It’s easy to tell when your bipolar is getting worse. At least, it sure the heck is for me. I spend my nights crying and trying desperately not to kill myself. It’s a notable thing that you really wouldn’t miss.
But how do you know if your bipolar is improving? Is it actually possible that you might miss the signs of your bipolar getting better?
Improving Bipolar Symptoms Due to a Medication Change
About two months ago I changed up my bipolar medication slightly. Honestly, no part of me thought it was going to help. I’ve had such a bad go of it that I figured a tweak here and a tweak there would amount to nothing in a brain as messed up as mine.
And when I saw my doctor last week I didn’t have anything major to report. But then, when I thought about it, I realized that I hadn’t been spending my nights sobbing and warding off suicidal and self-harm urges. I told him that my nights were pretty uneventful, actually. And he said, “Well, we did change you medication last time.”
That’s right. We did. I had actually been so convinced that it would do nothing that when it did do something, I didn’t even notice. (Note that you want to make sure you’re feeling better and not becoming hypomanic.)
The Absence of Bipolar Symptoms
What had happened was I had missed the absence of bipolar symptoms. It was really easy to see the addition of bipolar symptoms, but it was also really easy to miss them when they disappeared.
New Behavior – Improving Bipolar?
And then, suddenly, last week I found myself volunteering to man the door at a big party where I knew no one. Um, what the heck brought that on? That’s a seriously socially stressful place in which to put yourself that would induce serious anxiety and somehow I had volunteered for it?
The following day it occurred to me – I never would have done that before. The heavy bipolar symptoms would have stopped me from even considering leaving my house at night and even if I did, somehow, agree to it, I would likely cancel at the last minute (I didn’t).
My behavior was actually telling me that the medication was working; I just had to be listening.
How Do You Know if Your Bipolar is Improving?
I know for many people that seems like a strange question but honestly, I did miss the signs of bipolar improvement until I really thought about it (there were others I missed too). And it’s not like I’m dumb or haven’t done this a million times before. But when the positive bipolar changes come very slowly over the course of months, it really is easy to miss them, particularly after prolonged, treatment-resistant illness.
Good ways to know if you’re getting better include:
- Increased social interaction
- Getting out the house more often
- Decreased mood symptoms
- Decreased negative mood-driven behavior
- Feedback from friends and family (there people often notice changes in you before you do)
- Decreased anxiety
- Greater functionality – more work/school output
And I’m sure there are other ways for other people as well. Please do share your own signs below.
[This all assumes that you’re getting better from a depressed bipolar episode. Obviously, if you were manic, things are a little different.]
Celebrate the Improving Bipolar
And just a little note here: it’s important to see these small bipolar improvements because they are things to celebrate. Yes, it would be great to wake up one morning and be asymptomatic (that has pretty much happened to me with medications before) but that’s not likely to occur. So, note the small changes; note the small wins; pat yourself on the back and celebrate. Something is going right. (Want to know what you’re doing right in your bipolar treatment? See here.)
Thanks for this one, Natasha. I’m currently in hospital but improving and feeling cautiously hopeful. Hopeful messages like this one help reinforce my recovery.
Hi Paul,
I’m glad you’re feeling hopeful. Caution, of course, tends to be warranted, but so is hope.
My best wishes to you.
– Natasha Tracy
I never realized that my husband’s social anxiety could be bipolar related. That’s really good to know!
That’s great you have gradually improved. Hope it stays that way. I’ve had to look at the improvements I’ve made, though small at the time. Endorse my effort. Sleep is what makes the biggest difference and your advice :).
i hope your bipolar gets better
What an interesting subject and blog, glad I stumbled across it. I have been diagnosed BP for 28 years and have been symptom free going on 3 years, 5 years before that. I am a true Jekyll and Hyde when it comes to an uncontrolled episode and have destroyed and rebuilt my life 5 times since my first experience with mania in 1986 . Doing well is hard to gauge. If you feel well there is a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if you are doing TOO well . It is a balancing act, to be sure. I am not naive to the fact another episode could happen, which is why II want to appoint a couple of people in my life (not family) to step in and make sure I get treatment before disaster happens.
