Today, Bipolar Burble welcomes guest author Kate Haldeman. Kate is a licensed professional counselor, mental health advocate, and is a person with mental health issues. See more about Kate at the end.
Learning how to respond to mental health jokes is something I’ve had to do and it’s something I know we almost all have had to do. These types of jokes can happen at home, work or out and about and can definitely hurt a person’s feelings. Allow me to share what I’ve learned about these situations, microaggressions and handling mental health jokes.
“If I have to sit through that class again, I’ll need a Prozac,” my friend said as he laughed.
We had just finished a particularly heavy World Literature class. My chest seized involuntarily in embarrassment and my face reddened. Unbeknownst to my friend, I had just begun taking Prozac. After months of struggling with mental health issues, I decided to try medication.
Even though my friend hadn’t been intentionally insensitive, the comment still stung. At the time, I struggled to know how to respond to my friend’s mental health joke. So, like many, I did nothing.
Is It Ever Okay to Joke About Mental Health?
Don’t get me wrong; I’m a fan of mental health jokes and memes in the correct context. Mental health has been a taboo subject to discuss for a long time. Empathetic memes encourage the conversation about a traditionally-stigmatized topic: mental health. They can help others understand mental health on a deeper level. They can help people struggling with mental health to know that they aren’t alone.
Insensitive Jokes About Mental Health Are Microaggressions
However, some jokes about mental health come at the expense of those struggling. These jokes are not just harmful but are microaggressions.
Psychologist, Derald W. Sue, defines microaggressions as,
“The everyday slights, indignities, put-downs, and insults that people of color, women, LGBT populations or those who are marginalized experiences in their day-to-day interactions with people.”[1]
Individuals with mental health issues are frequently stigmatized. People have pervasive and far-reaching negative beliefs about mental illness. For example, many incorrectly blame individuals for their mental health issues. So, what is the best way to respond to an insensitive mental health joke? Whether you struggle with mental health or are an ally, there are several concrete steps you can take.
How to Respond to a Mental Health Joke
- Realize You Are Not Crazy
Often, when microaggressions occur, we convince ourselves we are “overreacting.” “It wasn’t that bad,” we say. We persuade ourselves that they “didn’t really mean it.” But these comments perpetuate harmful beliefs about mental health in our culture.
The negative effects of microaggressions on psychological health are well documented.[2,3,4] Kevin Nadal has described microaggressions as “Death by a thousand cuts.”[5]
When microaggressions occur, do not allow others to gaslight you. You are valid in feeling what you are feeling.
- Choose Your Battles Wisely
In A Guide to Responding to Microaggressions, Kevin Nedal describes the following questions to ask when pondering how to respond to a microaggression:[6]
- If I respond, could my physical safety be in danger?
- If I respond, will the person become defensive, and will this lead to an argument?
- If I respond, how will this affect my relationship with this person (e.g., coworker, family member, etc.)
- If I don’t respond, will I regret not saying something?
- If I don’t respond, does that convey that I accept the behavior or statement?
It isn’t necessary to fight every battle. It’s best to think twice if your safety and/or emotional health are threatened. However, silence often communicates agreement. Use wisdom in determining which responses need a reply.
- Confront a Mental Health Joke When Necessary
If you decide you would like to reply to a mental health joke, respond in a calm and assertive manner. This lessens the likelihood of defensiveness. Some examples are asking, “What did you mean by that?” or saying, “I felt hurt when you said . . ..”
It’s important to remember that it is not the job of the victim (of the microaggression) to educate the perpetrator.
- Practice Self Care
Responding to inappropriate mental health jokes is exhausting. After microaggressions, it is important to take care of yourself.
Some great ideas for this are:
- Seek out social support from those who understand.
- Do something you love.
- Do something relaxing (such as get a message, take a bath, take a walk, etc.)
- Focus on sleep, a healthy diet and exercise.
(For more ideas on self-care, check out this article by Natasha.)
