I’m having a happy holiday with bipolar — at least, so far. There was a time when I didn’t think that was possible, but I’ve learned differently since then. This post isn’t about how great my life is or how you should feel bad about not having a happy bipolar holiday, this is about discussing how to have a happy bipolar holiday and how, if you can’t, that’s okay too.

The holidays are a “happy” time. Sort of. Maybe. For some people. It seems to me it’s most easily happy for those who are well, have money, and like their families. Many of us do not fall into that category for a variety of reasons. It’s understandable if you’re sick, poor, or don’t like your family, that it might be difficult to be happy right now no matter how much fa-la-la-ing you do.

But I want to say that even if you don’t fall into those privileged categories, the holidays can still be enjoyable, even with bipolar.

The Biggest Lesson on Having a Happy Bipolar Holiday

I recently wrote about what to do if you feel like you can’t handle the holidays. There are lots of techniques in that piece for breaking down the holidays and finding some happiness. Do check it out.

But the biggest lesson I’ve learned about having a happy holiday with bipolar is this: create your own holiday with your limitations in mind.

I think the biggest mistake I have made in the past is allowing other people to dictate what my holidays should look like and how I should feel about them. In some respects, we all do this. We allow people like Martha Stewart and those crappy Hallmark movies make us feel inferior if we don’t spend hours in the kitchen, days decorating, and weeks perfect gifting. Of course, almost none of us measure up to those yardsticks, especially if you have a chronic illness like bipolar, so it’s no wonder so many people don’t have happy bipolar holidays.

So I say throw it all out the window. Come up with your own plan. Draw your own holiday map that makes sense to you. And when you do it, take your bipolar or other chronic illness into account. You are not other people and you can’t necessarily do what other people can do. Remind yourself of that.

For a long time, I tried to deny the limitations that bipolar placed on me. So when I was supposed to do something that I knew other people could do, even if my bipolar was standing in the way, I would try to do it anyway. This, inevitably, made me very unhappy, and, of course, very sick. Again, this was a mistake on my part and it’s one I’m trying not to repeat.

So now my limitations are front and center. Some would say that’s depressing, but I disagree. Acknowledging limitations and working only within them is actually a celebration. It’s a celebration of all the things I can do as opposed to attempting all the things that I can’t and feeling like a failure. While my limitations do still piss me off (yes, I wish they weren’t there), I now know their importance and know that I ignore them at my own peril.

How to Have a Bipolar Holiday

So, basically, if you want to have a happy holiday, sit down with no preconceptions, beside your bipolar, and make a plan you both can work with. (Yes, it’s like they’re a whole other person you have to take into account. Think of them like a parasite you can’t get rid of.)

For example, here are some things you might do that aren’t traditionally “holiday-ish” but might make sense for you and your bipolar:

  • Do not drink or do drugs.
  • Actively avoid people who are drunk or high.
  • Leave holiday gatherings when you want to.
  • Don’t visit people who don’t support your mental health choices.
  • Spend time with the people you love — not simply the people who expect you to be there.
  • Don’t talk about subjects your know will just cause you stress.
  • Eat what you want — whether that be turkey and stuffing or a tofu dish you brought from home.
  • Spend time with yourself doing only what you want. Maybe go for a run or bike ride. Spend some time meditating. Read a book. It’s up to you.
  • Don’t buy things you can’t afford.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others.
  • Don’t decorate if you don’t want to. Decorate everything if you want to.
  • Eat all of the holiday goodies without guilt. Eat none of the holiday goodies without guilt.
  • Maintain your schedule and routine no matter what. Always keep your medical appointments.
  • Go to bed before everyone else.
  • Don’t take part in family card games if they always just result in stress and arguing.

And so on and so forth. Basically, make your own rules. The holiday with bipolar isn’t just about Santa, presents, or a fancy meal — it’s actually about you, your joy, and the people you love. Everything else is entirely secondary.

To have a happy holiday with bipolar then, focus on the happiness part. Don’t be controlled by theoretical obligations. And take your bipolar into account. That’s what’s going to get you through the holidays today and out of the psych ward in the new year.

If You Can’t Have a Happy Holiday with Bipolar

Now, I realize the above won’t work for everyone for a variety of reasons. I also understand that happiness is impossible for many due to bipolar depression or other factors. While this isn’t pleasant, this is okay. I’ve been there many, many times. I just want you to know two things:

  1. Yes, it might suck today. I’m sorry about that. You can do your very best to change that and still fail. I know.
  2. It’s still possible to have happy holidays with bipolar in the future. I’m proving that today.

So work on making the holidays as least destructive as possible, if that’s the best you can do. I acknowledge that the holidays can be hard, no matter what, for some people, so just work on making them the least hard they can be. Believe it or not, that will help. I stand with you in that effort.

January is just around the corner, and hopefully things will get back to “normal” (ish) very soon.

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