People have said to me, “Stop being so negative about bipolar disorder!” People feel free to critique me at any moment and make sweeping statements like that at any time. It comes with being read by so many, I suppose. So when someone says I’m writing about bipolar disorder too negatively, it is not the first time and I would imagine it won’t be the last. I, however, feel I am quite realistic about bipolar – not overly negative or positive.
Bipolar Is Negative
Some people find that bipolar is a gift. And while bipolar has increased certain things in my life empathy for others, I consider it the furthest thing from a gift that you can imagine. I consider bipolar disorder to be an absolute curse. Bipolar disorder is negative because it causes me pain pretty much every single day. If you want a gift like that, that’s your business, but I certainly don’t.
And while I understand that’s not everyone’s experience of bipolar, it’s certainly mine and as I’m the one writing, it’s naturally the perspective I would take. And, for the record, I hate the fluffy bunny, rainbows and lollipops version of bipolar that some people claim exists.
Being So Negative About Bipolar Disorder?
I have written piece after piece about bipolar disorder that offers positive coping techniques for everything from hypomania to depression and, in fact, some people call me inspirational. Don’t misunderstand, you certainly don’t have to find me an inspiration, I’m just saying that, to me, what I offer are very useful tips on how to deal with bipolar disorder and that is very positive.
(In case you were wondering, my book ends on a very positive note. I know how hard it is to deal with the realities of a chronic illness and I wanted to end in a way that brought hope to people, as I believe there always is hope.)
I’m not going to list for you all my writings that are positive, such as those that talk about why one should fight bipolar disorder and not give into suicide, but I will say they are out there.
When One Is Negative About Bipolar Disorder, It’s Okay
And sometimes I am just plain ol’ negative about bipolar disorder, but I consider this okay. I have mood and thought fluctuations just like everyone else and sometimes I just can’t bring positivity to the table. And this just makes me human. If you think about yourself, I highly doubt you can be positive every day, all day.
All I’m saying is this: I’m human. You’re human. We change every day. And this brain disorder changes with the weather, too. That means that I’m going to take various positions but I’m always going to try to offer hope, overall, and I’m sorry if that doesn’t come through to everyone.
And if you’re negative about bipolar disorder, it’s okay. I don’t blame you. This thing sucks. And if you want to say it, I say don’t let others make you feel bad about it. It’s self-expression. It needs to be what you really feel.
Wow! I love this, you sound so much like me. You rock!
Hi Amy,
Thanks :)
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha, when I found your blog I was so grateful that I finally found someone who “got it”, who understood the daily battle against bipolar. I’ve sent links to a number of your articles to friends & family who want to understand but I’m not able to clearly express myself. I agree – having bipolar is a negative experience for me too, and every day is a mine field. I have found so many positive suggestions from your blog and your book, they truly have made a great deal of difference to my daily life. So thanks Natasha, and please keep doing what you do best :)
Hi Sonia,
I’m honored I could help you in such a profound way. Thank you for leaving this comment.
My best to you.
– Natasha Tracy
I couldn’t agree with you more. I hate it! I love the fact that I’m empathetic but I hate the ups and downs. I hate the wondering what people are thinking about me. Asking me if I’m taking my meds or not. Yes I’m taking my meds. And sometimes it’s my meds that are causing my symptoms. People need to know about the negative side effects of medication they need to know about the negative side effects of bipolar not everything is butterflies and rainbows. There’s always a yen to a yang. Night to day.
Oh, I so agree! THANK YOU Natasha. It is a total nightmare for me. It was worse when I didn’t know what was wrong with me (for most of my life until 10 yrs ago), and knowing that it is an illness and having treatment makes it a bit easier, but I will never ever say it was a “gift”. A gift from whom, exactly, anyway? A loving god? I think not.
I have been told to be more positive of my Bipolar II diagnosis. Why? As Natasha said, it is a curse. Yes, I believe it has brought me some beautiful things but also some very painful moments I would like to never experience again. Bipolar is a struggle. I still believe there is hope. The negativity is allowed but letting it take over can be an issue.
Another issue is the stigma against mental illness. No one claims to love being depressed, schizophrenic, or bipolar. Like any other visible/invisible socially acceptable illness, it is debilitating at times.
Over the years since being diagnosed, I’ve had my share of challenges with finding treatment, ever-evolving prescriptions and depressive episodes but to me the hardest part of being bipolar is the people who aren’t…
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I hear you Doug, and feel the same way. The incognizance I deal with, especially with extended family members, is astounding. Even more so because I’ve been the family nurse since forever, dealing with every family member’s mostly trivial ailments, while I suffer in silence because I have a socially unacceptable illness they don’t dare to notice. Devalued, ignored, insulted, trivialized. It ‘s never ending.
