[Admittedly this is angry, ranty and will likely tick people right off. Please understand that this is not aimed at any one individual and the remarks reflect a growing frustration of a prevalent situation.]
Here at BurbleCo, the bipolar blog, I try to relate matters in a very even-handed, logical, and frank way. In this blog, I attempt to deliver my opinions and facts as just that, opinions and facts. In this bipolar blog, I try not to inflame groups with whom I vehemently disagree. In this blog, I try to respect everyone’s point of view as I wish to have mine respected. I short, I try to act like a grown-up. A kind, caring, reasonable grown-up.
Well. Fuck. That. Shit.
There is a new rule: no one is allowed to tell me how to get better. Not any more. I’m done with those people. I am done with the sun-shiny, let’s-hold-hands-and-sing kumbayah people. I’m done with the turning-my-frown-upside-down-cured-me-and-so-will-cure-you people. I am done with the I-worked-through-my-self-esteem-issues-by-affirmations people. I am done with the I-got-better-through-god people. I am over being nice and kind and respectful and accommodating to these people.
Stop telling me how to get better. Stop telling me how to treat my bipolar.
I don’t fucking tell people how to live their lives and I wish people would stop thinking that they have the right to tell me how to live mine simply because I have a bipolar blog.
Here’s the thing people – you don’t know me. You don’t. You may read my words but that makes you no more an authority on my brain than the barista I chat with at Starbucks. I am not your patient, your lover, your family member, or anyone else people seem to exert control over. I am a writer. I write about stuff. I write about me. But written words do not a person make.
And quite frankly, I find these people condescending, irritating, pious, holier-than-thou and just generally ignorant of the world around them. And I’m tired of playing all nice about it.
Even when people tell me “how to get better,” I’m supposed to be reasonable, I know.
Yes, I get it, I’m a voice for the mentally ill community and an advocate and I have a responsibility to at least be reasonable when talking to people, and when writing in my blog, but every fucking day of my online life people feel free to tell me what I’m doing wrong. They feel free to tell me how they got better and if I wanted to, I’d do it too. They feel free to yak on about things about me with which they have no experience or knowledge. Seriously. Irritating.
Live Your Own Life
You know what I think people should do with their lives? I think people should do what they want and they should let others do what they want. We each have our own path, our own minds, our own brains. You don’t understand mine. Period.
As an example: personally, I find most religious people to be quite mindless and irrational on subjects of spirituality and I think they should take a logic course, learn to think for themselves and give their heads a shake.
But you know what, that’s just me. That’s just my opinion. I don’t tell people to do that. It’s insulting. It’s unkind. It indicates that I think I know what’s better for the person than the person themselves. And to make matters worse, it would indicate that over the internet I feel free to tell someone how to live their life when I don’t even know them. Not to mention I don’t know their history and how they came to the place in their life where they now exist. No one has to justify their choices to me.
And how pissed off would everyone be, and I would say rightfully if I did that?
People Mean Well When They Tell Me How to “Fix” My Bipolar Disorder?
Do people mean well? I suppose. That’s always the out I give people when I write about the matter on the blog or elsewhere. That’s the politically correct thing to say about such remarks. But seriously, I think it just makes them feel better about their own choices in life. By telling me what I’m doing wrong it reaffirms what they are doing right. Well quite frankly, I don’t give a shit. I’m glad you think you’re right. Go forth and be right. Enjoy.
I’m tired of being the one that has to be so careful around these people and this subject. I’m tired of having to justify myself on my blog. Stop telling me what to do. Stop telling me how great you are that you got better. And while you’re at it, give the rest of the mentally ill world a break too. We’re doing the best we can.
[And in case you were wondering this doesn’t change my feelings on respect and tolerance. I have no plans on attacking people here and certainly not in any other public forum.]
Amen! This goes for gays, depression, ADHD, PTSD and many other issues as well… the old American fallacy: you should just suck it up and power through it. It diminishes the reality that people sometimes are handling things that cannot just be overcome with a stiff upper lip and spine
Thank you so much for this post. Also I wanted to tell you that your blog saved my life last night. I was in the midst of writing my suicide letter and had planned my own demise, and something just told me to seek help. I read your “Im tired of fighting bipolar” post. And it helped me. Now I agree with you so much on this post. People see our issue as something trivial as a scratch
That can just go away the next day. Mental illness does not work like that. I can’t make it stop even if I wanted to. It hurts. It hurts like hell. That’s just like telling someone who just got their leg cut off while conscious and no numbing agents to not feel the pain, only no one can numb you.
Having bipolar disorder is like a chaotic unstoppable storm that destroys you internally. We can’t help it. It just doesn’t stop. Your very soul feels the pain. Fake being normal hurts, depression hurts, and sometimes exsisting hurts. Sometimes I’m just disgusted with myself for being like this. No amount of prayer or sunshiny telling me to get better will help.
I told my mom the other day: “I don’t feel like other people. I’m not normal. I’m different” now she tried to convince me that I was. It didn’t work. Sometimes I resent or become jealous of society and how “normal” they are. As much as I fake it, it does not change the feelings.
So telling people with illnesses these things do not help. People should just walk in our shoes for a day and try to apply that same advice that was given to us. They’ll see it doesn’t work like that. I constantly feel like a weirdo, freak, abnormal. I hate the mania episodes too. I hate feeling high and not being able to come down. Because I don’t want to feel elated or hyper right now, I want to rest and sleep. This illness is pure hell. We find ways to cope and buffer the internal agony.
Sometimes it feels like you’re spiraling. Like you’re in a tornado but trying to hold on to something to keep from losing it. It took everything in me yesterday not to self harm or destroy myself. A lot of people won’t be able to empathize unless they feel it themselves.
Bianca,
It is hard some days to face the world knowing you are not like other people. I struggle with that everyday. I have bipolar II and ADHD and many people around me poke fun at my illness. But I learned to poke back. I realized that I am more important than a label or diagnosis. I learned I have something to share with others. If you have a caring heart you are already important to those around you. You know more about hurt and pain more than most. Take what you know and make it work in your favor. I could have let this defeat me but I fought back. I just finished my masters in psychology. I am hoping to use what I already know to help others. I know there is no one answer or one treatment available and I have been on every type of medication out there. I resigned myself to taking the pills and seeing my doctor and therapist on a regular basis. In the past I have tried suicide often…to this day I have an intolerance for Tylenol. But I decided that I wanted to change that about myself, found a caring and understanding partner and now the thought of dying scares me. Even when my brain tries to tell me to drive my car off a cliff I fight back. It is not unlike being possessed by an evil force. I have not religious beliefs and do not believe in god, I have no idea what happens when we did but I do think that if this is all there is I want to make the most of it. I hope that you realize that you matter no matter what your illness tells you. Believe in yourself and not the pain. Don’t let the hurt ever win.
