Some people with bipolar disorder are lucky in that when they get treatment, they find something that works for them within some reasonable period of time (and this might be in a year or two, maybe not altogether reasonable, but on the whole, good). However, not all people sick with bipolar are so lucky. Some people with acute bipolar symptoms don’t find anything that works for them for prolonged periods of time. In fact, for many people sick with bipolar, it seems like they will never find any treatment that will work.
So if you’re in this latter group (and I am) what keeps you going? If you still suffer from acute bipolar symptoms and the treatment isn’t working, how do you keep trying to get better, day after day?
Giving Up on Bipolar Treatment
Some people give up on bipolar treatment. And sometimes bipolar treatment (ie. A psychiatrist) gives up on them. And while I understand this situation – why wouldn’t you give up after years of something that didn’t work – I don’t think it’s where you want to be. I believe that bipolar treatment can make you better no matter how long you’ve been sick. (And bipolar treatments can make you a little better, if not necessarily completely well with zero bipolar symptoms, and a little better is preferred to nothing at all.)
My Story of Being Sick with Bipolar
When I tell my story in presentations about my experience of bipolar disorder, it entails detailing many years when I was very sick. Yes, many years. But through all those years, I didn’t give up on treatment. I tried one thing after another, after another in the hopes that something would work.
And the sad fact is, the more treatments you have failed, the more likely the next one is to fail too. It’s this horrible law of bipolar illness. But nevertheless, even though the odds are long, I believe that people do get better and people do get their lives back. But not if they give up.
And, in my story of being sick with bipolar disorder, it all turns around when I add a medication, that I had tried before, into a new medication cocktail. I didn’t think it would do anything. The medication hadn’t worked before. But, miraculously, in one, specific combination, that little pill made all the difference in the world.
Don’t Give Up on Bipolar Treatment Even if You’ve Been Sick Forever
Here’s the thing about bipolar treatment: even though you may have been through the painful, horrific, brain-destroying wringer, you can’t give up. And the reason you can’t give up is because with treatment you have the chance of getting better, without treatment you likely have none. (And I’m talking about intractable cases, not those who have time-limited episodes.) When that medication worked for me I thought it was the end. I thought nothing would ever work. But it did. It was a miracle. And you deserve your own miracle too. There is hope for treatment-resistant bipolar disorder.
Tips on How to Keep Going When Bipolar Treatment Disorder Work
- Remember, people do get better every day. You can be one of these people.
- Remember, long odds still have winners at the end.
- If I could get a miracle, then you can too. There’s nothing so special about me.
- When things get good again, and they will, it will be worth having hung in there. The good times make all the horror worth it; you just might not be able to see that right now.
- Make sure you talk about your feelings about bipolar treatment with someone like a psychotherapist. They can support you when bipolar treatment isn’t working.
- Try treatments that you consider unlikely to work (but that have evidence) like mindfulness meditation. Open yourself up to new ideas that might help. Even if you remain sick with bipolar, these techniques can help you get through the every day.
The moral of the story is simple: don’t give up. You deserve better and even if it takes a very long time, you can get to better. I promise.
The current 6 or so yrs of bone rattling depression punctuated by actual bouncy good moods that never hang around have made life not worth living, frankly. Why am I still here? Sometimes I think it is just plain old stubbornness.
I admit I never know how long I will be able to white knuckle it.
G’day Natasha,
Your blog is amazing in that it resonates so soundly with my experience.
I too have taken many years to even be diagnosed with ultra-radian Bipolar II that is very rapid cycling. It was because of the rapid cycling (in days or less) my psychiatrist and I were thinking that it was because of my hypersensitivity to medication that it was just chasing MDD and OCD. It was because of my willingness to not give up and his tenacity that it wasn’t until I took the step to chart my thoughts and feelings which then highlighted the nature and spec of my cycling.
