Bipolar Disorder Type I: Mania and Delusions of Grandeur

Not long ago the Bipolar Burble had a commenter ask me about delusions of grandeur in mania as a part of bipolar disorder. She was feeling alone in her experiences and so was hesitant to talk about her own delusions of grandeur during mania.

I’m not familiar with delusions of grandeur in mania and bipolar disorder so I looked it up and I asked if anyone had stories of their mania and delusions of grandeur. Naturally, my lovely readers provided.

Delusions of Grandeur as a Part of Mania of Bipolar Disorder

Delusions of grandeur is not officially listed as part if the diagnostic and statistics manual (DSM) of mental illness. Accoding to the DSM-IV TR (the latest version) one of the symptoms of bipolar mania is:

Inflated self-esteem to levels of grandiosity

Without mention of delusions in mania. However, this physician’s reference adds:

Mania may also include . . . delusions of grandeur. Delusions associated with mania frequently center around an expansive sense of self that goes well beyond narcissism, eg, believing oneself to have special (eg, supernatural) powers or to be the chosen leader of the world or universe.

Delusions of grandeur are part of mania and bipolar disorder I, not bipolar disorder type II (hypomania). (Delusions themselves can be part of other disorders as well.)

Different Types of Mania in Bipolar Disorder Type I

There has been an attempt made by researchers at Duke University to divide mania in bipolar disorder into five categories (using a sample of 327 inpatients with bipolar disorder):

  1. Pure type 1: (20.5%) – similar to hypomania, no aggression or paranoia, low irritability
  2. Pure type 2 (24.5%) – severe mania including grandiosity and psychosis
  3. Group 3 (18%) – psychosis, paranoia, delusional grandiosity and delusional lack of insight, lower levels of psychomotor and hedonic activation
  4. Group 4 (21.4%) – high dysphoria, low psychomotor and hedonic activation
  5. Group 5 (15.6%) – mixture of others; dysphoria, euphoria

Mania-Related Definitions

  • Dysphoria: emotional state marked by anxiety, depression and restlessness
  • Grandeur: affectation of personal greatness or splendor or by absurd exaggeration
  • Hedonic (hedonia, hedonist): pleasure seeking above all else

Delusions of Grandeur Common in Bipolar I Mania

In short, delusions of grandeur are pretty common in type I bipolar disorder mania. (According to the above, almost 45% of bipolars in a manic episode experience it to some degree.)

You’re not weird or a freak at all. You’re not alone in your delusions of grandeur. Delusions of grandeur are just another thing about bipolar disorder that people don’t want to talk about.

Real Life Stories of Delusions of Grandeur in Bipolar Disorder

Delusion of Grandeur in Bipolar ManiaHanna’s personal experience of delusions of grandeur is a really great example:

As the week progressed and my mania increased everything started coming in brilliant detail. As I drove past fields of grass no longer could I see the wind blowing across a field, but instead as I looked out I saw millions of individual blades of grass blowing. It was like a clarity I have never seen. Everything was in super sharp focus. It was like a whole new world, and it was beautiful. But as it progressed the more I saw in detail the more I felt “one” with nature, to the point where I thought that I could BE one with the wind.

One afternoon driving home from work I thought that I was so in tune to the nature around me I could drive with my eyes closed. I rolled down my window and extended my arm out as far as I could, each finger spread out wide. I gently at first started letting the wind guide my arm up and down, then at the precise moment I felt it “carry” me I closed my eyes and let the wind guide me down the interstate. This abruptly ended when I hit the side of the road. I was so torn between some part of my mind telling me I was crazy and the utter disappointment I felt with the wind for not guiding me and keeping me on the road.

I ended up in the hospital the next week.

From another person with bipolar disorder (kept anonymous for privacy reasons):

I thought I was the incarnation of Bast, Egyptian cat goddess, and I could talk to every kitty in the universe.  Most people when they get in that state think they are Jesus. I was brought up Jewish and I am a cat person, so I guess I thought of Bast. It got bad when the cat was talking to me and I could swear I could hear the kitty in the apartment across from me talking to me.

Manic Delusions of Grandeur Examples

Both of the above are from great people. Just like you. Trust me; you’re not alone in this.

  1. Hi! I would like your advice or diagnosis about this concerning a friend. He is 19 yrs. old. He is born in Italy but his family moved to Vienna after the death of his father when he was six. He became a music student since his father was a composer. During one of his visits in Munich, he felt as though people in the street had something to say about him and talked about everywhere. At the inn he was staying at, he heard a comment about him which made him diss that person but due to that he was seized with apprehension that his remark was taken as an offense to our state. He then left munich with every precautionary measure since he thought he is being followed. He felt iil at ease, depressed and lonely and he even went as far to change his place and profession. He then have delusions of people threatening him, those behind doors and windows and even in the streets. This what he told but even though he withdrew altogether from society, we believed he’s okay since he actd normal whenever he visited. When he came back from his visit, he said he felt freer, comfortable and then cheerful where he began to talk a lot , compose and criticize everything. He said he saw lightning nd colors which he told us it was because of his brilliance. When we tried to talk to him, he’s answers were normal but when we brought up about him going to see a psychiatrist, he told us that he won’t since they are hypnotizers, who would experiment on him. He said that we are trying to bring him to a professional because of a song he composed which is dedicated to his female student he was courting. He then said he saw Christ and even a golden figure that was his father. This was brought to our attention by his teacher who told us about his sudden , erratic,inexplicable behavior. What could we do to convince him? and what do you think is his mental illness?

  2. Hi, I was wondering if anyone who’s experiencing type 1 bi-polar disorder, or knows someone who did, could give a little insight.
    My cousin was recently diagnosed, and unfortunately she is in a country where she doesn’t speak the language very well. The doctor does not speak fluent English and struggles very hard to communicate in English. A basic response to give you an idea, would be…
    “I.. uh… hmmm… I.. hmm… you… hmmm… you are… hmm.. uh… hmm.. elevated now… uh..”

    Now imagine this for every single response.

    The doctor has suggested total isolation including away family, parents as well. She’s locked into her room and gets little interaction with the nurses. The parents including me (cousin) are allowed to see her every other day for no more than 5 to 10 minutes at a time. I do understand giving her an audience can exacerbate the problem, as she can go on and on about her ideas and how omnipotent she is.

    However, I do wonder if completely isolating her is an acceptable treatment method. Not to mention, not a single nurse speaks English. There is only 1 doctor who speaks English and he is not there everyday.
    Due to the language barrier, the doctor was not able to get in depth information about her until 2 days after she was admitted to the psyche ward, and only because I speak the language fluently and was able to give my insight.

    Does treatment along these lines sound normal to you?
    I spoke to my mother who majored in neurology and is currently working in a hospital in the US, and she has suggested that the patient not be totally isolated like that, and that her parents have a joint session along with her, as it is definitely an underlying cause to her emotional trauma and stress. But the doctors don’t even want them to talk to her right now. The doctor is adamant about this and has stated that this country has their own set ways of dealing with these things, but then at the same time… this country has one of the highest suicide rates in the world and mental health services are mostly not covered by the national health insurance.

    Any insight on this, or personal experiences, etc, would be a great help. Thank you everyone!

  3. @Connie : Could we get in touch? My mom is diagnosed with bipolar. Also, my brother is experiencing extreme grandios views and paranoia and looks like he is diagnosed as bipolar, maybe schizophrenia as well. My mom says that it is all spiritual, and that he is spiritually sensitive but just can’t shut out the dark stuff. She has always seen spirits. Both of them have attracted a lot of attention from cops, and have a hard time holding down their life the way they want it to be. I would love to talk to someone like you who speaks to spirits and believes in all this but also manages and lives a peaceful, wonderful and successful life, and has good relationships.

  4. If you are a writer, delusion is a good resource. Otherwise life is confusing. I play with my delusions, have fun with them and of course spend a lot of time alone. I don’t choose to be miserable, that comes to often and naturally. To enjoy life is a challenge no matter what your diagnosis.

    I recently used a shot glass to view a black hole in the universe. It showed me things only scientist with expensive equipment know. Others with skills come to similar type conclusions. They have credentials and history lauds them for their efforts.

    Everyone else reads this blog.

  5. I’m feeling all ya’ll. Since the age of 2 I’ve seen spirits, called cops em, chased them down and was frightened to death by some. Personally, we’re all on one big spiritual journey, and yes we are living INSANELY, cause what this world considers SANE, we have to live in. Which makes this INSANITY. Plain and simply this whole existence is insanity.

    I’ve seen so much in my life and yes, it took a while for me to discern the dead from the living, but I have, and I speak to them for a living. I rely heavily on them for many reasons, but the biggest reason is that they DON’T LIE. People lie and judge and do all this crud and try to make us believe we’re crazy cause they aren’t like us and can’t understand us? How inane is that.

    I wanted to write about my latest experience. I was on my meds folks and this was not a mania moment at all, I mean hello it was hours and hours of this going on. I was trying to find a certain lake to go camping at, and was pulled to a highway off ramp in the middle of the night. I took the exit and went left……West, same direction to where this lake is, but god only knows why Google maps just wouldn’t function for me at all. Anyhow I took this exit and ended up on a dirt road (which is what we took to get there as a kid) so it wasn’t so far fetched that this could be the road, but I came to an old house with a non functioning, retired I’d call it, farm.

    Being sane, and a Medium, I found this place a fricken trip. There were no animals on this farm, do you hear me, it was retired I’m telling ya. I pull up, look around and decided to get out. Suddenly “spirit animals” which probably were at the farm back in the day, were revealing themselves in spirit form. I was laughing and saying, “you guys are fricken good”. Suddenly (at 2 am……..2 rooster crows loud as day came out of nowhere.) I laughed even harder. I felt kind of special that these spirits found me honorable enough to show themselves and perform for me. I knew it was weird as all get out, but hey, embrace it while you can I say. So I walked over to the other pen that was wide open and empty, and this cage thing where I think they would have placed the hay for horses back in the day, suddenly appeared a very skinny, sick lion. No muscles at all really. I gave a sorry, “Awe, you poor thing” comment towards it, and it immediately changed into what I can only describe as many see to believe in —a demon. I looked at it, and said, “Very very funny you. Nice try.” A second later, a LIVE bunny, ran across my path and headed toward the hill across from the farm. It was the only live creature that night, and although, I embraced enjoyed and learned a lot that night, I was not at all insane. I wasn’t believing these “as professionals would call them” delusions. They weren’t delusions doctors. Let’s get that straight.

    Oh and to all those people who think they are professionals. I did a presentation to the Graduating Doctoral students at BYU back in the day. They agreed I was not bipolar or schizophrenic, even though that’s what they had me diagnosed with. Let me just ask you professionals this? You pray to who? Prove that’s even sane? You have dreams? Really, you sure that’s not all in your head? You sure you’re not delusional? Oh dreams are real you argue? Prove it. Just cause you say you said it doesn’t make it real right? Isn’t that what you want all of specially Gifted folks to believe right?

    To all my special gifted folk who start to want to fly with the wind and do what we all know we can do, but shouldn’t cause no one else would understand. May I give some advice. When you reach the point of trying to do these things, find a large tree. Hug that sucker with all your might, and take your shoes off and let your feet touch the earth/grass whatever. This is what is called GROUNDING yourself.

    There is no doubt in my mind that what you’ve experienced is true and real, and I’m not all doubting your gifts or abilities, but use common sense. When a bunch of information starts coming at you at a massive rate, stay grounded, you can’t do it all in one day, but if you can stabilize (nature is God’s creation too dears) which is why we have trees to rely on and not man. lol The trees know…..they get it. Trust me, they will not judge you and it’s not illegal to be a tree hugger. :D You can live in that awesome world/mind everyday….instead of big mania spurts, trust me. I’ve done it my entire life. Practice and play with your abilities, strengthen your gifts, and know that just because it’s the most amazing, indescribable feeling ever…..doesn’t mean it can’t last day in and day out….it can.

