its NEVER REALLY IN THE HOLE BAD NOW.
I went from A MEDICAL MESS to WHAT I FEEL IS YES ONE DAY AT A TIME BUT SOMETHING I THOUGHT ID NEVER HAVE……some skills self taught….b/c my brain has become less chaotic more logical.
Sorted out, no nothing is perfect for me
I’ll forever as we all,have my triggers.
But I cope differently,that’s all.
It’s all a different path for each individual.
I hope each one who is suffering as much & as long as I did finds hope & the route to happiness.
?
Thanks Adam for your kind words.
Much appreciated.
Hoping your feeling better ASAP
Cheers.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Sandra
Tell people who tell you to be happy to sod off (politely). A few years ago I was having a terrible time in my life and my mental illness was giving me hell and a peer-colleague told me to keep a gratitude journal. I’m old and have heard all these simplistic solutions to mental illness before so I just felt vaguely irritated and paid no attention, basically. I have found that, since the mental health system is useless, intensive self-nurturing can make a positive impact coupled with a counsellor who doesn’t talk down to me because I have a mental illness. Apart from this, lots of sleep, lots of sunlight and whatever work I can get (informal peer support, writing articles on mental health, working in a charity shop part-time, etc) for as long as I can manage it (discrimination tends to drive me out of even the volunteer jobs after a while and it’s a bit hard to work when in emotional pain anyway – you can only do it for a while), etc, and exercise – at least a little – if and when you can. popcorn in front of the telly with a friend watching a movie is good too. long hot baths. moonlight strolls, the occasional holiday. until the mental health system is actually useful i find taking it easy and doing lots of self-nurturing and keeping busy when i can is the best – playing it by ear, basically, i guess, and taking it one day at a time. go real easy on yourself and ‘spoil’ (self-nurture) yourself.
Lisa:
Hi liked plenty of what you had to say.
Too much of that saccharine OD over positivity is really ridiculous …
Extremely unhelpful to us,I find as well.
I adore a lovely Epsom lavendar bath,helps with stiff muscles ( excercise pains / strains)
Smells nice / subtle too candles in the bathroom lovely too,entire aura…???
I love stargazing!!
Definite fave thing to do……
Whatever it takes to make it work,it sounds like you know exactly what works for you!
You don’t sound old to me,you sound lovely.
Keep on being YOU GIRL!
Yours in BP CYBERSPACE Sandra……Spoiling herself as well!!!????
I think the main thing is finding what works best for you. For some, shutting off their brain with medications is the best course of options, others find results with therapy, and then some have to scrape by with unorthodox means.
I was misdiagnosed again and again and again, with the most recent one being bipolar 2 and after 15 years on an increasingly disabling parae of neurotoxic drugs, I flushed them all and cancelled all my future appointments after graphically telling off the doctors. The only thing I’ve found that eases the spirals of violent self loathing is marijuana. And although every 2-bit psychiatrist I’ve had the misfortune of being near would be quick to tell me I’m in danger and I’m ruining my brain, they are the same ones that thought life as a 250 lbs zeppelin with tardive symptoms and no thoughts was “recovery”.
And in some way, I can really relate to the experience of keeping your troubles in the dark. My family were all lucky enough to relatively well adjusted and have never been on a psychiatric drug. So the second I talk about hating myself of being depressed, I always get “You should take medication!” (which is a major trigger, as those drugs ruined my life and destroyed large swathes of my memory). But I can’t blame them, they think it’s magic, that everyone has some perfect combo of drugs that turns them “normal” and they always work for everyone.
If anything, I pity them.
It sounds like your experience with taking medication was horrific. I believe medical marijuana should be available to people who have bipolar. They prescribe it for cancer patients, why not for mental illness ? You’re lucky it works for you.
The meds I take don’t shut down my brain. I still get manic. I still get agitated depression. My memory – I’m not sure, but I think maybe it is effected by meds. But, not too much. At one point the psych-doc gave me an anti-psychotic. That med did shut down my brain. It was fine, though, because my plan was to go to bed for an indefinite amount of time anyway.