I’ve given up on my extended family and so many friends, and I’m way better off for it. I find most people to be willfully ignorant. There’s little hope for comprehension from the people who aren’t bipolar – we’re supposed to be sympathetic to every ingrown toenail of theirs, or their “traumas”about which color to paint their bedroom next…as if it matters.
I’m not negative about the difficulties of being bipolar – yet, I’m done with the trivialization by the general populace, and do not believe it’s my job to enlighten the woefully and willfully ignorant.
You are not “negative” as I feel you are, often, quite all consuming of Bipolar and Bipolar affecting and coloring all facets of your daily life, minute by minute and that everything “wrong” or “troubling” or “stressful” is BECAUSE you are Bipolar.
I have followed you for now, 10 years to one degree or another and I’ve watched you morph into what I do call you, “the poster woman for Bipolar”.
I have been diagnosed mentally ill, via one diagnosis or another, since I was 8 years of age. I am 50+ now and well, that’s been a very many and very long life of dealing with my mental illnesses ups and downs and mission to destroy me at every turn. It, they, have been a PART of me and interrupting and interfering and circumventing and underhandedly attempting… to kill me, for years and years and years.
Yet… I’ve never called myself “them”… have always noted that I am a woman who has _____ (fill in blank) and there are facets of my everyday life that is just me being a human being trying to endure this life that I must live, every 24 hours. Is every moment of my everyday life laid upon Bipolar and Anxiety and PTSD and the ravages of? No.
There is some humanity and being human and having normal human being moments… somewhere in here.
I’d like to think that being agitated because adult siblings are dictating to me… is being a human and thus, I am allowed to be agitated.. (just a example) because I am a human being and not feel need to “up” or “tweak” the pharmaceutical chemicals I possess….
ya know.. not that Bipolar is causing the agitation…
cause once I’ve distanced myself from the siblings; the agitation tends to dissipate.
I don’t find you negative, Natasha. I find you realistic. You are writing through your lens, your experience, your perspective. While I don’t relate to everything you write I don’t judge you. I realize that we are individuals who have our own unique experiences. I’m sure if you read what I write you wouldn’t agree completely with me. I find you informative. Bipolar manifests itself differently in each individual and you help me understand what others go through whose experience is a bit ( or a lot) different than mine. How can I help others that I know with bipolar if the only perspective I have is my own? I need the input of others to help me understand, have compassion and assist my friends and acquaintances in their journeys to cope and live with bipolar. I can’t be closed minded and look solely through my lens. Thank you for being open and honest about your experience. It helps to know I’m not alone in many things that I feel. You have helped more people than you can imagine and the majority don’t post replies/comments. Be encouraged. You are doing important work.
Hi JourneyUpward,
Thank you so much for your kind words.
You know, I have a bit of an advantage over most in that I talk to people and hear from people all day every day about their own experiences. That means I can take others into account while still trying to write for myself and I like to think I balance that.
– Natasha Tracy
Just as a side note…..
I was reading all the comments …they do seem to have that running theme.
As my psych said ” bipolar destroyed my life & or dreams”
Then perhaps,we should try & change our dreams & lives …to more attainable
Goals that we can REACH NOT AS PPL WITHOUT BIPOLAR BUT AS SUFFERING WITH IT?
For example,one change,previously family would HAVE PHONE LIMITATIONS & my sister …
Well,I’m definitely she’s even told me her friends husband hobbies COME FIRST
After crying too many times talking to my psych…..
Then just lately hellish run of SEVERE MANIA ….WORST EVER EXPERIENCED.
OUT Came prescription pad….then GREAT ADVICE ….
I should’ve done eons ago.
He said…ok,Sandra I can see how all of this family drama is effecting you for the worst.
If you receive an email,delete it ( till I am much more stable)
If I get a call,avoid the person,just say ” it’s not a good time”
Really,you need no long explaination….
Believe you me,it will help sleep…it’s way more difficult trying to sleep angry at somebody.
Or frustrated.
Or I make lists during the day,if X occurs,how will I cope.
Besides meds of course.
Personally,I don’t feel groups work for me/ there’s one group closeby but it’s @ nite ( worst time for me not just BP)
Remember,how your family treats you.
They’ve set limits mostly to protect both themselves / you …I believe in my family however just them.
So,I’m an adult.
There’s no reason as to why I cannot set limitations with them
Just remember,at the end of the day,you are responsible FOR YOUR OWN HEALTH & ONLY YOU.
Simply wanted to add this b/c thought it was an important addition.
Thanks.
Though I love writing here!!
Another buzzkill” or negative thing is my psych would ask ( my 2 nd x) ” tell me how much has BP
Effected your life Sandra?”