Now I am on a combination of six meds to keep everything balanced – mood stabilizer, anxiolytic, 2 complimentary antidepressants and 2 complimentary antipsychotics – all relatively low-ish doses due to my sensitivity but they are working a charm without pushing me into anothe hypomanic or depressive state.
so for everyone who struggles to find a suitable treatment – don’t ever give up! There is a solution there for you…
Dear Natasha,
Your blogs continue to amaze me. They are so beautifully written, and I get so much out of them. Even amongst your pain you write so eloquently. Like someone earlier said, your blogs are like a warm fuzzy to me, like a blanket that keeps me warm on days when I feel so cold. I thank you so much. It is taking me about four years to finally find a cocktail of drugs that work for me. I am so glad I never took my life , Even though it seemed like a good idea at the time. If it weren’t for friends and family I don’t know where I’d be. Thank you again for writing what you do, I’m sending you love.
I am an ex mental health nurse cause horrible things happened at work and I had a shifty childhood like many do they saying I have complex part and dissociation disorder I know I have biopolar worked with enough clients I don’t want any mental illness obviously but I want the right treatment and support I don’t want to be a label either of cause I just want them to understand and believe me so I have something to work with us don’t want a doctor to say you have a broken arm if you have a broken leg I also suffer pychotic episodes they now saying it might be temporal lobe epilepsy they do my head in any if any one else as had this same experience could ya write bk Pease I would be grateful xxx
Not everyone with Bipolar Disorder is “Sick” with it. Some people’s bipolar goes into a remission like state where they don’t experience such severe symptoms anymore. Some people no longer are as affected by it over time. -Peace.
hi stephanie, i am a very curious person; this is not an attack on what you said, it is my curiosity. if the bipolar symptoms go into a remission, i wonder if it is truly bipolar that the person has or is it something else. maybe natasha could help out here with her great knowledge? i really do not know, i have never heard of any mental illness going into remission without treatment. i really do not know. thanks for making my brain wake up with curiosity :)
It is the norm for bipolar to go into remission for long periods of time. It’s always been well known that some people only have a few episodes in their entire lives. It’s a contention of the book Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker that many of the drug treatments being used for bipolar is making the condition far more chronic than ever before, so that a lot of folks aren’t going into remission anymore. That was always considered the norm in the past. Bipolar used to have an excellent prognosis. I know an in law of mine had only a few episodes in his life, and was totally normal 95% of the time.
Hi everyone,
I wanna ask which pill is better, valproic acid or lithium?
And to the author, what was the pill you were taking?
Thank you
Hi Darlin,
You can’t compare two drugs like that. You need to talk with your doctor and choose the best one for you based on your personal characteristics. I recommend you look up more information about the medications here: http://reference.medscape.com/drug/eskalith-lithobid-lithium-342934
As for what medication I was taking, that’s not something I choose to disclose.
Thanks.
– Natasha Tracy
No one here can diagnose or tell you what pill is better or worse. It depends on what is happening to you.
I have recently taken up bike riding and that has helped me. it is my 1st ‘medicine’ of choice, but it is not for everyone and it may not work for me forever either. I still use pot to help with migraines and sleep disorder. Getting sleep and being migraine free makes me more level headed throughout the day.
Hey. I’m new. I found you all by accident researching BP treatment options. I get warm fuzzies reading everbody’s comments. Funny how you can feel so alone somedays. I’m 47 and have had BP1 for most of my recollection. I was diagnosed very late, before that most people saw me as too strange and unpredictable to maintain a friendship with. I saw myself that way too. I have been medication compliant for 3 years and boy have I tried a bunch. Still not quite there. I recently gave up on my therapist of 4 years because I felt I was being judged when I discussed certain topics. Maybe paranoia, maybe transference, maybe I was right on the money. Either way I look back and can’t see where there has been much change so I guess the time was right. Now I’m searching (again) for the right combination of person and technique. I won’t give up, but it does get old. My current cocktail is great at knocking out mania but nothing seems to touch the depression. I miss my manias (LOL). I trust my psychiatrist so that’s a good thing. Now if I could just find a therapist that reads this blog so they might understand more than the clinical definition. Thanks for providing this!