After three months in bed i decided it was time to get up, take a shower and drag my body through the day. I guess the survival instinct kicked in ?
Mr Friendly,
Hi
Listen,I’m glad your treatment fits your type of BP
But saying you pity others on meds I must say I don’t think is fair to them.
I understand you’ve come from what sounds like hellish nightmare on meds,but we are all different ppl.
For that I am truly sorry.
But I will repeat my meds & my therapy plus knowing my triggers & how to deal with them HAS SAVED MY LIFE
I have NEVER BEEN STABLE, EVER on RCBP on any COMBO of Meds.
Plus IVE NOTHING AGAINST marijuana in fact to the contrary!
Legalize it!
I’m anti alcohol!!!
I can’t smoke pot cos I get PARANOID that’s part OF MY ILLNESS……
Anyways.
I consider myself blessed with good karma & a extremely fourtunate girl.
We are all free to say whatever we wish on the board,I’m not looking for an argument of any kind.
I’m simply saying there’s plenty of us out here.
We all respond differently ( natch)
So,I was only trying to say I felt it was a broad statement to make when others,incl Natasha herself has found peace thru psych meds,as many have or in slow process of doing….takes long long time……
But I’m not critiquing you.as an individual.
I’m glad you found something that brings you peace as well.
Of course!
Stay well.
I didn’t say I pity people on the psych drugs, I pity the people dumb enough to think the drugs are magic and automatically work for everyone.
And for the record, I don’t have bipolar disorder. It was a false diagnosis.
I only became manic after stopping an antipsychotic (this was back when abilify was being marketed as a drug for treatment resistant depression). And the quacks refused to admit the drugs cause withdrawals that can mirror everything from psychosis to full blown mania.
Same way they diagnosed me with aspergers, because they refused to admit the weird circular movements I couldn’t stop doing with the fingers on my left hand were tardive dyskinesia from their drugs. Nope, I was just “too sick” to know what was really wrong, it was a repetitive calming motion. They attributed my refusal to make eye contact with them to the same thing (I have no problem with it, I just have no respect for them or their profession).
And I get paranoid on it too, but I’ve found ways to stop it. And it’s always paranoia around being arrested and brutalized by bloodthirsty cops. Because just like my former abusers, the psychiatrists, they can take away all your rights and humanity and their word will always be taken over yours. In the case of the cops, you can’t be belived because you’re a criminal. In the case of the quacks, because you’re “too sick” and need to be hauled off to some disgusting looney bin to have a chemical lobotomy.
You were happy at least once (like when your friend told you she was pregnant). So that shows you have the capacity for happiness. If you have the capacity, it will happen. Maybe not right now and maybe not tomorrow, but you will experience happiness again. I promise. The hallmark of depression is a sense of hopelessness. Well, depression lies. It can’t be trusted.
Please don’t listen to people who offer only trite “encouragement.” When I am depressed and somebody says something to me like “Oh, cheer up!”, I can’t help but think “That’s brilliant! She suggests I cheer up. Christ, why didn’t I think of that? It’s so simple. Thanks tons!” [sarcasm off] These are people who have no understanding of what depression is or how it feels. You can safely ignore them.
Hi Francesca,
To be clear, this post isn’t about _never_ being able to be happy, it’s about not being able to be happy now. No one knows what tomorrow might bring.
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha, thank-you for clarifying happiness as a clear possibility. As you said, nobody can truly say what is waiting for us tomorrow. This reminds me of something Woody Allan said about having a second life, a do-over. What he said was he would enjoy starting off all over again when he was still young, but only if he could know what he knows now. Of course, we know starting all over would not be without mistakes, just different mistakes than the first time around !
