The Bipolar Burble blog welcomes guest author somePlaywrights, a collaboration of two writers based in Annapolis and Brooklyn, who face, seemingly weekly, a struggle to succeed as a creative, bipolar collaboration.
On its own, the practice of creating art is bizarre: fusing this abstract feeling with that concrete image, trying to convince others of something only you can see, and all the while endeavoring to balance concept with content. With the addition of bipolar disorder, a condition that is just as, if not more, slippery, firm, and fleeting, the artistic process often teeters between genius and delusion, between coherence and disunion. It is in this realm, where mania meets medium and depression intersects with artistic production, that we, as bipolar artists, must carve and claim our collective space…
Creating Art During Mania
Our thoughts tell us we are artistic geniuses! We have just written the next Great American Play! We have the bravado of a billion lions, our every creative leap lands with the galloping grace of a gazelle, and our writing team is as inseparable as prey from predator.
The Cost of Depression for Art
Er… wait… the benzos are fading fast, the dosage of this new antidepressant shot seems askew, the champagne has gone dry, and we no longer even want to be in the same room. What we wrote is worth little to nothing. All we have in the artistic bank is manic debt.
Keeping Our Writing Team Working During the Manias and the Depressions
So how have we managed to make something, anything, we can both believe in? Something that still shines when we have both gone depressingly dull?
Fortunately, we are rarely both on or both off. More often than not, one of us is speeding through speech that can’t compete with the speed of her ideas. When this happens, hopefully, the other is somewhere stable and able to translate. More often than not, one of us believes that the only relief will be a nap at noon. When this happens, hopefully, the other is grounded and insists that we will continue to work, however futile it may seem. Sometimes, one of us believes in suicide. When this happens, hopefully, the other knows that some things are the work of fiction, and, hopefully, she can convince her collaborator that some stories are best left imagined.
Documenting the Bipolar, Artistic Experience
When you look back on the toll of a manic episode, it is sometimes best to do so in a blue FEMA coat, inspecting the disaster impartially because it would be too frightening to believe that someone, certainly not you, could have survived such a catastrophe. When you have withstood another winter’s worth of depression, it is sometimes best to do so in short sleeves, to let the spring in, and wear warmth again as if you knew it would always be back. And when you try to assess the work you and your best friend, your writing partner, did while each of you skipped between a decade’s worth of seasons in a week, it is sometimes best to examine closely, but without judgment, the filmed evidence. This is the subject of our new film, The Great American Play.
The Great American Play is a dramatic documentary that examines the working conditions of somePlaywrights as they are faced with the daily hazards of bipolar disorder. We are very excited to announce a Kickstarter Campaign launched in support of our film. As we have relied on one another to not only create, but to continue existing, we are now hoping that anyone who has experienced bipolar disorder will contribute to our cause. As spreading the word about our project is worth just as much as any dollar donation, we hope that you will take a look and a listen to our project, and fund it as you see fit. Whether that is through a chuckle and an, ‘I’ve been there,’ or through a pledge and an, ‘I hope to not see that place again soon,’ all support is appreciated.
Natasha, I am truly sorry to hear of all that you and your readers are going through with being Bipolar. I am 66 years old, and I too am Bipolar. I have battled this illness since I was a teenager. I have been in and out of hospitals too many times to count. My dad was Bipolar. My daughter also suffered from mental illness. On February 20, 2017 she died by suicide. In February 2018 I had a psychotic breakdown brought on by the trauma of my daughter’s death. I had been estranged from my daughter for five years at the time of her death. She was 34 when she died. She had a Master’s Degree in Biology, but had just lost her job as a professor, due to her illness. She had a boyfriend and plans to get married. It was due to my illness that my marriage ended in divorce in 1991,and my three children could not put up with the highs and lows which were the only life I had ever known. I have tried suicide four times, and was in a coma for four days the last time. So for those who do not understand what people who are Bipolar go through, I can say this: for myself it has been a lifetime of just struggling to stay afloat. I have never been able to have friends because they were afraid of my mood swings, and the awful things I would say during a manic phase. I have lived alone for 28 years now. My family, including family (except for one brother that I see once a year), and any friends I ever had, gave up on me many years ago, and I do not blame them. Being a loved one of someone who is Bipolar is most definitely not a situation many people can deal with. I have always hoped that in my lifetime there would be more successful research done to help those with mental illness. Natasha, how wonderful that you are writing books and so many articles to help educate the public on Bipolar Disorder and mental illness. I thank you, and if my daughter, Jamie, were here, she would thank you as well.