    Practice makes perfect remember. (doctors are just assuming..they couldn’t handle a day in our shoes) so let them assume, and continue to embrace your special existence. You’re not crazy…….it was all real, just slow the roll folks, we all got to get to the same place at the same time to make the “big difference”. Understand? Love ya’ll.

    • I am very sorry and I do not mean any malice toward you, but you have provide an example of mania even though you claim not to. I know in your heart you believe what you say is true but that is why the disease is so tragic and difficult to control. It takes people who usually are of above average intelligence and in a cruel twist turns their very thoughts and ability to judge against them. You cannot trust your own thoughts as someone with bi-polar. You may be able to get to the point with the right combination of medication, support system and other factors to function, but the cold hard truth is this is a life long battle. It is not fair, it is cruel, it is painful and it is misunderstood by nearly everyone. I am sorry to continue to be the one to deliver “cold, hard fact” but the sooner you can accept that, the sooner you can begin building a future on a foundation of actual truth.

      • Cold hard fact is, you can either make something negative, Like you are for yourself, or you can see it as a positive….we all have that choice. Being extremely gifted, some usually ask if it’s a gift or a curse, lol I don’t believe in curses, so it’s certainly a gift. Oh and that which I wrote, most doctors would call mania, but i know otherwise. See I can choose to believe that which you have given into, or I can look around at my brand new home, my three beautiful children, my own business, and be grateful and know that clearly anyone who was not living the truth, would not be relied on so many because they are so accurate. So you clearly are claiming that what I experienced was not mania, and to some I am certain would think is delusional, and I’m trusting in the fact that, since I have a handle on my own day to day miraculous life, you clearly don’t believe in yourself, can’t seem to find any positive to any of it, consider yourself sick, and have given in to whatever body else thinks about you and tells you you are. I’m sorry, I realize where that can really piss you off and turn you into negative nanny, but you are not a professional, you do not have a right to tell me what’s what about me. You cannot tell me to be miserable and accept that I’m worthless cause no one else is like me…….it won’t stick. Oh and when you figure out the whole thing behind thoughts, cause my head is always quiet..but man was it noisy and all over the place for a very long time (until I started understanding……they aren’t my thoughts, those were all spirit messages), and now that I speak up……I sleep with no dreams, and my head is as peaceful as ever. But hey, you know there’s no way out of your misery…….so what do I know? I embraced those thoughts and made a living delivering messages and guidance to people all over the world daily. You might want to try it, since you got nothing better to do than to put your life down.

        • I will apologize if you took anything in my comment to be hurtful. It was not my intention as none of my comments are meant that way. I even started out by saying I did not mean any malice toward you or anyone else. My only point was that to attempt to live a sucessful life with the disease is to build one on a solid foundation. That usually starts with an acceptance of the disease and how it can alter ones thoughts and perceptions. That you cannot always trust what you think, hear or see. That it is important to have in place a support system (medication, counseling,etc) to manage and survive. I am not negative, I am realistic. This is the single most important skill/trait someone with the disease can develop. I have made it a rule not to engage in arguments with people on here no matter how much I disagree or if I feel their comments are a potential disservice to others because we are all on the same team. Regardless of how much my comments may anger you, they are sincere and from a place of caring for you and all the others. You and I can disagree, but I still wish you well and hope your path works. I just feel it is important that on the whole others commit to a solid foundation of support based on support, not giving up, simply being realistic and maybe taking smaller steps before they try “to fly.” Please take care.

  6. Idk if anyone else has had spiritual delusions, but I have. I felt as if God had wiped my brain clean of all past flaws and that I could attain any goal I wanted to. After a couple of months that slowly declined back to the problems with focus and having little to no interest in what I normally would have an interest in (music, sports, science). for about three years I thought it was because I wasn’t faithful enough to God. Boy was I wrong. It ebded up being my first experience with mania. Mixed in with delusions of grandeur. One of the most disapointing things ever ion my life.

    • I understand that one Jelani, I was at on point, so pumped and excited for what I could see was possible, not this hell day in and day out life where everyone’s living like robots…..I saw how it could be, and I i with all faith and confidence, pulled up to my bank, was ready to withdrawal it all, and I heard a huge shudder, “OMG she’s going to go for broke,” and I stopped for a second, and asked, well what the hell were you trying to show me we could live freely for if we helped one another if you weren’t ready to go all the way……, so yeah even spirit was shocked, but I snapped out of it, got 20 dollars out or something stupid…..and stuck to the basics, knowing the experience was not in my head, and even spirit saw how serious I was about this new world coming to be, but they weren’t ready. Yes I have a grander plan in mind for my life, and money is nothing to me…..I can walk away from everything at any time and know I’ll be okay……I’ve done it many times just to prove a point to many……so my faith still stands, but until the rest of the world is on board……I just smile thinking of what a great gift the world has in store………

  7. hi …
    i was diagnosed too in age 32 i mean last weak by a doctor.. i mean now i am in said i have light bipolar mani..
    when i was child i always had dream i am a warrors in fight and can save world ..sth like imagine my self as bush or hitler even in army.its 1 weak i went doctor and finally i accept i need pills.i am using it and now i guess i have not any could be more with music or in car.but i never talk with my mom .i just was sure about over ability but in work i always get fired!and always think my employer wanted sleep with me.then i notice i cant talk in work with others.just with ppl i like to talk.i thought all ppl are ordinary and i am special.
    now i have no money no job no insurance no husband .thats funny.that over confidance broke i guess.i am in earth.but in this weblog i read ppl have delutions that said other i am god or see strange thing!i just when find en empty space or with music those delution come to me .i could be an actoress always scared if this room have a camera ppl scare me.but i had it when i was 9.

  8. Hi, In short what I experienced, frequencies coming out of my hands, able to read minds of people I choose, Telepahty at a vvery strong level, think of someone and get an SMS or an email from then the following day, able to heal my cat, my own neck pain (which was there for many years), able to read a book faster, enhanced memory, seeing planets and numbers in my mind, past life feelings, connected to the universe in a very profound manner, physical strength improved to a crazy level eg. some1 who could do 20pushups at a time, suddenly able to do 80 at a time without training, lift heavier weights like never before, playing my sport tennis way better then ever before.. power of the subconscious mind heightened, becoming very spiritual & feel as I’m connected to life in a greater whole… and so many things like that… never depressed by the way, always in good spirits… then a year ago from now, June 29th, while in taxi, had a horrible car accident, car hit the side of some housing building fence, suddenly as I came out, instead of stepping on the road, I fell 25feet on hard surface, suffered major trauma, 5days in comma, borken ribs, badly hurt back, head injury, lost my balance & hearing from 1 ear, overall it was nothing but miricale from god that I’m still alive as I write this… lost my sport life for now (due to balance VOR).. anyhow just hoping one day I can become active the way I’ve always been…. anyhow somehow I was diagnosed bi-polar at the hospital… and I never knew what it meant… now I do, but same time what I mentioned above (Telepahty, etc etc) are they alll part of being Bi-polar or its different? .. though I must say, after my accident, I never felt those feelings again, maybe cause everything is very different for me due to health reasons and honestly I cannot wait to have those feelings and abilities again.. since I never caused any harm to anyone, only was helping everyone I could like I always did for year, just when I felt I got those amazing gifts from inside, I would to a lot more for others in a very constructive way.. was amazing.. I just beleive what’s inside of us may manifest on the outside in pure form of love for life & to help others when necessary.

  9. This comment is for Anna who left a post on 6/1/15. I realize my comment will not be taken in the way it is intended but I am going to post it and hope for the best. I am 44, and have dealt with this disorder for many years. I can speak to it with experience and understanding. When I read your post and the further I went I began to feel worse for you. I have read items like this before and always find them troubling. Your comments about using the energy, etc of the disorder to propel you to greater things is not good advice especially from someone who is embarking on a career in counseling. You above anyone should know that what one gets from this disorder is 100% false and should never be relied on for anything of substance. For those who are dealing with this we need to understand what is real and first build a solid foundation on reality. The things that come to us when we are manic are at best partially real and at worst absolute lies. Aside from the right combination of medications and a supports system, which as anyone knows can take years if not decades to find, one needs to understand the reality of the situation, because starting with one reality, no matter how hard that is, can be the link to another and then another, and this is where you can begin to find some calm in the storm. Please consider this and consider an addendum to your posting.

    Very truly yours,

    • Hi Gabriel, I appreciate your comment. I believe my husband is bi-polar but I cannot be sure and he will not get help. He recently drained all of the money from our bank account and had a grand adventure that landed him in a Mexican jail and a psychiatric hospital. Throughout this experience he believed that he was the anti-christ and sometimes the son of god. He was hallucinating beings of darkness and light. And a ball of light was whispering to him. In the hospital however, he denied all of his delusions and hallucinations and the psychiatrists told me that they thought he might have bipolar disorder but they needed him longer to get a diagnosis. He was at that point there voluntarily. He was not on drugs by the way. He said horrible things about the people that witnessed his behavior when he got out including me and his dad. I became afraid of his unpredictable behavior and anger toward me so I filed for divorce, though I really did not want to. Since he got out of the hospital he has slowly started sounding more and more like my husband. He seems normal. However, he has been honest with me about his experiences (to a point) and no one else. He said he cannot share these experiences with others or they will think he is crazy. He now believes that he is an angel and as far as I can tell he may still be hearing the whispers and having visions. He tells me he loves me and misses me but he cannot be married because it is greedy. All of this started several months ago. It is hard because I still love him but I am afraid and do not know how to get him help. We will be divorced in a couple of days and he tells me he is moving out of state so I may not be able to do much. I would remarry him if he would get help but I just don’t know how to break his delusions. Any advice?

      • I am not in anyway a mental health professional. I am very sorry to hear what both of you have been through. I am probably too cynical to give any real advice as I think it is probably a blessing even though a very sad one that you have a chance to be away from him and try to make a life away from the chaos. It is so very hard to live with the disorder and when one is having moments of clarity some feeling horrible about having people they loved being “trapped” with them. So maybe he will find some relief in not constantly dragging you into the chaos. Maybe some days if stability can be found the two of you maybe be able to find some sort of relationship again. Good luck

    • I should also say that the story is really the short version. We has been having all sorts of delusions for a while but he is very good at hiding them from people that might think he is “crazy”