It’s funny with a subjective topic like happiness. I mean you wish you could feel that feeling like when your friend told you she was pregnant. But that’s not something that happens every day, you won’t feel like that very often. My life is whatmost would consider a total piece of shit, crappy minimum wage job, drug and alcohol user, no friends or sex life. But am i unhappy? If i went and turned my life on its head, would i be ‘more happy’? I honestly don’t think so. The grass is always greener, isn’t it. Why not try enjoy the small things you enjoy (if and when you feel like doing them), like a nice cup of tea, or an episode of your favourite show, and not worry whether you are happy or not. If you are able to live without too much stress, and live comfortably, i reckon that’s about as good as it’s gonna get in today’s society. The more you yearn for this ‘lost feeling’, the worse it’s gonna get, like looking back on a failed relationship. That said i don’t expect my apathetic view to work for everyone. I have also never seen a doctor and am not on meds ao i am able to enjoy the full range of my emotions, from bummed (depressed?) to wired (hypomanic?). Live in the moment
You know, if you were from Yorkshire, if you were a Northerner, you wouldn’t be tormenting yourself over not hitting some unrealistic ideal of “Happyness” as dictated by the ‘Put a Smile on your Dial’ mood-controllers endemic to the United States of Arseholes.
Every week that passes, you’re another week older; you’ve had a whole week of receiving heaps of new stimuli and integrating that in with all your tribal psychsocietal messages of whether to laugh/smile/cry/frown or crap your pants. (If you do the latter, that qualifies as ‘altered bowel habits’ and may be a harbinger of a colo-rectal cancer and THEN you’ll find out just how not the same ‘mental illness’ is)
Such a cute mythology: mental illness is a disease same as (insert disease of choice) yet the only similarity is really in the Bright Side/Think Positive/Stay Happy plathitudes that well-meaning folk flood you with, until you internalize that and have become self-agitating.
If we remove the words ‘happiness’ and ‘depression’ from our language, what other descriptors can you use?
Bliss is another word for happiness.
‘Follow your bliss’ was the mandate of Joseph Campbell, who was a Jung-influenced Guru and was so econmically secure that he goofed off work for five years to sit in his woodland home and read books. No debt-collectors on his ass, no nagging wife asking ‘When you going to get out of that chair or get yourself a real job?’
Frankly, I’d get rid of any person in your life who keeps perceiving you as unhappy, who comes
into your life with a couch in their backpocket and says “why so sad?” Why do they need you to be
sad…….why can’t they just put a sock in it and let it be.
Hi, San Fairy Ann- I looked up ‘ happiness ‘ and ‘ depression ‘ as descriptors. The one and only glimmer of hope was for ‘ happiness ‘ and that included ‘ contentment ‘. Everything else for both happiness and depression was either cheerful or downhearted.
Morale of Bipolarness : TRUE STABILITY= not every day is constant high
Not every day are you constantly sad.
However,peppered by triggers which are unavoidable
Hence called LIVING.
I used to be so naive thinking a pill would FIX me if only it was that was simplistic
I found out myself it would take yrs more of therapy
Plus therapy of my own @ home ……that helps triggers ,extra zzs on weekends highly reccomend FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!
If you don’t want induce darkness don’t go,do depressing things like telly,music of course there’s that bigger picture but certainly these things help
If you want to feel happy I cook vegeaftarian,go to Topshop ( no credit cards & on budget!)
Go to boho hippie jewellery jewellery shop(good prices real stones)
Take a nap
Watch Ellen
Taken lavendar Epsom salts bath for pain salts
Play with makeup ( sparingly $$$$)
Online anything serious / satire
Had nice skin care routine
Always pamper your skin & your hair
Put a face mask on while drinking tea.
I always do the worst job like trash & cat litter take out ASAP.
Then I feel happier knowing on fleek I can do ( aft my cans are lined)
Do anything my little heart desires relief …..happiness?
Jim
In reply to your comment,of which I’ve tried scrolling way ahead
Tired of typing stick to facts,would like to whom you your full
Referring when you were saying they don’t understand
& something about out our feeling being trite
Correct the sentence re trite but know it was used in some form.
Just as a subscriber & BP & a HUMAN like to understand the meaning
Of this particular comment
Shows you care about Natasha’s well- being…..
