Today is the day I did not go to my friend’s bachelorette party. Today is the day I cried uncontrollably about not going to my friend’s bachelorette party.
Do you know what hell is to me? One version of hell is being at a party with a bunch of beautiful people that I don’t know having to make inane conversation and pretend to be thrilled to be there. Anhedonia isn’t thrilled to be anywhere.
Depression Hates Parties
I absolutely hate parties. I hate being with a bunch of people that are all having a great time. I hate being with a bunch of people that are all having a great time because I never am. I hate being with a bunch of people that are all having a great time because I have to act like I’m one of them. I am not one of them.
And today is the day I’m supposed to go to my friend’s bachelorette party – a party that will no doubt see many women having far too great a time. A party where everyone will drink their faces off and do stupid things and have stories to tell for years. A “you had to be there” sort-of-a thing.
But I really, really didn’t want to go. And as the date came closer, I didn’t want to go even more. My bipolar depression just begged to get me off the hook.
Now, understand, I wanted to go because of my friend. I love her, support her and support her marriage and I want her to be happy. It’s just that a much bigger part of me, the part of me that is overrun by the bipolar disorder was kicking and screaming not to be forced to go and “have fun.”
If You’re Bipolar, Why Not Go to Parties?
I’m not saying that everyone with bipolar is like this, I’m just saying that I am. I’m just saying that my bipolar depression symptoms include ones that preclude me from enjoying parties. I do fine one-on-one, but parties? My anxiety flares up; my depression flares up; it’s generally just all bad. (Now, on a rare occasion, when I’m doing well, this hasn’t been the case but usually these feelings are like clockwork.)
And if it had only been for a couple of hours, I probably could have dealt with it, but the thing started at 3:00 p.m. and I’m sure was going to last until the wee hours of the morning. That I just couldn’t deal with. I cannot pretend to be happy at a party for 12 hours at a time. I just can’t.
Going to Parties Makes My Depression Worse
And, you see, it’s not just merely the act of acting that’s the issue. I act all the time – it’s the way of things when you’re sick. No, it’s the act of being around other people that truly are having a good time. The juxtaposition is so acute that it makes me feel more depressed. I just leave these things crying and beating myself up for not being able to have fun like everyone else. It just makes me feel like more of an outcast freak.
Being Honest about Not Going to a Party
I had planned on going but I felt so bad about it that pretty much at the last second I told my friend I couldn’t go. I didn’t lie and tell her I had come down with a nasty stomach bug (because I’ve certainly done that in some social situations in the past) I just told her the truth. I told her I couldn’t come because I wasn’t up to it. I apologized and told her I loved her and wanted her to have the time of her life.
And I really hope she doesn’t hate me.
Ideally, she should only ever have one bachelorette party in her life and I have now missed it. How good a friend could I possibly be if I did that?
I really don’t think she’ll hate me but I have to think that somewhere inside of her she’s hurt and disappointed. I’m not the center of her universe, obviously, but I’m still thinking there are some lingering negative feelings about my absence. I wouldn’t blame her. She is completely within her rights to feel that way.
The Cost of Bipolar and Depression
This is just one of the costs of bipolar and depression. People don’t understand this. People don’t understand how costly it is to be chronically ill. But it is. It’s extremely expensive. It costs us relationships and experiences and a whole host of other intangible things that people don’t see but that hurt like a sonofabitch.
And, of course, not going has made me feel like crap too. It was really a no-win situation for me. The one bright spot is knowing that I didn’t have to fake all the happiness while feeling like crap. That, at least, is a bonus.
Natasha,
Thank you so much for your honesty and for writing this post. I was supposed to go to a friend/business associate’s baby’s first birthday party today and I just couldn’t manage to get it together. Other business associates, friends and strangers were going to be there and just thinking about what I would say and how I’d have to fake being happy and positive just drained me. I even got in an argument with my husband right before he left to the party without me. He said, “If you don’t go, it’ll look bad,” and “What am I supposed to tell people? They’re going to ask,” and “How can you be depressed at a time when you’re supposed to be happy because things are going well?” and “You need help for this.” I feel awful for not going and being there at his side. Why can’t I be his best friend and show up for him, and for the little baby’s first birthday who I truly adore? Oftentimes, I think he’d be better off with someone else who could do those things. And I’m screwed either way–I either go and say something completely stupid and beat myself up for days afterwards or I don’t go and feel awful that I disappointed my husband and friends AGAIN.
