If you knew me, you would know that I smile a lot. I fake smile a lot as a bipolar depression coping skill. Even when I’m quite depressed, I smile around others to hide. I would consider this to be pretty normal for people with a mental illness and even people without it. After all, how many people are hiding grief or heartbreak, for example, behind a smile?

But then there’s when I’m alone. I actually smile when I’m alone. When I was walking alone on the street this morning, I smiled at the moon. (I love when it’s out in the morning.) Somehow, seeing the moon created a smile on my face. Why is that? Why is it when I’m depressed I still smile when I’m alone?

This is an interesting phenomenon that I’ve noticed for years. There are different parts to why I think smiling in spite of depression when alone happens.

Even Fake Smiles Can Help Depression?

First off, there’s this concept that if you smile, if you act happy, your brain will actually “be” (neurologically) happier than if you constantly frown. This is a real thing. If you brood and grimace all the time, you’re actually encouraging depression.

I’m not suggesting you should suppress your emotions and never genuinely express them – you absolutely should – I’m just saying that smiling can, in fact, affect your brain in a positive way. It’s incredible.

And regardless as to whether we understand the neurological basis for this or not, it seems to work and my body seems to know it.

Depression and the Fake Smile Reflex Coping Skill

But then there’s the second reason I think smiles in spite of depression happen when alone. I think my body just has a fake smile reflex that has been developed over years of smiling when I didn’t want to. This has been developed as a depression coping skill. When I’m out with people I know when I’m “supposed” to smile. We generally do. When something good happens or someone tells a joke it’s time to smile. In fact, many of us simply have a smile as a default expression (I do). This is a societal thing. People prefer others who are happy. Being around a happy person is more pleasant than being around a grumpy one. And I do want to be pleasant to be around. It’s how you make, and keep, friends, after all.

Again, I’m not suggesting that crazy, Joker-like smiling all the time is a good idea – people will sense your fakeness and it’s not healthy for you. I’m just suggesting what we all already know – people want to be around happy people. They don’t want to be brought down by others. Honestly, I think this is fairly reasonable and that’s why this depression coping skill developed, I suspect.

And so I do fake smiles because of depression – like, a lot. After all these years, it really is a reflex smile. I don’t have to work at it at all. What I feel is irrelevant to how I appear. So, is it such a reflex that it happens even when I’m alone? I think it might be.

As I’ve said, there are likely neurological benefits to this and perhaps my brain has internalized that and understands it without me really knowing. It’s quite possible. But I still think it is intensely weird.

Fake, Depression, Coping Skill Smiles vs Real Smiles

So, now that we know that I fake a smile all the time, the question is, when are my smiles actually real?

Depression can make you fake smiles. Faking smiles when depressed can be a coping skill. But how do you know when your smile is real if you're depressed?This I don’t have an answer to, neurological or otherwise. I really find it difficult to tell. It’s really tough to say when your leg is moving just because the doctor is hitting the right tendon with a hammer when you can’t feel or see the hammer. When are you moving your leg yourself? How does it feel different? Does it feel different at all?

I don’t know the answers to these questions. When do I “feel” like smiling? I have no idea. When I’m not depressed, I get that smiles are more likely to be real. But even when people are happy they fake smiles. It’s just a thing we do. How many times have you laughed at a joke that wasn’t funny?

I guess the only difference I can detect is after the fact. I’m tired after I see people when I’m depressed because it’s just so tiring to fake all that happiness. When I genuinely feel like smiling, the same effort isn’t required. When I actually feel like smiling, I feel less tired.

Still, that doesn’t answer the question as to whether an individual smile is genuine. I suspect I can’t answer this question simply because it has been so many years of depression and fake smiles as a coping skill. If I was more familiar with genuine happiness, maybe this wouldn’t be a question. But I’m not. I’ve lost my smile-reality detector. This is a sad thing. But it’s a thing. However, I know I’ll keep smiling and I’ll keep trying to inch my brain upwards towards happiness. And maybe one day that will be a thing.