depression Archives - Page 4 of 6 - Natasha Tracy Bipolar Expert

The Neurobiology of Depression – Depression and the Brain

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Apr 15, 2011

Major Depressive Disorder: it isn’t just “all in your head.”

I have spent quite a bit of time in the last week looking at a paper: Pathophysiology of Depression: Do We Have Any Solid Evidence of Interest to Clinicians? By Gregor Hasler.

This paper discusses seven research areas relating to the neurobiology of major depressive disorder (MDD). In other words, it talks about the biological evidence of depression, mental illness. It discusses the strengths and weaknesses of biological theories of depression via evidence and aims to point out some of the reasons our current treatment isn’t as successful as it should be. The paper cites 88 other studies and was published in the Journal of World Psychiatry in 2010. It’s pretty educational.

Why Should I Continue to Fight the Pain of Depression for Another 40 Years?

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Mar 3, 2011

A commenter, Jessica, left a comment yesterday that so succinctly expresses what so many of us feel about depression, bipolar and mental illness, and continue to feel. The following is her comment and my response.

“when I just feel so sick and tired of fighting for what seems like nothing…what seems like a never ending battle…what seems like someone hitting me over the head with a two-by-four every two minutes, telling me it will never stop until the day I die, and then they explaining to me why I should continue to fight to live for another 40 years.”

Yes. I know.

Fighting the Pain of Depression

We fight to the death for millimeters when we really need a mile. I know.

Depression, Bipolar – Feeling Alone with a Mental Illness

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 23, 2011

People with a mental illness feel alone.

Depression makes you feel alone. Depression makes you feel like you’re the only person that feels the pain and sadness that you do. Depression brings about negative spirals of thinking that convinces you that there is only darkness, nothingness and that you are utterly alone in the world. This loneliness is a symptom of depression.

Bipolar makes you feel alone too. Bipolar makes you think you are alone because no one else experiences the highs of mania and the lows of depression. Then there’s loneliness with Schizophrenia thanks to the rest of the world unfairly thinking you are violent and dangerous. And dissociative identity disorder convincing you that you are alone and that no one on the planet is as “crazy” as you.

In short, mental illness makes you feel alone and like there is no one else like you in the world.

Depression and Lack of Want, Desire

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 19, 2011

Ah depression. Sucking, vaporizing, numbing black hole. A void where feeling used to be.

Last night I went out on a date. It was a girl I had connected with through a site online. Lovely girl. Smiling. Happy. There’s a picture of her taking another girl’s bikini top off with her teeth. Playful happiness.

And in person, she was, in fact, happy. Enthralled and entertained by me. She wanted to hear story after story. Captivated. Charmed. Her gaze burned into my flesh.

Most Notable Feeling in Depression is Nothingness. A Lack of Want.

And I felt, nothing.

Bipolar, Hypomania, Depression and Looking Crazy

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 10, 2011

I can feel the post-depression-bounce-back hypomania beginning in my brain; not in my body, only in my brain. Hypomanic symptoms started yesterday evening. Things started seeming clear, perhaps just a little too clear, and certainly a little too fast. Bipolar fast. Gospel music (yes, oddly) played in my head intermittently while I guided an old tourist couple to the park, I drafted my upcoming novel, planned a conversation, and I investigated the fallen tree branch in the middle of the baseball field. Rapid fire thoughts, hypomanic thoughts, took over.

Hope and Resolutions – New Year, Same Bipolar

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 6, 2011

So here it is, 2011. Yes, a new year. People are full of hope, resolutions and motivation for change.

It should come as no surprise that I, the bipolar, the depressive, the philosopher, the writer, am not.

Resolutions and Hope for the New Year

Most people, mostly wrong people, think that they can seize this moment to change their life. People think that this arbitrary moment of existence somehow means that they can make their lives better.

Silly, sill them.

Resolutions and Disappointment for the New Year

The new year really means silly promises that people don’t keep and then are disappointed about by February 1st, if they’re lucky enough to last that long. Anyone still losing weight, going to the gym, reading more, quitting smoking, reducing debt or volunteering like they promised last year?

Resolutions and Hope: New Year, Same Bipolar

So my problem, the thing that really sticks in my craw, is this: if your average person can’t be expected to keep a New Year’s resolution, what chance does a crazy person have?

I’d say, very little.

Depression, Intrinsic and Extrinsic Sadness

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Jan 5, 2011

There are two categories of sadness: intrinsic and extrinsic, or internal and external. Within those categories there are is all manor of sadness, but for our purposes, we will make this single distinction.

Depression is Intrinsic Sadness

Intrinsic sadness is sadness from within and without cause.[push]Intrinsic sadness is pain without cause. It is without beginning or ending. It is sea you fall into without shore.[/push]

It typically presents itself in a clinical sense as depression. In a physiological sense, it’s misfiring (or not firing) neurotransmitters. Research suggests that a serious deficit of this type (depression) rarely rights itself without proper medical intervention. Intrinsic sadness is the stuff I feel most of the time in varying degrees thanks through my bipolar. Luckily most “normal” folk will only experience very limited intrinsic sadness and it’ll probably lead to just a blue day, and not depression.

Extrinsic Sadness Can Turn Into Depression

I Can’t Remember Not Being Depressed – Emotion and Memory

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Dec 12, 2010

When I am depressed I can’t remember what it’s like not to be depressed.

It’s an interesting phenomenon, actually. Although I, logically, can state that I have spent massive chunks of my life out of major depression, when I’m depressed I feel that’s not true. I can’t remember not having depressed emotion. I literally can’t remember what non-depressed feels like. Logic ceases to be convincing. I understand there’s a high statistical likelihood that depression will pass. But I just can’t believe it, can’t remember it, when depressed.

What’s triple chronotherapy like? Did it work?

Posted by Natasha Tracy | Nov 28, 2010

I followed the Triple Chronotherapy protocol Thursday – Monday last week. I wrote in laymen’s terms about circadian rhythm and Chronotherapy when I started and then copious updates afterwards. (At the end of this post you can see rough numbers tracking mood during my treatment.)

It’s important to note that I did this without medical supervision and so my thoughts cannot necessarily be generalized to what would happen in a clinical setting. And I don’t need to tell you this, but don’t try this at home kids. Bad things can happen.

During Day One of Chronotherapy

Staying up for 36 hours isn’t fun. I would imagine most people instinctively know this, but I can now say with certainty that 36 hours is too long to be awake.

The changes I noticed during this time were: