depression Archives - Page 3 of 9 - Natasha Tracy Bipolar Expert

Pain May Not Get Better; Don’t Say, ‘It Gets Better’

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Sep 1, 2020

Recently a commenter called me out for saying, “It will get better.” The commenter’s point is that pain doesn’t get better for everyone and saying “It gets better,” is a lie; and, I can see how it could be somewhat dismissive of an individual’s experience. I understand this commenter’s complaint. I understand that just saying, “It gets better,” can sound just as trite as, “Turn that frown upside down.” So let’s talk about when things don’t get better. Let’s talk about the nuance of what to say when pain is not getting better.

Real, Tough Men Cry Too

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Aug 24, 2020

Do you think “real” men cry? What do you think “real” men are like? I’m a man and I say tough guys are sensitive and real guys cry too.

Depression and Judging Based on Productivity

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Aug 18, 2020

I work very hard to be productive every day in spite of depression. My depression would like me to stay in bed — forever — but I fight back. I get out of bed, I have coffee, I write and so on. And at the end of the day, I look back and see how productive I was. I find this metric very important. It turns out it’s the depression that makes me judge my productivity very harshly.

Depression Makes Me Hard to Know — Hidden Depression

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jun 30, 2019

Depression makes me hard to get to know. (Well, the bipolar globally, but I’m primarily depressed, so I’ll focus on that.) I didn’t know this for the longest time. I thought I was an open book. And, really, if you ask me something, I’ll tell you about it. There’s very little that I’m not comfortable talking about. I’m honest. I engage in long conversations — sometimes about me. I thought that meant it was easy to get to know me but it turns out this isn’t the experience other people were having. Then the other day, I saw a list of 10 characteristics of perfectly hidden depression and I realized those characteristics described me. So, as it turns out, depression — hidden depression — makes me hard to get to know.

Saying ‘I’m Grumpy’ When Really I’m Depressed — Social Acceptability of Sadness

Posted by Natasha Tracy | May 28, 2019

I say “I’m grumpy” when really I’m depressed all the time. Like, all the time. It just seems to slip out when people ask me how I am. I think it’s because saying “I’m grumpy” feels like less of a lie than “I’m fine.” I also think that saying “I’m grumpy” is more socially appropriate than saying “I’m depressed.” It’s like saying, “I’m dealing with a negative emotion right now but it’s one you’ll understand,” as opposed to, “I’m dealing with an illness right now that you’ll never understand.” So, yes, when I’m depressed I’ll most often admit to being “grumpy.”

Guilt Because of Depression Leading to Suicidal Ideation

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Apr 2, 2019

I can’t tell you how horrible it is to be consumed by guilt because of depression and having that lead to suicidal ideation. Well, being consumed by guilt for any reason at all is horrible, but when it’s driven by depression — a demon in your brain — it’s incessant and resistant to logic. Yesterday I was overwhelmed by guilt because of depression and it actually made me suicidal.

When You Can’t Do Anything Due to Bipolar Depression, Do This

Posted by Natasha Tracy | May 23, 2018

In my experience, there are often times when bipolar depression makes it so that I can’t do anything. I’m a lump. A rock. A blob. I literally can’t do anything because of bipolar depression. And because this happens to me, quite frankly, on a not infrequent basis, I’ve learned what to do when bipolar depression makes it so that I can’t do anything.

Depression — I Can’t Stop My Crying Reactions

Posted by Natasha Tracy | May 8, 2018

I cry all the time. Like, all the time. Crying is, in fact, my reaction to virtually everything (Depression and Crying in Public). Music makes me cry, TV shows make me cry, thoughts make me cry and even silence, makes me cry. If I sit here and just honestly think about how I feel in this very moment, I cry. I just always feel like crying. Crying is my reaction to everything. It’s wet, it’s salty and it sucks.

Passive Suicidal Depression – I Wish I Didn’t Wake Up

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Apr 24, 2018

There are different types of suicidal depressions and one type is the passive suicidal depression. It’s the kind of suicidal depression where you want to die, you just don’t want to kill yourself. (As I’ve written about before, here: The Difference Between Being Suicidal and Wanting to Die.) Passive suicidal depression tends to take forms such as the very common one of not wanting to wake up in the morning.