Dear Natasha,
Your post resonates with me. Luckily I don’t have a blog with a huge following (some of whom are idiots) and my the people who told me how to “fix” my bipolar have been slowly and deliberately exiled from my life.
I am curious on what your opinion is of Bipolar In Order a.k.a. The Bipolar Advantage? http://www.bipolaradvantage.com/index.php
Thanks!
thank u for saying what I have longed to say for years!!!!!!!! have had people if only I had faith I would be cured and its my fault I am “sick”. I was polite for years about all my “disabilities” and folks who knew nothing mouth off. when my ex roomates’ s daughter told me her view I blew up and told her I am not lazy or selfish and since she wasnt bipolar she didnt know shit. I said…live it awhile…really bad mania or depression from hell that no circumstances alone can change…and even then dont tell me what I “shoud” do. each person is different. so glad u said what you needed to say on YOUR blog. yours. not theirs. hugs.
Natasha, I understand completely what you are saying. I have spent my life trying to be what everyone else wants me to be with total failure. I am who I am and meds may help me live among the normal folks to a point. However I get told often to take a pill I am acting hyper or what is wrong with you when I have no desire to mingle. There never seems to be a happy medium for people that are supposedly normal. Do I like having bipolar and taking a handful of pills a day? If that is what is going to keep me alive hell yes. But if it is to make the norms feel better about being around me I say to hell with them. Be who you want to be as long as you are happy. I am happy spewing off irrelevant science facts to people who could care less just to be annoying…that is on purpose. I get a kick out of the norms uncomfortable state or the fact that I may appear smarter. Haha. Either way it does get annoying when people tell you to just cheer up or take a chill pill. I say to them try and live one day in my mind and see how you feel..it is exhausting to pretend to be normal just to make others feel better.
Very good. I enjoy all your posts. It’s hard when friends tell you what you should be doing, like working, even though it’s difficult, or doing comedy, just because you are funny when you are manic, in the hopes of helping you. Some of these people are mentally ill themselves. The sad thing is they have been told over and over that help is not needed, but still insist. Irritating!!!!
I can kind of relate.
Phill
I have issues with those God will fix it morons.Dont get me wrong,I believe in a higher power,I pray. I just happen to believe that religion is a private thing between me & my “God”. And by the way don’t you think I thought to pray first thing.Thank you for this blog.
THANK YOU! You are so right. Really.
I love every word of this blog – thank you for posting it.
I made a huge mistake with my sister, who has been feeling miserable for years – making statements to me like “I feel there’s nothing to anticipate” and “no matter what happens I’m not happy for more than 5 minutes” and so on. She hasn’t made suicidal comments, just very sad ones.
Well, after a thorough physical lately didn’t reveal anything physical (which she was actually hoping for), I traveled to visit her. After screwing up a lot of courage (because I know she’s thin-skinned) I asked her if she had considered meeting with a professional (therapist, psychologist, …). That didn’t go over well but I didn’t realize how badly she had accepted my input. Last night, almost 2 months after that conversation, she called me, very very angry because “you weren’t in my house 30 minutes before you said I was crazy.” I NEVER used that word and don’t even think that. She had been brooding and stewing every since that conversation and I couldn’t make her understand that a lot of people simply needed help from time to time. We ended the conversation with her in tears to the point that she couldn’t talk, still truly convinced that I had called her crazy. She equates help with crazy and said I wounded her by “saying she was crazy.”
When I called her back an hour or so after we talked, said simply that I wanted to talk to her one more time. She jumped in and said “well, that says just about says all there is to say.” I quickly replied that I just mean “one more time before we go to bed,” not just one more time. She is so angry and every word out of my mouth is twisted.
Has anyone been able to broach this subject successfully without their loved ones thinking they are being called “crazy?” I dreaded talking to her about this and now I may have permanently lost my relationship with my dear sister.
Wow what an awesome sister you are. She is lucky to have you! I don’t have much advice but I have been where your sister is . It’s incredibly hard to admit that you might have a mental illness. There is so much stigma attached to it, and you don’t want to have all of that, you don’t want to BE that crazy person we all think of when we think mental illness. You don’t want to admit that your own brain is out of control.
I guess the only thing I can say is realise her behaviour at the moment is not personal – stand by your sister, reassure her over and over that you love her, be on HER side, be patient. First rule of counselling is that you can’t force someone to come out of denial. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.
In my somewhat limited experience (because I’m usually the crazy one!) I have observed the more successful counsellors/medics to approach the subject thus with people who are depressed: “You don’t have to feel this way. Go see your doctor. If you want, I’ll come with you.”
As for getting someone who is more manic/hypomanic to realise they have a problem … well, if anyone knows the answer to THAT, tell me because my brother is right THERE and in a worse state that I have been in years: Totally delusional.
Hi Me,
I don’t think you made a mistake, I think you tried to do your best and it didn’t work out the way you wanted. I know the result hasn’t been great so far, but try to know that you didn’t do anything wrong.
It’s really tough to have someone tell you that you might need help with a problem you can’t admit that you have. She’s lashing out at you because of that, not because you deserve it.
I have written a two-part series about this that I think might help: https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/tell-someone-mental-illness/
https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/tell-someone-mental-illness-part-2/
I hope that helps. Please feel free to write back if you want more support.
– Natasha Tracy
I was reading another post on your blog and the title of this one caught my eye. I just want to say thanks for writing this. It makes me feel better about feeling this way. I try really hard not to be a b-word in any circumstance, but sometimes I feel like people don’t leave me many choices.
I’m currently separated from my husband for lots of reasons (it’s a very long and complicated story), but basically it boils down to me having a mental disorder (Bipolar II) and not agreeing with or conforming to his ideas of how I should “get better”. A lot of these ideas are religious in nature.
While I certainly don’t have anything against ANY religion, I just don’t believe that I can “pray” away this disease. I am currently seeking professional help for my problems, but that doesn’t seem to be good enough. He doesn’t agree with the use of psychiatric medications. So, I’m not exactly sure WHAT he would like me to do, but I suspect it’s something along the lines of making my mental illness disappear.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for this because it made me feel less alone. I really enjoy reading your blog. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to that can truly relate, so this helps. Thanks.
Hi Emily,
You’re welcome. I’m happy any time I can make a person feel less alone. I think feeling alone is so harmful for people so when I can help remind people that they aren’t really alone, I’m honoured.
It sounds like you’re really in a tough situation. Many people do think religion is the answer. I don’t, but some people do. And if someone told me that I _had_ to turn to religion for some reason, I would leave too. I appreciate that it works for some people, but it’s not for me. And no, you _can’t_ pray away your illness. If you could, I would be going it right now.
