Tomorrow I’m flying off to see some family I don’t know at all. Oh, and my dying father. I won’t get into the specifics but suffice it to say I’m scared of family in general and my father is in a very bad way.
So at the moment, I’m being eaten up with fear and anxiety.
My mother says to me: “But I know you know how to handle that sort of thing.” And I say, “Yes, it’s a wonderful drug called lorazepam.”
I was only half joking.
Anxiety, Fear and Bipolar Disorder
Anxiety disorders are the most common disorders in the world and people with bipolar disorder also have more anxiety disorders than your average bear, so dealing with bipolar and anxiety is something that many of us face. In my case, it’s just mixed with fear, which escalates the anxiety further.
Dealing with Anticipatory Fear and Anxiety
So now I’m waiting, like a person on death row, for time to count down until I catch my plane. (And then I’ll be waiting until touchdown, and then until I see a family member, and so on.) The scared, anxiety-provoking event hasn’t happened yet. So here is what I’m doing to cope with the anticipatory anxiety:
- Lots of self-talk
- Distraction techniques (I’m dying my hair and doing my nails, oh, and there’s the Project Runway finale)
- Lots of calm, deep breaths
- Meditation (if possible, likely not due to the degree of anxiety)
- Rest and/or sleep
- And yes, the aforementioned lorazepam – not a lot of it because I still need to be functional enough to pack and the like, but enough to at least take the edge off
- I’m writing this
- Exercise is probably a good one, I just don’t do it
Now, I’m not telling anyone to take anti-anxiety meds here, I’m just saying that, on occasion, I do.
(You’ll note that drinking is nowhere on that, or the below, list. It never should be.)
Dealing with Fear and Anxiety During the Event
Now in some cases fear and anxiety will go away when the event in question occurs because we have built the event up in our minds to be so huge that the event is tiny, and manageable, in reality. I suspect this will not be one of those times. I suspect there will be parts of this event that are going to be highly traumatizing. I swear to you, I would not wade into this particular swamp if I didn’t have to.
Here is what I’m planning on doing during said anxious, and indeed traumatic, events:
- Lots of self-talk. Things like:
- This is a short time
- This will end soon
- This is really important
- This may ease a dying man’s suffering
- And so on
- Lots of deep, cleansing, purposeful breaths
- Dissociation (this is something else I don’t necessarily recommend to people, it’s just something I do)
- Touching base with home
And all of that will help. Talking about it here has actually eased my burden slightly already. So I know that dealing with anxiety, fear and bipolar disorder is possible. It hard, but it’s a problem we all run up against so it’s important to have the skills to deal with it.
If you have any tips for dealing with fear and anxiety in bipolar disorder please leave them below. I’m sure everyone would appreciate it.
When my brain is riddled with anxiety I crave silence. My dog is my calm in the storm. We live in the country and walk 2 miles together everyday. His natural curiosity with things-wild draws me in to his world. Anxiety, for the time being, is kept at bay.
Double emphasis on the “no àlcohol”. The worst anxiety attack in my life happened after I drank a small glass of liquor. I stopped all drinking then because I would never want to go through that again. That was 20 years ago.
I listen to my favorite music and start singing. Meditation works well when I can focus and being around animals and nature helps to relieve anxiety for me. I have prescription topiramate that works well too when all other options fail.
Anything that makes me happy in the moment is good enough for me. When I’m really bad, doodling helps. In high school it was my saving grace. I would write normally at first. I find writing to be cathartic. Writing without self editing – just talk to yourself on paper. If that’s too hard ,when things get to hectic and scratchy I’ll draw circles and circles around the circles. I’ll fill up sheets and sheets of paper. Music and movies are everything for me. The right one can help steer me through a manic, depressed state or panic attack. I use to carry rocks in my pocket when I was younger. It helped me feel grounded when things became so scary and overwhelming. If I become too nervous I will dissociate and that becomes scary to me because nothing seems real. The rocks helped. I also suffer from agoraphobia and I have made it through just buy twisting and folding paper. It sounds ridiculous but it soothed me. Also, I do everything on my terms. I trust myself to take care of myself. Most of the time. So, if you wouldn’t force something on someone else- don’t do it to yourself. My biggest lesson has been to be gentle with myself. I’m scared enough and I don’t need to beat myself up on top of it. Celebrate every thing that you do because while it may seem small to others, we know that it’s not for us..
Gosh,same stuff here.Mother in hospice,family in fragments. I have opted not to make the trip.Anti anxiety meds are a godsend when you need them.Best of luck :)
Luna song, I too find music good ‘medicine’ I recently bought a convertible and the drive to work with the top down in the NM sunny morning is often the best part of the day. 45 minutes of sun and music true bliss
Singing my face off in the car driving down the highway ALWAYS puts me in bit of a better place, even if I’m singing the blues or sad songs. Even if I’m off key. Even if I’m crying. If people stare – sing right at them!
Yes :) This is my go-to also.
I want to thank everyone who left tips. My teenager has a new diagnosis and I am trying to do research and find ways to help. She is really young for a bp diagnosis and my family is overwhelmed right now. I really do stress to her that this to shall pass and that we will survive this.
Yoga does help,I do a lot of stretching and sit ups everyday and walk like crazy when I’m in mania
http://www.bipolarweightloss.blogspot.com
Painting my nails and putting on lipstick helps. Cleaning my apartment. Combing/washing my hair. Yoga. Taking a moment to meditate. Making lists. Reminding myself that this moment isn’t forever. Putting on some happy music. Making a cup of tea (tea solves everything!).
