Bipolar, Hypomania, Depression and Looking Crazy

I can feel the post-depression-bounce-back hypomania beginning in my brain; not in my body, only in my brain. Hypomanic symptoms started yesterday evening. Things started seeming clear, perhaps just a little too clear, and certainly a little too fast. Bipolar fast. Gospel music (yes, oddly) played in my head intermittently while I guided an old tourist couple to the park, I drafted my upcoming novel, planned a conversation, and I investigated the fallen tree branch in the middle of the baseball field. Rapid fire thoughts, hypomanic thoughts, took over.

A Hypomanic Bipolar

“Are you ready for a miracle? Ready as I can be.” “Why is this grass so green? It must be watered.” “So tell me, do you think not responding to emails is rude?” “It’s about a ten minute walk that way.” “The opening scene should contain a description of my balcony.” “Are you ready for a miracle? Set yourself free.” “No it should be a cutting scene. With a knife, no an exacto-blade, no, a razor blade. Which part to cut the wrist, the ankle, the thigh…” “Are you ready, ready, ready for a miracle?”

A Hypomanic Bipolar, Looking Crazy

Bipolar Hypomania Speed

Fast, frantic, and fragmented are the words of the hypomanic day. Much of the above is muttered out loud as I walk across the grass making me look crazy. Yes, I understand the ridiculousness of that statement. A bipolar crazy. Imagine.

My body still has not recovered from the depression though so I feel like crap. Not as bad as yesterday. Not as bad as the day before. Those not-as-bad-depression are the good things to think about.

Hypomanias Are Paid for in Depressions

The bad thing to think about is the idea that, as a bipolar, for every moment that I spend hypomanic I can expect to spend at least one corresponding moment depressed. And the ratio is probably closer to 1:10 hypomania to depression. And I haven’t even gotten over the last depression yet. Right, a highly unpleasant thought.


About Natasha Tracy

Natasha Tracy is an award-winning writer, speaker and consultant from the Pacific Northwest. She has been living with bipolar disorder for 18 years and has written more than 1000 articles on the subject.

Natasha’s New Book

Find more of Natasha’s work in her new book: Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar. Media inquiries can be emailed here.

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