Get help the best way you know how and try to believe that that will make you whole. And maybe your husband will see that. Maybe he won’t, but either way, being better is going to be worth it for you.
– Natasha Tracy
Couldn’t have said it better myself. I’ve had the same thought process going on many times, but just never put it to paper or really let it out emotionally. Good for you (and all of us)!!
Hi Natasha.
I just read this post because of your “shout out”. I love it! It was exactly how I feel also and I am suprised that you didn’t get more hater comments.
My husband left me last year as I was trying to get my meds straight. I realized that he told all of our freinds when they kept coming up and giving me that condescending “Are you alright” or “maybe you should meditate. Needless to say that are not my friends anymore…he’s welcome to them. What a bastard! How dare he tell the world so he looks better about leaving me. Fuck him! (thanks for letting me rant)
Hi Patricia,
Love to see a referral from Lee – she’s great.
That sucks about your husband. It’s the kind of nasty thing that happens when people are breaking up though. People will use all sorts of underhanded tactics to make themselves look better and your mental illness was just convenient, I expect.
But good on you for bouncing back. You’re right, you don’t need friends like that, you deserve better.
Thanks for the comment.
– Natasha Tracy
i SO love this one :)
CCHR: Big Pharma—Define ‘Better’
There is now a whole song mabe by eb chilland by a human rights group that asks “define better” to mental heath.
My thoughts exactly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7rACI-WJEw
Better ? dont you mean dumbed down ? I like this video on define better
A friend said the other day:
“Paranoia is a great feeling, because it means you think you are important enough for someone to care enough to be conspiring against you.”
love ur post
Come now, Natasha. Don’t hold back – tell us what you REALLY think…
:¬)
But seriously, I agree !00% .
:)
– Natasha
Hi again Connie,
I hate to be the one to say the thing that you don’t want to hear at this point. Bipolar disorder has no cure. It is for life. People can lead reasonable lives if they get the disorder under control, but it is an extremely difficult undertaking and there is always the threat of relapse.
I would be considered an extremely high functioning bipolar. I have full insight into my problems and I can ward off an episode if I feel it coming on. I am happily married and I work part time as a console operator in a service station. This normal life did not come without hard work, and it took five years to establish after the onset of my symptoms. I have the full support of my entire family, friends husband, and employer. I have worked tirelessly on my psychology etc and in trying to read and understand my disorder.
You can see then that a lot is required to maintain a normal life with bipolar disorder. However, I believe I have been successful because of a number of advantages which I have over other people. And even though I have a good life now, I had a bloody great life before my illness started, so I have still sustained a fair few losses. These are the advantages which have helped my to manage my bipolar disorder:
-full and unconditional support of my immediate and extended family
-supportive friends and a great husband.
-a late onset (age 25) I had some life experience and maturity to start with
-a degree and professional experience in the health sciences, enabling me to learn and develop a very deep understanding of the illness on a number of levels.
-I am very smart (but not a genius) and have good empathy.
Even so, with all these advantages, this illness nearly defeated me. I stuffed up my career, offended dozens of ‘friends’, put on 50kg, did a number of stupid, dangerous and highly embarassing things when manic, lay on my bed wanting to die for hours on end.. etc etc.
I don’t want to put a limit on what you and your son are able to achieve. I think you should be aiming for full independence for him in the end. But I do not want to shield you from reality either. You can do this, but it will be a very hard road. Gather as much support for yourselves as you can, and make no time for haters. And give yourself and your son a break! How you are doing right now is how you are doing. You will need support for yourself as well as your son.
I’m afraid I can’t answer the question as to what will happen if you can’t cope, because I don’t know the state of the social services in your country. I suggest trying to organise some respite for yourself if at all possible, either from the government or from friends or a community group. Otherwise yes, he might be spending time on the streets, and I wouldn’t blame you if it came to that.
I know you will be able to do this, simply from the qualities which you have shown through these letters. Best of luck on your journey!
I wonder if you could advise me. My son was diagnosed 10 months ago during a manic episode. He has never held down a job, lives with me, does not take his meds, and smokes alot of pot (synthetic).
I am being told by many that I am enabling him and to put him out of the house.
I as of yet do not see how I can do that nor do I know if it is the right thing to do.
He is loving and kind. Most often depressed.
I have done everything I know how to help.
Most recently he was diagnosed with Diabetes and is now on insulin.
His Cholesterol count is 3019. He doesn’t do much of anything except sit around or sleep or go to a couple of friends to get high.
What if anything can I do to help make his life better so that he can function on his own and support himself?
Hi Connie, good to hear from you. I am very sorry to hear your son is unwell. My heart goes out to you both. From what you tell me it sounds as though you have a long road ahead of you. It needn’t be a dead end. He is very lucky to have you.
It sounds like you know how to tell good advice from bad advice. There are so many ignorant people who are happy to be ‘experts’ on your situation. You only have to look around the streets to see what happens to mentally ill people who are abandoned to the street. He needs your love and support and it should be non-critical.
Bipolar disorder (which is characterised by at least one manic or hypomanic episode) is often very manageable and the person can lead a relatively normal life. However, this is made more difficult if there is a comorbid drug or alcohol addiction. Unfortunately I do not know much about addiction so I will let someone else advise you on that. Also if a person is not taking their medication (called ‘treatment non-compliance’) then the ability to manage the disorder can be reduced. People do survive without medication but it may be more difficult at first.
You do need to call in the experts, and not just the psychiatrist. If your son is assigned a case manager, usually a social worker, occupational therapist, psychiatric nurse, or psychologist, make the most of their expertise. Sit down together with your son and the case manager and draw up a management plan together. My management plan consisted of how to identify my early warning signs, and a number of achieveable and measurable goals.
When drawing up goals try to see it from your son’s perspective. If he doesn’t do much all day it might be part of the illness. Perhaps he feels like his head is full of concrete or his outlook is very depressed. So it is important to make the goals achieveable for him. For example, you might want to list ‘giving up pot’ as a goal but it might be unachieveable for him, at least for now. After all, it is probably the only social interaction he has and the only way to relieve the pain in his head. Instead you might list one small thing that each of you can do towards this goal.
Obviously these are only hypothetical examples since I am not in your situation.
Personally I have found the following things helpful in managing my bipolar disorder
1. First and foremost the ongoing and non-judgemental love and support from my family, friends, and husband.
2. Secondly, a well monitored medication plan following an accurate diagnosis
3. Getting a strict sleep routine underway
4. Drinking plenty of water and avoiding alcohol
5. Seeing the psychologist and practicing mindfulness and CBT techniques, and yoga
6. Avoiding toxic people, too much stimulation, stressful situations, and even avoiding very strong-willed or very religious people if their beliefs are different from mine
7.I think a healthy diet and exercise would help me a lot, but it’s easier said than done. I put on a lot of weight when I first became Ill and for now I’ve just had to accept it, and this acceptance has at least reduced my stress and stopped me from putting the weight on at least. I am working incrementally towards my goal of improved diet and exercise, and it’s much slower than any weight loss plan, but at least I am making progress – I have to work within my limitations, to know the difference between when I mentally can’t do something and laziness which can be overcome.