Many people don’t know this about me. I fake it pretty well most of the time. I own two businesses–one online business that I feel completely comfortable with and a new “real life” retail business that’s a little more challenging–and go to meetings, manage employees, attend business events, etc. But I struggle with it on a daily basis and it takes a lot out of me to the point where I have to withdraw and seclude myself.
I’ve never been diagnosed with being bipolar, but I was on antidepressants (zoloft) for ten years after a suicide attempt. I’ve been off of it now for five years and recently tried to get back on it again because of the dark thoughts, but I felt so numb I couldn’t keep taking it. Today, I decided to go back to counseling because things are getting worse. I’m actually the same age as when my mother committed suicide (she was 43, as I am now, and I was 12 when she committed suicide and I found her). I know this is a lot to share but just wanted to give you a brief background…
This is the first time I’ve read your blog and I’m impressed by your excellent writing, raw voice, and the help you’ve provided for others here. I poked around a little bit and didn’t know if you were married or in a relationship, but if you are, how do you handle withdrawing from events your partner wants to go to? How do you handle not only your own personal disappointment but your partners as well when he’s always alone? Should I even be in a relationship when I have little to offer? We’ve been together eighteen years, but he’s beyond frustrated and my social anxiety has put a major strain on our relationship to the point of breaking and it’s so much that it makes me feel like going away and letting him find someone else–a true partner–that will be there for him.
Hi Sally,
I can understand your feelings. I have often thought that I’m not fit for relationships because of how “defective” I am. What I recommend is a book called “Loving a Person with Bipolar” http://www.amazon.com/Loving-Someone-Bipolar-Disorder-Understanding/dp/1608822192/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1441638181&sr=8-1&keywords=loving+someone+with+bipolar&pebp=1441638186181&perid=17EYADAWGTEX7BN6WHY3
I have no association with this book but I do believe it can help couples where one person has bipolar. It may have some of the answers you seek.
Also, please don’t feel bad for taking care of yourself and your mental health. It may be hard on both of you, but all couples do work through these kinds of challenges.
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you, Natasha! That book looks like a great resource and I will definitely check it out. xo
If there were not ants, then life would not be a picnic. It really is. Not everything is fun to eat, conversations can be dull – just let yourself be surprised. Your not the only one who would rather not be there.
So glad to have found my way here tonight. I can relate to so much of what I have read. I am sure I will be back often.
When we went to the second Christmas party this evening I did what I do sometimes, and judged the entire room with only a glance and proceeded to almost deliberately not enjoy myself. I was fine at first, though it was obvious to me and my girlfriend that I wasn’t “feeling it” tonight, and she was completely understanding. So why then would tonight’s episode be me tearing down my amazing, kind, caring, giving, loving, inspirational girlfriend over nothing on the way home? Whoops I did it again, baggage dump successful.
Yes I have been depressed for longer that I have been willing to admit. Yes I have manic episodes. Yes they are fleeting and short lived. Yes I am bipolar 2 with hypomania nearly daily. It’s hard to come to terms with, bipolar is.
Though I have learned to live with it without medication (save for the self medication) I can’t be this person anymore. Inevitably someone gets hurt emotionally because I become hurtful. And obviously it doesn’t help my immediate future prognosis either.
Thank you so much. I’ve been trying to come to terms with bipolar for twenty years, half of that time believing I was a-okay, and nearly all of that time disguising my condition behind alcohol and drugs. At the absolute very least the handful of blog posts I have read here have opened me back up again and really made me think about my illness much more constructively. And with that I understand that I DO in fact WANT and NEED help and AM going to SEEK it out.
Yours,
Tom
Tom ~
You are so right about one thing…coming TO TERMS with the fact you are bipolar!! Look, you cannot make this condition “go away”, no matter how hard you try. You’ve got your hand of cards, now play them. (If you’re born with diabetes…do you think that “goes away” at some point?)
People don’t realize how much better, simpler, easier (though not easy…) and overall more enjoyable when they come to face the (let’s face it, shitty) facts that they have bipolar – like we all feel, the ones who have admitted it to themselves…typically long, LONG after every single person they know, family, friends, coworkers – everyone – has already known it. Why are we always the last “to know”? Stigma of mental illness? F that shite, honestly……I didn’t choose this any more than some one with MD or autism “chose” that for themselves. I was born this way, with a little environment thrown in (which I didn’t have that much control over either, actually). So once again, F that…….. I am who I am. Creative. Loving. Down. Up. Detached. Connected. Bipolar. Me.