In the past during hypo-mania I was clever enough to fool myself and a lot of others that I was FINE…. Yeah right! Avoided the doc, meds etc. Some people did notice symptoms, but had no way to be able to help me except through the standard ways of calling the men in white coats (police/crisis services) “to come get me”.
Like I said I want to have a couple of people that I truly trust to be able to force me to get treatment, at the very least to notify my Doctor and take steps that I put in place now , while I am fully aware and “sane” Has anyone ever done this? Did you use an attorney?
I have been suffering from mental illnes…s since last 25 years.It started with depression nd hypochondriasis.Later diagnosed by several psydocs as bipolar and many combinations have been tried.25 years ago i was considered some sort of genious in my medical school.yes i’m a medical doctor and now fifty years old.My memory and intelligence is gradually decreasing and i have never been euthymic.Is there anyone who can help me improve my memory.My current medication is lamictal,lexaproand serooquil.
Dr. Hilaly, I’m OCD and on Prozac for anxiety/depression. I recently added some ADHD medication as I was having problems focusing and remembering things. This seemed to help quite a bit, but also made me kinda jumpy at 60mg. My shrink wanted to get me up to 80mg, but I ended up asking to just have 40mg a day.
The ADHD/ADD medication I’ve been taking is Straterra.
I take the Prozac and Straterra in the morning. I also take melatonin and Zantac at night, the former to help me sleep, and the latter as I’ve been diagnosed as having acid reflux.
I am having some high blood pressure problems, but am hoping exercise and eating/resting better will take care of that. I’m overweight, but seem to slowly be dropping the pounds. I’m not 100% sure of this, but I think the Straterra is increasing my blood pressure a little bit. So I have to be careful of that. But it also is helping me remember things and to focus. However, it’s helping me to *forget* to eat, and is increasing my metabolism a little bit. I think it started the recent weight loss I’ve been experiencing.
Anyway, you might want to try Straterra, but in case you are like me, I would keep good track of your blood pressure before you start it, and after you’ve started it.
I wish you good luck / Godspeed. :)
My best friend when I was younger was a board certified endocrinologist from Madras India. I am an American, born and raised and he was from India, He was much older then me at 42 when I was about 24. He killed himself although the newspapers reported it as a heart attack. No regard for him and his death as a man and a very good physician. I ran into so many of his patients who thanked him for the care of their families. I also use Lamictal and don’t notice any memory changes. I too have been told I’m gifted. Seroquil(sp) will of course suck the life out of everyone and as you are physician I don’t need to tell you about it’s other effects. Why with your education you still take it I don’t know. Lexapro caused me some anxiety. I have a very good memory but not like I was 20 anymore. I do know when I am depressed my memory get worse in a proportion similar to my mood. I’m 48 years. Good luck Khan. I mentioned my friend was from India as I thought you may also be. WN, PA.
I am so happy I am receiving all the comments since I found Natasha Tracy site. they are helping me a lot. I complain to family, friends about my memory they always say its normal but its not. U said serooquil and I am wheening off them I pray my memory gets better. I am 47 years old.
im sorry I was replying to another message
sorry I screwed up this but now I get it
I think I am improperly diagnosed as first, schizo-affective, bipolar type, and now, schizophrenia, residual type. Your blog, “How Do I Know If My Bipolar Is Improving?” was hilarious, and really hit home. I am just overjoyed to be happy for once in my life.
I liked it too it seemed important so I wrote it down Im just starting to notice things im doing stuff ive suffocated for so long.
Hello Natascha,
I recently found your site and like what you have to say…I just read your bipolar mood scales tracker and I thank you for that because my therapist has been after me to do that and with your model I think I can devise my own to keep better track of things.
Yhanks,
Sue
where can I find the mood scales tracker
Hi Janice,
You may wish to read this. It will give you more information on mood tracking and provide a link to a mood tracking piece of software: https://natashatracy.com/bipolar-disorder/mood-tracking-bipolar-disorder-how/
– Natasha Tracy
Very accurate comments,Natasha.