It took me a long time to accept my mood disorder and even longer to be compliant with medication and to find a good psychiatrist. The thing what kept me going was that I couldn’t think of any other option, but to keep trying. I’d felt worse and well, I’d do anything not to go back there again. This is a great entry. Thank you.
I have been treated for bipolar disorder for the past 25 years. It took about 5 years for me to become compliant with taking the medication because I did not like the side effects. Currently my medication works but I still struggle with the side effects of sedation and weight gain. It is hard to be in treatment for a long time and to not really have found the perfects cocktail of medications, but I am still trying and haven’t given up. I do my best to stay healthy and work around the side effects.
I can think of times when I truly felt like my bipolar was a sickness. And I am sure there will be times in the future that it will flair up this way again. I guess we can think of Footprints in the Sand, one of the meditations on my website, during these moments. God is carrying us; at least I feel this way. As a bipolar I feel as though my spiritual journey has been full of adventure and misfire and truly complex issues. However, I am more mature in my faith than in the past, and I think God sends us each our own issues as learning points, as tests, as motivation. Keep up the good work and check out my meditation, Footprints in the Sand, if you are currently or recently in a struggle. This guided meditation, I hope to send your way for FREE to help. http://www.freemindbooks.com/meditationspoetry.html
I don’t think it’s a rare thing to gain little to no benefit from any bipolar drug. I think that’s the majority who are in that position. I do think many of us are coerced by relatives to take antipsychotics to shut us up and make us easier to deal with, and the loss is mostly ours (some of us do have psychosis, but most of us who are on antipsychotics do not). My psychiatrist insists that isn’t so, but that’s what I see in the people who live around me, and there are so many stories of that online. For those who get a lot of benefit from antipsychotics and few of the life-sapping side effects, I am very glad for you. But I really don’t think that’s the experience of the majority of us.
Cannot tolerate ADs, at all… APs, the ones I’ve taken, leave me in such a fog – weight gained increasingly fast without awareness – muscle spasms and muscle contorting… Mood Stabilizers/Anti-Epileptics leave me both apathetic and lethargic, not up and not down, in the middle with emotional numbness on the side.
Lithium, blessed be, is the only med I have been able to tolerate, only at small dosages (had Lithium Toxicity really bad) and it only works for the manic suicidal impulsivity (2 psych docs said I was in high mixed mania due to severity of the impulsive need to act on the otherwise horrendously depressed mood)… it does NOTHING for the Bipolar Depression, itself.
When I was on them, I had to resign from a job I actually liked to a great degree because I simply wasn’t able to function. The last AD, Lexapro, left me with vivid hallucinations so raw and terrifying.
I am considered “high-functioning” and yet many times, I am unraveling so badly… still, I have to work a job to bring in the income to care for me and my young’un. So, no meds that mess with my ability to think and reason and drive.
I am one of the few that simply cannot tolerate meds or meds at “normal” dosages. What keeps me “in the game”? My daughter.
Simply and solely; my daughter.
has anyone on here ever tried it for bipolar or depression and anything else for that matter?
sorry, “it” being weed, pot, mary-jane . . .
Yes I have and I do use it everyday. I was using it for my chronic pain and realized that it really helps calm my brain down. I know that using it has meant that my anger and rage tends not to have to be released through yelling at people anymore. And I’m also at the point where my meds aren’t working…they never really have…so I’m glad I’ve found something that will allow someone to be in a relationship with me.
Also something else I’d love to know more about…
If they’re using med. Marj. for people with seizures and you think that one of our meds are “anti-seisure” meds, wouldn’t you think it’s because our bipolar brain is in the same area of the brain as someone suffering from seisures? So wouldn’t Medical Marijuana work for us? Anyone read anything on this ever?
