Category: Bipolar blog

Sunday, 7:00 AM

Still on the ridiculous chronotherapy experiment schedule.

Last night I did get about six hours of sleep, which I do appreciate, but it is seriously not enough sleep for me. I get the impression this protocol suggests that seven hours is the “right” amount of sleep for people. These people are nutbar. OK, probably not nutbar but unreasonable. Never in my life has seven hours of sleep been enough for me. The bags under my eyes appear to have been chiseled there. Getting up at 3:00 AM just felt like an inhumane torture…

Saturday, 7:15 PM

I’m getting ready for the second 7-hour stretch of sleep. Honestly, I’m not sure whether I’m awake or not at this point. So little sleep over so many days. This has been the longest month, um, week, um I mean, three days ever. Want to make time stand still? Try not sleeping.

The day has been so up and down in energy and mood fluctuations that I feel like my molecules are spinning apart a little. Perhaps I will become see-through…

Saturday, 12:30 PM

On goes the chronotherapy experiment.

For the last couple of hours I’ve regained a bit of energy. I guess it’s those early morning hours that are the biggest bitch, but then they would be, if you don’t sleep. Still definitely exhausted.

My brain still feels like it’s sliding out my ears. It’s all squishy and porous. Thoughts are leaking. I can’t seem to maintain a ribbon of logic…

Saturday, 7:30 AM

Continuing on the chronotherapy experiment…

Seriously dude, I am tired. Like, really. Two days with almost no sleep. I am not fun to be around either. Growly. Annoyed. Nauseated. Brain-dead. Mistake-ful. Comprehension-challenged. Hurting. Dizzy. Icky. Not with the happy.

It’s not the end of the world. I’m not homicidal or anything but I really, really want to sleep now…

Saturday, 1:30 AM

Continuing on the chronotherapy experiment…

Thus ends the first sleep. It was supposed to be 7 hours but apparently, that was not to be. I went to bed at 6:oo PM as directed, but sleep would not come. I didn’t sleep any sleep medication as I felt that after 36 hours I would actually fall asleep on my own. Ah, have I learned nothing about my brain!?…

Friday, 5:30 PM

Continuing on the chronotherapy experiment and just about to set down for my first sleep in 36 hours. I’m exhausted and tired and pretty much shocked that I survived 36 hours awake. Really, I don’t recommend it.

I’ve got increasing anxiety that when I actually do lay down in 30 minutes I won’t sleep. And then I’m scared that I won’t wake up again at 1:00 AM like I’m supposed to. I suppose if there’s nothing to worry about I’ll make sure there’s something to worry about. Sleep and stress. They are so tightly knit…

Friday, 12:45 PM

Continuing on the chronotherapy experiment. Feeling much better. Almost felt like I was going to pass out a few times around 10 AM but I seem to have picked up a second, or third, or sixty-fourth wind or something.

The panic is gone and the anxiety has diminished. My friend is awake again after he napped off and on for 2.5 hours. He’s allowed to nap, I’m not.

I think I’ll be able to make it to 6:00 PM but I wish it would hurry up and get here already. This has been the longest day, ever…

Friday, 9:00 AM

I’m still alive and ticking on the chronotherapy experiment. Still pretty tired. Dizzy. Nauseous. Feverish. Coffee’d. But still going. My friend is still here but he’s dozing in and out. It’s mostly Dexter keeping me company at the moment.

I had some moments of pretty high anxiety and panic but as long as I sit still and focus on the TV, the computer or my iPhone it seems to be OK. Quietly. The word of the moment.

I think I can stay awake until 6:00 PM. We’ll see. My brain is pretty scrambled…