How to Handle Mental Health Jokes in a Nutshell
You are not crazy. It isn’t okay to make insensitive jokes about mental health. Responding to mental health jokes by friends in a calm and assertive manner is a pathway for change. Let’s all work together to make a kinder world for those struggling with mental health issues.
What other suggestions do you have for responding to mental health jokes by friends? Please add it in the comments below.
About Author Kate Haldeman
Kate Haldeman LPC, Ed.S., NCC is a licensed professional counselor, mental health advocate, and writer. She has a Bachelor of Psychology degree from Indiana Wesleyan University and a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Clemson University. She has worked in a variety of mental health settings including inpatient mental health, non-profit organizations, and university mental health services. She specializes in treating anxiety, depression, and sexual trauma. In January of 2020, she moved from the U.S. to Zambia and started the blog Mental Health Memoirs. This blog centers on expatriate mental health and gives genuine accounts of people’s mental health experiences.
References
- Desmond-Harris, J., “What Exactly Is a Microaggression?” Vox, February 2015.
- Sue, D. et al, “Racial Microaggressions in Everyday Life: Implications for Clinical Practice.” American Psychologist, 2007.
- Sue, D, “Microaggressions and Marginality: Manifestation, Dynamics, and Impact.” Wiley, July 2010.
- Barber, S. et al, “Microaggressions Towards People Affected by Mental Health Problems: A Scoping Review.” Epidemiology and Psychiatric Sciences, November 2019.
- Nadal, K. et al, “Sexual Orientation Microaggressions: “Death by a Thousand Cuts” for Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Youth.” Journal of LGBT Youth, July 2011.
- Nadal, K., “A Guide to Responding to Microaggressions.” Cuny Forum, 2014.
This blog article started out giving good information. The title, “How to Respond to Mental Health Jokes,” is misleading. I expected that ways to respond to mental illness (health) jokes would be included. There are no suggestions on how to respond. Just reading this article and finding no answers, gave me anxiety. Why would someone publish an article with such a misleading title? This reminds me of the YouTube videos with titles that have nothing to do with the information given in the video. This gives me no incentive to read further articles.
Hi Iris,
Thank you for your comment. I actually don’t agree, though. I think there are lots of tips they just happen to primarily be internal. I suppose it could have said, “How to Respond to Mental Health Jokes Within Yourself” but that’s a touch unwieldy. (I will also mention that a guest wrote this post and not me.)
Rest assured, my titles are, indeed, indicative of the subject matter.
— Natasha Tracy
I love comedy specials on Netflix. I find them especially helpful when in the depression phase. Jokes are great but I love how it gives you a window into the comics mind and their creative process. However if they go into jokes about mental illness that are damaging and contribute to stigma that is when I say “HACK” and tune out. Those jokes are such low hanging fruit. In the beginning of my bipolar diagnosis I would be offended by them. I had worked so hard and done all the right things with hopes of becoming a dr only to have the reality of mental illness destroy all that. And now I saw with those stigmatizing jokes how it really was. It doesn’t matter what you did in the past or maybe in the future. You are a mental patient said in a derogatory tone by many people. Opinions you share, interactions you have with others will be dismissed or invalidated with the thought or words, “well she’s bipolar”.
The bad jokes put us in our place, At the bottom of society. People that need to feel superior or fear mental illness the most use our condition as their punchline. And that permeates through society becoming the norm.
Thanks to this blog and more and more people talking about it, stigma may be lessening. but it will take a long time before it fully permeates society. Just think of how long it took for LGBTQ. And the most awful Racism.
Mental illness is unfortunately apart of the American caste system. That’s why I stay closeted to the majority of people I have to interact with but it’s also why I have so much empathy and compassion for marganlized people.
The micro aggressions I hear I choose to ignore for now unless they are one of the 5 or so people in my inner circle. It works but is irritating all the same and I’m so glad you wrote about it.
A great comedy special to watch is Neal Brennons on Netflix. A great book to read by Isabel Wilkerson is Caste. That helped too in my deep depressions inspiring me to just get through one more day.