  10. I just have to comment on BPI. I have been diagnosed for years!!! After such a long time my psychiatrist finally got my medication cocktail right, meaning that the right combination of meds works for me. I still have a lot of energy and sometimes have these ideas that I can do anything. So I decided that I was going to put all that energy and the “I can do anything” to work and see if it was real or just as some will say delusions of grandeur. Sometimes it is quite true that a person is very well talented but a psychiatrist will use the old tried and true “delusions of grandeur” instead of truly trying to find out if a person is talented, Such as a person that believes they could be an accomplished artist but gets knocked down by the “delusions” attitude from the psycho doctor! But I do hope that everyone that has their grand ideas concerning , they could be an artist, a musician, an author, whatever, try it out!! Who knows you just might be what you feel you are and do not let a psycho doctor get you down into believing that your are having delusions of grandeur. As long as in the process you do not hurt yourself or anyone else, just because you are bipolar does not mean you can’t accomplish anything, you can accomplish a lot of things and probably better than most “normal” people.
    My story, I decided to see if I could really do anything I wanted to do, in that I wanted to see if I was as smart as I felt I was…I started a two year college and finished in one year, chancellor’s list, am a member of Phi Theta Kappa, then on to a four year university, major in sociology, finished in one and half years, chancellor’s list, am a member of Alpha Kappa Delta The International Sociology Honor Society and now I am in graduate school (3.98 GPA) and have two classes to finish to have my Master’s of Science Degree in Counseling!! I will then take my state exam to receive my official title as a Licensed Professional Counselor. So I know that being bipolar does not stop me from doing anything I just took all of my “delusions of grandeur” that my psycho doctor and counselor said I had and put it all to good use. Now the place where I go for therapy and to see my psychiatrist have offered me a job as a therapist and I have not even finished school! They say my “experience” with mental health (bipolar) will really help me to reach out to clients. It is like the “been there done that” they feel I could really help people learn to cope with being bipolar. We may be bipolar but we are unique, we will have weird thoughts but then again who is to say what is weird, our minds might run faster than others, so what it just means we are ten steps ahead of “normal” people, we get depressed, well everyone gets depressed at times and they are lying if they say they do not, it is just that we experience “things” in a far more acute manner than “normal” people but in our world we are the ones that are normal. I was at one time embarrassed and made to feel ashamed because I am bipolar but not anymore because I know that we just walk a different path than other people do, well we run not walk. One thing that is important is to get the right medication and if you do not feel your meds are right then tell your psychiatrist, look the meds up on the net, find out all you can and present it to your psychiatrist as a back up to prove that the meds he prescribes may not be right for you. We are not “coolie cutter” and different meds do have different effects. I can not take Seroquel because it makes me very hyper, I will stay up for days while my bipolar brother takes it and he is in “zombie” land. Just check your meds and you know your body better than anyone and if something doesn’t feel right then it probably isn’t right. If you are in therapy you have the right according to the ACA Code of Ethics to see your records, what has been written, progress notes and treatment plans. You should know that when treatment plans are made you are suppose to be a part of creating the treatment plan and if you do agree with whatever is suggested then you have the right to disagree and your therapist has to work with you in designing treatment that you agree and feel will work. Ask your therapist what type or model of therapy is going to be used? They are suppose to if ask to explain every detail concerning the type of therapy and interventions that can/may be used and you have to agree first before it can be used. I am at this time taking three classes together, assessment, diagnosis, and treatment where normally only one is taken at a time but my bipolar racing mind can do all three at the same time.
    The point is you have a lot of rights concerning your treatment, your meds, and have the right for all your questions to be answered. Your psychiatrist and/or therapist have to abide by the ACA Code of Ethics which is the governing body of rules. Look it up the whole code is on the net and read it and then you will know your rights as a client. I suppose I can get off my soap box now because I still go to therapy but know exactly what my therapist knows. He says I know more than he does and I always make him the client and I am the therapist. A point is I just got so tired of people not understanding, not knowing how it feels to be in a manic stage or drop into depression that I wanted to be able to really help people like me in learning to cope and live a good life with understanding what it feels like to be in either stage. So I went to school so I could do this. Unless a person has actually experienced a manic or depressed stage how in the world can they say they know how you feel, how can they really understand and so therefore I do not feel they can really help. All they do is get the DSM and look up the symptoms and check off the list to see if a person meets the criterion for a mental disorder and have their answer.
    Hang on everyone and know that in your heart things will get better, It may take just getting the right meds, the right psychiatrist or the right therapist but it will happen, do not ever give up.

  11. Married forty two years everything seemed alright then I found out my bipolar one husband was having an affair with much younger woman . Twice he got apartment set up to leave me now she ended affair when I found out. Now I have fallen out of love with him my protection from him so he can never hurt me this much again. Should I divorce him I can’t seem to be happy being married anymore eaven though since woman isn’t in the picture anymore he wants me. Help.

  12. I am doing extensive research on the matter of God and visions and feelings that for some reason God is with me protecting me every step of the way. I have led a crazy life chock full of life threatening scenarios and events..i cannot explain my current well being any other way than a God who knows something i dont and sees something i dont see as being rational(me so important He constantly pulls from the fire) i stumbled across this blog and it definitely gave me some great info for my research. I am a paranoid person and i do see the mathematic equation in life itself but after reading through here i still believe what i saw was not a delusion of grandeur or some deeply rooted mental illness symptom poking through. I am definitely no more special or important than anyone matter of fact i feel inferior and shy and unconfident most of the time yet i cannot deny factual evidence that i ..while experiencing my share of rough hard sad times..that i have been protected and defied all odds of death incarceration physical impairments..for some reason i have made it thru the fire time and time again to mine and many others not saying this to sound cool or boast i am saying it because it is most certainly true and i to this day still cannot understand why..i am an average guy who has spotty employment and no real future (career) ahead of 33 no dl ling criminal record and live in the rural area where no real oppurtunity exists yet i cant deny these miracles i have not only seen but have been part of..i wanted to share this part here about a visuon i had the other morning that truly shook my like to know if anyone has had anything similar..please dont make fun i am really wanting to find someone who has shared a similar experience..okay here it goes..the other morning i was wide awake i was very sad due to my girlfriend and i fighting and just the altogether hopelessness i felt about my life in general..i started praying to God saying i was sorry for turning out like this..leading a life of crime drugs etc etc..i did not intend to cry but it came and hard..i begged him to not send me to hell if i ended my life..i said i did not even want any help down here i just didnt want to go to hell and also if He would please make sure everyone would be ok if i did it to myself..(i am not wanting pity i am fine now it was just an accumulation of a lifetime of crap ive done that was coming out) anyhow one of last things i said was i am no good for my kids they will realize what a joke and loser i am one day and they will hate me or look down on me and i wasnt worthy of being their Daddy i have failed…i stopped crying opened my eyes and sat there laying on my side for a minute or two i closed my eyes for 1 second and loud and clear i heard a voice say this is your legacy legacy legacy ..immediately i began watching what was like a short personal video prepared for was 3 parts..1st part consisted of a few ladies who spoke on how aa/na and jail was tge best thing thats ever happened in their life and a few words on how they overcome the odds etc part was my son and daughter grown up sitting at a big picnic table ..looked like they were in late 20s early 30s i was totally awake and realized when i went to touch their faces i was resting my arm on a pillow in my bed yet i was literally there and i knew that to be true as sounds ridiculous but coming from someone who has experienced many halluncinations and dreams due to a wide array of “reasons” or factors i can most ASSUREDLY say this was not a delusion..i felt everybit of it on every level exactly as it really was ie being in bed and being there at same time plus theseperate plateus of emotions i had inside from present moment reality and where i was in my vision..i knew i was in bed..i knew i was there..and at same time i knew that even though thus was taking place in the future it was a moment that was happening right tgere and then and also that the moment experienced was a look into tye ya different kind of crazy anybody woukd think if i told them this..but i knew it justhow i knew me laying in my bed was real..i saw my grandchildren and my sons little boy looked so muchlike me..he was around 3 years old and hiding from his daddy under tye picnic table..i reached out to touch their faces and started crying all i could say was my boy my boy and my baby my baby and my grandson and granddaughter..tears of joy..proud tears..what came next was what i guess the legacy statement meant at tge start of this son and daughter had a non profit organization tgat developed a communal living quarters for families in need i heard them overtalking with some investors or guests at this what i realized then was an unveiling of the lroject at a cookout company party type get together that they dedicated this project to their Daddy who at that time i was already deceased(not suicide btw)..and tgat it was beacuse of the values i t9ught them about life and love and family that they started this company..they looked EXACTLY how they will when grown up..tyat sounds silly but i coukdnt even imagine that again if i tried..i mean precisely with a scar that hasnt happ3n3d yet on my sons arm..anyhow i then saw a computer reanimation of this complex being put togetyer not as in a presentatiin but i literally saw every stud every screw every piece of material come together one by vision entered the 3rd part and that was a series of news casts from around the if little 5 second bits were being flicked thru on the channels of a tv..but dozens upon dozens of bits..the first ones cut into middle of reporters sentence clearly stating the year which was 2592..tge n3xt mentioned a organization called Annointed Fist..the rest followed same suit reporting mainly on military groups invading so on and so forth but one of the last reports mentioned india and that they “were just being india” like some sort of innuendo or inside joke..?? I have no idea what she meant by that i dont even think of india in my day to day life or really care about india like how even if a deeply rooted sickness or subconcious thought made me think of something how in the world would it be things or places i have no interest or thought in and how were tgese visions so matter of fact to the point packed full of info and words i dont even know and so vivid and clear not to mention AUDIBLE and very boom boom boom ..i apologize for rambling but i truly want to know if anyone whetger diagnosed bipolar not diagnosed or completely sane people have EVER experienced something like this..i know people will discount my credibility if i told them this in person because i used to use drugs and am a bit paranoid and overthink and analyze but even given all that thereis no way i just made that all up or even coukd make that visiin up if i prepared ahead if time..there were things in that visiin i have never heardof and theories i have never bli ked an eye at and the feelings felt were real..mind you i was awake the whole time and when it was done i wrote it down in a stunned dumbfounded daze.please let me know if youve exoerienced anythibg kike this..ince again sorry for the lengthy post..but thank you ahead of time for listening and or responding. Jeremy Marth

  13. So..I need a little help. My boyfriend thinks he can create these tiny little beings that act sort of like his…minions for lack of a better word. They gather information on people and places for him and let him know about it. He also thinks he can move things with his mind and set off car alarms and such.

    I love him to death and he’s a great guy we’ve been together 4 years and it’s only getting worse. He’s always heard voices but I assumed that was due to his (diagnosed) depression. Lately it’s been getting worse because he’s made a friend at work who is bi polar and told him those voices are beings trying to get out. He also has a friend who identifies as pegan and says he can see auras and supernatural beings. This might be the wrong place to post thing, but it’s a start right? How can I talk to to him without hurting him or make him think I’m making fun of him? He’s an amazing, loving suportive man that would give me the world if I asked and I want to support him….but this can’t be healthy?

  14. Pingback: Christopher Columbus Thought He Was Causing the End of the World | con gusto

  15. I have to say I have been diagnosed BPI for over a decade now. Off and on meds to this very day (currently off). I laughed so hard at these stories, I don’t think anyone who is bipolar wouldn’t half from relief and half from belief. Feels good to be in a room with like minded people. For me, I personally lived a very tormented life with many unexplained insane actions on my part that led to my own detriment since I was a teen. I’m 43 now and mental illness awareness in the black community is nonexistent!! I didn’t find out why I was running from the “mafia” who had EVERYONE in their employment including the people I could have trusted, trying to convince me they didn’t. A whirlwind of unsafe womanizing practices all of whom I could not “trust”. I did smoke a lot of weed back then and there could not be a worse place to be then to peak at either polar and get high. I always felt like more of an undiscovered “genius” than I did an undiagnosed bipolar. When my manias came so did the ideas! I believed that if you sat down with me I could solve half the problems on earth just with my inventions and governmental revisions. The emotional instability, the TV talking to me, the maze of numbers I thought life was hidden in.

    Then I got committed and the meds came and with them came some structure.
    But in my wake was a childhood spent in and out of jail about 4 years in (tried to burglarize a house in broad daylight, I stole 3 $2dollar bills in case you were wondering), 6 Abortions, homelessness easily 2 years worth, horrible family ties, No education, no acquired skill set, Barely an employment or credit history, no drivers license till I was 25. Worst of it all was that no one cared enough to figure it out with me.

    Then came GOD it was like walking on a beautiful beach, water clear and blue to the bottom, sun shinning with the a much needed breeze at just the right moments. Except your feet are all cut up and sore with a few broken foot bones so this day at the beach is an eternity of mixed feelings with every step. I know you can identify.

