It’s important that people recognize that a person is never too young to be suicidal. Children can be suicidal at four years old. Really. I know how scary that is to me and I assume it’s even scarier to the parents out there, but it’s still true: you’re never too young to be suicidal and attempt or even die by suicide. Let’s take a look at what that means for parents, families and the rest of us.

Children Who Are ‘Too Young’ to Be Suicidal

Here’s the terrifying statistic that shows that you’re never too young to be suicidal: Suicide is the third-leading cause of death for children ages 5 to 14 in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). There were 605 deaths by suicide by those under the age of 15 reported in 2018 (the latest year for which we have data). That’s most than 50 children per month in the United States dying of suicide. And that number was an increase of 15% over 2017.

People think childhood suicide can’t happen. People think it can’t happen to their child. They’re wrong. Childhood suicides happen. Childhood suicidality happens.

Suicidal Children — It’s the Parent’s Fault

I say to people, parents generally get the kids they deserve and I believe this is true overall. However, that does not mean that it’s always true. I have no doubt that many suicidal children come from very problematic homes and backgrounds with horrible parents, but this doesn’t mean they all do.

If you have ever read my post, “Are People Born with Bipolar Disorder,” you’ll see that some people appear to either be born with bipolar disorder or exhibit it very young mostly due to genetic loading. In other words, they have such a genetic risk when they are born, bipolar is their destiny — and sometimes that destiny attacks very young.

As we know, suicidality is a symptom of bipolar disorder. So if we understand that children can have bipolar disorder and people with bipolar disorder are commonly suicidal, then it’s impossible to ignore the fact that some children are going to be suicidal.

And that’s only the children with bipolar disorder. Other mental illnesses like depression and others can also happen very young and they, too, can lead to childhood suicidality.

Now I must stress that in many of those situations, the parents did nothing wrong. Some of these kids come from idyllic homes with competent, loving parents and the kids are sick because of factors outside the control of those parents. It happens. We know it does.

I understand that for average parents with average children, a suicidal four-year-old seems impossible, and I wish it were, but it just isn’t.

The Horror of Children and Suicide

I believe that even one life lost to suicide is too many. I talk to people and tell them this every day. I tell them that life can get better. I tell them that the pain won’t always feel so terrible. I tell them to get help.

But what do you say when a four-year-old says this to his mom,

“Mom, I’m gonna kill myself. I can’t take it anymore. I just want to die. I want to go to the woods and kill myself. Can you just leave me on the road somewhere?”

I can’t imagine the horror that mother felt upon hearing that from her child.

And as reported in an article on CNN,

“People blame parents for their child’s behavior. ‘If you take a switch to them, they’ll be better and do better things,'” explains principal Jan Secunda. “That kind of mentality still exists that it’s the parent’s fault or the child has a character flaw, not that it’s a neurobiological disorder or illness.”What’s worse, says Secunda, is that there’s even less sympathy for patients the younger they are. “I think there’s a lot more acceptance of adult mental illness than there is of childhood mental illness. They think it’s a bad kid, not an ill kid.”

And I don’t mean to increase the horror, but where goes suicide also goes homicide. While, of course, very, very few children ever try to kill anyone else, those with serious mental illness are at risk of those feelings too.

You’re Never Too Young to Have Your Suicidality Taken Seriously

The point of this piece, though, isn’t fear or horror: it’s education and empathy.

First off, we all need to be educated about the fact that a child of any age can truly be suicidal. A child isn’t necessarily playing or making it up or trying to scare you. A child can truly be as suicidal as an adult and should get the help they need from the adults in their life as soon as possible.

It’s also important to note that trite messages don’t constitute help. Children’s lives are lost every year because parents invalidate the feelings of children. Children’s lives are lost because of the attitude that they’re “too young” to do it or they’ll “grow out of those feelings.” It’s critical that a professional always be involved when anyone expresses suicidal intent — and that goes doubly for children. As an adult, you are not equipped to deal with a suicidal child. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that — outside of professionals, none of us are.

And the rest of us need to make a heavy investment in empathy. It is not helpful to blame these parents or treat these children like “bad kids.” What is helpful is being there to get help for the child and the family as a whole. It’s extremely challenging to find a professional that works with suicidal children and during that process, families need all the support they can get.

So in short, a person is never too young to be suicidal. A person is also never too young or too old to be empathetic to that child and their family. We all need to do better to see that not one more life of a child is lost.