I love your blog Natasha, and hope this thread just continues on…!
Jim
I didn’t go to my brother’s second wedding because I was afraid of having a panic attack at the event. I meant to go, but the months leading up to the wedding were incredibly stressful for me. Our mom was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer that same year, and I was struggling to apply to grad school, I’d ended my long-term relationship and then my beloved dog died a couple of weeks before the wedding. I was a depressed, anxious mess and I knew I’d be a withdrawn and distant at the event. I couldn’t even go into a store at the time without having severe chest pains and needing to leave. I am usually able to put on a decent act and sometimes can fight through my anxiety, but the day of the event I just couldn’t get it together. There was no way I could drive myself, and no way I could sit in a car with my emotionally & verbally abusive father and then pretend to have a good time at a wedding where the only people I’d know were my mom and dad. My brother doesn’t really count, as he is not typically friendly towards me at gatherings. He was always ready to ask me to lend him money, but forget sticking up for his sister. His new family is from a fundamentalist church and are very insular, not especially friendly towards outsiders as it turns out; I didn’t know this at the time, but knowing it now I am sure they would have interpreted my withdrawal as racism (they are HIspanic).
BTW, there weren’t actual wedding invitations, just a verbal we’re getting married on such-and-such a date, so there was no RSVP as such. Also, while I liked his future wife and thought she seemed nice, we were not close friends or anything. My mom and I weren’t even asked to attend her bridal shower, and at that point as far as I know there were no hard feelings from the fiancee towards our family. Unless she was mad at my mom for turning down a last minute lunch invitation to have lunch with her mom and sister. This “invitation” was literally last minute on a Saturday when my mom was running errands and it was issued in a parking lot where they were meeting so mom could give her something meant for my brother who was coming in for the weekend. This future “daugher-in-law” couldn’t be bothered to get out of her car to greet my mom. This was not long before Mom’s cancer was diagnosed, and I know she didn’t feel good and didn’t feel very pretty. All my mom did was politely decline and say she was sorry but that she had errands to run. Was my mom supposed to drop all her plans to go meet future in-laws? What ever happened to giving someone notice??? I wasn’t even thinking about any of this, and had no idea that a grudge was being held against my mom and I, but when going back over events, I was trying to figure out what was wrong. The declined lunch invitation was the only thing I could think of.
Anyway, the point of my long-winded story is that apparently his wife is still angry with me for missing her wedding. I am not going to let this get me to hate myself the way I always allowed others to make me feel worthless in the past. I am sorry I missed her wedding, I apologized to her when we saw each other again and explained about my anxiety and depression (but not being bi-polar, I don’t feel close to my sister-in-law). She must have been lying that it was all right and that she understood. I’ve always been nice and friendly to her, but apparently that counts for nothing. She missed our cousin’s funeral and didn’t even send a card (this was a year before the wedding). So I am left to conclude that my brother has gotten yet another judgmental, controlling woman like the others he has been involved with. My friends seem to think I am a nice person, to quote one “you don’t have a mean bone in your body.” While this isn’t exactly true, I do try to be kind to people and not pass judgment, but there are limits to what I am willing to accept.
Great blog, thank you for allowing me to vent about the problems of being bi-polar.
I don’t know your blog really, but do you not have some “up” times? It seems like you are saying you are unhappy with groups having fun, at all times. Yes, that is quite sad if so Natasha. I think it’s bad enough when my rapid cycling has made me “call off” on numerous big events the last couple years. I’ve finally learned at least that staying home is preferable to going…and making someone/everyone’s time miserable too. My 40th birthday was not too long ago as well….and of course, I was the center of attention, no denying it! And I was in a down mood, and my brain had such physical pain that I thought an ice pick was in my skull. That said, there are still plenty of up/regular moods when I can go enjoy an event.
I’ll go (after a lot of anxiety and invisable excuses) and then- I will want to immediately go home. Or sit in my car w/ my lap top. I tell myself that I’d rather be alone, b/c I’m not (italicize here) -Like those people. Those people are Sane, they can drink their ‘liquid anti depresion elixirs’ (alcohol) and I can’t even take a glass of wine w/ the meds I take. Any alcohol makes me more terribly mentally ill.
Then there’s the laughing, the noise, the happy fcking people. It goes right thru me. My s-i-l w/ whom I have a long standing dislike for, will go out of her way to show me how much she ”’LOVES”’ her daughters mother in law- like I give a dried road apple. I have to smile and act like my world is fine.