I’m finding myself after,being tweaked a bit…seeing things/well,let’s say
Somewhat easier,less HEAVY …
No more illegible grocery lists,or any lists.
Kind of ..dare I say,organized?
Things are sort of more,I can do this,& I’m slowly taking down the mask I wear
In the outside world down…finding out who is Sandra beyond the illness?
All I can say is I feel,a sense of relief…
I’ve also decided there’s nothing wrong w me because I’ve no bf.
I set higher standards,strict boundaries.
That’s just it.
My family has indeed noticed,and positively commented.
Though,I’ve learned at the end of the day the only one you really need
To please is yourself,and staying healthy isn’t hedonistic but,contrary..
It’s indeed,a good ( not hypomanic) I too,am educated..
Feeling to reconnect with your family in a strong,loving way once more.
Forgiveness works two ways,interestingly,it doesn’t really seem significant.
As all we have is TODAY.to live in the MOMENT is SO much easier with bipolar.
In my personal experience.
Best wishes to everyone else.
I feel as if my condition also due to medication has changed for the better, but as I suppose most do I want to be “normal”. As I was born poor and remain so I have never been able to prove my intelligence to others by way of degrees and such due to my instability. I feel the shame of this as I don’t think I ever will be able to do this. I feel that the more I read and the more I think the more I just stick out and just look like a fool to those in my world. As well being emotionally unstable I don’t even think I am worthy of a partner. I’m not sure if even with the help of medication it is worth living. Every night as I go to sleep I just dream about being normal with a job, a nice woman and living in a place without abusive police and predator neighbors. When feeling well I have no where to go and nothing to do. I have nothing to do. When I asked about this I was given the opportunity to do work alongside those who were mentally retarded. I of course have nothing but respect for MR people but I need more stimulation. My IQ was once tested at 136 and once at 154. I think it’s really around 140 or so as much as that number really means especially to those of us who can’t even take tests due to our social problems. I need something to make me feel valuable and worthwhile. I want to have a reason in life. Getting drunk like now isn’t doing it. My only dream for now is getting a lot of opiates and going to Vermont in the fall and drinking on Vodka with them and talking to my ex-girlfriend until I die. I see no pt. and always where I will be in short order. The short term hospitalizations to stop suicide don’t do it. I wish there were people there who would see us as not all fools and like severely ill patients with heart disease etc. would try to help us. WN
MR, Two things …
First, if your IQ was measured formally, not just one of those ad hoc tests you might find on-line, the best result you get is the one that stands, not an average. So, if you scored 154 that’s what your IQ is, and that’s superb! Wish I was so bright – :)
Second, the quality of your writing proves you are very intelligent. Dullards can’t write as well as you! So, would you like to get a degree to prove your worth? Keep reading…
Me, I’ve got a Masters degree from a very reputable British university, Lancaster University, which I took by doing evening classes over 2 years at one of their colleges. So, it’s not a fake degree – I damn-well had to work hard to get it.
Now get this … Entry onto a course like that usually requires someone to have a good first degree, probably in English. But I don’t have a first degree. I don’t even have the equivalent of a first degree. Plus, I flunked by final ‘high school’ exams anyway (because I wasn’t well, probably with undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder). So, how did I get onto an MA course?
*I showed them a portfolio of my writing*, and the door was swung open to one of the most over-subscribed course there was at that time. Surprised? I nearly crapped myself because I thought, “how the hell am I going to cope with this?” But I did because my writing was good enough. I didn’t have to re-take any modules. I was weak on the ‘literary theory’ (for want of an English first degree), but didn’t fail those modules, and I sailed comfortably through the creative side.
So,
a) make sure you don’t run yourself down – you *are* very intelligent (more than me, at any rate – I’m measured best so far at 135 – and I have a masters degree!),
b) there are ways to prove you are extremely bright other than having a degree, and finally,
c) if you want a degree, you can prove you’re good enough to get on one by virtue of your skill as a writer.