And of course I must know my early warning signs so I can pick up an episode early. For example, I know I am getting towards hypomania when small things like bad punctuation really start to tick me off.
Best of luck
Sarah, Thank you so much for your reply. Your words are exactly what I keep thinking. I don’t want him to end up in the streets and though my family tells me I am enabling him and need to let him hit rock bottom, I never hear those words for someone that has Cancer or any other type of disease. I do get frusturated. I so want him to see his psychologist and doctors and such. But currently he is refusing to do anything but get high and sleep. You are right in that this is his only interaction right now. Other than me which I think he is getting pretty tired of. I love my son greatly. He is a good person with a good heart. I just wish I knew better how to help him. My family is very much against what I am doing. His siblings and his step father all want me to just put him out so he will get it together. “Theres nothing wrong with him but that he’s lazy” “Why should he try to do anything if he always has you there to provide for him” “If he’s getting high then thats it, kick him out’ “your doing him more harm than good” ‘Your going to ruin him from ever being able to take care of himself if you don’t put him out” “Tell him he’s got three weeks to find a job and a place to live” I see him every day. I see how he suffers. I know how down he is on himself and how depressed he is. He is so ashamed of himself and feels worthless. I have pretty much given up on trying to explain myself to my family. I just tell them that I wouldn’t do that to them either, and Thank God that they have me if that were ever to happen and not someone like them. I know hat sounds mean….but I get so tired of him being judged by everyone. They are lucky enough that they did not become ill. No I don’t wish to take care of my son for the rest of his life. And yes I worry all the time what will happen if something happens to me. And yes I also worry that I may not be doing the right thing. But I don’t know what else to do. I put him in his own apartment once (Government) and he never paid the utilities…even if the money was there to do it. The utility office would call me and I would go over and there would be the check for the utilities but he wouldn’t even send it in or take it over there. Then he would be at my house more often than he would be at his apartment. He seemed scared to stay alone. We continued like this for 1 year. This was before we knew he was bi-polar. I thought he was very depressed and couln’t figure out why he wouln’t keep a job or take care of anything. Then he became manic. I had no idea what was going on except he made no sense when he talked and his eyes looked funny and he wouldn’t sleep or eat and was very very paranoid. I called everyone took him everywhere begging for help. Finally through outpatient we found out it was a mental disorder and that he was in the manic phase. There was absolutely no way I could leave him alone. He had no idea what he was doing during that time. I took him home and he has been here every since. That was 10 months ago. Now that he’s not manic then everyone wants him to just be “normal” and get a job and get out of moms house. Only I know he is not his usual self. Every day is this lingering depression. I know I’m just rambling. I’m not a professional and I don’t know what to do. I only know that currently he will not go to his appointments or take his meds or quit getting high or do anything that would help him. I also know if I kick him out, time limit or not, he will have nowhere to go and I can’t see how that is going to help someone with a mental illness at all. I so wish there were places that people like this could go more long term that would keep them on their meds and away from other substances. Help them with their diet and excercise and with counseling and then help them in obtaining employment that they could handle and then eventualy housing. The only thing I have been able to find is outpatient and in patient if they are suicidal or dangerous. Neither of these things help for the space in-between, which seems to last the longest. Ahh well it is what it is…until I find a better way…I will just continue to love him and provide for him till he can do so for himself. Thank you again Sarah for caring enough to respond. I appreciate all your words. I hope your road to recovery is a short and easy one. I know thats hoping for alot… :) I care.
I wanted to add that reading through all these comments that it seems trying to tell someone how to get better is not the way to go. This is exactly what I have been doing with my son. Everyday I am telling him something. Let’s go for a walk, come on get up this can’t be good for you, have you checked your sugar? have you taken your insulin? Don’t you think you should get back in to see your psychologist? Let’s start eating right. You know you wouldnt eat so much and would start being more motivated if you quit smoking that stuff. I am always here to help you, but if you don’t want to help yourself then theres not much more I can do. What is your plan? Do you have a plan for getting better? You know I won’t live forever…I have to know you will be ok…that you can take care of yourself….YEAH this is what my 24 year old son has been hearing daily for a very very long time…..Thank all of you for letting me see what this type of advice does. I should of know better. I have had panic disorder since 2001 and couldn’t leave my home for nearly a year. I hated it when people told me it was all in my head and couldn’t I just snap out of it…….Forgive me.
Hi Connie,
I’m sorry you’re in such a tough position. You are not alone, many people have been exactly where you are.
The first step in getting better is getting diagnosed and you son has taken that step, which is great, but the next step is treatment, and it sounds like he’s not doing that. He absolutely needs to be seeing professionals in order to get better.
I believe it is reasonable to set down rules in your own house. You should not be a victim of a person that lives with you. Yes, he needs your help Yes, he has few options. But he doesn’t get to do whatever he wants. He’s an adult and needs to take responsibility for himself. Maybe he’ll never be able to work, maybe he will but one thing I know for sure is that he’s capable of doing _something_ to contribute and he needs to work towards getting there both for your benefit and, more importantly, for his.
So I believe it is reasonable to say to him that if he wants to live with you, he has to be getting treatment. He _has_ to work with doctors and therapists and make progress. The progress might be slow and there might be backslides, and that’s OK, but he _has_ to be working towards a goal. Sitting around and getting high is not a goal or a life.
I appreciate you have done everything you can think of to help. That’s wonderful. It shows how loving you are. And maybe now it’s time for some tough love. No, not putting him out of the house, but setting some rules. Rules are reasonable. You live there too. He’s an adult. It’s time to act like one.
I hope that helps.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi Natasha Tracy,
Your response could not have come at a better time. Before I get into that however, I want to say how grateful I am for coming across this website. I have searched different websites and when I found this one and read the ‘rant” I saw someone that was completely honest with their feelings and very able to express them. This is what I was looking for. To find people that will be honest about how it feels and what they need from others.
