Depression is painful but can you turn that pain into something good? I recently heard of a couple that went through extreme suffering because of losing a child and one of the pieces of advice they received was, “don’t waste your pain.” These people turned their pain into a full-fledged and extremely successful business that gives back to children’s charities. I’ve decided that was an extremely valuable piece of advice with depression – don’t waste your pain.
Can the Pain of Depression Be Useful?
Now, I’m not a depression-ra-ra kind-of-a-girl so you’ll never hear me say that depression or bipolar disorder is a gift. It certainly is not to me. It is something I would get rid of if there were any way I could. Unfortunately, I’m stuck with mental illness and I think it’s important to find meaning in this suffering, if you can.
However, the pain of depression can be motivational. In my case, I’ve turned depression pain into a writing and speaking career. Some might suggest that this move was not wasting the pain and depression. And while some people say that because I write about bipolar disorder all the time I’m dwelling on the pain, I do not consider this to be the case at all. What I’m doing is using my experience with bipolar and my insights about the pain to help others who are suffering. And, honestly, I help thousands every day. That’s not my ego talking, that’s the numbers.
How Can You Not Waste the Pain of Depression?
Look, most of you aren’t going to be mental illness speakers and writers, but this isn’t a problem. You can find the pain outlet that works for you. And this could be anything. What about learning to knit when you’re too depressed to leave the couch? What about donating those knitted items to charity? What about painting? What about volunteering with others with mental illness or maybe reading to children at the library? What about helping to put together an event that brings together people with mental illness? What about creating a website that pulls together all the quality mental health resources that you know of?
What I’m saying is that whomever you are, whatever your personal skill set, you can use that skill set and the suffering and pain as motivation for more; and by transforming your pain into, well, anything, you may start to feel like all that painful depression is not in vain. The couple I mentioned above still hurt because of their lost child, but they also know that they have not wasted their pain and this helps them find meaning in their loss.
What can you do to not waste the pain of depression or bipolar disorder?
Banner image by Steven Depolo.
Hi I was diagnosed 16 years ago with bipolar as had a complete break down as I lived manic most of my life. I loved life and was high most of the time from dancing, working, dating, I never thought of the consequences of my actions until the break down, I would work 7 days a week go out dancing till 2 in the morning on weekends and of course was addicted to the excited misery of a new relationship which I had many, I never used precautions and have been very very lucky I did not get a sexually transmitted disease. I have been working on myself for over 30 yrs now and a lot of the time I can take good care of myself. Right now I am on a downward spiral as have had to have changes to my meds as not being able to sleep no mater how hard I try . I do my best to eat well, exercise by walking and I am out there volunteering as a Big Sister I love it and keeps me young. I also like to buy things at least at this time I just buy small things, I also want to have a drink or two each week even though I know it doesn’t help. I have looked back on my life and I believe I became bipolar at the age of 13 as that is when I started to do strange things and my mind started playing tricks on me, I can put too much on my plate and then feel overwhelmed after I do it but don’t seem to be able to stop it. I have a great psychiatrist who knows me well, I have a great bunch of friends who all know about my illness and I share it to help stop the stigma Thanks for listening
People tell me to just relax, put things out of your mind, etc. I don’t choose to be this way. I don’t have a specific reason why I am this way. I take four anti-depressants to keep me on an even keel. But sometimes, like last night, I wanted to unload, so I said something on Facebook. I’m not really looking for support, just telling people the way I feel sometimes makes me feel better. I have committed suicide, died and been brought back, and I have to say that in the process of dying, all my pain – physical, mental, emotional – all let go, and I was completely at peace. I actually look forward to dying. But I cannot leave my children. They have too many problems, and they are the reason for my existence. I love them so much.
I am trying to start over at 46. Educated in Psych and have much experience. Much pain and suffering that still continues. Can not let go of the wanting to remain in field. This is my passion and skill set I feel. Have been discriminated upon multiple times in the workplace. Still don’t want to give up on it. Trying to find the right niche within field to be productive, relevant, but also safe.
about 8 years ago (before being diagnosed with bipolar) i had the word PAIN tattooed on my fingers. just like the fist above. and the word Convalesce along my thumb a few years later.
i’d been struggling with bipolar long before i was diagnosed. these tattoo’s are indicative of how i felt at the time.