Then on the way home, I’ll openly ruminate about who at the party/wedding/barbeque pissed me off.
It’s not their fault, it’s Mine. I know that. No…wait. Many times some a-hole at any given party or get together, go OUT of their way to piss others off, but we just feel it more intensely. I know I do. But I react. I’m no shrinking violet either. I’ve pulled my cousins wig off her head, she’d gotten me so angry about a year ago, at a get together I’m not sorry either. She’d been in bankruptcy court and was getting on everyones nerves, b/c we didn’t have HER problems, ours didn’t count.. She’s blown money away all her life, drinking it & partying.
I felt bad for her, up until she made the comment about me and bla, bla, bla—the wig can right off and I slapped her. Hard. –and kept right on going.
Then came the bawling., and the hysterics. I guess I ruined the party. I guess the moral here is, watch what you say, and to whom you say it to.
They might be crazy. I hate being crazy.
Hi Natasha,
First thank you so much for researching so much about this condition and sharing with everyone what you have learned. You don’t just learn, you feel it in your skin.
I’m so sorry you could not go on your friends party. I hope with all my heart that you are better now.
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (not specific) in February and I’m having the hardest time ever to accept it.
I’ve being looking all around but I never know where I can trust the information so I decided to ask you. I’m sorry If I’m being invasive.
In February, after 3 years taking antidepressant for panic attacks and decided to stop the medication. I did a mess with the dosage at the end and had a breakdown. because of that I decided to go back on the right dose it and it didn’t work. I started to have the worst mood swings i would be ok one day and depressed in the other, very anxious and confused. The psychiatrist told me that the antidepressant triggered the bipolar disorder (by giving me mixed episode – I was depressed and very anxious at the same time). What I don’t understand is if it is forever or was just an episode or if wasn’t just a reaction to the drug withdrawal. I was never extremely depressed or never had manic or hypo episode (I tried my best to scan my past), I don’t have family history of the disease.
I can’t find information on this subject. Do you know any source that could help me? I appreciate you life experience as well… I know you are not a doctor, at this point I would make a better use of someones experience than a dr that doesn’t listen to me.
Sending you good thoughts!
Hi NewBipo,
There is no specific answer to your question. The fact is the antidepressant may have brought forward bipolar that was there all along or just a temporary mood episode. In all honestly, it’s likely the former and not the latter and it should be treated with that in mind. In other words, you should be treated with a mood stabilizer and not an antidepressant alone. In fact, antidepressants are always contraindicated in mixed mood episodes. Read this article I wrote on the most recent professional recommendations (and take it to your doctor if you need to): http://www.healthline.com/health-blogs/bipolar-bites/new-recommendations-antidepressant-use-bipolar-disorder
The only thing that’s really going to answer your question is time and how you react to treatment. Sorry.
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer me. I’ll take it to my Dr. He truly believes I’m bipolar now… I’m the one having trouble accepting it. It is so unfair that there is no way to test our brain and see what it is really happening. To me is like being said that you have cancer and need to go on chemotherapy but there is no way to know if it is right.
Bottom line is that you are more then right… “The only thing that’s really going to answer my question is time”
So hard because his diagnoses already scared me for life. There is not a single day that I wake up and don’t Analise myself. Sometime I prevent myself from enjoying something because I’m afraid of being hypo manic. To top that I suffer from health anxiety, so waiting is just killing me.
Thank you again. It helped a lot =D
Stay strong…
thank you for sharing your experience.I knew logically that there had to be someone in the world that felt the things I did, but I never really believed it untill I found this site a few days ago.I was told I had bipolar many years ago,but had no idea all the things that includued the way the doctor made it sound it was all about either being depressed or being manic.All the other struggles were never mentioned and I thought it was just me,that something was wrong with me that just was.This site has answered questions,that I didn’t even realize I had,and hearing others describe things I have never been able to feel like I’m getting across to someone has helped me take a step back from the aloneness I have felt for too many years now.Though I would not wish this illness on anyone,I am glad that I have finally found a place where,when someone says they understand it is because they mean it ,not because they are just trying to be nice.( or whatever)
Oh, I can relate to the not being invited because I didn’t accept and attend or I attended but wasn’t someone’s perception of “life of the party”… the awkwardness of being in attendance when I am/was so not desiring or wanting to and then trying to fake, the joy of being…
What about work? What about when you are suffocating within a horrible depression and you just cannot seem to find “it” that makes “it” work for you to get up and report, to work?