With that being said….my son asked for 40 dollars today. I told him No and explained that I would help with his meds, home etc…but I would not provide him money to get high. So in response he went to his room and got his xbox 360 that I got him for Christmas and started boxing it up. I said your not really thinking about selling this for drugs are you. He replied that it was his and he could do what he wanted with it. I took the stance that if he was living at home and we were doing all we can do for him that he was not going to start selling off his possessions for drugs. We argued and yes his stepfather and I tried to prevent him from doing this and put it in a closet….Long story short everything got out of hand Very quickly. He became verbaly aggressive and him and his stepfather ended up in a pushing match which resulted in him punching a hole in the wall and breaking the door handle. Now mind you this is our kind gentle young man, but when he gets like this then things go very differently. We left for awhile to let things cool off but he kept calling my phone and yelling at me why am I doing this to him and such. When we came back home he was still focuse on only one thing and that was getting that Xbox back. After another 40 minutes or so of the cursing and yelling I broke down and started crying not knowing what to do and Yes gave in and said Fine take it just take it….So here we are again. My questions to those of you that have bipolar is 1-should of I just let him be to begin with and never took the Xbox which enraged him? 2-after doing so should have I given it back? 3-How do I respond when he tells me to quit treating him like a child that he is an adult and can do what he wants…My usual response is that while I am taking care of you and you are living in this home that you can not just do whatever you want….Of course that response has not worked and gets me nowhere except for he tells me that I am down on him all the time and why do I pick on him and so on…I don’t want to pick on him…I just don’t want him to get high and eat all that food when he does because the DR. said he will have a heart attack before he is 30 if something drastic does not change…I believe i mentioned earlier that he is diabetic sugar never below 248 with insulin and his Triglicerides are 3019. I know I must sound like a whinny mother, but I really do need help and advise on how to keep my son alive and well….I so want him to want to live…
A very important thing I am hoping someone can help with is when the rules are made or there is a time limit for him staying here if he does not get help….what then?? If he still does not do it….I am still faced with putting him out in the streets with no way to survive….This is a tremendous struggle..
Hi Connie,
This is a tremendous struggle, there is no doubt about that. There are no right answers, you can only do the best you can.
I think it’s very difficult to tell a person what they can or cannot do with their own things, even if that is sell it for drug money. That seems like an issue you’re just not going to win on. Keep in mind though, he’s not going to have things to sell forever. He will run out very quickly and will need a new plan, and maybe at that time he would be more willing to listen to alternate ways of handling his situation.
And he is right, he _can_ do what he wants, but so can you.
You need to decide what you _can_ and what you _cannot_ live with. If he never changes one iota, can you live with that under your roof? This is a question only you can answer. Because in the end, you are dealing with an adult who gets to make all their own decisions and then _live_with_the_consequences_ of those choices, just like you.
And yes, there has to be consequences for actions. And yes, one of those consequences might be not living with you. But only you can decide what you can live with. In the end, it is _his_ choice to live with you or not and it is _your_ choice as to how you allow yourself to be treated.
These aren’t easy questions but without consequences, what you want (him in treatment) has no meaning.
Everyone wants him to live. I would say do everything in your power to help him live but do nothing in your power to watch him die. And die is exactly what he’ll do with the status quo. But the only person who can change that is him.
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha and Sarah
I read and re-read and then read again your last reply. It took all three times for what you were saying to really sink in. Between both your comments…..I get it now!
I can provide a safe environment, but I cannot control his choices. There is no need for me to set up consequences for his choices. The consequences are there in his choices…even though one of those consequences may be his own death. I cannot make those choices for him, just as he cannot make mine for me. No matter how much I want him to make different choices…that choice is not mine. So I then choose either to continue to provide him a home or not. I must weigh the consequence of my choice. In doing so, I must not let others bully me into making the choice they wish me to make. An example of this would be my daughter. She is now out on her own and has been for a couple of years. She was very angry at me during her teen years when I became ill. I went from working a Corporate job for many years and being pretty successful in my career to disability. From the onset of my illness in 2001 to 2009 when I was relieved of my duties “in a very kind way I must say” HR advised me to apply for disability. My inability at that time to function all the time, and not be able to attend all of her games when everyone elses parents were there left her very bitter. As an adult now she had just begun to forgive me when her brother became ill. So the bitterness is coming back and she feels cheated yet once again. Although I understand this. I must say that I have felt bitterness and anger also. In my head I always scream…Do you think I chose this?? Do you think your brother chose this?? Don’t you think if either of us could just make it go away we would?? I am straying way off subject here. My point was…She can choose to be angry with her brother and not believe he is ill and be angry with me because I’ve been ill long enough now..That is her choice. I cannot make it for her. I can however choose to not take to heart those comments any longer because I know she simply does not understand. I can also choose to spend more time with her and show her extra attention to help her feel that she is just as valuable to me as her brothers. I can choose also to put on a happier exterior…that probably wouldn’t hurt anyone involved…ha ha!! I am dragging this way out…So sorry about that. I would like to Thank both of you for your kind, honest and insightful words. You have no idea how much they have helped this poor old woman from Indiana :) I choose to Love my children and provide a place for anyone of them that may ever need it. My Love is unconditional and my support never ending…until my own end. Thank you once again…My thoughts are with you and your everyday struggles…Thank you for being who you are! Thank you for being willing to take the time out of your own lives to help another! You have a friend in me if you ever need or wish one. May your life give you happiness and laughter….and lots of Love.. Connie
Is Samantha Gomelsky’s rant hateful? To me it reads as the words of someone who is really struggling with coming to terms with her own illness and the pain of losing control. Perhaps that’s why it is largely incoherent. Get better soon, Samantha.
Quite frankly, ranters are conceited, self-absorbed individuals, so are bloggers-particularly if they don’t like the feedback they get.
Now, a blogger with bipolar is challenging. The ranter is mentally ill, therefore blogs to air all the garbage (may not be garbage to them, but garbage to everyone else) which they typically do anyway.
A person who is mentally ill (bilpolar or any other affliction of the mind) doesn’t want, or more importantly, doesnt’ t even “hear” what anyone else has to say. They hear their own voices, delusions, and hallucinations. They’re like addicts that don’t want to get off the “stuff” that puts them in this disposition, be it depression, mania, rage- whatever it is that draws the divide between the “sane” and the “insane”.
When confronted with this conceited exurgitation of nonsense, those of us who are “sane” or otherwise put “the ones not with the problem”, are compelled to do one of two things- either try to help, or walk away.
As someone who has been both depressed and has dealt with others with depression, there is one thing I know to be true. Even in the moment of deepest despair there is a voice that cries for help, there is a “will” that hangs on for dear life. That is what compels these “bloggers” to reach out. It is to get help. That is what they want-even if they say they don’t. People may not say things the way we want to hear it, but they do care.
Samantha,
I can see you’re very interested in getting your comment out there. I have allowed this one comment through however it is a hateful rant of its own and that type of hatred is not generally tolerated around here.
– Natasha
Hi Samantha,
I would like to comment on your comment. Firstly, you commented that ranters are conceited and self-absorbed. Yet you are clearly ‘ranting’ here. Does that make you conceited and self-absorbed also? No, I don’t think so I may not like the comment but I have no evidence here that you are either of those things.
