depression Archives - Page 3 of 8 - Bipolar Burble Blog

Saying ‘I’m Grumpy’ When Really I’m Depressed — Social Acceptability of Sadness

Posted by Natasha Tracy | May 28, 2019

I say “I’m grumpy” when really I’m depressed all the time. Like, all the time. It just seems to slip out when people ask me how I am. I think it’s because saying “I’m grumpy” feels like less of a lie than “I’m fine.” I also think that saying “I’m grumpy” is more socially appropriate than saying “I’m depressed.” It’s like saying, “I’m dealing with a negative emotion right now but it’s one you’ll understand,” as opposed to, “I’m dealing with an illness right now that you’ll never understand.” So, yes, when I’m depressed I’ll most often admit to being “grumpy.”

Guilt Because of Depression Leading to Suicidal Ideation

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Apr 2, 2019

I can’t tell you how horrible it is to be consumed by guilt because of depression and having that lead to suicidal ideation. Well, being consumed by guilt for any reason at all is horrible, but when it’s driven by depression — a demon in your brain — it’s incessant and resistant to logic. Yesterday I was overwhelmed by guilt because of depression and it actually made me suicidal.

When You Can’t Do Anything Due to Bipolar Depression, Do This

Posted by Natasha Tracy | May 23, 2018

In my experience, there are often times when bipolar depression makes it so that I can’t do anything. I’m a lump. A rock. A blob. I literally can’t do anything because of bipolar depression. And because this happens to me, quite frankly, on a not infrequent basis, I’ve learned what to do when bipolar depression makes it so that I can’t do anything.

Depression — I Can’t Stop My Crying Reactions

Posted by Natasha Tracy | May 8, 2018

I cry all the time. Like, all the time. Crying is, in fact, my reaction to virtually everything (Depression and Crying in Public). Music makes me cry, TV shows make me cry, thoughts make me cry and even silence, makes me cry. If I sit here and just honestly think about how I feel in this very moment, I cry. I just always feel like crying. Crying is my reaction to everything. It’s wet, it’s salty and it sucks.

Passive Suicidal Depression – I Wish I Didn’t Wake Up

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Apr 24, 2018

There are different types of suicidal depressions and one type is the passive suicidal depression. It’s the kind of suicidal depression where you want to die, you just don’t want to kill yourself. (As I’ve written about before, here: The Difference Between Being Suicidal and Wanting to Die.) Passive suicidal depression tends to take forms such as the very common one of not wanting to wake up in the morning.

Fear of Depression’s Pain Makes Depression Worse

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Apr 16, 2018

Fear of pain is normal and natural but I think an acute fear of depression’s pain actually makes depression worse; and of course, this is something that none of us want. But how does fear make pain worse? Can you get over fearing depression’s pain?

Severe Agitation – Bipolar Symptom or Medication Side Effect?

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Mar 21, 2018

I am suffering from severe bipolar-related agitation. Or is it severe medication-related agitation? This is the question. Technically, it’s mostly a question for your doctor, but it’s one I struggle with, too. On one level, it doesn’t much matter what’s causing the agitation as it’s happening and that’s that; and on the other hand, I think it’s important to know what’s driving the agitation – a bipolar symptom or a medication side effect?

Depression and Fake, Coping Skill Smiles vs Real Smiles

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Mar 12, 2018

If you knew me, you would know that I smile a lot. I fake smile a lot as a bipolar depression coping skill. Even when I’m quite depressed, I smile around others to hide. I would consider this to be pretty normal for people with a mental illness and even people without it. After all, how many people are hiding grief or heartbreak, for example, behind a smile?

But then there’s when I’m alone. I actually smile when I’m alone. When I was walking alone on the street this morning, I smiled at the moon. (I love when it’s out in the morning.) Somehow, seeing the moon created a smile on my face. Why is that? Why is it when I’m depressed I still smile when I’m alone?

Depression and Crying in Public

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Mar 6, 2018

I have experienced depression because of bipolar and cried in public more time than I can count. Like, way more. I’ve cried in grocery stores, malls, restaurants and pretty well anywhere else you can name. In fact, I just got off a plane where I was crying. So I’ve had a lot of experience crying in public because of depression and have given it a lot of thought.