Helping someone who is suicidal is daunting. In fact, even for me, someone who works in mental health, helping someone who is suicidal can be tough. That doesn’t mean it can’t be done, however. If you’re here and looking for how to help a suicidal person, you’re already doing the right thing. Thank you for caring for another person so much. Read on for tips on how to help someone who is suicidal.
How Do You Know If a Person Is Suicidal?
Let’s be clear here, any time a person expresses suicidal thoughts, they are suicidal. Suicidality can look like many things, but it’s present any time a person is considering death as an option. (If a person is considering major self-harm, not death, I think you can safely put them in this category too.)
A suicidal person might outright say they feel suicidal, or they might say things like:
- I don’t know what to do. I don’t see any way out but death.
- I’m scared I might hurt myself.
- I don’t feel like I can control my actions. I’m worried I will do something drastic.
- I want to die.
- I need to plan for my death.
- I feel hopeless and like there is no way out.
- I feel like a burden to everyone and the world would be better off without me.
All of those statements and others should be taken very, very seriously. Because remember, it’s not your job to determine how serious the risk of suicide is. That’s something a professional needs to do. Any time suicidality is suspected, it should be taken seriously. Period.
Helping a Person Who Is Suicidal
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline has created a hashtag #BeThe1To, as in, be the one to help a person who is suicidal. It outlines fives steps for how to help a person who is suicidal. These steps are supported by suicide prevention research.
- Ask the question, “Are you thinking about suicide?” As I mentioned above, suicidality can look different for different people. The only way to truly know if a person is suicidal is to ask. Don’t be scared to do this and remember, asking the question will not promote suicidality. It will not put thoughts in their head. This is a caring question, not a dangerous one.
- Be there for the person who is suicidal. Do not leave a person who is suicidal alone (stay on the phone with them, be in the room with them, etc.). Their being alone will only make matters worse. If you can’t be there, make sure someone else is. Whatever you do, make sure to follow through on any promises of being there that you make. What you’re doing is promoting connectedness and reminding the person that you (and others) care and will be there no matter what.
- Keep the person who is suicidal safe. The hard fact is, if a person is determined to kill themselves, they can find a way, but that doesn’t mean you can’t substantially reduce the risk. In fact, removing a person’s choice of suicide method works as people frequently do not substitute methods. Ask about a specific plan or timeline to abort it. Make sure to remove any access to firearms or any other lethal means (firearms are responsible for a huge proportion of death by suicide).
- Help the person who is suicidal connect with help. While you may want to help a person who is suicidal, you can only do so much. This is a situation that requires professional help. Make sure you connect this person with a form of help like contacting their psychiatrist, calling in a crisis intervention team, calling a helpline, or even going to a hospital. If the person is not acutely suicidal (they are not going to act on their suicidal thoughts), you can also help them make a safety plan for future suicidal moments. This plan should outline who to call and what to do when thoughts of suicide arrise.
- Follow-up with the person who is suicidal. This is a step that many people miss. If you help a person who is suicidal, make sure to follow-up later, after the crisis is over, and see how they’re doing. This step keeps the connectedness going, offers future support, and this can prevent future suicide attempts.
(For all the details on how and why the five steps can help, see here.)
When You Help Someone Who Is Suicidal
The step that I think is missing is this one: Get yourself help.
Helping someone who is suicidal can be very difficult. This means you need help too. Don’t hesitate to get your own support once the person who was suicidal is safe. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline to get your own support. You do not have to be suicidal to call them. They have experience in what you just did and they can help you get through any distress you may feel. You may also want to reach out to a therapist, friend, clergy member, or another person you trust.
Finally, remember this: Whatever happens, it isn’t your fault or responsibility.
It’s great to learn how to help a person who is suicidal. It’s an amazing gift to be there for that person. But in the end, we all need to take responsibility for ourselves. If the person who is suicidal does finally die of suicide, it is outside your control. That is the ending none of us want, but it is an ending that can happen. So of course, you should do your best to help, but remember in the end every person must take responsibility for their own actions.
Interesting article I once had a fellow member of a DBSA support group. Prior to the group we belonged to broke up she was very scared of not having someplace to go and talk. She had called me and mentioned somethings I considered odd and quite scary. I found out where she lived(all I had was her cell #) and went there. I was able to get her to go to a counselor. We still get together at least once a month and when covid hit we used Google Duo to chat. I feel my approach was best for me. I could of course have called the police for a welfare check. In recent years this welfare checks ended badly ,police overreact someone gets shot or the show up with a group of police cars and end up embarrassing you in front of your neighbors.