Good luck! :)
It was measured at 154 when I was fifteen formally. The other number as you stated was an online hack deal. I would have assumed they would have given higher numbers for various reason. I do question your statement on average as there are many variables to distort “real” numbers on an individual basis. I would suspect as in most things an average would be more reliable. That being said I hate flinging these numbers around as you know as well as I do everyone says there IQ is far higher then they actually are.
It appears you may be in the UK. In the US it is basically a war on the MI. There is a renewed and very successful movement to lockup anyone with symptoms of MI. Civil rights are of virtually no importance to these people. Much of the pretext for this is school killings and their de-facto blaming of the MI with zero proof. A witch hunt if you will. The driving force behind much of this is for family’s with control problems to lock up loved ones who don’t live by their standards and rules. As well as their disgust for those with different lifestyles from their own. It has become again, not that it ever wasn’t a way to nullify political opposition. It is very real and happens every day here but the US press it virtually useless these days other then supporting the political rulers.
I don’t know the UK system well, but in the US system my student aid ran out due to my problems after my third year. I had a 3.87 of 4.0 gpa there after my third year. I even attended a technical college after that and graduated 2nd in my class. All my work I always did on my own, the social interactions face to face turned me off but wish I could have benefited from the face to face interaction with experts and very good people in their fields.
I do know the online programs in many, many areas although put down by many are just as difficult as and maybe more so due to the stigma involved. You should be proud of that. IQ is nothing to be proud of for me. I was born with it. I haven’t earned anything. I wanted to be something I’ll never be. By the way I hate the US. The US at this pt. even though my mothers family (English) goes back 400 years. Has no respect for human life and mine is coming to an end.
Wonderful thoughts but left me frustrated. This last year has been the worse since I was diagnosed nine years ago. Mom with Alzheimer’s, putting her in care facility, cleaning out her house, selling the house. Have bad case of SADD’s, so went to Florida to get some sunshine in November. Them Mom died while in Florida. Had to rush home for service. I was too numb to grieve. Then two days after her funeral was informed my disability, with it’s insurance, was being terminated! Was catatonic for the next month.
Reason given for termination, I was “stable”. I still don’t understand. Am unsure of the use of the word “Better.” Their information was a year old, before this latest round sent me into rapid cycling. Their thoughts were that since I was improved, I could not work, just not for them. Who’s going to hire a 63 year old male with a history of mental illness, severe arthritis, and cardiac disease.
After spending two months on an appeal, then the three months of waiting was granted one more year. I’m not improved, just numb.
Sorry to dump on your positive report. Am glad for you. Just frustrated. Can’t seem to get self started. Have dozens of things to do with my house but can’t seem to get anything done.
Robert
When we are suffering we become very self-conscious, our consciousness is directed towards the suffering. One of the key signs of getting better is becoming less self-conscious. Without the distraction of our suffering, we open up our attention more to the world around us, and occasionally lose ourselves in activities, social or otherwise. We are less likely to notice the positive change because our interest is focused in something other than ourselves.
And you are right that it is important to find ways of being aware of positive change. Otherwise, how do we know what is working? We’ll need to know what helped us this time, if we want to have its help next time.
I just wanted to say congratulations on your improvement, Natasha! That’s awesome!
I have good times, too. I forget to remind myself of them during the bad times. You’re reminding me that part of not triggering a depressive episode for me is to not get into a negative-self-talk feedback loop.
I hope your improvement continues. Hang in there. Glad to hear your are getting yourself out there, socializing, etc. :)
I have learned to chart my moods, which I no longer need to do, but it helped me to identify where I am. I have also been through the Bipolar-In-Order program through http://www.bipolaradvantage.com and it is helped me. While already heading in a positive action, the program helped me further to identify negative behaviors (commonly known as symptoms) and potential or known positive behaviors of mania and depression. Now I choose to be in-order meaning I chose the positive behaviors no matter what cycle I am in, and medication becomes more of a tool and not a crutch. How I am doing is not related to my psychiatric health, but to my skills in identifying my behaviors with the help of someone I live with, and taking planned and written down and agreed to measures when I am unable to prevent negative behaviors from surfacing. For more, visit my website, http://www.freemindbooks.com.
