I get quite a few messages from people who say I have saved their lives. (Of course, I get messages from people saying I’m killing people, too, but let’s not discuss those.) People say that if it weren’t for me, they would be dead. People say that, because of my work, I saved their lives. And, of course, in a few cases I’ve taken a somewhat more active role than that.
But today I want to tell everyone something: I didn’t save those lives, you did.
Saving Lives
If you’ve written me and told me that I’ve saved your life I want to know that I hear you. I love that you have written to tell me that. I will cherish those words for years to come. When it seems like all I run up against online are people who hate me, your words give me strength.
Thank you.
I Don’t Save Lives — You Do
But here’s the thing: you saved your own life. I didn’t do it. Even if I called 9-1-1 and ensured you got mental health help, I still didn’t save your life. Not really. I didn’t run into a burning building and drag you out. I didn’t do that. All I did was help. A little. Okay, maybe more than a little, sometimes. But the point is this: only you could admit yourself to the hospital. Only you could put down that knife. Only you could walk into that doctor’s office. Only you could call that helpline. Only you could stick with that treatment. I didn’t do those things. You did.
Why It Matters that I Didn’t Save Your Life
And I’m telling you this for a reason. It’s not because I’m exceedingly humble (alas, I’m not), it’s because I want you to take the power you have rightfully earned and own it. I want you not to give your power to me. I want you to recognize it, celebrate it and realize that it has the capability of changing your world. No one in your world changed things as radically as you did on the day you decided to live – how amazing is that?
And one other thing, I think it’s important to remember that we choose life every, single day. Every day that you keep breathing, every day that you keep fighting, every day that you see the sun set, you’re saving your own life and making the biggest difference a person ever can.
So, honestly, truthfully, from the bottom of my heart, I am honored and gratified when I can help a person make a positive change in his or her life or treatment; but remember, I don’t have the magic wand to save your life – you do.
hey u actually did save my life when i was a freshman in high school and im thankful i met u
Hi Cat, I can take a certain amount of credit for that, but, if I remember correctly, you reached out to me. That’s you saving your life. :-)
– Natasha Tracy
Alright then….Thank you for your posts that persuaded me to try a different medication and am now entering close to 6 months of stability…you really really rock!
Thanks for the post. Others influence us to choose life, but we ultimately make that decision ourselves.
Natasha, darling, you always make me smile. I chuckled when you admitted that you are not humble. I have my moments, but humility is still just an ideal I aspire to as well. ;^P
In my experience, no, we really can’t save people who don’t want to be here anymore. But, yes, we can help those who still have some glimmer of hope that there is a chance someone can still provide relief from their unrelenting misery. I do bless you so very often for always being willing and able to extend that helping hand to the ones like us who have suffered so long in the dark and confusion that we begin to succumb to the belief that it would be kinder to ourselves to just end our misery and ‘leave’. You’re a good woman. Perfection is not a requirement for “goodness”. The world is a better place because you are in it. THAT is a very, very big freakin’ deal, darlin’. I hope you’ve already written that down and stuck it up somewhere where you can see it every day. Most likely you have.
