Bipolar disorder is a chronic illness, a severe one for me, and I’ve found it requires chronic (read: Herculean and constant) effort. And no, I don’t just mean the effort needed to take medications or go to therapy and psychiatry appointments, I mean the effort required to do all the little things in life. I mean the fact that I need to somehow locate a massive amount of effort to get through the day — every day. Chronic illness requires effort that just doesn’t stop.
I get variants of this question all the time: My friend with mental illness stopped talking to me, what do I do? It is both incredibly sad and very heartening question to get asked all the time. It’s incredibly sad because it means there are so many people with mental illness refusing to talk to people who care so much about them. The heartbreak when this happens is very, very real. On the other hand, it’s heartening in some ways because it means that these loved ones want to reach out anyway. These people asking me this question clearly care and are showing empathy to the person with mental illness and want to help. That’s a beautiful thing. So today I’m going to try to answer the question: Why would a person with mental illness stop talking to you?
For me, today is the first day on a new antipsychotic. It’s a sucky day. Even though I swapped out an antipsychotic and even though I started on the lowest dose possible, this antipsychotic is wrecking havoc with my day. I wish this wasn’t so predictable, but it is. For me, it’s just a fact that the first day on a new antipsychotic is terrible.
I’ve been wanting to write about evidence that bipolar disorder type II really is bipolar disorder and really does exist. Why? Because some very vocal people have attacked me on this point. There is this ridiculous notion that bipolar disorder type II is made up just to sell more drugs and that I am pushing this evil agenda. But, well, I just haven’t had time to get the facts and evidence together for you. So today I just want to speak from my own experience — I have bipolar disorder type II and yes, it is real bipolar disorder.
I feel like there’s a huge amount of pressure on me to function perfectly because I have bipolar disorder. While everyone wants to do their best, certainly, I feel pressure to do the best just to prove that a person with bipolar can. It’s like I’m letting everyone with bipolar disorder down if I don’t function perfectly.
Bipolar moods go up and bipolar moods go down. This is true. I think, though, bipolar moods also go sideways. And diagonally. So while I know the typical metaphor used with bipolar moods is a rollercoaster (I’ve used it, we all do), recently, my bipolar moods feel like more of a zigzag with rapid, hairpin turns. Yes, this is the bipolar zigzag mood.
I believe anxiety and pain are connected. I think so, and I’m not the only one who does. I, unfortunately, have been experiencing this pain-anxiety link for months now.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and so I want to talk suicide and bipolar. But I don’t just want to talk about suicide and bipolar disorder, I want to straight talk about it. I don’t want to get caught up in stigma or political correctness or whitewashing the pain. Because I believe we need to really talk about suicide to show that suicide is not a dirty word and to help all those who struggle with it.
People with bipolar disorder are all-too-familiar with cycles – the moving from one mood to another – but not everyone knows that for some, moods can cycle ultra-ultra-rapidly. When a mood cycles last less than a day this is known as ultradian cycling. Ultradian cycling bipolar disorder is a very tough variant of bipolar disorder to treat and to live with.
In my last article, I talked about how many with bipolar disorder don’t have insight; so, the next question is, how do you develop insight into bipolar disorder if you recognize you don’t have it? Developing bipolar disorder insight isn’t necessarily easy – it requires looking inward and doing the work – but it is possible.
Insight into bipolar disorder is critical. Insight into anyone’s life is a good idea but for those with a mental illness, it’s vital. It’s a big part of what makes managing bipolar disorder possible. But so many people don’t have insight into bipolar disorder. Why is that?
I’ve talked about bipolar and rest before but now I want to add the concepts of choice and empowerment. I want to talk about how choosing rest because of bipolar disorder is actually empowering. I want to talk about taking some power away from the bipolar disorder.
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