Tracy, I do understand. I almost feel a bit guilty. It was a comment by you that made me willing to try an anti-pyschotic med and over the last 18 months, the suicide ideations went away and then OMG – I find myself actually at peace – appreciating just sitting and petting my dogs, or enjoying a cup of coffee or having dinner with my husband. I do keep a gratitude journal and exercise and eat right and keep a good sleeping schedule and take my meds..blah, blah, blah and finally finally there is a sense of well being, of peace which in my definition is happiness. I’m also past menopause which could be part of it. This only took 24 years to arrive at this place. I didn’t really strive for happiness, I’m not sure I want that for a goal. I wanted better relations with the important people in my life. I wanted to put down what I was worrying about each day – so I wrote in my journal what I wanted to put down. I wanted to be doing something and just be in that moment finding a way to enjoy it. At least take comfort that your blog is truly changing lives – at least mine!
Adam,
I just want to state you read me wrong…things I said are things NOT I DO SUCH AS USE DRINK
USE ILLICIT DRUGS
What not to do to stay well,I’ve NEVER done those things …..I give any advice that works for me on the board as well.
I’m not unhappy,I’m currently stable now w RCBP that could change as I’ve many triggers but along with meds I do my very best to cope with them.
No,I wasn’t really offended ….but wondered is this guy a speed reader?
You obviously if you scrolled down missed some of my writing in which a lovely woman told me I put all of her feelings into eloquent ,beautiful words…….
So I’ll stick with her comment.
Later
My comment was about the blog post itself, not any of your comments. I’m sorry if you felt I was attacking any of your comments, but I had not actually read them. Everything I said was in reply to the blog post. Hope that clears things up.
In your comment above you say you are currently stable and I’m happy for you. That’s great!
And just to be clear, I wasn’t attacking the blog post either. I just think that it’s possible for anyone to be happy at some point, though it might take a long time to get to that point. I hope I can get to that point comparatively soon. That’s all I was saying, really.
As someone who has spent more than half his life depressed, a lot of this post resonates with me. There’s one line that I disagree with though, even though I don’t know you. It is the very last line, that you can’t be happy.
I think happiness is possible for everyone. I definitely think it’s harder to find happiness for some people. I definitely think we can go very long periods without truly feeling happiness, especially during depression. But I have to believe that happiness is possible. If I begin to believe that I can’t be happy, then I lose what little hope I can retain when the day is dark and my soul is being sucked into the whirlpool of depression.
I might not have been happy in the past during my depression. I might not be happy for days, weeks, months, or years in the future. But it’s only my belief that I can be happy that keeps me going. Even if it turns out to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
If I were to say I can’t be happy I’d be severely limiting myself and my ability to beat my depression – something that has been part of me for years but I still retain hope of seeing in the rearview mirror someday.
In fact, the whole premise of the quest I’m doing right now to overcome my depression is that I can create happiness for myself. And I can help create it for others. But I can only create happiness if I can feel it. So I have to believe I can feel it again. Even if it takes the full five years I’ve set for my quest.
So I hope I haven’t offended you with this comment. But I have to believe that happiness is possible for you too. I have to believe that you can be happy. And that you will feel it sometime. I’m truly sorry that you don’t feel it right now. I know how that feels, believe me. And it sucks. But I have to believe you can be happy. Even if it takes a long time.
I have to believe that because I have to believe happiness is possible for me too.
Jim: may I ask to WHOM this is directed
BTW Those trite statements just really piss me off,too…if only they really knew…….fist WHO IS SO TRITE?
THE MORE STABLE BP ON THE BOARD WRITING HERE ….Well,we are all equal to write.
Plus TRITE?
I don’t believe ( myself anything) I said was trite…but you may have we are different ….all I’m hearing is a lot of anger.
I started off exactly the same hated everything everyone
Anyway,I hope things work for you @ the Drs & never give up.