Sometimes the treatment is the problem.
I have stated this before, but this is a very appropriate place to put this comment. In my case, trying treatment after treatment over a 15 year period rendered me FAR more dysfunctional than if I gave up much earlier. how do I know this? I functioned halfway in all my 20’s, was able to work off and on, got treated with pills when I was 30, got worse and worse and worse for 15 years, and ran out of treatment options and my psychiatrists didn’t want me to try anymore. So I gave up. I also read Robert Whitaker’s book a few months later, so that firmed my resolve. 6 months off drugs, my aggressive verbal behaviors went away and I stopped smashing things when i was angry. 2 years off drugs, I was able to think a LOT better, and 3 years off drugs, i started up all my nerdy hobbies again that I had to give up for all those years. Now I can read epic science fiction and fantasy again, I am writing a science fiction novel (150 pp written so far and pretty much have all the plot figured out), I can easily fix my own computer software problems and so on. I gave all that up for over 15 years because I could not do it. (Ok, it was computer programming before, during the DOS days, LOL).
So I do think these drugs cause behavior problems, and also GRAVE cognitive harm, and my psychiatrist does admit that his college professor patients will not take most of these drugs no matter what, because they cannot think well enough to do their jobs. I think i was fed all those antipsychotics because the psychiatrists had written me off and so my intellect didn’t matter anymore. the new behavior problems, they ignored that those showed up only in my 30’s, and said I had borderline in addition to bipolar. All those problem behaviors went away 6 months or less after stopping psychiatric drugs.
I am utterly disgusted with psychiatry. I strongly believe after YEARS of seeing many psychiatrists, that most of them are from the bottom of their medical school class. I see that there are MANY people with stories like mine online – people who lost a decade or more to bipolar or schizophrenia drugs, they get off them, and their suffering decreases dramatically and their functioning improves. I don’t know what to tell people – it took 2 years for me to see such improvement that it was absolutely clear that the drugs had been making me worse.That’s a heck of a gamble to take if you are getting any benefit at all from the drugs – for me, i had zero benefit, so the decision was easier, but still depressing to give up. A relief too, in a way, at the time.
I have a very nice doctor now, and this doctor is bright, but I only see the doc so i can get lithium if I need it again someday for mania (it did nothing for depression) and so the doc can fill out my private disability claim forms. If I could improve enough to get off disability, I would quit , and just keep seeing a therapist. I have lithium carbonate from a lab supply company and can measure out my own if need be, or just have a family doc give me lithium prescriptions. Needless to say, my doctor and therapist don’t agree with that thinking. My spouse likes my current providers very much, but he is disgusted with psychiatric drugs also, seeing how much I more pleasant and sharp thinking I am off them. I wish (how I wish!) I had improved enough to return to work even part time, but at least now, I have a chance to live, instead of ending my life, which is where I was headed before. I have some good times now, a few months a year. There were no good times on these drugs. I was horrifically depressed nearly all the time. The better times were less horrific, but still very bad. Psychiatry caused me serious harm for many years.
I think it is fair to say that just like happens in other kinds of medical care, you have to figure, how many people are harmed for everyone who is saved or helped? As an analogy, most people with serious cardiovascular risk would benefit from blood pressure pills, but if the pills make them lightheaded (common side effect) and they fall down and break a hip or get a TBI, what good was that? It seems that in mental treatments, we don’t talk that way, and I think we should have these discussions. Bipolar patients shouldn’t have to choose to be “non-compliant” when THEIR cost-benefit analysis showed the drugs were not helping enough to be worth the risks.
As a final comment, I am tired of reading comments in various places, and hearing this in person from folks who don’t know I have bipolar, from spouses and relatives complaining about bipolar loved ones going off their meds.In the next paragraph they bitterly complain how their loser relative has become fat and lazy and sleeps all day, and they blame it on the person, not the antipsychotics they were fed. Fed. Up.