I did a painting while manic years ago and there is a distinct difference between it and my other paintings. It was in shows across the country and when returned to me it was encased in bubble wrap. I left it sealed and propped up in my hall for years.I was afraid to look at it.Now it is hanging.
Dear Isabella:
Isn’t that the shits?
At least you made it further than me,accepted at uni,BREAKDOWN……
Then it…just never happened for me
After 10 x hospitalized & at age 52 only getting correct diagnosis 2/ years ago….
You do HAVE YOUTH on your side which is positive.
I’m equally sorry for you,as well.
I do have a goal but Jan 9 start bipolar emotions class,not uni..
But one day week,it’s special cos it’s for those afflicted w bipolar…
I’m scared already,hate public meltdowns,brain constipation/ farts etc
The novocaine injected brain or the crack feeling brain…..
Striving for middling,w rapid cycling,it’s a fight that sucks the shit out of you..
Pls use the stubbornness ( I am,too tough,strong willed too)
Try find your personal limitations.
Were all different.
Yes it’s a rotten deal, but it’s what we’ve got & we owe it to ourselves and family and friends & pets!
Fight the good fight,ride it like…a wave…Best piece of advice I could say….
Stick w your Dr try do your best.
That’s good enough,you’ll turn this around….trust,believe,BIPOLAR SUCKS. Hope helps you after all,I wanted to be a physician.( no,not a THERAPIST!uggghhhhhhhhh. :-)
Dear Natasha.
Ta for answering,yes reason I come online is to have my voice.
Yes not feel so alone,but,also hoping I can help someone or more other suffers of this life threatening
disease.
I find comfort in words books writing.
I can always express it thru words,but not always verbally.
It’s a creative and healing tool,as well.
Anyhoo
You have the great misfortune of having a near exact sense of humour as I!!!!!!!!!
Plus I’ve got lots between the ears too ( IQ)
So,thank you my cyberspace chick let.
Snowed in in K- town……Cheers,thanks again,for my soft place to fall.
WOW……blown away by this article which totally resonated with me. I am in the midst of a bipolar whirlpool right now, so wont expound. Just want to say thankyou.
Sandracobban, I know so terribly well how you find your intelligence go up and down, specially down for my.
I have decided to quit my masterstudies (only few months left) because my depression doesn’t allow my to finish. My self-esteem doesn’t exist, I have no believe in my anymore and have given up after 5 yr of study. Sad but I have finally admitted to myself I can’t do everything I want to do. The illness is so powerfull it can beat even the most stubborn people (like me)…
Personally I find the dramatic pendulum swinings of my moods difficult to stay on task.
As ending my approximately weeks worth in length of mania…
The long emails,rambling,jumping like hopscotch from one topic to another.
Feeling my writing is Pulitzer Prize level,so many words to say. ….
Now,in the low.
Where I feel like a jump from university level to kindergarten level.
This disease definitely takes not only the sufferer but others close to him/ her down as well.
Now it’s dramatically different,before it was needing & loving the constant buzz.
Now I must find that cocoon of silence buried within my brain.
Finally slept 2/ hrs this afternoon so deeply thought it was the next day,had to check the calendar.
I feel dead but touch my skin,know I’m alive.
Going thru the motions of my rapid cycling.
There’s only so much traditional pharmacology and even coping skills I’ve been taught help.
For me,it’s lots of badly needed sleep,less stimulation,extra good nutrition,and to always remember..it’s not ME.
It is the illness,& others have difficulties,too.
However,even with this knowledge,I still feel depressed and alone…it’s like a very stressful 24/7 job.
Self awareness is a key,I’d give everything I have just…to not go thru these rough periods.
Believe them to be difficult upon me,in every way not only psychiatrically.
I wish I had the answers,but I’m still sorting out the questions.
This low I feel my intelligence went from 160 to -0…..
Sleep is my best option,during these periods,if I achieve it.
I only wish I wasn’t diagnosed so late in life ( @52) it’s not me,it’s not me…my mantra.
Hi Cameron,
No, I haven’t. I tend to write about things that have research behind them and I don’t know of any scientific research behind it (but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist).
– Natasha Tracy
Great article! Have you ever written on the subject of TCM (traditional Chinese medicine) and bipolar treatment.