I have a very strong will even after’12 hospitals no jiving you
If I told you my story,both guys & chicks have cried
Sending you virtual reality good karma……sandra
May I simply ask who this email was acted to Jim?
Trite sta
There are some other points why I feel stay unhappy or just stuck however your preference.
They drink alcohol,or don’t follow their med rules / mix with illegal substances …..look I’m no preacher but the topic is about happiness correct?
If you engage in these toxic behaviours do you think that’s the way to healthy safe happy living?
Sorry don’t give a shit if your a 20 or 60
Another thing is unhealthy FRIENDSHIP ( no not YET CLOSE SECOND-!)
Toxic friendships usually dealers or old friendships that are MI expect you to be DR PHIL yourself NI CE
Anyway LAST NEVER LEAST THE PRETTY WOMAN THOUGH HOW MANY ARE ON BEV HILL!S LOOKING LIKE JULIA ROBERTS??????
LOL
A SERIOUS LAUGH PLEASE WATCH SATURDAY NITE LIFE
DEBI DOWNER IN NEED OF A SERIOUS HUG
This post truly resonates with me. I have never felt true happiness in my life. And that’s a hard thing to explain to someone. Yes, there are days when I can enjoy an event or laugh at something, but I do not believe it’s the same for others who don’t suffer from bipolar disorder. For me, it’s a distinct feeling of unfulfillment and unmet goals in my life. My husband and son bring me many feelings, but pure joy is never one of them. It is my black hole of life. And as I get older, (52), I do understand the long-term despair even more. And nothing has changed this for me – not medication, ECT, therapy, disability, or the love of my husband and son.
Renee
I realise me saying this will sound trite as currently I am stable from bp.
I want you to just realize it GOT BAD BEFORE IT GOT BETTER.
ESPECIALLY TO THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN ALWAYS WHEN YOU FEEL REALLY IN THE DARKEST PLACE
THEY NEED THEIR MUM
YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS HIS WIFE
YOU NEED TO STAY STRONG AS YOU CAN.
THIS IS A DANGEROUS ILLNESS AS IM SURE YOUR AWARE
PLEASE…..FOLLOW WHATEVER TREATMENT PLAN YOU HAVE & TAKE IT AS SERIOUSLY AS A DIABETIC THAT NEEDS HER INSULIN.
ITS AN ILLNESS JUST IN A DIFF LOCATION, RIGHT?
SOMETIMES, IF YOUR TOO WEAK LIVE FOR THOSE KIDS RENEE!!!
I don’t know your age.
But I’m an empathetic person.
I hope you see the sun break through the clouds,& the tears no longer flow like a river…..
TRUST ME ONE DAY……..JUST KEEP ON FIGHTING.
IF YOU DISLIKE YOUR PSYCH DITCH HIM
THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS!
YOUR A HUMAN BEING 1 ST THEN A BP SUFFER 2 nd
RIGHT?
PLUS A MUM, WIFE,SISTER,FRIEND
ALOT TO MANY
BE KIND TO YOURSELF
STAY WELL, WISHING YOU THE BEST
Sandra in BIPOLAR CYBERLAND
Hi Natasha, I’m so glad your creativity is intact! So much for my theory that distance from out creativity can cause or exacerbate bipolar. About creativity, you just wrote: “We get it back after time and effort.” Thanks for that!!!! I gotta push myself for now, to play my musical instrument. Yesterday my music started to come back — 15 minutes worth — and today I am tired, but MUST play again anyway! I guess it’s “practicing practicing,” or practicing “just do it.” The travel author Paul Theroux wrote something I have on my wall: “You gotta be going there to get there.”
Hi, Synergy-
I’m a painter creating portraits of children, women and sometimes a man. I liked what Natasha said, too. With painting, like your music, it is all about practice, Somewhere I read out of twenty paintings, one will soar. But, you need to create all twenty paintings because, as you wrote : ” You gotta be going there to get there. ” ~ Paul Theroux
I’m happy because I’ve realized its ok in bipolarland to not have high standards odds of be happy
That’s not realistic with this RCBP is it?
