In my life as a mental health advocate, I have seen people blame anything and everything on bipolar disorder. This includes everything from thoughts like obsession and anger to actions like infidelity and screaming. And in my hundreds of posts here on Bipolar Burble, you’ll see that many, many things are linked to bipolar disorder. That said, blaming everything on bipolar disorder is a mistake.

Blaming Feelings on Bipolar Disorder

Of course, bipolar disorder brings with it many feelings. It is a mood disorder, and your mood and feelings are linked. If you’re depressed, your feelings are going to be drastically impacted by that. Bipolar disorder is likely to influence your feelings unless you are in euthymia (a “normal” mood). Many people don’t make it into euthymia often, which means that bipolar disorder is to blame for some feelings almost all the time.

That said, some feelings have nothing to do with bipolar disorder. For example, when someone you love dies, grief and the feelings it brings are normal, and bipolar is not to be blamed. Unfortunately, bipolar may make those negative feelings worse or more prolonged. It is complicated teasing out which feelings are caused by bipolar disorder and which are not.

Blaming Thoughts on Bipolar Disorder

Much like feelings are intertwined with a mood disorder, so are thoughts. Your thoughts are often driven by your mood, after all. If you’re experiencing depression, mania, etc., you’re going to have thoughts to accompany the associated feelings. Thoughts surrounding self-blame and suicidality are common in bipolar depression, for example. Thoughts surrounding superiority and creativity are common in hypomania or mania, for example.

It’s also important to remember that thoughts come from your brain and that bipolar is a brain disorder. Thus, of course, your thoughts are impacted. While the above thoughts surround mood, in my experience, other kinds of thoughts can also be blamed on bipolar disorder. There are so many commonalities in how we think, and I think that’s because our brains are all similarly sick. For example, obsessive thoughts are common for those with bipolar disorder.

Blaming Actions on Bipolar Disorder

Here is where things get sticky for me. While all the above is true, and much can be blamed on bipolar disorder, we are still sentient, independent beings who are responsible for our own actions. There are exceptions to this, namely, in the form of psychosis. In the case of psychosis, yes, your actions can be blamed on bipolar disorder in many cases. People who have lost touch with reality may not appreciate their actions or the ramifications thereof.

However, this is not most people most of the time. Most of the time, you can’t blame your actions on bipolar disorder. I know some people want to. I know some people treat bipolar disorder like a get-out-of-jail-free card, but it isn’t. A strong desire to commit an act can be blamed on bipolar disorder. Actually committing that act cannot be blamed on bipolar disorder. Actions are a choice.

Don’t Blame Everything on Bipolar Disorder

People will argue that things like rage are too hard to deny and the actions they commit in a rage, for example, are not their fault. I disagree. No one makes you scream at someone. No one makes you hit someone. It is your voice and your body, and it’s up to you to use them responsibly, kindly, and mindfully. Bipolar disorder desires are not the same thing as a gun to your head. I know they can be extremely strong and impactful, but they are not undeniable. People like us deny them every day.

And the thing is, by blaming everything on bipolar disorder, you not only “get out of jail free,” but you also damn yourself to never change or improve. The mistake you made “because of bipolar disorder” you will always make because it’s “not your fault.” Actions, however, are decidedly your fault. But we can all improve. Improvement is a lifelong process. The mistakes we make today don’t have to be the mistakes we make tomorrow. We are not on a merry-go-round. We are on a path that we chart.

Don’t get me wrong, none of us are perfect, and we all act on things we shouldn’t all the time. Everyone does this. We’re human. But that doesn’t mean that we can blame bipolar for it, and that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take responsibility for it.

How Not to Blame Bipolar Disorder for Everything

We all need to learn to take responsibility for the things we do. When we hurt someone, it’s important to stand up and say that we made a mistake. An invisible hand didn’t do it. We did it. This is powerful. This means we don’t have to do it again. This helps both us and the people we hurt. It helps us try to improve, and it helps validate when the other person feels hurt. Because it is reasonable for a person to feel hurt by you and your actions. They don’t have to excuse your actions because of bipolar disorder. It isn’t even reasonable to ask them to.

Learn to separate your actions from your thoughts and feelings. Your thoughts and feelings may be overwhelming, but they don’t have to make you take them out on other people. Learn to separate your brain from your mind and use your mind to dictate the actions you want to take and not the ones you feel driven to take. This is possible. Invest in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT); that can help you. Invest in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT); that can help you. Separating your brain from your mind, your actions from your thoughts and feelings, takes time, but you can do it. Remember, you override how you think and feel all the time. You just need to learn to do it when you want to.