Yesterday; I woke to find that I just literally could not go to work. No matter how much I internally verbalized to myself that I had to go, had bills to pay, would be fired if I didn’t show, come on now you can get up and go… I could not go. I simply could not… go.
So, I had a “partial hospitalization” at home… for 1/2 day. I decided to compromise with myself and stay home for 1/2 the day, but even then.. getting up and getting dressed for the last 1/2 of the workday was a chore in and of itself and you have to “fake it”, when you are at work.
At my age, having lived nearly 40 years with this shit… I’m no longer so great at the “faking” part.
Natasha,
Thanks for writing this. Though I don’t have classic social anxiety issues for the most part, I find that larger groups of people drain me of all the energy I have and half the time I find myself wanting to go hide somewhere. This is ironic since I used to think I was the most social person on earth. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that I have less and less tolerance for large social situations and have come to really dislike going to parties. I’m good in groups of 6 or less but anything more than that is exhausting. I appreciated your post and all the comments that followed.
I almost canceled my wedding – or skipped out on it – just because of having to attend a PARTY. A party I planned myself and we both wanted – buffet, beer and wine, a jazz trio, and a hundred people all of whom we knew and loved, but a PARTY! I didn’t sleep a wink the night before and only barely managed to not throw up during the ceremony – but I made it through the party and in fact it was exactly the party we hoped for (unstructured, not phony) and i had a great time, so did my husband and we still reminisce about it all the time. Several friends said it was the best wedding they ever went to.
This has happened with lesser occasions too sometimes – I dread it, I’m gonna cancel right up till the last minute, then just do it and somehow I “rise to the occasion” and successfully inhabit the role of a “normal” person having a decent time at a social gathering. But I’m not willing to give it a shot anymore unless it’s really important – just takes too much out of me.
As a matter of fact, I skipped my husband’s uncle’s funeral today despite the fact that his sons showed up at my parents’ funerals – my mother’s just 2 months ago. I feel terrible about it but I (and my husband) know without a doubt I could not possibly have gone to a funeral (or anything else) at 8 a.m. Not even my own probably.
You have given a very good description of how bipolar depression can affect one’s life. But don’t forget the alienation that mania and hypomania can cause. During those times, my general irritability and impatience with others has caused hurt and anger, especially in those closest to me. Along with my inflated confidence came a dismissive attitude toward anyone who saw things differently. Some people indulge in risky behaviours that can cause injury, illness, or death. Mania also has a cost.
Lately I have been reading a lot about recovery and I have realized that I am in recovery. I have just been certified as Kentucky Peer Specialist. This qualifies me to work as a peer support specialist. I am already facilitating DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) support groups. I like the job I have now, and will definitely continue to volunteer to help my peers, but I am not sure if I will ever work as a peer support specialist. The reason that I mentioned all of this is that focusing on recovery has really helped me. I used to dread parties too, but now I enjoy them. I don’t drink, and I leave early, but I am having so much fun with my friends. They understand that I can’t party as hard as they do, and it is okay.
Dear Natasha,
I’ve listed below a facility that has TMS. Maybe it’s worth a shot to see if they can make some accommodations for you. I know here in the States little by little Medicare/Medicaid and some private insurers are paying for patient treatment. Hopefully Canada too can become somewhat flexible as it pertains to these newer alternative treatment options.
Neurostimulation Program
ECT/TMS
Vancouver Coastal Health – VGH Site
6th Floor Willow Pavilion
805 West 12th Avenue
Vancouver, BC V5Z 1M9
Phone: 604.675.2449
Fax: 604.675.2464
Hours of Operation:
8:30 am – 12:30 pm Monday to Friday
http://psychiatry.vch.ca/tms.htm
Please keep researching as I also encourage you to not give up on trying.
Sincerely,
Herb
http://www.vnstherapy-herb.blogspot.com
http://www.vnstherapy.wordpress.com
This Saturday the neighbors are having an all out neighborhood bash. Kids, adults, food, booze, silliness. And I know if I just buck up and go I’ll be OK. But right now, five days out, my stomach is in knots.
That’s the way it always is with me. I hate it almost as much as my wife hates it.
Natasha, your honesty is invaluable to yourself and others. Thank you for sharing. I feel for you. Hugs.