Thank you for this post. You made me realize things are getting better with my medication even though they are not perfect. I spent the last two weeks almost asymptomatic and social about every day or so. I haven’t been that social for at least a year! I’m scared it won’t last.
I knew something was happening in the last 2 years since I’ve been on serouqel minus the weight gain, things are stable. I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a serious suicide thought and the fact that I am trying to get out there and socialize yea that is big I spent years staying home crying and feeling horrible. so I missed out on a lot of my 20s because of bipolar episodes, hospital visits and pain.
It almost feels like I woke up from a dream or something.
Great post, Natasha, and so important for me to remember. I work hard trying to keep myself reigned in, so as not to create more drama. Many times I don’t succeed and I beat up on myself. With depression being the bigger part of my bipolar experience, negativity seems to be far too common place. So missing the positives is easy for me to do. Talk about the importance of feedback from loved ones…..I rate this the most powerful for me. I count myself truly blessed because my sister (2 yrs younger) and I both have bipolar disorder and we couldn’t be any closer if we were connected at the hip. Rarely are we in the same “mindset” at the same time, so we are regularly able to see the positive movement in each other. Hearing those things from her means the world to me! (And we are “no messing around” honest with each other!) I’m going to keep your list in the “Notes” folder of my phone and read them frequently! Thank you for all your help and support!
I am in the dark without Sally. Her insights and “no messing around” approach has allowed me to accept my bipolar 1. The space is loving yet pointed. There is always room to grow and to choose new perspectives with her insights and knowledge. She’s the first to notice both small and and significant improvements. This kind of relationship is one I wish everyone could experience. I believe that by allowing ourselves to be raw with each other is the magic. All of us need a “Sally” in their lives. However, we must open that door before we walk in to receiving all it’s therapeutic fruits!
My feelings about this are in line with your own. In my case I can recognise a significant improvement by way of my ability to cope with pressures, and in the speed by which I recover from set-backs. For example, a year or so ago I was weeping like a baby at having to make pre-arrangements for the expected death of my mother, and I was left unstable for a good week afterwards (which was still better than recovery time a year before that). A year later, when the actual event occured and I had to finalise the funeral arrangements, I was fine! In fact, I’ve been coping with the whole sad time very well – sad, obviously, but handing all the business that comes with a death has not thrown me into a BP episode as it would have done just a year ago. So, yeah – I know I’m well along the road to recovery.
Reading and interacting with this blog is a gauge for my symptom improvement, so thanks. I have to admit that persevering to groups is another signpost for me. It’s like, in a negative space I have to push myself out of isolation and to groups in spite of my mood. It’s an improvement when I feel relatively sure that putting out the effort to get to group will improve my mood.
This is something that has been on my mind lately, so thank you very much for raising this issue! I also sometimes think I am getting better only to find I was slipping into hypomania, but there are definitely more gradual signs that I miss when a medication change makes an improvement. I think one sign for me as a stay-at-home-mom is I find it is not as draining as it was before to interact with and play with my 3-year-old. I find I begin to look forward to a day of just me and him rather than dread it. My goal is to eventually make it through a whole day without taking a nap, which I sometimes take simply because a whole day seems too intimidating without cutting it shorter with extra sleep. I find I do force a nap even if I am not sleepy because of this issue.
Great post, Natasha. I love the point about celebrating even the smallest improvements in bipolar symptoms. I would imagine this is also another way to keep track of the improvements. Plus, I believe reaching important milestones along the way keeps us motivated.
Thank you for this post! I hope you continue to feel even-keeled.
I’m glad you included the parenthetical comment about hypomania/mania because the indicators do strike me as possible red flags for an upswing, at least in my first- and second-hand experience. Which basically punctuates how difficult it is to assess where you might be on the waveform that is bipolar disorder. It’s frustrating. So thanks again.
Speaking of parenthetical comments, I would like hear your thoughts about indicators of ‘bipolar improvement’ from mania, as your point of reference in this post, as you said, is depression. I ask because when I’m trying to gauge improvement I think more in terms of frequency and amplitude of mood swings and I’d be happy to have an additional yardstick.