    My current reality is that I’m off the ignorant wagon as a passenger but I still may be pulling the damn thing! I think I’m not alone feeling “smarter” than the meds. I think? I need them true but even on them I feel the ways of my bipolar peeking through. You say get them tweaked I say they don’t work even if I do. So I am aware of the role it has played in my life wont be revisiting that and have since fixed credit, gotten a home, A skill set, a license and a car and I have a 16 year old son that lives with me. So now that I have retooled my creative juices it’s not about success more like trying to figure out the best platform for maintaining without numbing my brain and gaining 1000 lbs in the process. Open for all ideas.

    Please don’t be offended by me laughing at your stories, mine wasn’t funny either but I honestly hoped you did get a laugh out of it except for all you Type II’s ;) we all know why you were laughing :)

    To finish I can promise you mental illnesses run rampant and undiagnosed in the black community lending itself heavily into much of what you may see happening from afar. I have to say it’s not just black communities but poor communities in general. Mental health needs to be part of your annual checkup. The therapy word is not spoken in black communities at all!!! Sad but true.

    Thank you guys for sharing your stuff been a while since my feet didn’t hurt ;)
    Natasha Tracy… This is a Great Thing!!! I will be revisiting, I had no idea people were leaving the medical books at home and were really talking about bipolar! So Thanks for the Arena

    Then came the GOD “confusion”. You know are the

    • and i dont personally think anyone who his bipolar and aware of it would choose tobe such a fu ck up. BIpolar cant be an excuse [moderated]

  16. DEAR ALAN,

    The main thing is that you are still alive! Everything, AND I DO MEAN EVERYTHING, is secondary to that.

    I am particularly interested in your HIGH ACHIEVER abilities – book writing in a short space of time under duress. I have noticed that there seems to be a correlation between Mental Problems (I tend to avoid psychiatric terms) and what I call someone exhibiting HIGH ACHIEVER performance.

    I’m not a New Age type of person (I’m a Metallurgist by trade) but my understanding is that as someone develops spiritually their CHAKRAS become enlivened. As these CHAKRAS become enlivened there are fluctuations I propose. I’d like it to a baby being fed formula milk rather than its usual diet of breats milk. It takes a while for the baby’s digestive system to accomodate the new food. The same occurs when the baby is then progresses on to solids with the accompanying disasters.

    As we both know the baby gets used to solid food and I believe that you are in the equivalent process spiritually. (The child learning to walk is another example until the ability to walk is mastered.) It takes a while to control these fluctuations in the CHAKRAS but eventually it calms down and actually becomes useful. First clairAudience, “I hear voices” (schizophrenia), develops with the enlivening of the Throat Chakra and then later the 3rd Eye is enlivened and the person becomes ClairVoyant.

    Keep at it and I wish you all the luck in the world!

  17. Worst experience of my life, starts with a panic attack (the crash of 1929…) I’d typically wait them out, except somehow my sister convinced me to go visit urgent care because I was having issues with depression, anxiety, & stress… I should not have opened my mouth, except I did mention that I had a suicidal thought… oops. *Boom* I immediately get escorted by security to an ambulance and an involuntarily 72 hour hold. Spent 3 days numbed, Dr. prescribes Bupropion.

    Unfortunately, this antidepressant loves me. It starts with strange hallucinations; I’m walking down the street, I start crying because I’m seeing every tree alive; so vivid, so colorful (as art) and this is just the beginning. I was euphoric, elated, and I realized, nothing changed… I crash into depression. After three weeks I couldn’t take it anymore. I call my Dr. to discontinue the meds. Except, the side effects get worse by day and they don’t stop. My anxiety skyrockets, my heart is palpitating, chest pains, trembling, I can’t sleep, I start talking uncontrollably fast, angry, irritable, holy…

    I could not keep quiet, so I start writing a book. I was convinced that it was just normal and refused to go back to see the Doctor, because I didn’t trust “the system” who would? I started making connections and associations with everything, started to feel super EUPHORIC, SHOT SKY HIGH INTO MANIA… I quit all my projects (career wise) — to write this crazy ass BOOK! I wrote 400 pages in 3 days! The things were beyond grandiose, I was having prophetic visions (I’m an atheist), I was hearing voices, seeing shadows, tingling sensations on my skin. The FEAR, bouts of PANIC (lasting at times 48 hours.) Rapidly cycling moods – I’d swing like a yo-yo. Euphoria to suicidal, but I kept writing that damn book, while my family watched me writhe. I thought they were all out to get me, locked myself in my room 3 weeks of ISOLATION. Nobody knew, I was fighting suicidal thoughts and fear – I was crying, in that trying time! I was writing about winning the lottery (ie: I was saving dates and numbers anticipating –> pocketing the nine ball = me) saving the world, the universe… and I believed everything I wrote would come true. This lasted another 4 months. I was maniacal delusional and hallucinating for 4 MONTHS! all because of one stupid panic attack! Good thing I DID NOT POCKET THE NINE BALL. (that almost happened)

    I feel like I’m permanently screwed from those meds. Felt like I had a complete mental meltdown in the process as I’ve lost all sense of my inner self. It feels empty inside. It’s so strange, I can’t quite describe and my heart doesn’t stop POUNDING, it pains. Wtf did wellbutrin do? to me!? It was never like this before – NEVER EVER THIS BAD! At the end, the delusions tapered off. I entered the hospital one person came out completely changed and traumatized. Yes, I finally have an answer, that I went undiagnosed with a much milder hypo mania for ~ the last 18 years. Traded that creativity, for an extremely rapid cycling – seething, despairing (death on your doorstep illness, stabilizers don’t do shit) The “system” is broken, I wish they had given me a questionaire so they could’ve at least ruled out Bipolar before they gave me that damned antidepressant.

    • except I didn’t go to a hospital. I was diagnosed with PTSD and got those antidepressants too. I feel lost now

  18. I would like to share with everyone something I believe helps people with bipolar disorder. It is a song by Elton John and Tim Rice called “Can You Feel The Love Tonight” . If you listen to the words and believe them, you could feel better. The song has a beauriful slow beat that calms mania and brings comfort because the words ring true to people with bipolar disorder. How? Bipolar people are “restless warriors”, “wide-eyed wanderers”, and “star-crossed voyagers”. There is a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors. I believe that people are bipolar for a reason,not because of the gene, but that we were truly meant to be bipolar. Play the song again and again until you get those tingling, healing feelings in your face down to your legs. Let me know if you like this andif if it helps you deal with depression or mania better. It really works for me.
    Anyone know a great song for moodswing?

  19. Paul I used to suffer from Panic Attacks. I’ve never had anyone put forward any reason for someone experiencing these attacks. Mine lasted for 20 minutes and then the attack commenced to diminish.

    Did you suffer from Panick Attacks?

    The reason I’m asking is that I believe that Panick Attacks are the uncoordinated opening of the CHAKRAS and I’m wondering if BiPolar Disorder has the same source.

    I believe that eventually one gets control over this process but it is a bit unsettling when it is first encountered,

    P.S. When I was born it was “raining Cats and Dogs” according to my mother. Congratulations on your effort!

    • Yes. I had a bad panic attack when I had to pick up someone from the airport . I was afraid I would mess it up, not knowing where to go or park or walk. I talked my brother into going with me. This was over 20 years ago. The panick was serious. It was worry to the extreme. That was my only attack.

      • I don’t think what you experienced when you went to pick up that person at the airport is classified as a Panic Attack. When I was having mine all I could do was lie in the half-feotal position and rest. Also I had a number of such attacks though I can remember only two now.

        Even with this confined definition of a Panic Attack, that I’ve proposed, you may be aware of people who have had such attacks. I was talking to a person who experienced such a more extreme attack and he’s still scared of his first attack which occurred at a bus stop!




        I believe that something quite EXTRODINARY is happening to you AS A RESULT OF YOUR MENTAL ‘PROBLEMS’. I’m not saying that your experience is not painful and worrying but I’d liken it to a woman having a baby. I’m sure there’s a lot of pain associated with pregnancy and childbirth but because women are prepared to endure this pain and suffering the human race survives. The pain and siffering is worth it because of the result – the baby!

        With regard to your diagnosis I would liken it to somone diagnosing a pregant woman as having “fat tummy syndrome”. This diagnosis may be useful to the woman’s milliner, so that she can provide the correct dress sizes, but the correct diagnosis would ensure that the woman would get the correct treatment and care during her pregnancy.

        As I stated before your piece about that incident outside the movie threatre TRIGGERED a leap in my understanding! Congratulations on being the trigger and more congratualtions for that downpour! MORE POWER TO YOU.

        • Thank you. The incident in 1986 made me “special”. I still feel special today, thus no more depression.

    • Hi, if you’re interested in these chakras, I think it might interest you to look into the links between “kundalini awakening” and bipolar. It is very similar to what you are talking about here.

  20. In1986, my girlfriend and I came out of a restaurant and got into the car. As soon as we were seated a strong deep whisper said to me “you will be the one”. Precisely after the words came to me, rain hit the car and it came down in buckets. It felt like the car would not withstand the force of the rain. My girlfriend started laughing because it was so tremendous. To me, it validated the words I got to make sure I knew that the words were from God. It was the timing of the rain that stamped the words as truth. Almost 30 years later, I still do not know what exactly I will be the one to do. Over that time, I was diagnosed Bipolar I and had nine hospitalizations. Many signs and visions came to me and still do, but nobody seems to care since they just chaulk it up to bipiolar mania. I do not speak about these signs and visions because I am not credible in others eyes about things like that. I do believe that God’s timing is perfect and what happened in 1986 has meaning. It made me feel “special” and important all these years. The timing of the rain after getting those words cannot be crazy. The words did not come through the ears but were directed at me in thought. I am Bipolar I and will only communicate with those who do not treat mental illness as a sickness that is not worthy of respect. I never am depressed. I believe God gives me signs and visions and I would love to chat with people who are interested. I understand lots after 30 years. Any Bipolar people relate to this? Give me a holler.


    • Hey Paul! I know exactly what you’re talking about. All my life I’ve had these moments of clarity where something profound and meaningful is happening, and I am the conduit for it. It was always accompanied by a feeling of invincibility, a feeling of being in touch with everything as I looked down on all of Earth from the edge of space. It was a real rush!

      Since 2000, I’ve been in treatment for bipolar. Once I was diagnosed, I realised that some of my thinking over my life had not been accurate with regard to reality. So now I realise that some of the things I believed are not true. I don’t see all the signs of significance in everyday objects and experiences that I used to do. Or at least I don’t tend to pay much attention.

      I still wonder about those “moments of clarity”, though. I don’t get them much anymore, and nowhere near as strongly (it used to be like a punch in the gut!) I have decided to lump those feelings/thoughts into the same category as life after death and God and anything that happens that’s against the odds. There are things that I may never understand about myself and the universe, so I don’t worry about it much anymore.

      • Indeed. I have done some religiious art around the year 2000. I had started ine artwork in 1982 and on Easter Sunday 2000, I finished it. It made that feel real special as well. It gave me closure after 18 years. It sure feels that this timing of things is meaningful. Roma Downey thanked me for this Angel drawing and that was nice. I also did a triptych that I got out there that was special. So things are slowly happening . I never thought I would do any art. I. I believe that God does things in mysterious ways. I would only have delusions while being in bad antipsychotic meds. SometimesI think certain Docors want you to think you are sick so you keep their wallets fat by coming backto them. I took Lithium for about 20 years and my doctor did not check my kidneys. Now I have stage 2 chronic kidney disease. Do not trust every doctor. Have a say so in your treatment. If the doctor is pushing a drug on you ask the doctor about all side effects. Really get into your treatment. Switch doctors if you do not feel well a lot. Trust God, not doctors that are bossy.