Also you said that people with a mental illness do not want to hear what others have to say because they are too busy with their own delusions etc. Well I will say that when one is bothered by symptoms of an illness one’s listening skills can be reduced. Who really wants to hear what their husband’s day at work was like when you have a migrane? However I do resent the generalisation. I am mentally ill and clearly I want to hear what you have to say. I may not like it but I am still here and listening. But I make an exception to messages of hatred. I am sure the president of the US does not tolerate messages of racial hatred. Reasoned arguments yes. Opinions yes. Hatred no. But I am getting off track. Also it’s clear that you want to listen to what people with mental illness have to say, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading the blog.
So, the question remains, is this blog rubbish? Are other mental health blogs rubbish? Not to the writer, no. It is the writer’s experience, research, creativity etc that goes into these blogs. For many blogging is cathartic. This blog goes well beyond that to being a great mental illness resource. Is it rubbish to the audience? Not to most of us. Imagine my delight in finding that someone across the other side of the world is going through the same things that I am. It is a source of help and hope. To those who don’t have a mental illness themselves, or to those in denial it is rubbish because it is something the can’t or don’t want to understand. They don’t want to acknowledge the reality of mental illness. I can understand that, since it’s a terrible reality at times.
Mental illness is invisible. You can’t see or even picture a broken brain which is disturbed in its function. What you do picture are all those tv shows and media reports which associate mental illness with violence and moral degradation. So when someone you know, or even yourself, is not getting out of bed in the morning due to mental illness, you relate it to what you know- your own healthy experience. One doesn’t get out of bed because one stayed up too late drinking. One doesn’t get out of bed because bed is comfortable and they don’t want to start the chores, and so on. And so the healthy person gives advice according to these healthy kind of experiences. But when I was depressed, I didn’t get out of bed because I had no will to live. I wasn’t enjoying the experience, listening to the clock ticking away, marking the time until I could die. It wasn’t a kind of enjoyable self-indulgence that I used to like to do on a Sunday. How can you have self-indulgence when you don’t even have a self?
Me telling you my subjective experiences of that time might sound like rubbish because you can’t relate to it. You have more than two choices. You don’t have to be responsible for curing me. You don’t have to back out of my life entirely. I’m asking you to tolerate me to accept me, to listen to what I’m saying and to acknowledge it. That’s all. That’s what is helpful.
And yes, I too believe that there is a little voice of hope within all of us, that is often crushed by the weight of mental illness. So I say to you now – you’re okay, and it will get better. It will get better. You never know when, so just hang on, you can do it. You’re okay. And it will get better.
Samantha,
In my opinion, your comment about people with bipolar disorder demonstrates a significant amount of both prejudice and ignorance. Making general statements about millions of people in the world based only on a diagnosis is not enlightened. Human beings are unique and their behaviour, skills and intelligence cannot be universally defined simply by their race, sex, religion or mental illness diagnosis.
I am very sorry if i offended you or anyone else. I am not prejudiced against anyone with a mental illness as I have one myself and so do the majority of members of our family. Ignorance….Yes…..I admit to being completely ignorant about this. Not from lack of trying however. I have done numerous research on the subject. But yes everyone is unique and I have yet to be able to find a way. That is why I am still searching and reaching out for any and all help I can get.
I am not sure what I said that offended you. But I am sincere when I say that whatever it was I deeply regret it. I assure you that was not my intention.
I know that everyone deals with their illness in their own way and what works for one person may not work for another. I guess that I keep hoping to find though that one person that something worked for that might work.
And I find it better to seek information from someone that has experience with mental illness rather than someone that does not and don’t understand it at all.
Ok I feel pretty silly now. I went back to read the last comment and it was not even directed to me. It came in my email so I thought it was for me….Jeez…Sorry
Whew, I feel better now, thanks Natasha, ROFL…
YES A WONDERFUL RANT…love it…you said everything i would like to…to some people :) Thanks Natasha Keep it comin…the Burble info, Burble rant, Burble everything…you are helping me cope :)
Hi Judie,
Thanks for the encouragement. I’m happy to help where I can.
– Natasha Tracy
Holy crap I love this !!!!!!
Amen
I wish people would just shut the hell up!!!!!!
Best of luck honey.
Thanks Jean.
– Natasha
Way to speak out. I can relate to your frustration. I blog about mental health research and am regularly taken aback by some commenters’ self-righteous opposition to psychiatric medications. These are personal decisions. As you say, each brain is unique. I wish such commenters could understand how off-putting and condescending their behavior is.
Hi Amy,
Ah, so many can relate to my frustration :)
“I blog about mental health research and am regularly taken aback by some commenters’ self-righteous opposition to psychiatric medications. These are personal decisions. As you say, each brain is unique. I wish such commenters could understand how off-putting and condescending their behavior is.”
I wish I could say I’m taken aback, but not any more. I’m used to it. Off-putting and condescending are two excellent words in describing how they come across.
– Natasha Tracy
Well said. Over the BP journey it has been suggested to me to try acupuncture, hypnotherapy, more exercise, take up a craft, get out more, stop just thinking about myself, pray for recovery, volunteer to work with less fortunate people, try many and various types of therapies. The assumption being that I have no motivation to maximise my “recovery” and that any of the above will work for me. I have had bipolar for 30 years. I am the expert in managing it. The psychiatrist is a partner in this management, not the guru. The conclusion for me is that mental illness is seen through a moralistic and stigmatising lens. Do people with long term physical conditions endure this? I think not.
Hi Kathe,
You make an excellent point; many people do see mental illness through a moralistic lens. This has been a problem since psychiatry existed and the rise of antipsychiatry has made it worse not to mention very prominent religions promote this point of view.
And you’re right, it’s not fair and no, I don’t think someone with a physical disability would go through this. It’s all related to what you can’t see. They can’t see into our brain, so somehow the illness doesn’t exist in a physical form.
– Natasha Tracy
Oh do I EVER know the pain and frustration from which you speak. Thanks for verbalizing what I feel almost every single day. I am very open about my illness with the intent to diminish the stigma. However, so many people think they have the answers… as if I dont WANT to get better or havent tried it all. I am one of the most cheerful and positive people you have EVER met. People hate me because I am so cheerful. And still some people tell me I have to learn to thing positive and I wont get so depressed. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Sorry… I had to add to your venting. But I did. Thanks for being who you are being free to express your truth.
Hi Gretchen,
No problem. Add to my venting any time.
I’m a cheerful person to, believe it or not. Even when I’m depressed I’m pretty darn cheery to others. It’s just a way of coping with others that has been developed over time. It doesn’t mean that I’m not sick or that I won’t get sick. A cheery attitude doesn’t change bipolar disorder (and I don’t care what other people say).
Thanks for your kind words.