That’s ok. I’ve had loser relatives who were fat. lazy and in bed all day -that weren’t bipolar at all.
Here’s how I feel. There’s an innumerable amount of illnesses in this world. I couldn’t begin to even name an iota of them. Bad ones too.
What makes bipolar people think, that other sick people- or otherwise, want to hear or know, about who We are, and how terribly We suffer? no one in their right mind.
Most are aware of mental illness… in a way. Do, or can, they categorize it? (bp/ Bpd/ schizo/OCD/) etc–
Probably not.
Do you want to study or learn about lepers, or tongue cancer in your spare time? Vaginal warts?
I didn’t think so. -I don’t either. I have better things to do w/ my time.
When you’re ill, chances are, that part of you is depressed, and that part, does NOT want to hear about your health problems or mine… I’m thinkin.
Most EVERYBODY has something medically wrong w/ them, so I feel that “Hi, did you know that I suffer from bipolar disorder?” is a lousy conversation starter. Few care, people. Few care. And I don’t CARE if they care.
As a matter fact, …I’ve NEVER heard a ‘sane person” say………”Oh those poor bipolar people!”
And I don’t think I ever will.
I am unclear if you are disagreeing with what I said, based on a misunderstanding, or agreeing and extending the conversation. So here, I clarify: my complaint is that I hear a lot of “hate speech” about folks with bipolar, from people who are drugging their relatives with drugs that CAUSE the very problems they are complaining about. They go so far as to wish these bipolar ^&$#@ were dead, and they do not know I have bipolar when they generalize and say a bunch of hate stuff against folks with bipolar in general.
I care give for people with complex, severe medical conditions, and I surely get it that those illnesses are terrible. But medical people and the general public do not hate on them for these problems. (No, they pity them and in the case of the general public, treat them like they are stupid incompetents and deaf). I take these relatives to their medical appointments and help them advocate for themselves, and the doctors are FAR more kind to them than other doctors ever were to me when I was on all those bipolar drugs and in the ER from time to time for mental problems that often were caused by said drugs. When I receive care for physical problems, e.g. deviated septum, torn meniscus in the knee, the medical people are always really sweet too. But go in to the ER with a suicidal depression, and some staff will hate on the patient. How dare they be suicidal! That must violate their religion or something, or else they want “real” medical problems at the ER, etc. But there is nowhere else for the bp person to go. So that is the problem with mental illnesses specifically. Other illnesses, then the person gets the pity party they don’t want, with mental illness, some folks actually hate on you. And come on, about 2/3 of people with serious medical problems DO go on and on and on about it. 1/3 do not talk about it unless it’s relevant to something, no matter how sick they are.
I don’t know who you hang around w/ or where you go, but if Anyone makes a nasty comment about ANY illness in my presence, I stick up for All of the illness’ that there are- Not just bipolar.
WHO- or what kind of people- makes disparraging remarks about sick people?
Crazier people than WE are that’s who.
If there’s a shooting or a crime, yes, we get the shaft- Big time, always will. But in my circle NO one dare say a word about the mentally ill b/c they know my family is rife with it.
AND even if my family Never had it, I’d be the same kind of person I am. Kind, and decent.
The “there by the grace of God go I” person.
Go to the hospital for “serious mental health issues” -You definately NEED an advocate or loved one who sees you are treated w/ respect .
Any indigent that happens on a hospital w/ frostbite, or a broken leg, isn’t treated the same way as Zsa-Zsa Gabor. It’s ALWAYS been that way! The wealthy or famous, rule-and always will.
There’s a HATE the med staff throws on you if your behind smells, or you’ve shat your pants too. Too bad–it’s their job!
If a mentally ill person happens on a hospital, we do have laws here.
We, for the most part are treated w/ respect -or the medical personnel are written up. And this happens. That goes for ANY illness.