I said ” oh my God,it has totally destroyed my life!”
He then told me,” normal” for majority of others w my type of BP
My negativity really gets up there at HOLIDAYS ….I cannot BE THERE I’ve no BF it’s too stressful,
They all sit drink to excess…(that is their biz not mine,I don’t like or drink) they aren’t drunk but buzzed socially.
They eat to excess….I can’t eat half of eat as I don’t consume meat)
Since my father died (5 yrs) I’ve never returned @ all to my sissys & she’s only 15 minutes away!!!
My bros are in the big city of BURLINGTON
& OAKVILLE
BOTH PARENTS PASSED AWAY MUM MANY YRS AGO HERE IN THIS CITY ( Kingston)
I get negative thoughts too re Father’s Day Mother’s Day
Plus both their birthdays
I’m not permitted by my sis to ever (??) know even where the cemetery is??? Visit gravesite of my parents
Due to my MI & unstability.
I was VERY CLOSE TO BOTH MUM & DAD they raised me w good values descent ones.
Like all,I didn’t ask for RCBP
I just got it like diabetes.
Guess it’s hard to stay positive w this horrid illness w me I’ve plenty of restrictions & therapy
Plus daily meds ( a cocktail) which I take independently at home.
Just saying ” act positive”
Or tommorrow may be better”
Sorry.
This isn’t your brain.
You do you.
I know what helps what doesn’t
THAT DOESNT.
Another secret)
Hi everyone,
I personally don’t feel Natasha is truly being overly sounding negative.
After all,she has said she suffers,like I,from the rapid cycling BP.
It’s the most resistant to treat BP 2 w it…..
I see the world quite negatively,often.
Due to such severe highs & lows
Yes,I’m on meds more often then not….but there’s a few days I play pharmacology….
Not take the new med I’m just on,aft the most horrendous bout of mania ( scariest) ever.
Fourtunately my psych doesn’t believe unless your of course) actively suicidal)
In throwing me into hospital,plus he’s seen my records …proof that it doesn’t help only kept me alive.
As I always say,this illness is like a dress or a pair of jeans,not a one size fits all….one treatment one opinion…
No right no wrong.
As I get older,I thought I’d become more accepting of my illness
I think as my fam try & pretend all is well for a long time ( BS) then we mainly my sibling living close by triggers me
SCREAMS AT ME CALLS ME NAMES SAYS I START FIGHTS….then my psych is saying STOP no more fam drama …every time I have severe episodes he told me more of my brain becomes more damaged!
He’s a SPECIALIST IN BP EVERYONE WORKED ALL OVER THE WORLD
So,I’m entitled to feel negative about that crappy lot of news…..plus NO AMOUNT OF MEDS EVER CURES MY
Paranoia…aggravated for SURE BY LACK OF ZZZS
So if peeps bash Natasha for being negative,I’m sorry you also suffer BP but we have the shittiest lot.
Just wanted to get that bit out there before someone bashes me ( very possible)
Hope NOT) but ppl hide behind computers while upset lash out @ ppl who are in pain.
Right now that is me.
So I don’t pray I’m a Buddhist I chant & I meditate ( in its infancy)
I’m far from perfect
I’m a very sick girl….that’s also suffered othered MIS
I hope others who I thought were rather unfair ( think of all Natasha DOES FOR ALL OF US )
Knowing she’s getting as I do….I’m telling everyone SHES ONE TOUGH STRONG LADY TO BE RECKONED WITH
As I’m strong,but I could NEVER no MATTER TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES WRITE A BLOG…GIVE SPEECHES
Write A BOOK I love WRITING …..IM SIMPLY NOT THERE YET may NEVER BE
If that’s what everyone calls negative I don’t I call it realistic!!
Ciao good health to all,spread always good karma where ever you shall go.
You are right , negativity can defiantly be a catalyst for developing positivity in defeating the symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. I used this premise in other to overcoming my negative emotions/behaviors and to ultimately achieve episode free stability. You and others, may find more answers by reviewing and reading my book : “Power of Positivity For Bipolar & Anyone Else” https://www.amazon.com/Power-Positivity-Bipolar-Anyone-Else/dp/1478110147
Recently I’ve been very much inspired by the ideas of Canadian psychology professor Jordan Peterson. His ideas are based on his deep study of psychoanalyst Carl Jung and others. He points out that it is meaning which allows us to bear suffering. He quotes Friedrich Nietzsche : “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
Surely how we view our mental illness can have a major effect on how we are able to cope with it. If we view ourselves as victims of some random malfunction in our brain chemistry, we are bound to feel disempowered. I’m not saying that brain chemistry is not the medium through which our erratic moods are manifested, but, in retrospect, now that I no longer experience depression or psychosis, I see the hell I went through as the pain which accompanies a journey through uncharted territory in search of higher ground.