– Natasha Tracy
Well said. I hate it when friends who haven’t experienced MH problems want to fix it and give patronising advice. They want to tell me how to get better, how to live my life. Yes, they mean well, but I’ve had enough. I now explain to said friends that I don’t welcome this. It is a difficult thing to do though.
Hi Butterflywings,
I agree, it’s difficult to tell someone you care about that you don’t appreciate their advice. But being open and honest like that is probably best for your relationship in the long run. My friends are really good about that and only offer suggestions when I ask, which is perfect.
– Natasha Tracy
Well put Natasha! You really know how to sum it up. I am new to the mental health blogging movement and this definitely helps set the tone for how to best go about voicing my own ideas. People need to respect each others’ outlook on recovery and appreciate their methods in their writings and however they wish to channel it in the mental health community. I agree with your approach – it’s not about “fixing”, but “recognizing” the person behind their writings. The individual should be appreciated as the individual, not as the illness. No?
Hi Jay,
Thanks.
Careful about setting your tone based on _one_ of someone else’s articles. I have a lot of times and this might not be the one to pick. Someone (I think in the comments) expressed that they were disappointed I was so angry, so sometimes you can come across, maybe, not as reasonably as intended. Personally, I think a rant is good for the soul, but not everyone agrees.
“People need to respect each others’ outlook on recovery and appreciate their methods in their writings and however they wish to channel it in the mental health community.”
I agree completely :)
“It’s not about “fixing”, but “recognizing” the person behind their writings. The individual should be appreciated as the individual, not as the illness. No?”
Again, I agree but it can be difficult for some of your readers to see you that way.
– Natasha Tracy
I think you’re right that people tend to want to control other’s behavior… and that being in the receiving end of that can be frustrating at times. however, the reason you’re getting frustrated is because you, yourself are wanting to control their behavior (their wanting to control you). isn’t that ironic! so let go of your wanting to control them, and your wanting to be controlled by them, and allow yourself to move on.
Hi Dan,
I’m not sure that simply not wanting others to control you de facto means you’re trying to control them. Maybe. But I think not wanting people to control you, or attempt to control you, is pretty normal.
And as far as letting it go, sure, if you like. But I don’t think the frustration goes away completely. It’s pretty easy for me to get a comment on here that tells me to turn to Jesus. And it’s pretty easy for me to dismiss that comment. But that doesn’t mean that over time, my annoyance with such comments doesn’t build up.
– Natasha Tracy
ouch. maybe you’re not bipolar? sounds like you’re human and an expressive writer.
Hi Mad Skillzatx,
Well, you’re half right, I am human and an expressive writer, I just happen to be bipolar as well.
– Natasha Tracy
God I love a good rant!!
Sara,
It’s warranted now and then.
– Natasha Tracy
Way to go! I’ve stopped answering people like these on my blog. One genius told me “you only take medicines because someone told you to”. Well, duuhhh…. and I thought I took them because I went to a doctor, told him about my mental illness and he helped me with medication.
Hi UpDownJunkie,
Luckily for me, my commenting rules tend to cut down on the inflammatory comments, I recommend it.
And yes, we generally take medication because “someone” like, oh, a _doctor_ told us to. As opposed to waking up one day and buying Prozac off the street. Sheesh.
– Natasha Tracy
I told someone yesterday that I have prayed about it (and I have), but then they said pray harder. How would one do that? Come on people. Quit throwing cute, catchy, fix-all but worthless phrases at me.
Hi Hannah,
Oh, “pray harder,” that’s useful. I’m not sure how one measures the “hardness” of prayer. Ask them what the scale is so you can be sure to hit the “hardness” zone.
– Natasha
Love it!! This is what I’ve been dealing with all week. People (friends and family and my therapist) don’t really care that I’m ok..what they want is me to pop a freaking pill and become what they claim is “normal”. What about MY normal, what if I LIKE my normal, why does yours have to be right? Don’t you want me happy and content? And if that includes being a little off or different than you, oh well.
Hannah,
Well, it’s tough to get a treatment goal except “normal” because a psychotic person who is a danger to themselves could be perfectly “happy.” Nevertheless, yes, happy and content and some degree of normal is generally the goal.
(Yes, standard deviations from normal are quite OK.)
– Natasha Tracy
I feel exactly the same way! Thank you for speaking my mind!
Thanks Tonya. Happy to help :)
– Natasha Tracy
PREACH sistah.
Hi Samantha,
I don’t know about “preach” but rant, definitely :)
– Natasha Tracy
Oh yes, most definitely rant. (:
Samantha,
A good rant is healthy, methinks.
– Natasha Tracy
AMEN!!!!!!!! For yrs (at least 24+) I have been told:(my husband) “JUST RISE ABOVE IT”…..Clean 1 room @ a time,(others) ” Join a health club/exercise/lose wt…….PRAY/fast/work on relationship w/GOD…..GET a DIVORCE……find a job that is challenging, JUST get up, SHOWER, brush yur teeth, put on MAKE-UP and smile! I have learned to just “smile”(fakely) and nod……it’s nice 2 read abt those who can relate and VENT!!!!!!!!!! =0) makes me feel there’s others who feel my pain!
Hi Mary,
Well, there certainly are a lot of things that can _possibly_ help an average depression, but people fail to see the difference between feeling “sad” and having a mental illness.
Oh, many can relate.
And I enjoy a good vent. It’s therapeutic.
– Natasha Tracy
Thankyou. Thankyou. Thankyou.
Natasha, one of your best posts.
The gross generalization of depression as “sad, blue, down etc” just goes to show the ignorance of depression and mental health in general.
Is there anything worse than being told to “Snap out of it!”? Maybe but this get close.
Venting and ranting can make you feel so much better, even if it is only for a short time. One thing to be careful of is ranting to Psychs. They start pathologising and see the rant as worsening symptoms. Ending up in hospital is a possibility, I know from experience.
But please keep your rants coming, you put a smile on my dial. :)
Thanks from Down Under
David,
Well, you’re welcome :)
I’d love to disagree with you about ranting to psychiatrists and tell you that most psychiatrists can differentiate your illness from a mere rant, but unfortunately, I can’t. I agree, ranting to psychiatrists _is_ dangerous and does run the risk of ending up in some file somewhere. I’d like to think this wasn’t the case, but it is.
Best to rant on a public blog, I say ;)
Well, OK, maybe not, but outside of your doctor’s office, definitely.
Glad I could make you smile.
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha,
I am sorry you had to deal with this; unfortunately, there will always be people out there trying to get under your skin. I’m glad you are standing up and making this post. It is your blog, and you are free to run it as you wish.
Take care,
Jess
Hi Jess,
Well, if you liked this, you’re going to love the upcoming post.
And yeah, I know. Some people seem to live to get under other’s skin. It’s nutty.