I, myself, have been treated like shit in E.R’s–for various other reasons. (I’ve seen/heard various medical staff), whispering or commenting on my mental condition that’s on my chart– once while I was so ill, vomiting profusely from vertigo. Those doctors were promptly sent out of the room.
Because I opened my MOUTH and let the whole fucking place know it. (Or my husband/loved one does). They serve as a witness to my (or our) treatment in the hospital, and is why they ARE A MUST.
I’m not paranoid abot how I’m treated, but I am aware. If they step out of line, I’m on it.
Many hospitals have psyche wards that can ”hold you” for a certain legal length of time if you are in danger of hurting yourself . In this situation, many doctors/nurses are punched, spit on, kicked etc. thus recieving less attention than let’s say, a sick child. That’s the way it is.
YOU care for sick people but MOST people DON’T. They have other jobs.
MY point was that Why would I care if ‘Mr. Smith’ down the block, knows about bipolar, or gives a crap. No more than St Vitus dance. I don’t expect him too. We can’t force the average person to be informed of mental illness. If and when possible, we can only explain to others that it’s an illness, no less than cancer. There’s the shocker, b/c no one nows that bipolar kills too.
There isn’t any one kind of person who makes these hateful comments, and you’re right, these damned shootings do make it MUCH worse. It’s people that chat with me here and there who make the comments, and stuff written online (not by trolls). Those who know me do not say anything like that, because most of them know I have mental illness. I agree not everyone can know everything about every illness, but nevertheless, I really get sick of the hate comments against those with mental illness. Most of the hateful behaviors are due to drug and alcohol use, it seems clear after they rant about their relatives. So I say that, without disclosing my bipolar problems, because it’s none of their business.
I know there are people with mental problems who spit on, hit, swear etc at medical people, but I don’t do that and deserve to be treated like an individual. When my spouse got a knee replacement, he was treated like royalty, for example (it is really excessive how they have medical personnel fawn over patients!) and other more serious medical problems I’ve been helping folks with, all treated like royalty. I don’t agree with you – when someone messes their behind, they are still treated well. When I get help for a medical problem, I’m also treated very well. But in mental health, I get treated like crap, much of the time. I never have an advocate for me at the hospital because everybody around me has such problems, none of them are able to drive. I do file complaints. I take careful notes, but geez, I am supposed to be there to be helped, not as an undercover investigator! I just stay the hell away from the mental hospital now, risk to self or not. I handle it better now that I’m not sedated on antipsychotics anymore so perhaps they would not dare pull crap on me anymore. Those who did in the past, I documented, I wrote letters. Changes were made, and other patients benefited. I got feedback about it from social workers who know me. But it cost me a lot of mental anguish and effort to do this and was of no benefit to me.
I’m still not quite sure if you were responding to my comment in the first place, or just commenting on the thread in general. I certainly do keep my personal problems to my immediate family and other very close people. I think people over share in today’s world. I only do it online anonymously intending it as a help to others/problem solving and that sort of thing.
One of the first thoughts I have, waking up is ” Oh shit, I have bipolar, I HATE it. And it’s another day of struggling.” How am I going to feel today? And for how long”? My mood can change hour to hour–and does. I’m sick and tired of tring to find the ‘right’ meds b/c I’m so med resistant. The side effects are too awful to even try another pill. I’ve felt psycho, flu-like, nauseated, dizzy,all mixed up, scared he drug won’t get the F out of me
I’d rather just not. You try anoher crazy pill–, not me.
I’ve noticed if I’m on line, I’m not ruminating about my problems b/c I’m not so sharply aware that I’m not ‘me’ anymore. It’s soothing. I’m concentrating on something else, and that helps.
Off line everything is an abject, irritating chore Putting in the laundry is so anxiety producing sometimes I wait till I’m out of undies. Cooking? No thanks, where are we going?. SOMETIMES…it’s ok. so much of everyday functioning, is a stick in my eye..
Like awaiting surgery-if you ever have.