    • Oh Paul, my daughter is in hospital at the moment and I don’t know what to do and reading what you’ve wrote, well, my daughter could have written something very similar. She has not been diagnosed yet but after looking on the net the diagnosis will probably be bipolar. My daughter is so elated as she feels she has been chosen by God and feels honoured as she has been put in a ward with like minded people. She thinks being in there is also part of Gods plan to put them together. It looks like her husband who she is in the process of divorcing is going to go for custody of their son and will sell the family home and move back with his parents, however, my daughter isn’t worried at all as she said God wouldn’t let that happen as that’s not his plan. She thinks we just don’t get it and we need to open our hearts and minds to God or we’ll never get it. I just feel in a few weeks time she’ll come out of hospital with her home gone and her son too. We didn’t have her put in there because of her religious beliefs or whether she was receiving messages from God or that she said he had a plan for her. We put her in there because she hadn’t slept for a week or eaten and was having so much coffee she was on a caffeine high and we thought it not safe for her to be on the road with my grandson if she hadn’t slept for a week.. She can still chat about God and heaven when she comes out as long as she doesn’t go down the road she was going before.. Do you think we’ll get her back with us again because at the moment she’s saying she’s happy in there and they’re her second family?

      • Your daughter will be just fine . For a long time i thought i was a psychic . I believed that i was having revelations every night in my sleep . Now with the right medication . I stopped being a psychic (sarcasim). I am taking Trileptal now and i am better now but I still have some rough moments . Good luck
        May God hels us all .

  21. i was sure tornadoes were coming to get me. for probably a month, i went from window to window to window, around and around looking at the sky. if i saw a wisp of a cloud, it had designs on me, i was sure. this was around the time of y2k and the matrix. things didn’t end well, but end they did.

  22. Hi Tracy,

    Thanks for bringing this up. Exactly the same thing happens to me last year. The problem they later found out was the anti-depressant Sertraline that I was prescribed by my psychiatrist. They gave me the medication in the first place, but they wanted to send me to a mental hospital when I was manic because of it!

    In my vision (or whatever you would call it), I talked to God (though I saw god in the form of my neurologist Dr Thomas, but somehow I knew he was god). I was sure that god wanted me to stop the conflict in Syria and gave me his blessings. I stripped off and walked around naked until a policeman talked to me and calmly told me to get into a paddy wagon. I woke up in the hospital about a week later. I did many things when I was not really myself that week. They told me it was all a dream, but I later found out that every weird thing that I thought I did did indeed happen.

    This is what I want your opinion about. I still see Dr Thomas regularly till now. I feel really uncomfortable when seeing him, because after I was manic, I think erotically about him.
    Do you think I have to stop seeing him and request to change doctors?
    I have seen Dr Thomas for years and not once did I find him attractive. But now I find him really attractive and feel uncomfortable as he is my doctor.

    Thanks 

  23. Pingback: Dangers of Increasing Mental Illness: “I think I am Jesus” | KNOWITNEXT Psychic Predictions


    Its a bit like, “I once was an ugly ducking – BUT I FOUND OUT THAT I WAS A SWAN.

    I analyse dreams now as I have them and sometimes I LUCID DREAM. I have a sense of purpose now and I am striving to achieve my goals – ALL BECAUSE I HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN and took the necessary steps to recover from it.

  25. This is me. I have obsessive thought patterns that turn dillusional. From post apocolyptic prep, to carrer changes, and for me its hard to tell real from fake anymore. I just live in my own world. Happy marriage 90 percent of the time, god mother.. I suck at work . But I dream big! Been obssessed with moving out of state. Researched hundreds of cities and countires. At least its a educating dillusion. Racing thought ,insomia, and a ipad.. Not the cure for sure. Love ur blog . Not ashamed to be me. Wish more people understood mental illness. It not like a virus that can be cured. I have family history of mental illness. Best to educate :)

  26. I,m pretty sure I had #2, pure type 2. 10 years ago. Having that episode propelled me into a recovery that I will be in for the rest of my life. I am on good meds now, and the doctor says I should be able to go the rest of my life without another episode. I am scared to death to go through that again.

  27. Great info & blog. I myself (BPI) have often wondered that as well as I’m out trying to save the world albeit my own episodes don’t include psychosis such as driving with eyes closed but I do feel I’m the best driver on the road of course. It’s in some sense comforting to know that a higher percent of BPIs experience grandeur and, while this may not be the case for everyone, I have been able to harness this ‘energy’ to accomplish quite a lot in my life and it has enabled me to find out-of-the-box solutions for problems others see as intractable. In general, being in a prolonged manic state also enables me to tap into innate creativity that is simply not accessible to the ole soggy brain when I’m depressed. How the brain works will always be a mystery to me but certainly makes for an interesting life journey.

  28. Just thought ID share my story. They haven’t diagnosed me yet. I was 18 years old and recently going through a lot of stress, mom has new bf, cheated on step dad basically, failed school, got caught up in conspiracies and started believing in love and life and peace you know.. So one night i stayed up till five am writing pages of epiphanies, just what i learnt in so little time about humanity.. It kinda blew my mind. Regardless i started believing i was jesus and ended up in a mental home.. Started feeling like everyone was out to get me because they were tAlking behind my back.. Of course talking about the appropriate steps to take with me but i saw it as “okay we grew up catholic.. Shes obviously possessed.. Lets perform an exorcism or burn her alive” … These thoughts really crossed my mind although never EVER in my life has my mother ever made me believe she would want to hurt me shes my mother and protector and thats how i know i wasn’t right in my mind. My reality was off and i didn’t know why or how? Was it the stress? Or the weed i smoked a few days before? Or do i have a mental illness? Or all three? Did they trigger each other? Who knows.. All i know is those psychiatric drugs did absolutely nothing for me. I feel the same on and off of them. I took lexapro for a few months until she realized i wasn’t depressed just maybe crazy? But i took abilify along with it. And benadryl at night because i had nightmares and refused to fall asleep. I had nightmares of a very evil nature.. Things that even thinking about still haunts me they’re so scary. Been off drugs now.. Natural healing. Meditation.. Anyway. Goodluck to you and me. As the one who said we are all eachother… I kinda believe that in a spiritual connected kinda way :)

  29. My close relative married a man who is delusional – he thinks he is God and she believes she is Heavenly Mother. She has shared Psychotic Disorder. They are both litigious, have a new weird religion and try to sue everyone, even everyone in his family and ours. What suggestions do you have. We have no contact with them as they are too scary and evil.

    • I am not sure what answers you are looking for either. It seems as though you are troubled by their behaviour and don’t understand it and therefore shut yourselves off entirely. If you need information on the disorder start by typing it into google and reading as much as you can, but be aware that a lot of this information will be wrong or biased. Then you will be able to formulate some questions to ask knowledgeable people. Be careful who you ask because people who don’t have much understanding often have very strong opinions.

    • Hi Sarah,

      mental illness is not uncommon. Have you perhaps had some form of anxiety or depression? The point that I’m trying to make is that we all suffer from some type of mental/social illness or disorder, which doesn’t make us evil.( It does however point to our own sinful nature, which makes us evil). My advise is that you try to find it within yourself to love your close relative and then maybe you have a chance of mending your relations with them. How can you expect them to ever come to their senses if everybody hates them, which probably in turn confirms their own beliefs. (my prayer is the God finds His way into your home as He has mine)

      Sincere regards

  30. I though I became a psychic and kept on telling my husband that i dreamt of things before they happened . When I told my doctor she increased my dose of trileptol , she said that I was not sleeping deep enough.

  31. Once I thought I was the only one left in the world every. One else died of. Aides. It scared me so much

  32. Okay, “Google me” is probably being assholish of me, but I haven’t grown beyond that baggage yet. Maybe I can figure out how this year.

    • Oh, and I don’t know why you think “Google Me” is assholish. Seems like a reasonable way to clear up confusion to me. People Google me to see who I am all the time.

      – Natasha Tracy

      • haha I always say Google me, but I tell local idiots to Google my last name. I’m 100% Armenian and have family who played in the NFL. I’m expected to follow the same footsteps as them but who knows what Bipolar assholish athletes will actually do

  33. It’s very awkward, because I’m a published author, and my first novel (co-authored) was with a New York publisher and did hit the NYT best-seller list for hardcover fiction. I’ve got 3 out. When I told my ex’s therapist what were, at the time, rational projections for what I planned to write, what I planned to submit to my publisher, and when—she said I was clearly grandiose and in the middle of a manic episode.

    Now I relapsed and *didn’t* get that done. But for my peers at my publisher it was about garden-variety for expectations if I hadn’t gotten sick (stress of the divorce).

    And…when I go in to see a new doctor and say what my accomplishments are? I hand them my card. “Yes, I know, I have a major mental illness. It’s a big accomplishment. Go ahead and Google me later. That way you *know* I’m not just being grandiose and manic, mkay?”

    But really, once you achieve something significant…how the hell do you know when you’re being grandiose and when you’re not? I mean, maybe you are, maybe you’re not. Maybe you can, maybe you can’t.

    What I tell the doctors lately is, “If you can get the depression off my back and help me get stabilized, I’m capable of a lot of things. I don’t know which of them I’ll choose–not in a great state to make major life decisions right now. And, again, it all depends on getting me *stable*. If I’m not stable, I’m disabled–I can’t manage a whole lot more than self care and fending off basic disaster. If I’m stable, I’m capable of a lot. So let’s go for that and then see where we are from there.”

    And, after all, you have to feel sorry for the poor lady who thinks she’s the cat goddess and all the cats are telling her the secrets of the world. Everybody knows they’re telling them all to me. (Just kidding!!!)

    Seriously, many of us are very talented people. Sometimes our estimates of what we can do can be mistaken for grandiose when it’s a pretty rational evaluation of what we can do if we can get our disorder stabilized. Sometimes our estimates are only a fairly *mild* over-estimation that amounts to whistling in the dark out of fear.

    When we help out bipolar friends and family members who are going through therapy, we need to watch for well-meaning therapists who can undermine the confidence of our extraordinarily talented bipolar friends and family. Jenny might really be that fantastic an artist or Bobby might really be that brilliant a mathematician. When they think they’re “special” they may well be right.

    It’s not at all infrequent that a therapist or pdoc that doesn’t have the brilliance or artistic sensitivity to know better can stomp on somebody’s dreams, trying to protect them from “grandiose delusions,” when the kid really is that good.

    So watch for grandiose delusions, yes.

    But also watch for the ***Mundane Delusions*** of therapists who miss a talented patient.

    (Me, I’ve got spine in spades, I can take care of myself. But a lot of people don’t and can’t. I had a foster daughter, briefly, who had to have me and her bio mom sit on her therapist and tell her therapist that the kid really was that talented an artist.–she was and is.)

    • Hi JulieC,

      Well, speaking as one who has a bit of talent herself, yes, sometimes we look like we’re being a touch grandiose but really, we’re just _being_.


      That is so abnormal that I think it hardly even needs mentioning for two reasons:
      1. Most grandiosity is much easier to spot (a la I Am God) by a trained professional
      2. When a relationship develops between a patient and doctor a doctor knows that your everyday, reasonableness looks like and what is out of the ordinary for you.

      So most people don’t ever run into the issue.

      – Natasha Tracy

  34. I have never experienced delusions of grandeur. In a manic state I have however believed I could accomplish things that are difficult, easily. For example I was going to become a writer, published of course because I was so talented. I have noticed that when I do have breakdowns, each succeeding one is worse than the previous. The high, higher…the low, lower. I’m more irritable and aggressive. I can only hope this is a very gradual process because I have read bipolar disorder worsens with time.