life is a daily struggle im 51 year old male married but marriage is doomed battling several personal problems most of which are financial ive given up on the will to live i dont now or never have fitted into society i am and always will be a loser i break my parents heart i never have a good day anymore my bipolar is erratic i left my family in Australia to be with my wife in the Philippines as the Australian immigration didnt grant my wife a visa to Australia back in 2012 its now 2016 still unresolved just a constant delay or bullshit processing system my marriage has suffered from this i cry everyday my wife cries everyday people around us see what we are being put through but dont give a shit or offer any support we are alone and afraid we both now want to double suicide but then you will hear how others said they could or should of done something but didnt suicide is final you get no second chance gods turned his back on us and watches us suffer the only way to end this and live in eternal hell is to suicide i can no longer live this life or my wife anymore no one gives a shit PERIOD i never asked to be born i never asked to be born with the tag a sinner and be required for the rest of my life to live to Gods expectations living in the Philippines the sad reality is they are poor and believe god will fix everything they wait forever for help guidance while they remain poor and hungry what i have experienced in the last 14 months gives me no proof theres a saviour so whats the point im already dead i died years ago
you also get to the point your sick of verbal advice or no one prepared to stick their neck out for us or religion thrown down your throat which is all you get here just log onto Facebook here its 90% of its daily content i will also say i am a human doormat people wipe their dirty shitty feet on me and walk all over me everything since childhood ive stuffed up i have no friends i am not violent but no longer trust or wish to communicate with people they promise but deliver nothing so you give up thats the materialistic world we live in people too busy texting to give a shit that someones actually dying in front of them most teenagers no respect arrogant rude and no i dont drink alcohol i dont smoke or take drugs there just a decoy to my problems i have no criminal record i never believed i was good enough i tried to buy friendship through my insecurities my childhood sucked i wouldnt even get up to open my xmas presents as a kid i was spat on urinated on in front of students in high school i never recovered i develored depression around 14 engaged 3 times dated beautiful woman but couldnt keep a relationship going i broke up with nearly all of them i was scared to commit to be let down and hurt anymore didnt marry till 47 my wife is beautiful in many ways but she is being punished for this too she deserves better her spirits broken her heart is so beautiful she taught me love has no boundaries and money cant buy happiness but we are trapped in a system where immigration could make a decision now its 4 years we have worn out resources without high legal costs now because i have no job due to bypola fibromyalgia depression ithyosis chronic fatigue arthritis so i recieve a pension thats not classed as an income its just one big ugly mess we never had someone bat for us support us through this its 4 years in march all this has ignited my feelings of suicide if i leave my wife again she will suicide so what hope do we have post this to immigration they throw it in the paperwaste
I am in the midst of a severe depression. My therapist said to focus on those things that I do rather than how I feel. It seems to help. I do a little happy dance when I get up the energy to get into the shower in the morning or make the coffee I so badly need and want. I totally get the cup in the dishwasher! You capture the pain of depression very well. Thank you for your post.
I found your blog while googling “obsessive anger – not being able to let it go”. I’m writing because in this post you mention pulling together a website. Funny, as I would love to do this for several subject matters I have become an expert in (sometimes reluctantly). In fact, I have the URLs, and some websites I have actually started, along with several yahoo groups. Sometimes these are born out of my feeling like I have something to share, regardless of what anyone else thinks, it they agree, appreciate it, etc. And sometimes it is out of anger, because someone or several people in the group or organization I’m a part of start to piss me off, as happened today, so I go off and do my own thing elsewhere. Usually this is because they don’t live up to my standards of what intelligent and reasonable people “should” do.
I’ve never been diagnosed as bipolar but its been mentioned, and I have been dealing with major depression and anxiety for 15+ years. I’ve also been told more recently I have ADHD and OCD to a degree. I keep the anger at bay through drinking and overeating so I won’t be mean to others, I guess. Intellectually I think I am pretty self-aware – i continually work at the depression/self-harm/drinking/cognitive distortions. But I’m just realizing this very day that I AM angry and I have no idea why.
Getting back to the website/not wasting pain idea, it seems that everything I am passionate about will end up with me getting really angry eventually. Even if no one really knows I am angry, like today, I am mortified and ashamed. Then I can spend days going back and forth in my head about whether the anger is justified or not.
Thought I’d ask if you have any comments. Is this pattern of anger part of bipolar? Any suggestions for resources on anger, and how to find out what you are angry about? And on a much more practical level, how does one deal with the response, or lack of, when you put yourself out there in a blog, etc.
Hope this makes sense. Thanks, Lib
When I have severe depression I am suicidal…
I paint oil portraits. In the years prior to painting I sewed clothing and Quilts. I swim laps several days a week. There are other activities I do to stay on top of my bipolar mood swings. The point is medication alone doesn’t work, staying in bed doesn’t work-and can become addictive. When a person is sick oftentimes the way to get healthy is bed or couch rest, but bipolar is the exact opposite; this illness demands activity outside of rest.
stevie nicks , what she said about how difficult it can be to get going, I can relate to her 100%. Natasha, it is also helpful to know you are also experiencing what stevie is talking about.
The good part of having bipolar is maybe I never would have pursued art, because the concentration it takes to paint leaves no room in my brain for ruminating, racing thoughts, anxiety, feelings of dread…I play music while I’m painting to further drown out the ‘ sounds ‘ coming from my bipolar brain.