Tea does do wonders, especially comforting tea that I sometimes get at David’s, BUT it really ought to be herbal or decaf. Doctor told me to cut back on caffeine, which tea has as much of as coffee, for anxiety. I wish I didn’t like black tea so much :(
I also find that making lists makes me more anxious – I never finish one and frequently forget where I put it! LOL
A easier way to get past anxiety, is to see that thoughts as just illusory, that you are only making them FEEL real in the present by focusing on them. Over thinking too much will bring you into this state,, so instead of shifting the focus to something else and not solving the cause, like you’re trying to run from something – just stop, take a deep breath, and say to yourself “I am here, I am alive”. I find putting on some music, and just dancing a bit really helps lift my mood, and focus more on the present. And remember you don’t exist in thoughts, only the infinite now – where there are no thoughts – just seeing what is, and what was always there. Peace :)
This post was really helpful to me. I have bipolar disorder and have been experiencing very high anxiety lately. It was a relief to know that I am not alone in this. Thank you to Sarah…I really appreciated your advice about not putting pressure on yourself to perform during the hard times. Some of my favorite techniques are listening to music, talking to friends and family, and taking naps. I have also noticed a connection between becoming anxious when I am hungry so it often helps to eat something. I recently created a Facebook page with inspiring quotes and stories to help encourage me through these times. You can check it out at http://www.facebook.com/inspirationalwaysfoundhere
Yoga. Helps. :)
I agree with Emily. We need to find what works for us
One thing you should not do is put pressure on yourself to perform – it’s ok just to do average during these difficult times. It’s ok that your emotions will be all over the place; and it’s ok if you don’t cry either.
From reading your posts you seem to be a person with very strict expectations at times, and i wonder if the anxiety is building because here is a situation that is out of your control.
Natasha, I send you my best and thank you for sharing. You reminded me once again that I (we) need to always keep my coping skills active. There will always be anxiety producing events that come and go..
Along with Bp1 I have the wonderful gift of Social Anxiety Disorder . In addition to the usual suspects I exercise vigoriously five or so days of the week and love looong hot showers to difuse the evil anxiousness. I do not use alcohol because, for me, it could easily turn into a problem. I use benzos at night so I can sleep.
Anyway, I wish you the best and please know that your blog has made a difference in my life. Thank you for that.
Eric
Very true.
I wonder why anti-anxiety meds are okay but alcohol is not? Some people find a glass of wine or a drink relaxes them. I do too- but if I do it on a regular basis it makes me depressed. Everyone is different. I don’t think something is better just because it comes from a doctor.
One last thing,I’m not religious,spiritual yes.
So I’ve been known to pray.
My thoughts & prayers are with you Natasha.
I feel like I’ve known you for yrs.
Though were connected thru cyberspace.
Cheers,hope things improve for all,that it doesn’t trigger your BP.
Seems to me you’ve got a plan,once you’ve a plan it helps staying on track
In the moment.
For me I have GAD,mostly anticipatory anxiety.
I do most things you do Natasha,but also hot baths,aeromatherapy oils,self talk useful tell myself,this too will pass
It always does,but it sucks for sure.
Sometimes I write down everything that’s making me anxious then write in another column,well,can I do anything to fix the issue I’m anxious about before event transpires..that’s quite helpful,I too take a benzo,remind myself
Not just us BP sufferers have anxiety..
We live in a fast paced,right now! Society.
Ps back on track,after I GRADUATE ( anxiety producing event is over,I reward myself,maybe a sweet in my fave tea shop which has big cozy chairs,quiet ( unlike chaos manic Starbucks) take my time,listen to my iPod.
Dear Natasha,
What I find helps with anxiety is writing about it. I journal most days and I find that when I write about what’s bothering me it helps to disperse any anxiety or other feelings that are uncomfortable. I had an abusive father, who also abused my mother. I wish you serenity in your family visit. You continue to amaze me. Your family should be proud of you. I feel privilaged to know you, even if only virtually.
Sorry to hear about the difficult times ahead for you. I have struggled with anxiety as a huge part of my disorder for ten years. My psychiatrist told me recently (I was only diagnosed early this year), that for me, it is actually part of my depressive phase. I get earth shattering panic attacks, just sitting in the house. I am allergic to most benzo’s which is a royal shame! The lamotrogine and lithium combo has helped somewhat.
I agree with all of your tips and I don’t drink alcohol anymore either.
Mindfulness techniques help me – so of thoughts are adding to the anxiety, trying to detach from the thoughts and just let then wash over you. So if you are thinking ‘Oh no, this is going to be so distressing’ – think to yourself ‘I am having the thought that this is going to be distressing. It is just a thought.’ I find it works better than trying to force yourself to replace negative thoughts with positive ones – because when in a bad way, the negativity keeps coming.
I have found self-hypnosis can help sometimes: First, it can help relaxation and, if you have a decent hypnotherapist help with this, you can have a relaxation ‘trigger’ imprinted in your mind. This is when the hypnotist creates an association between something you can do and being in a deep state of relaxation. It may, for example, be something as simple as closing your hand; so, when a stressful situation arises and the tension begins to rise, simply closing your hand triggers the association causing you to feel relaxed. Second, it can also help you rehearse situations that are expected to arise and, again, using the association imprinting, cause any such events trigger a state of mind that will be more helpful to you.