  35. A special thanks goes out to each of you that responded about my son. We did not try letting him test his theory. We did talk to him about it and by doing so, he opened up to us and told us he had already tried it over the summer while he was at his grandparents visiting. He said he was swimming and he tried to breathe under water but it wouldn’t let him. So I asked him why he still thought he would be able to breathe under water. He replied “because I am pretty sure I’ve done it before”. I asked him to come tell me or his daddy if he ever felt like he wanted to try anything like that again. I assured him that he wouldn’t be in trouble but that I didn’t want him to be alone. He said ” I know, you want to make sure I don’t die”. THAT FRIGHTENED ME. He is 8 and he is not stupid by any means. I never would have thought he would try something if he knew that there is a possibility it could kill him. I am going to take him back to his pediatrician first thing in the morning and get a referral to a pediatric psychiatrist. We will go from there. Again, thank you to each one of you for
    your time, thoughts, and opinions. We appreciate all
    of you. God Bless!

  36. Your site has been very informative and has helped me understand what life is like in my sons eyes. My son is 8. He believes he has super powers that will allow him to be able to breathe under water. I spoke to his psychologist about it, he suggested that we let him test his theory in a controlled environment with my husband and myself present to ensure his safety so that he don’t seriously injure himself by trying it on his own. I understand what the doctor is saying and why but this is all new to my husband & I and we really don’t just really don’t know what to do. If you or anybody that has more experience with this has any suggestions or opinions they would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and God Bless!

    • Hi Concerned Mother,

      Let me start off by saying that I’m not a doctor nor a psychologist.

      However, my opinion is, that is one nutty idea. I don’t think you should let a child try to “breathe water.” That sounds like an unbelievably traumatic event waiting to happen. If you child has a mental illness and is experiencing psychosis (delusions or hallucinations) you need the help of someone who specializes in that.

      I’m not saying your child has a mental illness, only a doctor can tell you that, but there is a resource I know of that talks about psychosis – early warning signs, and dealing with it. Please, please look at these resources, they are of a quality that can help.

      I would say get a second opinion, for sure, before trying something like that with your son.

      But that’s just my opinion.

      – Natasha Tracy

      • It sounds to me that the therapist is trying to cure the child’s delusion by putting the child in a situation where he can test it and then come to his own realization.
        This way the child is being lead by his parents that he does not have these super powers instead of simply dismissing him or risking him testing it out on his own, in a uncontrolled environment, without supervision.

        The above paragraph Isn’t an attempt to sway option in anyway. The only suggestion I would make is to ask for a clear description on what the controlled environment means and a clear outline of the risks.

      • Hi Concerned Mom,

        I am not a licensed mental health practitioner, I’m a Bipolar mom with a Bipolar son. He’s 19 now but had a psychotic break a few months before high school graduation (at his high school, which ended in suspension–good times!) and was always an anxious child. We’ve been running the therapy gamut with him since he was five, when we placed him with someone following our divorce.

        I understand what your son’s psychologist is suggesting–sounds like he wants to try shattering the illusion. However, allowing your child to try to drown himself seems like A Very Bad Idea and may set a poor precedent of “testing” theories when he’s older and outside a safe environment. It also doesn’t sound like you’re comfortable with this idea, and that he’s asking =you= to execute this plan on your time makes my Mom Spidey Senses tingle. I second getting a second opinion.

        Good luck with your boy!


    • Hi, concerned mother.

      Natasha is right to point out that it’s a traumatic moment waiting to happen. What is meant by “controlled environment” in the context of your child breathing water? That’s handing over your child completely to trauma. This is a question better answered by someone with more training in parenting than in psychiatry. Children need to be able to trust their parents. That applies regardless of whether the child has a mental disorder, but particularly children with mental issues need to have the extra security of trustworthy parents. We cannot always protect our children from harm and so we need to help them to develop the skills to avoid danger when we are not around to protect them. One of those skills is knowing who to trust to tell you the truth about danger when you are not exactly sure about what is dangerous and what is not dangerous. As a parent and someone with Bipolar Disorder who has been suicidal at times, I have to say that it is critical for someone who might be suicidal and delusional to know that they can trust someone to tell them the truth about such things. When a parent has the opportunity to keep a child from danger, and he/she throws his/her hands up and gives in, that damages the trust the child has in the parent. Yes, things are dangerous and we cannot always be there to protect them, but we can teach them that without throwing our hands up and letting them walk into danger. It will be traumatic, and once the child realizes you let him/her walk into a traumatic situation without doing everything possible to prevent it, the trust is gone. I hope this helps. Thanks, Natasha, for all you do. God bless you all.

    • Hi Concerned Mother.

      I agree with Natasha wholeheartedly. This is a crackpot notion, which I have no hesitation in saying despite the fact that it comes from a “professional” and I am a lay person. However, I have been psychotic, which I’ll bet that pro has not. When I have had crazy notions about superpowers, the one single thing holding me in check (somewhat) was the fact that no one would believe me or agree with my concepts. Being aware of this kept me from broadcasting my beliefs far and wide. Had I received encouragement, I may well have done more dangerous things than I actually did. Drowning is a very risky activity – the blood picks up water from the lungs and is diluted to the point where the heart and other organs are no longer able to extract oxygen from the haemoglobin. This often leads to death, regardless of whether or not artificial respiration is applied afterward. I am glad to hear your 8-year-old son is brighter than his doctor, and knows the real score. But if he is in psychosis, it needs to be treated ASAP (and the treatment is simple and quick). If he is manic with grandiose thoughts, that too needs treatment. I don’t know how fast that might be – my manias have been fairly short-lived.
      I wish you both the very best in your search for good care.

    • Hi Concerned Mom,

      I not only have bipolar, I was early onset (suicidal at 5 yrs–do I get a merit badge?) and am the parent of a bipolar child (onset at 7yrs, teenage now). I don’t think my child would have been diagnosed bipolar and manic if it weren’t for the very heavy family history of bipolar disorder on both sides.

      It’s very difficult to tell pediatric mania apart from ADHD–the thing to remember is if you have the genes for bipolar, you had ’em from the get-go. There are a couple of tell-tale differences between ADHD and mania, but it wasn’t just that we were focused on somehow “winning a prize” if our kid was diagnosed bipolar. Mania, untreated, can do damage to the developing brain. The damage is somewhat fixable–somewhat–because the brain is still developing and growing and changing.

      But the BIG, BIG, BIG thing if your child does turn out to be pediatric bipolar is you do not want to allow mania and you do not want to allow it to go untreated. The other thing is it can be really good to use all those things that are supposed to stimulate brain development (like classical music, etc.), because when your child loses some ground, you want to make it back up as well as you can.

      These people are wonderful, they were my lifeline when my daughter was little:

      This book should be your bible for coping:

      I took a special ed advocacy class from this woman:

      It was the best six weeks and however much money I ever spent. My daughter was about the same age your son is now. As a result of my working really hard learning about special ed advocacy and following through trying to get the best services for my daughter, combined with her hard work and dedication to school, she’s gotten better outcomes than kids with much less onerous disabilities than hers.

      A whole lot of it is that we stayed right on top of her disability and kept really good communication with her pdoc and therapist. We kept track of her moods and what was going on at school and we didn’t let problems just sit and fester. Etc.

      And to some degree, we were lucky.

      But some of luck is staying right the hell on top of the problems, and some of luck is being very flexible about adapting parenting to reality and picking your battles wisely. But some of luck is pure, dumb luck.

  37. Hi I am very confused I have been with someone for 10 years and just the last 7 months they have become delusional and make no sense. I can not tell them they need help because they think I am out to get them. I have never heard such strange things. Its like looking at a stranger. They have no sense of reality it is very scary. Does it go away on its own? It must be scary for him to think everyone is out to get him and that he has to save everyone I just am not sure how to help? thanks

    • Hi Confused,

      You’re in a tough spot and it’s completely understandable that you would feel confused and not know what to do. People generally don’t understand psychosis (which is delusions and hallucinations) and don’t know what to do about it.

      There is lots of quality information on this topic though here:

      They have articles specifically on psychosis and how to handle it. You are not alone. He may or may not have schizophrenia, but no matter what, there is help out there for both of you.

      I hope that helps.

      – Natasha Tracy

      • How can you try to help someone though if they cant and wont accept something is wrong? He has already wrecked his personal life and not sure about work. Does this sort of delusional thinking go away on its own?

        • Hi Confused,

          What you’re talking about is called “anosognosia” which is a the medical state in which the illness itself makes the person believe they are not sick. Believe it or not, it is not uncommon in psychotic disorders.

          I am not a doctor, but I would suggest that if it has been going on for 7 months, it is unlikely to resolve without treatment.

          Again, I encourage you to go to that link and read the information there for families because they talk about how to handle a psychotic person who thinks “people are out to get them.” Your best move at this point is to educate yourself about psychosis so you can better understand what is going on.

          – Natasha Tracy

  38. ” I have what some would call ‘delusions of grandeur’, but to me it feels like an expectation of grandeur. There’s an underlying feeling that I was put here for an undeniable mark on history, as if it’s destined. It’s not that I walk around as such; it’s an internal recognition of my abilities, which are awe inspiring to me. Can you be your own hero?”

  39. Over the last 17 years, I’ve been entertained by a host of hyper-religious and even demonic delusions. For my debut in 1994, I became the 2nd-in-command for the Holy Spirit; a Messenger. I read from my Bible to some patients at the Medical Center. To my credit, the passages I randomly selected brought them comfort in times of crisis. The 2003 episode was entirely about fear, that I was beset by evil forces. 2006 brought depersonalized violence in a rolling blackout, time in the Secure Unit, fit to be tied as I played nose tackle with mental health workers. Only dozens of ECT’s brought me back to Mr. Nice Guy. 2008 launched a laughing jag while I cooked hot Italian Sausages. Tears streaming down my face, my friends were freaked, and called the bus. The cops showed up, and I introduced myself as “Jesus Christ”….a sure way to get to the bughouse when you have just enough insight to know one is desperate need of observation. Two weeks after admission, my condition deteriorated to Catatonia and I was run through an EEG; the tech was surprised I was in Status Elepticus, and immediately shipped me to Neuro ICU. Medical complications ensued; I was put on life support and nearly croaked. It was as if my mind was trying to kill my body.
    2011 cut to the chase; I started out with a massive grand mall (imagine waking up on the floor with carpet burn to the face; they sent a bus. A week in Neuro again, it took the entire time to break the Status Grand Mal. A week in Medicine to overhaul my electrolytes, all this in Neurogenic blackout, unresponsive. The Nurses called me Alien because my lower abdomen was pulsating, not the usual muskulo-skeltal activity usual seen in Grand Mal. I was so weak I needed a crane to be lifted out of bed, but eventually back on my feet, going to PT. I know now that my Sacral Chakra was struggling to balance, to clear blockages to my higher energies. Eventually able to conduct myself “appropriately” and do self-care, but had one “Spirit Dance” left to enjoy. After that realize of Heart energy, I was balanced again, and discharged four days later. My Dad had died. It was time to step up to the plate, and write his Eulogy.

  40. Hi everyone,
    I truely think that all of these so called “doctors” and “professionals” are simply raised up in a system of belief based on scientific fact and biases, where they don’t even consider the fact that we are all connected to everything. All matter is composed of the same thing, energy, including you and I. And physicists are now beginning to tie together the super small and the extremely large (atoms vs. universe). Of course this is all just theory as of now, so doctors are not able to discuss that which has no evidential backing. However, scientists remain optimistic that they can provide substantial evidence that we are all connected. So those of you who feel you can control your own universe, and others can too, might not be wrong. It seems more and more people are beginning to feel this way, especially since books like “The Secret” have been hitting shelves telling us we are all gods. New Age Idealism is promoted and then we are medicated when we accept it as truth. How is that rational? It is not. Doctors have been indoctrinated by the core belief system of the powers that be, i.e. keep the public unaware of how powerful they are, so that those in power can remain there. In fact, there may be an infinite number of universes for each of us with unlimited possiblilites and potential. It is determined by what state of mind we are in, and what energy we are emittiing to the universe that determines what universe we will live in. The future is not written in stone it is created through will and concentration. The light bulb was created by someone society deemed “insane” and a “workaholic.” Throughout history, the most creative and intense genius’s were deemed crazy and antisocial. So those of you who believe you have a problem, don’t believe the “professionals,” the sheep who mimic each other. You ARE special, and you have the will to create and be anyone you wish. Those in power are scared of this, that we are awakening to our true potential as godly beings. Do not let them control you with medication, let the free will and creativity flow out into the world to induce positive change onto your own existence and universe! You are unique and special in every which way possible, and if you believe you can achieve something great, do not let people tell you you are crazy for thinkin so. Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Da Vinci, Einstein, were all “narcissistic” people with “delusions of grandeur,” who happened to extend their grand ideas into the world we live in, and now we all take for granted. We are entering an age of englightenment, and that freightens many people who hold the wealth and power , i.e. the status quo.

