Written July 10, 2011

Updated June 13, 2025

It is a depressing reality that many people with a serious mental illness will attempt suicide at some time in their lives. It’s estimated that up to half of those with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide. (Although my personal feeling is that this is artificially low. People often don’t want to admit to attempting suicide.) That’s a very large number. More women will attempt suicide, but more men will die by suicide. Women will overdose while men will use firearms. More than half of these people will not leave suicide notes.

We are lucky that most suicide attempts fail. Most people who attempt suicide will be rescued by others.

Why Does Shame Happen in the Wake of Suicide Attempts in Serious Mental Illness?

After a suicide attempt, many people are thankful they didn’t die. Many people who attempt suicide later realize that, at the moment they attempted suicide, death is not truly what they wanted. (Although this isn’t always true.) Many end up feeling ashamed of their suicide attempt. I know I felt great shame after my own suicide attempt.

I understand the shame that goes with doing something you later regret. I understand the shame of realizing you did something because of your mental illness. I understand the shame of acknowledging you admitted defeat at the hands of pain and depression.

Is a Suicide Attempt a Moral Failing?

A suicide attempt is a symptom, not a sin.

But a suicide attempt is not shameful.

A suicide attempt is a symptom of an illness. It is no more shameful than sneezing from a cold. Attempting suicide is brutal, hard, and painful on you and those around you. No one wants to see you die, see you gone. But the fact that for one moment you gave in to the pain isn’t shameful, it’s human.

Those who do not know the pain may not understand. But sometimes you hit a wall. A wall of pain. And sometimes that wall is more than you can bear.

You Are Not Who People Say You Are

Some people try to hurt you because you have attempted suicide. Some people try to use this symptom as evidence that you are, in some way, “bad.”

But you are not bad. You are sick. Anyone who would use an illness to hurt another person is being abusive. Anyone who would try to use a suicide attempt as a weapon does not deserve a second thought. Or a first one for that matter. You are better than that. They are not worthy of you.

How to Replace Shame with Self-Compassion

Every one of us has done things we later regret. Some of us (most of us) have been complete assholes at one time or another. Humans are selfish, crass, hurtful, awful people sometimes. We’re like that. We’re wildly imperfect beings.

But these mistakes make us human. Recognition of frailties is a strength. It’s only after realizing what we don’t like in ourselves that we can change it.

A Suicide Attempt Isn’t the End of the World

Yes, a suicide attempt is horrible; a suicide attempt may run roughshod over your life; a suicide attempt may hurt those around you. A suicide attempt is painful, but it isn’t the end of your world.

Attempting suicide puts you in the company of many of your fellow crazies,* including me. If you look to the left and to the right of you, you will see thousands of people just like you. Those who made the same choice. Those who now live to tell the tale.

A suicide attempt is horrible, but it can be a part of your mental illness, and it is in no way the end.

Save Yourself Now

If you feel unsafe, don’t wait, contact someone right now. Here is information on how to get help. Let these people help you. You need to fight your mental illness.

I am extremely grateful I am still here. The people in your life want you to be here, too.

Have You Faced Shame After a Suicide Attempt?

Have you faced shame after an attempt? Share (anonymously if you wish) in the comments – your words might save someone else.

Banner image by Elizabeth Ann Colette (Flickr) [CC BY-SA 2.0 ], via Wikimedia Commons.

* Yes, I use this word here to denote all people with serious mental illness. It works for me. It’s not derogatory.