Hi, thank you for your article. I myself have bipolar disorder and I also lost my 6yr old son 3 yrs ago to cancer. Every year my daughter and I run the ‘race for life’ in memory of my son, her twin to raise money and awareness for cancer research. I also got back into work caring for the elderly which I find very rewarding. It is so hard sometimes to find meaning and carry on when something so tragic happens to your family but I find doing for others gives me that little lift to keep going. When this is not possible, as sometimes is the case being bipolar, I try to write things down and turn them into poems later. I am hoping to do a spoken word poetry open mike soon, when I pluck up the courage. I want to read a poem I wrote for my son, sort of an elegy that expresses both the pain and the joy and hope I feel when thinking of him. Whew! I think I wrote too much. If you’re still reading, thanks and much peace and love you xx
I write. That’s how I don’t waste my pain. Maybe someday people will understand. And won’t think people with depression aren’t doing it for attention…being that way. But for understanding.
Great article Natasha! I totally get what your saying. I have Bipolar i but I haven’t had a manic episode in years just severe depression for about the 7-8 years. For the longest time I didn’t know what to do with myself and my life. I finally was able to get a volunteer job as a peer counselor at a mental health community center (a club house, I guess they’re called) I got training as a peer counselor and I’ve been doing it for about 6 years now. I really feel like I get a chance to let people vent and get things of their chest. I get to share my personal experiences with them where relevant. It’s a healing process all the way around. I can’t tell you how many people thank me for listening to them or “helping” them. I feel like my “pain has not been in vain”. I can’t tell you how much the peer movement in my community has helped me manage my recovery. I still have had major episodes during this time, and I have become almost hopeless in those times……but the support of my wife, therapist and the community has helped me bounce back to a level where I’m functioning at a higher level.
Natasha,
As always, well said and well written on your part.
I wish you and yours and all who read this site a very Happy, Healthy, Prosperous and Peaceful New Year.
Sincerely,
Herb
vnsdepression@gmail.com
http://www.vnstherapy-herb.blogspot.com
You sound so much like you’ve got your head on SO straight and your thoughts in line Natasha. It’s so hard to even believe you have bipolar sometimes. (but anyone who describes the ”feelings” of having bipolar like You do couldn’t possibly be making it up).
You have so many ideas, and seemingly SO much motivation, (I mean look at how productive you are) while I just have ”thoughts” of ALL the things I should do, but the motivation in me is just gone with the wind.
I’m overwhelmed with things I should do, but there are more road blocks in my mind when it comes to doing them.
I absolutely freeze when it’s time.
The last thing on my mind before I drift off to sleep at night is the mental list of things I need to do, and in the morning I have the same thoughts, but even LESS ambition. It’s like I fight Any positive thoughts about functioning or getting anything done.
I’m in a never ending pit of emptiness, sorrow, and apathy. I’m so ashamed and sick of this. I can’t seem to pick myself up, or dig my way out. Any ”ra -ra”’ talking makes me furious, because to me, they just don’t get it.
I’m ready to smoke crack if it gets me up and moving.
Am I hopeless?
Hi Stevie,
I don’t think you’re hopeless — I think you’re just like me (and I like to think I’m not hopeless). I have those feelings, too, because I never get done what I want to get done in a day. I can’t tell you the number of hours I sit around doing _nothing_ just because I have no energy and _no_ motivation. Believe me, I know exactly what you’re saying.
All I can tell you is to start small. Start with anything; it doesn’t matter what it is. Start by putting a cup in the dishwasher. Start by picking up a sock. Start with anything and then congratulate yourself for going that because you and I know how hard that one, small things is.
In short, you’re not hopeless, you’re just sick. I’m with you. I feel terrible about my lack of productivity (trust me) but it is what it is. I do my best and that’s all I can do.
– Natasha Tracy
Dearest Natasha,
As simple as your reply was, -it just instantly made tears fall down my face. I didn’t even feel like crying and I am.
You know and described, EXACTLY how I feel.
I have done so Very little while I’m down here in the bowels of it and of course I start to rehash about what I’m Not doing and feeling worse. I just want the useless day to be over.
My husband will say “don’t be so hard on yourself!”
I’m always looking back to how I USE to be or what I WAS capable of doing–it’s such a waste of time doing that!
I KNOW that –but with this illness, logic always loses.
I LOVE that you said …..”put a cup away”.
It actually mattered that you said that. I picked up a sock last night.
I just now put a plate in the dishwasher and it took everything I had to do it. It hurt, -like the plate weighed 100 lbs.
I’d have Much rather thrown it on the kitchen floor, but I didn’t want to have to sweep it up.
I’m frantically searching my mind for something to jump start me, but I know the real truth here, -at least for me.
I have to wait it out. I have such terrible mental anguish right now.
Thank you for making me cry Natasha.
It proved to me that somewhere in this body, I’m still alive. And that someone out there understands this incessant mental emptiness, apathy and sorrow…. and cares enough to tell me she understands it.
thank you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxxoxxoxoxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
100% agreement that you help thousands, me included…thank you from the bottom of my heart.