After all these years, (11 years) I’ve always thought that mania was soley a feeling of euphoria, only to find out it can be an inncessant feeling of irritability.!! I was genuinely shocked bc that’s how I feel every single day.
The defintion concentrates on ‘excess productivity’–ha!
There’s another side of mania. Surprise! Finally, an answer to my edginess and irritability.
Tranquillizers are my subterfuge..
If I’m out w/ friends, I calm down. I can feel better. Good even.
But I have to watch every single word I say. The wrong thing can and does FLY out of my mouth.
Its usually something funny–but really inappropriate.
Mothers day, we all went out to a nice banquet hall (11) of us. One guy got mad at his wife, for no reason at all.
A crappy mood maybe. When he left the table to pee, I blurted out, “What’s wrong w/ Jerry, I feel like bitch slapping him”! The whole table laughed out loud. Except his sweet kind wife. I was so embarrassed.
I’m speeding manic right now, recalling it–and I’m so off subject, I’m getting off line. See you later.
xoxoxxoo
I just saw this the other day and it sums things up – as does your blog today………
When you feel down, go be a blessing to somebody else.
Thank you, well written and also just what I needed to hear in this moment.
Your article is excellent because it truly proves the point to “Never Give Up”. Your “Tips on How to Keep Going When Bipolar Treatment Disorder Work” are factual and can be summarized for the Bipolar to always maintain a “Positive Attitude” that this Disorder will eventually get better… The Power of Positivity really works ! (See my website).
I’d like to believe you’re right but I’m one of the people who’s suffered from intractable depression for 40 years, with the last 20 years being intractable bipolar depression. The last 12 or so years I’ve been practically paralyzed – only existing, not living. I’ve tried every med in tons of different combinations without any luck. And complicating things is the chronic pain I live with.The worst part is that I’ve been down in the depths for so long, I can no longer figure out how to climb out . Everything tends to fall into the “why bother?” or “what difference does it make?”. My illness has cost me part of my family & all of my friends. I was my parents caregiver for 15 yrs, which helped give me some purpose, but now they’re both gone. Losing that purpose obviously made things worse. I don’t know when I last felt true enjoyment or was interested in anything. I don’t even remember what I used t be interested in. I’ve been lucky enough to have some good doctors who were indeed helpful. They kept me going, which is saying a lot. Of course, just keeping going isn’t really living. I don’t know when I last had a somewhat “up” period of time, I usually just have a slightly – & I do mean slightly – less depressed moment. I always hope that the moment will last longer, but so far no luck with that. And to make matters worse, I’ve become agoraphobic over the last two years. I’m honestly not sure why I’m still here; I think I’ve managed to hold on to a tiny flicker of hope & I keep telling myself that, as you mentioned, miracles do happen. I pray for strength & read positive articles, books, etc.. So far nothing has “helped” lighten my depression, but as one of my docs used to say, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, which is really all I’ve been doing.. I have a strong interest – although I use that word lightly – in politics & mental health issues, which is frustrating because I can’t actually “feel” the interest, as I sort of mentioned before. So on I go, sometimes questioning why I do, hoping for my miracle. It’s always encouraging to read a success story like yours & I like reading your pieces. I believe that life is a journey that I’m on for a reason. (Of course it would sure help if the journey was a little easier, at least some of the time)! I also think that experiencing depression has made me a better person & a more compassionate person. However, I wouldn’t mind if the “experience” hasn’t lasted so long. I mean, come on!! (Yes, I can sometimes still have a sense of humor, thank God.) Let’s heare it for miracles!
This was just what I needed to read today. I’ve struggled with my bipolar since I was 11, misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis, med after med. Inpatient treatments, outpatient groups, the list goes on and on. And sometimes I feel like just stopping trying to get better, feeling like after 22 years what are the odds. But you saying ”
If I could get a miracle, then you can too. There’s nothing so special about me.” is uplifting and inspiring. So thank you! You’re right, without treatment you have no chance of getting better.