    • “I truely think that all of these so called “doctors” and “professionals” are simply raised up in a system of belief based on scientific fact and biases, where they don’t even consider the fact that we are all connected to everything.”

      Wait… What? You can have your own opinions, but not your own facts.

      Scientific fact by its very nature is unbiased; and it’s certainly not a “fact” that “we are all connected to everything” in some spiritual/supernatural/interdimensional fashion. I’ll be generous and say it’s at best a hypothesis, if not mere opinion based on wishful and magical thinking.

      The claims of “The Secret” and “New Age Idealism” have absolutely no basis in fact and are bereft of anything even resembling evidence. A collection of anecdotes and a repackaging of Norman Vincent Peale’s “The Power of Positive Thinking”, a 60 year old book, is certainly not evidence and supports nothing (other than the fattened pockets of its authors).

      I apologize for being contentious, Natasha, but when I see people saying that woo-meisters are smarter/better than *scientists* at treating *any* illness, and especially mental illness, I’ve got to weigh in. It seems counterintuitive if not downright dangerous to recommend what are effectively delusions as a method of helping someone suffering from delusions. It seems to me it’s just swapping one set for another.

      Take your meds, people!

  41. My boyfriend of 4the years is highly delusional. He believes i am his queen and he is king…or the superior being. He says he deserves more than one wife and treated as kings were back in the day. ….his mood swings are constant and blames all arguments on me. I have tried telling him his thoughts are not real and even read other peoples stories of there delusions and he says he knows he. is the ‘one’ and they just wanted to be like him.
    He thinks the whole universe is his and he created.
    it and everything else. He talks about past lives.
    .and how he is in everything….it gets very frustrating cops have been involved and hes even been to the hospital and so far even on his meds hes gotten worse..i need professional advise

    • His symtoms started after christmas 2011. He gets mad at the smallest thing i say…i just dont know what to do i want to help him i just dont know how

    • Hi Summer,

      I’m sorry to hear about your boyfriend. Delusions can be extremely difficult to deal with and it’s common for people to be angry when you try to suggest that their delusions aren’t real.

      I highly recommend you contact a schizophrenia support group. This one is local to my area and we have them throughout Canada, I suspect you could find them in your area (sorry, don’t know where that is) too. Specifically, the online support information here is invaluable:

      Here are their fact sheets on psychosis: (delusions are part of psychosis).

      Please check out their information, I think it may be able to help you.

      – Natasha Tracy

  42. I don’t understand any of this. I was diagnosed with Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder I @ 14 years old. I went through a lot of hell becuase of my “behavior” as they called it. It took getting in severe trouble with the law (in a manic state allegedly) at the age of 27, before anyone would help me. Or maybe they tried before I don’t know, I don’t think so but either way I’m sure I never got the help I needed.

    Then several years later, I find that I’m still in the same boat, only now there are several holes in my boat and I’m probably really close to drowning. My therapist and my psychiatrist do not agree on anything and both call each other idiots, because she believes that I have PTSD and he believes that I’m bipolar and he states that the evidence of my psychiactric hospitalizations, suicide attempts, several other diagnosis of bipolar I by several different psychiatrists, as well as my arrests prove his diagnosis. This is the first I’ve ever heard anyone mention PTSD in regards to myself, and the thing is despite whatever I tell her, she always finds an excuse for my behavior. “Well you’re just stressed out today” or “those rapid thoughts are just you’re way of dealing with the stress” blah blah blah. I like her, but I don’t know if she’s helping me or harming me. I don’t know if either one even cares about me as a person or maybe I’m just they’re toy, like when cats play with toys they just bat them around. I kind of feel like I’m a cat toy.

    I don’t know what I am, I only know that I need help and I identify with nothing and everything all at once. I don’t want to be either. I fucking hate feeling this way, but also I love it because I am capable of everything; which is great and sometimes not so great, so its really confusing to say the least. Even the so called medical professionals can’t agree on what I am, like I’m not a person just another case study. That’s what I feel like. A human specimen to be studied who lost all sense of humanity and normalcy whatever the hell that is. I’m all over the place and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never stayed with a medication long enough to see whether or not it would help me, except for the times I was hospitalized, and they seemed to, but maybe I was just dreaming they did, maybe I’m something else all together. I think that I’m probably a special case. I don’t think I am like anyone else and probably more doctors need to study me to help other people. Because I think that probably the answer is in me, and I was created for this purpose. Maybe I am the answer.

    That’s what I need to do. I need to help everybody else. Give my life for the sake of humanity. what if I’m the cure? There is definitely something about me that’s amazing. I know I can change the world, and that’s why they fight, because they know it too. Damn doctors know that I’m the answer, and they want to claim me. What if that’s what’s happening? Wow. I think maybe I might be on to something. Is this what it they mean by awake? Am I finally awake? Everything is clear to me now. Thank you.

    • Hi Somalunamuerte,

      It’s sounds like you’ve been in some really tough spots and you’re in one right now. But you’re not alone. Many people have stories like yours. It often takes years for a correct diagnosis and treatment of a mental illness like bipolar disorder.

      I’m sorry your treatment team can’t agree on what you diagnosis is. That’s tough. But what matters is the treatment. What is helping you? If the medications helped when you were in the hospital, why aren’t you on them now?

      If you don’t feel like the people treating you are meshing well with you or what you need, it might be time to find someone else or simply be more directive about your treatment, if you can.

      You are _not_ a case study, you are a person. We’re all complex creatures and sometimes it takes time to work those complexities out and sometimes it takes the right person to see in us what we have and what we need. Don’t give up. There are people who can help you and there are people just like you out there in the world. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but there are. I talk to them every day.

      You don’t have to give your life for the sake of humanity – you can _live_ your life. Really.

      I have felt beyond help myself sometimes, but I’m not and neither are you.

      – Natasha Tracy

  43. I definitely understand a lot of peoples concerns. As a kid growing up with bi polar… I had grandeur of being superman and crazy strength. As an adult I focused these thoughts and started a business based around programming games/ 3rd party applications for smart phones. I concentrated these thoughts into a useful manner. Johnny Depp has been known to do the same thing for his acting career. We as bi polar are special and should use it for our strengths. Being successful is one thing but being a successful bi polar… That has definitely given me hope.

    • Hi Brandon,

      Channelling bipolar symptoms into something positive is the best way of handling the illness is possible. Such channelling isn’t always an option, but when it is, it can really work.

      I’m glad you’re being successful and bipolar. You’re an inspiration to everyone still reaching to get there.

      – Natasha Tracy

  44. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder when I was 40. I really appreciate this article because there are not many ‘specifics’ about delusional experiences. I have had several episodes beginning in my late 20’s. The episodes have always been triggered by stressful events: traveling to Europe/lack of sleep, birth of child, loss of mother, and intense stress of job requirements. It’s odd because in the interim of episodes, I am really high functioning- I have a graduate degree- work two jobs, handle things pretty well.
    My delusions usually center around some ‘puzzle’ or ‘riddle’ or ‘test’, that I ultimately feel I cannot pass. I have noticed that the experiences have become increasingly terrifying. When my mother was dying and I was on my way to say goodbye- I became delusional, and felt like I was lost in a forest. I felt trapped, like there was no way out- and with no one to trust for direction. I literally was driving through the Olympic Forest, and felt like my only option of escape was to turn my car toward the woods and step on the gas pedal. I survived, but totaled the rental car. Plus, I wound up spending 2 weeks in a mental facility and missed my mother’s funeral.
    I have ‘been’ Christ, Mary, the Devil, and have done some things I’m embarrassed of. On the other hand, it’s very insightful to experience mental illness, personally. It makes you realize the true vulnerability of what we call our ‘self’.
    I guess I wonder if there is some meaning contained within the delusions, perhaps on some symbolic level. I think it would be really interesting if there were some kind of group where people who have experienced similar things (delusions/psychosis) could talk/share, and see if there are connections between their delusions and their histories.

    • Hi Lisa,

      I agree, there aren’t many specific accounts of delusional experiences which is why I wanted to write this article. More delusional experiences might be outlined in schizophrenic writings, however.

      Yes, typically stress does precipitate the worst episodes, and it sounds like in your case, delusional ones. It’s good that you’ve identified stress as a trigger as it can help you deal with it in the future.

      It sounds like (from the small amount you have shared) you have a pretty classic case of bipolar I. And in that disorder people are often very high-functioning between episodes. You’re lucky (?) that way. People with bipolar II often don’t experience this.

      I’m sorry your delusions got so bad you took such severe action. I can only imagine how scary that was for you. All I can suggest is to try to catch the delusional thinking early enough that you can avoid getting into a full-blown state, if that’s possible.

      “it’s very insightful to experience mental illness, personally. It makes you realize the true vulnerability of what we call our ‘self’.”

      I agree. I’ve not been psychotic, personally, but I’ve been different enough to know this is true.

      I don’t have a suggestion for a group where people share information about delusions, specifically, but again, maybe a group more centred towards schizophrenia?

      – Natasha Tracy

    • I too was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder after experience a week long manic episode. i was 18 then and am now 22, but I thought i was special lol now i see everybody else with this disorder had similar experiences. I too saw seemingly infinite beauty, clarity, and unlikely coincidences, tied with strong emotions of fear, excitement, and perpetual bliss. I was sure evrything around me was a direct yet symbolic message from the divine creator we call “God”. However i had virtually no feelings of irritability or aggression whatsoever, although throughout the 5 days I slept no more than an hour or 2 a night because of fear that i may not wake. Through this entire experience not even my immediate family detected this change in me until the end of the week when i became increasingly delusional and ended up hospitalised for a week, and then unfortunately doctors brought me back down to earth.

  45. How long can you be delusional for? How long can you string along a consistent theory/story you see unfolding over weeks? (in my case in the workplace) .A interactions of people at work, actually seeing people in groups and overhearing their conversations, some days things happen other days nothing. Then a cause and effect with me saying something about what I think is going on in the workplace and suddenly you notice a behaviour change in people around you, as I think they have been made aware I now know. Can the brain make such a thing, a delusion, stretch all this stuff out over weeks?

  46. This is a great post with very real comments. I’ve had delusions of grandeur quite similar to a couple of the folks commenting. I thought I was on a special mission from God to prepare for the battle of Armeggedon when Christ returned. I was supposed to setup a secret fort somewhere, get a tank and a fighter plane, and wait. Bizarre it was. I eventually got hauled off to the hospital and that was the end (mostly) of that. I still have fond memories of that escapade however.

    Although nobody got hurt, my poor friends and relatives must of been really frustrated. They new I was manic and delusional but were helpless to stop it. I enjoyed it completely. If only there was a safe way to experience delusions.