– Natasha
AMEN………for yrs my husband has said, “JUST RISE ABOVE IT!” clean 1 room at a time…..ect………others: GET a FUN JOB, lose wt, join a club, exercise more! take a vacation, smile, DON’t WORRY be happy? hmmmmmmmmm it’s nice 2 know i am not alone in being advised how to ‘deal’ w/my bp disorder! =0)
I’ve got a wife like your husband. Maybe we should introduce them to each other …
Hi Hed,
Well thank-you. Always nice to meet a fan.
Yes, I get the emails too. And tweets. And Facebook messages. People feel quite free to tell me what I’m doing wrong. That’s the thing about being public.
You’re right, there is no scale. Pain is pain. It’s all from the same well. But there’s no comparing all its forms. It’s silly to try.
You are welcome. I’m glad you can identify. Welcome.
– Natasha
omg. I just subscribed to your blog a few days ago and I am already in love.
I have literally gotten e-mails (E-MAILS, not comments!) about how I just need to “get out of bed” or “the power of prayer”. I have gotten e-mails about how “I have (insert more important illness here) and would love to be where you are” or “I’ve been there, you just have to do a, b, and c”.
It doesn’t work, and it makes me feel about a million times worse to be honest. People’s problems are real to them. There is no scale.
Yours is literally one of maybe three blogs I have found that I can actually identify with regarding bipolar. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
hed hed above water
forgot one you just need to get laid!? That would solve all my problems.
Yes, exactly – everyone become a fucking specialist. Frustrating.
I think your ranting is well-deserved. You’re in a place where people understand the rant.
Oh, and even the best lay, just doesn’t do it. Trust me.
– Natasha
Hi Natasha
So far in say just the last few months, I have had family members say get off your pills I want to see that bubbly person again, (I said yes i’ll do that and stay with you for a month).Snap out of it you have a son to look after( i’ve done ok so far). And this from a friend who has known me the longest, “loose some weight you always get down when you’re overweight”.Everyone becomes a fucking specialist on a curing my Bipolar. Oh leaving one out surrender to god! Yeah right if i was going to believe in a invisible fairy I’d choose my own! Sorry ranting but honestly I’ve found trained professionals who don’t have a clue!
grrrh arrrg
~Davida
After reading the comments you’ve been getting lately, I was wondering if getting all the unsolicited advice would tick you off. Other disease communities have places where they can trade advice about what’s working or not for them–not sure how bipolar is different that it has to be an individual struggle.
MMC,
It kind of ticks me off to no end, actually. I just try to be really gracious and even-keeled about it.
Mental illness is individual because, well, mental illness is individual. No two brains are alike and there are an infinite number of treatments out there. Comparing treatments is like comparing apples to automobiles; there is just no way to do it. The only way to find the right treatment for you is to work with someone who knows you intimately, and even then the level of guessing is really high.
And what it comes down to is that people are _judgmental_ about mental illness. People think that every other treatment is _wrong_. Medication is _wrong_ therapy is _right_. Therapy is _wrong_ exercise is _right_. And so on. People treat mental illness not like an illness at all. They treat it like some psychological quibble that anyone is qualified to _solve_. No one would do that with cancer.
– Natasha
Agreed. I’m still happy for people to offer ideas about how they may handle issues with their own illness. For example, learning how others handle anger when they are hypo’ can be useful; what works for one may not work for another, but the sharing of ideas can be fruitful sometimes. That said, I don’t like unsolicited advice … if I want advice, I’ll ask for it.
This is awesome. BRAVO. Thank you. Wish everyone would see the world this way. This is MY world, I live in MY space and I will do it MY way. I LOVE that you said all this. Fuck the rest.
Mike, yes, nothing like a rant to put everything right with the world.
FV – thanks. Glad you liked it.
Well let me tell you how I deal with these type of people…I'm just kidding. I couldn't help but laugh when I read this because I am fantasize what it would be like to print this and mail it to certain family members. Thank you! I love this post! I am right there with you! :)
~NThis aounds a little like the "old" Burble. I like it.
U took the words out of my mouth :)
Hi Susan, Yeah, I know. Sometimes they do niggle away at my subconscious making me feel bad for not "being as good as them". But then I wake up.Yeah, isn't it so easy to spout what would fix someone else's life.- N
Hi Pink, Well, I did say it was a rant. I do get to have one of those from time to time.- N
Hi Holly, Thanks. I'm glad it resonated.And yes, I'm sure I've done it too. No one's perfect.- N
You know what I love about comments? Sometimes so few words have so much to say.You're welcome.
– Natasha Tracy
I know you don;t want advice but don't let them get you down. It's easy to be a Monday morning quarterback.
Hmmm, you sound quiet angry. That sucks.
Do people mean well?Probably. But that's part of why this needs to be said. Sometimes we just don't realize how we're coming off. We don't realize we're patting ourselves on the back by pushing our victories down other people's throats. We don't recognize how invalidating that is. (I say "we" because I know most people, no matter how well intentioned, do this from time to time. Myself included.)Sometimes it takes a direct, bold, unapologetic coming-to-jesus meeting to get the point across.Nice job.
Hi ‘ it’s probably the hardest thing I have to cope with . Are you taking your tablets ‘ your not the same when you do/don’t take them ‘ get out more – exersize – you can just do it you know you can – your just given up aren’t you – don’t say you want to turn the pain of – stay alive because i can’t cope if you do – stay alive for the kids don’t be selfish , hmmm you have your own house now and a beautiful girlfriend so why are you so un happy ” I’m struggling to feel to enjoy anything – I hate it I contact the part of me that feels & yet IM told do this do that except this -challenge this you just have to Adam there is no choice! !!!!Says my CPN ! Hmm you have bi polar & agarophoia yes I do I’m stuck I’m subhuman I don’t get many who want to hang around in my world ‘ I love & give love some where in their is the out going charming adventures kind caring worth while Adam ” I’m just not sure where & if others keep advising helps they DO NOT seem to have the minute to minute struggle !! At the mo just get ing up is a struggle “””””
Much love to your work hugs Adam xx
Hi Adam,
Most of us folk with the illness know that sometimes it _is_ all you can do to get out of bed in the morning. You have my absolute support on that. If that’s the best you can do – if that’s the most what your effort and your will can get you that day, then that’s good enough. Small victories are what matter no matter what the rest of the world understands (or doesn’t).
And yeah, those people don’t have the minute-to-minute struggle and really don’t understand. But we do. If that helps at all.
Thanks for the love.
– Natasha Tracy
We’re almost in the same place; it’s not exactly the same but it’s damned close. Look out the window into the next block. That’s me, on the same level just across the street, opposite window. Struggling to get out of bed. You ain’t alone, buddy – but I know it often feels like it.
thank you.