After talking with my psych who specializes in the DIAESE would GET IT IF ANYONE WOULD
I’m to eat as nutrutitally as possible ( I’m vegetarian,eat fish elaboratate now) eat soy milk soy cheese still bugs
Stomach
Mind sleep bed ( hard as love streaming & telly & YouTube stuff)
Literally must place to shut all tech all of btw off by 9-10 if really tired…..
Avoid triggers ( we all have them,meds don’t ditch them though help you focus less dramatically
Upon them,well for myself ( feel like Kim Kardashian,crying swimming with the Dolphins & her zillion
Karat dollar arrings fell under….she wailed like a toddler….
Like one call tommorrow Cartier your mental break down OVER KIM.
SIGH ……..IF ONLY……..always makes me smile the old smile….DAD used to say you can’t solve money with
Money……but it’d be fun to have a KK Kardashian Kloset!!!!
Peace Love not every day is sunny but not every day is shit either,what would Justin Beiber DO?
I think this is important to be said.
Negativivty breeds more negativitity.
Saying if you have ppl in your friends in your life,this is the hard part.
Your must be cruel to be kind….they will find other leeches to befriend upon
This person is aware what social medial use……I need to care for myself first BEFORE I CAN IM ABLE TO LOVE ANYONE ELSE…I’m no ones DR OR BABYSITTER…….NO MEANS NO…….
We all share different forms of happiness.
Examples for me is vegetarian cooking,playing with my calico cat,
Plus being happy can be self realization.
The older you become the wiser,more in touched with yourself.
So,in essence no no always a bummer being turning old (I’m 55 act 40)
Your as young & as happy as you feel….I sence
Many incl myself also enjoy reading ( those have need glaucoma
surgery so prefer online reading reading to enlarging letters,plus,meditation,( to THE BEATLES TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS OR MOST ALL THINGS MUST PASS GEORGE HARRISSON RIP GEORGE)
Plus love movies , ON MY DVD Players Just ORDERED THE NEWEST STEVIE NICKS IN YOUR WILDEST DREAMS FROM -2 yrs)
Got one FROM 1980s RED ROCKS COLORADO this weekend FUND HEALTHY CRACKERS & dips
STEVIE FIX TILL OTHER ONE ONE COMES IN ….NOT A ONE T SHIRT IN ANY SHOPS ANYWHERE
Another thing makes me happy jewelery shops boho …..& Pandora & Ben Moss ( scarcely)
I love Topshop fab fashion even if I can’t afford ours Topshop….
I click on UK Topshop to get fall / winter fashion ideas.
I love funny YouTube vids course not all I have my faves & viners
Thank you for putting my experience into beautiful, eloquent, poignant words.
Susan,
Thank YOU!!!!
Sooooo much
So sorry meant to reply eons ago been busy.
I’m saying,being stable is the BOMB GIRL!
????????????
Thank you, Natasha for talking about the things that you do. I really struggle with not being happy anymore. It is like I am living in a dream state and existing. Most of the time I know I should be glad for that. About two weeks ago, I was sitting on my couch at home, drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette, and snuggling with my little chihuahua and looking at my tiny living room and realized that I was happy – or contented – for the moment. It didn’t last long, but I am glad I experienced that feeling again for a few minutes.
I think that trying to be happy is futile for any of us, regardless of whether we have a mental illness or not. That isn’t how happiness works. If it comes to us at all, it comes when we give up trying to fix the problem of unhappiness. For me depression was a fixation on negative thoughts about myself which was perpetuated by viewing those thoughts as a problem to be fixed. Happiness is self-forgetting. Our suffering keeps us focussed on ourselves. If we can accept our mental suffering as something which simply exists and does not require being solved, perhaps, in time, it’s hold over us lessens. That happened for me, but either my bipolar disorder or my life circumstances may have been different in a way which made this possible for me but not for yourself.