Wow…I can’t tell you how much it means to me to know someone else can relate to this. While I don’t wish this on anyone, it’s everything to me just to know I’m not alone. I’m 58 and have done this my whole life; going to parties and what-not I was frequently unable to relate to the mood, and I really don’t know how to “fake it.” Yes, there were times I went and had a good time, but they were few and far-between. The really painful thing is that other than truly close friends’ events, people just stop inviting you, and I really don’t blame them. It’s normal over time for people to get the idea that you don’t seem to want to go, so they stop inviting you. They don’t understand, and for most of my life I didn’t either. The trouble is, that kind of rejection can hurt too. This is the dilemma I found myself in more often than not, and I’ve never been able to explain it to anyone. Thank-you for this article, and being willing to share with us the many painful aspects of this illness.
Oh Natasha – I so relate.. I have only recently come out of that – pushed up by a whole whack of stress – caring for dying Mom,her death holding her hand, My estranged bro’s abuse and now trying to rip me off w estate – small that it is – yells at me & I freeze. (PTST too) but I started to go a bit manic and too off to Vegas.. Isolated there, and am heading back to Anhedonia- the state I live in when I avoid depression.. concerns me that I was a bit high there and I hope I don’t fo back down – February looms. I have not socialized for many years. I can chat up a storm with strangers at an uncrowded grocery store on a quick trip there. No one would know that I was ill. Strangers are easy in small doses when I am not stressed or anxious… I cannot make plans tho..I NEVER know one day, or one min at a time… i cannot make a commitment. I am proud to say I have gone to a couple of BBQs right where I live this summer…so maybe there is some hope that I won’t be indoors all winter this year. I am so grateful that YOU and your commenters share their stories – I don’t feel alone. I have finally accepted that I no longer have the life as it was – My high powered and stressful career & Life. It is nice an peaceful now and I have learned to live on a low income. Enjoy the small things… xo
Self care is a constant challenge, your blog is an important resource for me.
Oh my goodness. You have no idea how much I do want to hug you (virtually because I do not like actual hugging unless you are my 5 yr old niece who doesn’t want me to leave). Almost everytime I read your blog I think “How does she feel the exact same way and we do not know each other??”. Probably because we do not go to parties :) I didn’t go to my brother’s wedding reception this year because of this. I also skipped out on my aunt’s funeral. Sure it was during the work day and I could have missed work for it but I was also sick and couldn’t go to the showing. Because my anxiety over having to see estranged family members and pretend I like people because someone died actually made me sick to my stomach. When we go through these things we have to remind ourselves we are most definitely not the only one going through the same thing. heck, email me and I bet I went through the exact same thing at least a week beforehand!
I cancelled four of my friends ‘ invitations this past week because of anxiety. Of course, I feel bad about it. Only one of them told me she understands. The others did not even write me back. I know they’re sick of me cancelling, but they’re still my friends.
I’m 61. We don’t have parties. Our parties / get togethers are funerals of friends. The last one was for a classmate that committed suicide. It was there that I learned that ‘suicide funerals’ are much different from other funerals. At least that one was.
Hmm, I don’t remember the last party I was invited to. I only have a few friends where I live and I chased them away. Best thing that I’ve ever done, in retrospect. I’m an introvert and would rather read a book than attend most parties. They suck the life out of me and life is too short.
Now, I throw my own parties for my introvert friends and no one shows. We have a great time, Natasha.
I hope your friend sees that you being honest about why you can’t do this shows exactly how good a friend you are to her.
This describes an inner conflict I’m going through right now to a tee. I’m currently 6 months pregnant and my husbands work friends want to have a baby shower for me. I’m so anxious about this idea but feel guilty because it’s rare when someone wants to do something for me as I have few friends. I’ve turned down many social events because if I go the repercussions are too much for me to handle. So hard to deal with and so lonely.
I am sorry this happened to you, but I SO get this! Sometime’s the cost is just too much, before and after.
Perhaps you can invite her to lunch and hear all about it?
Hopefully your friend understands that’s it’s not you, it’s trying to manage your disability 24/7. That’s what I keep harping to myself about, management and that’s it’s not me, it’s my disability
Dear Tracy,
I apologize in advance if I’ve asked these questions of you previously.
Have you investigated and/or considered the use of TMS or Ketamine to help abort your depression?
Sincerely,
Herb
http://www.vnstherapy-herb.blogspot.com
http://www.vnstherapy.wordpress.com
Hi Herb,
rTMS is too expensive for me (by a long shot) and ketamine isn’t available.
– Natasha Tracy