I often wear myself out with bipolar disorder. The odd thing about it, is that I don’t know when I’m doing it. I run and run and run and run and do and do and do and do until I’m completely worn out and then the next day, inevitably, I just collapse into a pile of fatigue. But while I’m running and doing I don’t know that I’m wearing myself out. Everything feels fine, until it doesn’t. It’s seemingly impossible to know when I’m wearing myself out with bipolar disorder.
Bipolar Disorder and Wearing Myself Out
I’ve talked a lot about how I feel a lot of fatigue thanks to bipolar disorder and how I have a very limited supply of energy thanks to bipolar disorder as well. And I believe I have to respect these limits if I’m to be high-functioning with bipolar disorder. But even knowing this and trying to respect it, I don’t seem able to predict my extreme fatigue. I don’t seem able to predict when, the next day, I’m going to be absolutely useless because I’ve used up all my energy for the week.
And I’m constantly surprised at how little it takes to wear me out. I’m so not like a normal person it’s shocking. All it takes is a little visiting, a little going out for dinner and a little shopping and all of a sudden, the next day I sapped of all will to, well, do anything. The next day all I can do is rest and rest and rest. I absolutely can’t make my brain or body work. And people who know what little I’ve been doing just don’t understand how I could be tired from it. I don’t understand it either. It’s just how it is and what I know is that there isn’t enough coffee in all of North America to fix it.
Predicting Energy Levels and Getting Worn Out with Bipolar Disorder
So what I’m trying to learn is that I truly do have much less energy than I think I do. I truly need more rest than I think I do. I truly cannot get as much done as I think I should. I truly have to be very careful in rationing my energy. When I know I have a lot of work to do, I absolutely, positively have to not wear myself out beforehand as it just ruins my workdays. I really can’t explain why my brain ceases to work when I exhausted but I am clear on the fact that it absolutely doesn’t. It seriously is like carrying around a rock in my head and expecting it to think for me. Rocks just don’t do that.
My learning curve on this issue seems to be awfully steep and I feel like I haven’t made it very far, but I’m working on it.
What do you think? Is there any way to predict when you’re wearing yourself out with bipolar disorder?
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