  47. I’m almost 42. I just recently learned I have delusional manic attacks and that I likely had some kind of psychotic break about three years ago. I underwent a series of huge stresses and cracked under the pressure, and then people I loved passed away for the first time. I was seeing stars for a while and did not realize I was drifting through a dream world.

    this year, I made a decision to take a year off of life and moved to a new city. with all the previous life stresses gone, though I was still receiving message from the space bunnies, I was able to function and deal with people really well. then some hard life events came up, and suddenly a switch flipped on my personality again and I got grandiose and messianic. because I’d simplified my life so much, I observed the mania rise up, felt the intensity, but didn’t understand what was going on. however, my life was quiet enough I could pay attention. I found myself debating whether or not the Universe wanted me to use a play I’d never read to “save” an organization, and after watching that dialog in my head, I realized, “holy crap. this isn’t real. I’m making this up.”

    then I saw the pattern. my former husband and I both previously agreed that I changed dramatically at a certain point in time, and looking back, that’s when the stress became too much.

    I was scared at first when I realized what happened to my mind, because I’ve tried to get help in the past but couldn’t recognize I was delusional. I told therapists that my response to stress was off, I possibly had ptsd, and that I was unable, try as I could, to move forward in life from certain events. instead of helping me dial down my stress reaction, I was stressed out more when told that I just needed to get out of my own way and move on. I was lectured angrily about my attitude week after week from someone who refused to switch strategies when her approach failed to resonate with me.

    my new found understanding of my mental condition then gave me a sense of relief. manic episodes explained the extremely risky behavior I engaged in, including moving alone to a whole new city, when I was in the zone. I’d never been in trouble of any kind with the law, but the first thing I did when I cracked was threaten someone with blackmail. I thought “this is not who I am” but felt powerless to stop until I knew what was really happening in my head.

    now that I know what the deal is, I have made a concerted effort to relax myself down to a more functional state, and found a therapist who actually believes me and is willing to work with me. despite the ways in which I’ve got myself in trouble over the last few years, I’m feeling optimistic about my ability to learn to modulate my stress responses and create a life that doesn’t challenge me emotionally every minute of the day.

    I began coming out to my friends. not to ask for their pity or to get a free pass for everything I’ve done, but to let them know that I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone, that I discovered I have a real problem, and that I am working out solutions. so far, so good. but I’ve been blasted and accused of being a lying, self-absorbed narcissist attention whore with this news. who on earth would tell people she had a psychotic break just for the attention?

    any comments or advice on dealing with people who would rather believe that you’re just a selfish jerk trying to evade personal responsibility than that you’ve short-circuited and have some healing to do?

    • Hi Karen,

      Wow. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Congratulations on seeing your own patterns and on getting help that works for you. That’s a huge achievement and you should be proud of yourself for that.

      As for dealing with others, that is tricky. You have to understand it’s a learning process for them, just as it was for you. You didn’t reach this realization over night and they likely won’t either. Try to be gentle with them and encourage education about your disorder.

      Also, understand that people who care about you would likely prefer not to believe that you’re sick. Believe it or not, it’s easier to believe that someone is a “jerk” than that they’re sick. If the person is sick we worry for them, with a jerk, we don’t have to. And who wants to believe someone we care about is ill? No one. It’s a scary thing to have to cope with.

      So I think gentle persistence is key. They need time and information in order to adjust and hopefully they will lend their support when they’ve had a chance to wrap their mind around it.

      Although keep in mind not everyone can and you’ll probably end up losing some people from your life. It’s not pleasant, but it’s one of the costs of the illness.

      You will, however, retain the best of friends and those who will be with you no matter what.

      – Natasha Tracy

      • Natasha,

        Thanks for your levity. I need to remember this is a big adjustment for everyone. I see a few gifts in store for me, though. Being delusional when I feel OK gives the world an extra sparkle, and is the source of a lot of great creative ideas (I’m a writer and graphic artist). Now that I know what I’m dealing with, I appreciate there are ways for me to soothe myself and positive places to funnel this energy. Plus, I know the friends I’ll have as I work through this will really care about the whole me. It’s scary and unknown, but ain’t all bad. =)


  48. Here is the problem. Everyone has dreams, projects, self-esteem, believes..normal and bipolar as alike. But in what point does a dream becomes a delusion? When a selfish-great- ego is a grandiosity delusion? What about the first guy on NASA who mention “Yes, we can land on the Moon”. uh… and let’s talk about faith, religion and believes. Were all prophets delusional? Were Christ, Buddha or Mahoma?

    The case is clear when I claim that I have wings and no one else can see it. But becomes weird when I a can see the solution of a math problem before I finish reading the question. The right solution on 80% of every math exam while I studied engineering. Yes, in this case, I have wings that no one else can see, but I can fly with them.

    Where is the line between normal, delusional and genius or gifted?

    • Forgot to mention.
      The article is great. There are serious risk in being delusional. You can get killed (crucified, for example).
      I use a lot of “check points” or “reality checks” every day. Family and friends are good in this, and they can save lives.

    • Hi Oscar,

      Agreed, the line is fuzzy, but not as much as you might think.

      Delusions are the belief in something despite contrary evidence.

      So, if you think you walk on water but every time you try you come back soaking wet still proclaiming that yes, you walk on water, then that’s a delusion.

      Genius isn’t this. Genius may not be able to be _proven_ but it can’t be disproven either. Someone said they could walk on the moon. No doubt, others didn’t have that vision. But there were a million little steps between thinking it and actually doing it, all of which were possible, none of which disproved the idea.

      Religion is a whole other thing. I choose not to comment on those matters.

      I can’t comment on your math abilities, but if I gave you a test with only the first half of 100 questions and you scored 2% and still believed you knew the answers before reading the question, that would be delusional. If you got 80%, then it probably wouldn’t be. Either way, it’s irrelevant if its implications aren’t hurting anyone.

      Yes, many delusions can be dangerous. “Delusions of grandeur” in particular are dangerous because inevitably, it makes you think you have supernatural powers that, not having them, will seriously hurt you or others. “Reality checks” are an excellent idea.

      – Natasha Tracy.

  49. Great article. Maasiyat does have a great point. When you’re in the middle of it, you don’t see that you need help.

  50. Thank you so much for writing an article on this. There was no way I could have got help when I was in the middle of mine. What is most bizarre is a few individuals knew of my delusions and my believing I could see spirits and talk to dead people , read minds, tell the future, and oh i was helping to train an army that would fight alongside the savior when he returned at the end of time and they totally believed me. Even asked me to do “readings” for them. That only fueled my delusion more. These are not people with bipolar or any type of mental illness. Even at work I was becoming violent. I would lash out at co-workers to the point my boss took me aside one day and had a talk with me, but no one did anything to help me. I wasn’t in a position to help myself. This is why it is important for people with bipolar especially if they are having delusions to have a good support system and why medication and hospitalization should be forced. In that state, there is no way I could have given consent. I didn’t even know I needed help.

    • Hi Maasiyat,

      You bring up a good point. The people around a person with a mental illness don’t necessarily _want_ to see the signs of illness. They make excuses for why you’re acting “weird.” It was mentioned in another comment that a family member just thought the delusional person was “drunk.” Which, of course, is ridiculous. It’s just an excuse people make up so they don’t have to see what’s really going on.

      And as you’ve stated, that can fuel a delusion, which is a dangerous thing.

      “This is why it is important for people with bipolar especially if they are having delusions to have a good support system and why medication and hospitalization should be forced. In that state, there is no way I could have given consent. I didn’t even know I needed help.”

      Again, an excellent point. It’s really important for people who have felt this way (understanding they needed treatment without consent) say so. Because there is _no_shame_ in admitting this. It’s just saying your disease was out of control. Which any disease could be. People take loved ones to the hospital for treatment of many diseases when their loved ones can’t take themselves. This is the same, although admittedly, more difficult.

      Thanks for your feedback, as always.

      [Regarding more information, there are the two sources I linked to in the article and I also came across this one: If you need more beyond those three links, perhaps you doctor can recommend a good resource for you.]

      – Natasha Tracy

      • you and all these people are so out of it. There is shame in mental illness. thats a choice and not a disease. since bipolar actually is rare and neurological and a disease you dont get to claim that. The shit you guys are spouting has nothing to do with manic depression

        there is a film being made right now proving all of this so i would suggest and further embarrassment and to miseducate others . stop

    • Wow. This is almost exactly what happened to me. I had no idea at the time that I was bipolar or manic or having psychosis, and people around me actually encouraged my beliefs so I didn’t understand it wasn’t ‘normal’. And yet my psychiatrist argued with me that because I haven’t been sectioned with mania in my life, I couldn’t be BP1. Not everyone around you is a mental health professional that can recognise the signs. It’s scary how many people must slip through the net.

      • Marisa,

        It’s so sad that people would actually _feed_ delusions. I understand that they don’t know how destructive they’re being, but still, it just seems so, well, crazy. I suppose it’s that people don’t want to believe that you’re experiencing psychosis and by playing along it proves that you are “normal” and not sick. Even if it isn’t true it’s more convenient for others to believe.

        – Natasha Tracy

        • Well I think what’s worse is that most people just don’t have the awareness to know what delusions are and how to spot them – I didn’t know I was depressed until I was 23, I didn’t know what bipolar was until later, and once I did things started making sense to me.

          This is why campaigning and raising awareness is so crucial. It’s why I applaud the work you are doing here, and why when I get myself stable enough, I’m going to press for work in the mental health sector so I can bring my experience to the table.

          • Marisa,

            You’re right, awareness and education is key. I sort of find it unfathomable that people wouldn’t be able to spot psychosis or depression, but that’s just because I’ve been ensconced in it for so long, for most people it just isn’t obvious. At least if people could just identify that _something_ was wrong they could get help. But most people are too afraid to even do that much. Unfortunately.

            – Natasha Tracy

        • how are you going to say you arent sick yet you have a disease. stfu you hypocrite. your making people ill if they actually listen to you. [moderated]

  51. Delusions of grandeur is a serious bipolar system that should be told to your doctor and therapist as soon as possible. These type of delusions can kill. During one of mine, I was an angel welcoming in the Second Coming. Convinced I could fly, I did a swam dive off a 2-story balcony crashing into the concrete floor 20 feet below. Luckily, I lived and learned a life lesson about delusions of grandeur.

    • Hi KristiLynn,

      You are absolutely right. In Hanna’s experience, she very easily could have died from her actions resulting from delusions. And she’s not the only one. You often hear of people thinking they can fly, for example. Which I guess is OK, until you try to prove it from the roof of a building.

      The unfortunate thing though is that most delusional people are too delusional to get help. It’s only after they’re picked up by the police or are hurt that they get help. It’s really hard to talk a deluded brain into doing anything.

      But hopefully people outside the person’s brain can recognize it for what it is – a serious danger sign that needs attention.

      – Natasha Tracy

      • What if your bipolar one 20 years old diagnosed at16 think the worst of every situation and how I’m the strong one to save every situation when really I realize my heads trippin and I have no control untill it’s too late what if your afraid to harm urself or others to make yourself go to jail . Like reality makes it worse because learning about what u once wanted to learn about is alot uglier and you’d rather have it different. Job can’t seem to find /hold one. Ssi or Ssdi is all u have and medication appts you barely can afford to make . If your unorganized in every aspect shouldnt you be hospitalized because your unsafe to your family spending and the cycle owns you. The disease has control over me and I want it to go away I would never wish this on anyone.

        • Hi Experience123,

          I’m sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now. You’re not alone. Many people are in that situation.

          It sounds to me like you need more support than you’re getting. Maybe a life skills course would be useful for you. Sometimes cognitive behaivoral therapy can help in a situation like yours.

          I would recommend trying a workbook for cognitive behavioral therapy if money is an issue (see the above link).

          I also recommend attending a support group. You can find those online or in person. You could start by looking up your local NAMI chapter and see if they have any suggestions for support groups or programs locally.

          You are not alone and help is out there.

          I wouldn’t wish it on anyone either, but you can get through it.

          – Natasha Tracy