Hi, Joe Blow- I liked everything you wrote, as it was helpful and gave me encouragement. Happiness, for me, does arrive, however, its’ fleeting and always comes as somewhat of a surprise, seeing as how I never know if the mood of the day can be receptive to a bit of happiness or not. When I’m painting ” self-forgetting ” happens, as it once did when I was raising our two daughters. My bipolar and life circumstances have been part luck and part blood, sweat and tears. My greatest desire at this stage of my life is to have times when I am at peace, contented with my lot in life and perhaps the greatest of all- grateful.
I just spent about 30 minutes replying to your post, and it vanished. I wanted to share my sorrow for your lack o happiness, say that I’ve been that way since I started Lithium 7 weeks ago, and that what makes me happy it playing a musical instrument, and playing music with music friends. Li has taken away my musicality. I fully intend to get it back! Sometimes I think that a possible cause of mental illness may be that we are cut off from our creativity. Has anyone ever considered that?
Hi Synergy,
I’m sorry your comment disappeared. I don’t know why that would be, but thank you for this comment :)
As for creativity, I don’t believe we are cut off from our creativity. I have written, literally, thousands of articles since being on medication. My creativity is definitely still there. I believe that meds can definitely dampen it, especially at the beginning, but we are not cut off. We get it back after time and effort.
But that’s just my thought.
– Natasha Tracy
Thank-You, Natasha. This particular subject regarding happiness has caught my attention. I especially liked what you and several others had to say. I’m quite relieved to read Synergy’s post and yours about creativity and how it always comes back with time and effort. This gives me hope because I can feel very scared when my creativity is stopped by depression.
Hi, Synergy-
Speaking to your comment regarding perhaps mental illness comes about when we are cut off from our creativity, I agree in the sense where human beings are naturally creative. Creativity comes in many different ways : music, painting, cooking, gardening, raising children and making a marriage ; just to name a few. In a major depression I went to The Bed for three months. My creativity was completely gone. But, as Natasha said, ” We get it back after time and effort. ” I hope your musicality has come back. I can see how important it is for you to be creative.
Thank you for this article. I’ve been really wondering a lot about how a friend who is medicated and seems to do everything possible to remain stable and healthy can still have so many bad days. This is helping me to understand and hopefully be more compassionate.
Hi Mouse,
I love hearing comments like yours. I have an idea of how hard it can be to understand from the outside, but sometimes we do everything “right” and things still suck.
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you for your open heart. Your words came at a time, where I am in a vegetative state, again on my couch with twirling thoughts swirling around at jet speed inside of my head. Your words tell me I am not alone. And all day today, all I wondered when I would have joy, happiness, again. I look forward to a day soon, where I wake up happy, full of anticipation to greet a new day. When will my mood stay lifted toward the sky, toward joy, something that people simply can’t conjure up, and so many little trite “shoulds” that those of us who suffer from bipolar, can merely tolerate, while well meaning suggestions are so freely recommended. It’s a direct reflection for why bipolar people don’t come out. Not knowing means one less person monitoring me with all of the advice that apparently I must not think is valuable, insinuating the well intentioned must not know what they’re talking about, rather how desperately we/I need their love, acceptance, a listening ear & total acceptance.
Hi, Kathy-
The main reason for keeping my bipolar in the closet is I believe unless a person has experienced having bipolar they can’t truly understand what it’s like. The depressions and the manias are a mystery. People who care about you will want to make you feel better, but this ( as you know ) is a loosing game. I like what you wrote about what we need : ” …love, acceptance, a listening ear and total acceptance. “
I feel for you, at times I’ve gone for years without happiness of the sort you describe. There is hope though, sometimes it does break through I cherish those memories. Last weekend, I felt truly happy for 2 days, it had been at least a year since I’d felt that, since a med change in August 2015 that misfired badly. I suspect that it been a long time before that, I know I wanted a med change because I was not satisfied with my moods. I hope and pray that you’ll feel it again. You deserve it for all the good you do for people with mental illness. You deserve it just like everyone else does. BTW, those trite statements by people who just don’t get it really piss me off too. If only they knew…