I have referred many people like us to your website over the years since I’ve ‘found you’. Whether they’ve looked or not I don’t know. If they have, I’m sure they’re better off for it. You haven’t saved my life, but you have improved the quality of it vastly by giving me a place to go to where I can see proof that I am not alone, unusual, ‘bad’, or weak, and to be reminded of the simple things I may not be doing, or that I may be doing that are triggering difficulties I don’t have to endure, that I can fairly easily relieve myself of by getting back into a healthier routine for someone with Bipolar Type II. For that, I thank you and I send you sincere blessings for peace and wellness…Steph
Today one of my greatest hopes came true. They are going to give me a new med that doesnt affect my kidneys.Seriquil I believe it is spelled that way’ I stopped all meds even with doctors warning that I had to do it gradually not a very good idea.Not avery responsible move onmy part. I suffered the consequences a fly back into mania within three weeks. Myy friend noticed my hypomanic state and told me to please see a doctoor. I called 911 and asked for an ambulance they took me to the hospital for observation made a report to the psychiatric dept and sent me home telling me to please call if I had trouble sleeping.About three in the morning I had a dream that I couldn’t get out of a kind of waking nightmare. I called for the ambulance again and they took me back to hospital and kept me all night and at noon the next day sent me to the psch dept of the emergency where I was seen right away.Thehypomanic state seemed to awaken both my fears and and my memory of trauma in my life. I had buried them deep inside. Once I told allthe secrets and abuse I had suffered as a child t I felt relieved and I could listen to the doctor telling me how he could help me if I would allow it. he ttold me rest assured they would try something other than lithium it turned out to be seriquil( not sure on spelling) and I am to take my first dose tonight and it has seditation qualities that will help me sleep and it wwill begin to work on the hypo and return me to a more stable state in a matter of days not weeks part of the recovery has started already, relleasing my fears and fractured memories has lead me to a state of acceptance rather than sublimation.Another part of the help was having someone acknowlege my pain insay that was a terrible thing that you suffered no ons should have that happen to them. That helped me get out my cry this happened to me and it was against my will and why should I have to suffer for it. The thing is the suffering stops after you get it out and tell some one you trust or find tihe courage to trust someone you don;t know if you can trust but are willing to try. Holding it in only fractures your life. What a relief to know that someone else agreed that I shouldn’t have to carry the load of self loathing that limits your enjoyment and quality of life. I fee more free and optimistic about my life now and I don;t have to continue the pattern of self sabotage over and over again in my life I was abused it altered my growth. I let it out and now I canoperate with amore integrated life and see where that leads me. I am very hopeful.
Preach. I appreciate you.
Don’t forget Canada and people in places we’ve never heard of.
Thanks, Natasha.
Beautifully written. Since I started looking online for help / advice for partners of bipolar disorder sufferers, I have been completely amazed by the extent of the support available through videos, chat forums and blogs like yours.
Although your message makes sense, that it’s the readers actions (or non-actions) which saved their lives, I think you might be understating the value of your blogs and other supports.
In fact, I would like to recommend to your readers, (especially the ones that YOU saved): if anyone has received benefit from your advice / support, by the end of the year they look out for at least 2 people in emotional distress and find a way to support them in their recovery. Pay it forward and the incredible work that Natasha is doing will be multiplied exponentially.
It’s the area of this blog dealing with bipolar relationships that makes me unable to fully appreciate natasha’s work.
For whatever reason at that point in this blog’s history, there was a distinct feeling of the ill person being more than responsible for all the bad stuff they do to others around them, and their partners in particular. It just came off to me as a cop-out for the other party, who surely cannot be always pleasant and reasonable themselves.
I do recommend Homeland.. and the latest episode shown here (no 3) really did a good job of showing a patient partner of a (manic) person pushed to the limit.
I don’t know if I still fall in the ‘hate’ category — and it’s a failure of most of us to infer hate, when dislike or just lack of connection to someone is the real sentiment — but I do find some posts a lot more helpful than others.
The biggest problem though is, even if we are 1 in 200 or whatever flashy statistic, there is still a massive spectrum of personality and personal experience.
I don’t keep myself on the mailing list for advice as such, I do find the alternative points of view (especially here in the comments) of great interest though,
Mart, I feel the same way as you about the two bipolar relationship threads and I avoid them now. Many of the posters there assume the bipolar partner’s behavior is always responsible for the turmoil and there’s no faults in themselves. Nonsense. I find It’s often the other way around. Many of those posts actually fuel the stigma of MI by devaluing the bipolar partners’ valid opinions and legitimate relationship issues typical of any other couple.
Notwithstanding, Natasha’s blog is so helpful on so many other subjects like this one about whether she’s actually saving lives, and it’s so comforting to read intelligent and thoughtful comments from fellow sufferers. Keep reading the helpful articles and comments. You are never alone in your thoughts on this blog.
That is one of the sharper, clear-headed perspectives I have read in this topic on the web all year. Well said. It’s a great message to the unwell before, during and after. Thank you for your service to the United States this way.