Are we victims or are we heroes? I think that is the question. I think your cantor in expressing the pain and the sense of hopelessness we can experience is terribly valuable, because those on the journey need to know they are not alone, but the heroic element needs to be found, not so much in copying strategies, important as they are, but in the cognitive realm through which our understanding of ourselves as people can be deepened.
I think you sometimes are really negative….but then again, we have a motherf- of a knife fight to the death to contend with every single day of our lives, so I cut you some slack! I’d say this…over time I’ve learned enough coping techniques that I can say bipolar truly sucks….but doesn’t suck the life out of me anymore. As you (and many others) have done, I gave up on lots of different hopes and dreams, for lack of better terms, a long time ago. I’ll never be married. I’ll never live with anyone (they would NOT want to live with me 100% of the time….and I’m NOT having all my items put on the curb again for a third time!). I realize some people will come…and then go…because they cannot handle what my condition does to my social relationships. (People are just in disbelief, because their brains are so different… I DON’T WANT to treat you like an a**hole today, trust me!! That last thing I want to be is a total jerk to you, or bail out on our plans because actually going through with them would be WORSE for you than me cancelling! Forget getting married…just having what I’d call a long-term relationship is probably a stretch… But you know what, I typically can write enough for enough clients to pay some bills each month, and work here and there on some projects at my house. I know the select few people I can rely on in life, even when I have to disconnect from the world for a bit (excepting my time with my daughter…who was definitely unexpected but who has meant so much during the small amounts of time I’ve enjoyed with her). So there are some positives….but yes tremendous amounts of suffering, and a fight to learn the best coping skills I can to battle this Fer in mortal combat for life….. I like to think that God or whoever gave us this because otherwise life would have been too easy for us! And most bipolar people are smarter and more creative in general than everyone else. So we are given challenges and tasks that teach us the lessons we need to learn before we move on to the next stage….( as awful as it sometimes is, I feel that even babies who don’t make it….they were literally perfect, and there was nothing in this world or life they needed to be taught. I like to think of it that way, at least. We all have a cross to bear…and you should never judge and feel like you know how heavy someone else’s is (Try Walking in My Shoes as Depeche Mode would say) I don’t think you’re overly negative, Natasha…you just express your pain in clearer terms than most of us…and speak for those who cannot do so themselves….the people who need to be advocated for most ~
I’ll add too, that another thing I’ve had to give up has been a stable career….or even just a job period….for lengthy periods of time…which is a concern every day no matter HOW well I am managing my condition. So once again this is another reason why I think your “overly negative” attitude sometimes can express the absolute devastation of coming to terms with that……and then dealing w it, for life! Thanks Natasha, you are a hero of mine as you already know ;)
I’ve always admired you for your honesty and the willingness to share your experiences and thoughts. It takes a huge amount of bravery to do that.
This reminds me a little of “just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you …” in that a negative article doesn’t mean that you are a negative person: maybe, just maybe, your plate really is stacked up with more than your fair share of crap.
I’ve noticed that with some friends who have given up on mates who are suffering depression and I’ve confronted some of them when they’ve distanced themselves or commented “he / she’s such a drag” … after all, life really can get so bad that you need others to help you see the light. And that, I think, is where true friendship lies … in not giving up.
Wow, you can’t be any more positive about having bipolar than about having ebola or a sprained ankle – how could having a disability or health problem be good?
I have noticed that ‘normal’ people seem to completely fail to realise that mental illnesses are extremely painful conditions – i guess it’s called ‘stigma’.
You are absolutely right. I try to think about the positives just to make myself feel better but that doesn’t mean having Bipolar is positive.
We know that Bipolar is a huge spectrum of highs and lows and invites a host of other mental and physical illnesses along with it.
Everyone has a threshold of pain and tolerance. At some point along the way these physical ailments reach a point where it becomes unmanageable. I am different than you…on and on. At what point do we say this thing is negative, nasty and no longer a positive or a blessing in our lives. Everyone is living their experience with this thing.
I certainly grant you your negative side. There definitely is that side. For me, hypo mania is tolerable…It is all I have ever known on the manic side. My wife winks at me when she notices and I respond accordingly. The Depressive side is my hell…I don’t like it. I don’t want to see people happy because it makes me more reclusive. When I see the light at the end of the tunnel…bring on the happy………
This is such a wonderful post! The disorder of being bi-polar is just like any other disease such as anxiety, depression, etc. It can be extremely difficult and just plain hard to deal with! Thank you for sharing your insight!