Authored: Jan. 23, 2011
Updated: April 23, 2025
People with a mental illness feel alone.
Depression makes you feel alone. Depression makes you feel like you’re the only person in the world who feels the pain and sadness that you do. Depression brings about negative spirals of thinking that convince you that there is only darkness, nothingness, and that you are utterly alone in the world. This loneliness is a symptom of depression.
Mental Illness and the Lie of Loneliness
Bipolar makes you feel alone, too. Bipolar makes you think you are alone because it feels like no one else experiences the highs of mania and the lows of depression. Then there’s loneliness with schizophrenia, thanks to the rest of the world unfairly thinking you are violent and dangerous. And there’s dissociative identity disorder convincing you that you are alone and that no one on the planet is as “crazy” as you.
In short, mental illness makes you feel alone and like there is no one else like you in the world.
‘High-Functioning’ Mental Illness and the Loneliness of Pretending
I have written about what it’s like to be considered to have “high-functioning” bipolar. I’ve written about how this convinces people I’m not really sick. I’ve written about how lonely and exhausting it is to fake normalcy at work, to fake normalcy socially, to fake normalcy out in the world. This behavior allows me to fake a life, and work, and communicate, and live in spite of the fact that I am shattered the moment I walk through my apartment door. “High-function” should be renamed to “high-acting.” (The Academy can simply mail the Oscar to my house.)
The Power of Shared Experience in Mental Illness
And when I say things like this, many people leave comments about feeling alone that are just like this blog comment:
“thank you thank you thank you. You put into words what I have been trying to think out loud for decades.”
And then there is this blog comment:
“. . . It’s comforting to hear that I’m not alone in this. I’ve been feeling like a freak for years. Thank you.”
The comments above are actually ones I get from people all the time. I take great pride in that my writing is able to affect people in this way. If all my writing ever does is help people realize that they are not alone, that they are like so many others, that there are thousands of us out there, that they are not “freaks,” then my writing is worth it.
Human Beings Feel Like Freaks; Human Beings Feel Alone
Every teenager in the world, right now, feels like a freak. Every one of them feels alone. Every one of them feels like they are unique and no one understands their pain. This is just a universal teenage experience. There is something about the human condition that convinces us we are alone, at least when we’re teenagers. If we harkon back to our teenage years, we can start to understand how people with mental illness feel.
This is helpful because I have found that even those who talk about mental illness have a hard time truly expressing what it is to have their mental illness. It isn’t their fault. Their brain is sick. And they need their brain to express themselves. It’s a catch-22.
When we grow up, we come to learn that there are many people like us. Hordes of them. We learn we are not alone. There are people who were just like our teenage self everywhere. Unfortunately, people with a mental illness often do not have this experience. People with a mental illness often do not know another person with a mental illness, as no one wants to talk about having a mental illness. No one wants to talk about being alone with depression or bipolar.
You Are Not Alone: Proof That Others Feel This Too
It doesn’t matter if you’re experiencing depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, or anything else — I can guarantee to you with all the certainty that tomorrow the sun will rise, that you are not alone. All the scary feelings of mental illness are the same feelings that someone else with a mental illness has, too.
- People think they are alone because they self-harm — many people self-harm. I have the scars to prove it.
- People think they are alone because they are suicidal — many people feel suicidal at one time and get through it. I have the scars to prove that, too.
- People think they are alone because of psychotic, delusional, or irrational thoughts — pretty much everyone with a mental illness has these thoughts to some degree (although they don’t all raise to the level of psychosis).
Whatever you’re scared of, whatever your secret, whatever keeps you up at night, whatever is harming your life, you are not alone.
Final Thoughts: Don’t Believe the Lie of Isolation
The one thing to remember is this: as much as you are hiding from the mental illness monster in the dark, so is everyone else. People don’t want to talk about their pain and suffering. The mentally ill often can’t even find the words to talk about their illness. But just because you haven’t heard their story doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. That idea that you’re alone? That is a lie. That is a lie your mental illness is feeding to you. Don’t believe this lie.
hi there,
The “high functioning” thing – yes, we should all get Oscars and Globes and all the other awards. I still feel guilty when I am completely DONE by Friday night – I can barely make a cup of tea, never mind take care of the house and the yard and the dogs and the horse (thank goodness for the dogs and horse, though). People wonder why I don’t want to visit or go out. I really can’t explain, because my Bipolar is still a big secret due to my job. I force myself to do something good for myself, because I have to do something for the critters, but the rest? NOPE. Netflix and sleep and eating too much. That is what I mostly do on the weekend.
My name is nick, and I having living with rapid cycling bipolar type 1 for a while now.. I am divorced but i have found a new woman in my life that i never want to be without, she knows about my disorder, and thankfully, she completes me and unfortunately she is having problems coping with my bipolar disorder.. after we met everything was good for a while, we got engaged, and then of course an episode of depression came on strong, real strong… i didnt want to meet any of her friends, family, or anyone new, and she is frustrated and told me we need to take a break..my episode has receded for the most part, but the pain i feel from her wanting a break is crushing my heart..i cry and cry and sit at home missing my fiance and her children.. she wants space and for me to “better myself” but she doesnt understand that it was just a bipolar episode..i feel as if i hurt our relationship to a terminal level…i am giving her space but it is killing me my heart hurts….i just need someone to talk to :(
thank you…..Nick
I am 22, when I was 13, my father was diagnosed with bi-polar, it ripped the family apart. My mother was so consumed with my father’s illness, that I was left to raise myself, I became her soundboard, it was too much pressure and responsibility. She blamed me for his illness, and I thought it was all my fault. He then started drinking on top of the lithium and other medication he was taking, it was very traumatic to see him change into someone I didn’t know, he had violent rages, and my sleep, education, whole life suffered, I went on anti-depressants a few years ago after they seperated, I always suffered badly from anxiety living in chaos, why when it ended I became depressed? I do not know. I was also diagnosed with social anxiety. I am still trying to get my life back on track. I did not have any goals, or get to know myself since that age, as I was trying to deal with what was going on at home, and put on a face and pretend everything was okay to anyone I saw, because the real me just wanted to cry and never stop. I have cut down on the anti-depressant now, but I have a lot of anger in me, why did this have to happen to me? why didn’t I deal with it better? why did I have to lose out on so much of my life, because of other people? my own family caused me unbearable pain, hopefully I will become the person I want in life, and not let this effect me always, and consume my life. I think it would have helped greatly if there was no stigma attached to mental illness and you could talk freely about what is going on, if I could have said my father suffers from bi-polar, I don’t feel I can though. I think hiding it is what makes everything worse.
My wife and daughters (both married) don’t/can’t understand what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I just get better? Why aren’t the drugs working, why do you cry so much? They just don’t get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yet they won’t take the time to Google it and try to understand it. I am so sick and tired of this existence. I can’t work, watch tv, do anything. What IS the point????? My Dr doesn’t understand why it’s not getting better. He now wan’t to do some Genome test to see which meds I should and should not take…..this after 10k of TMS treatments.
I don’t want to be alone but when my wife comes home I don’t want to be around here either. I don’t want ANYTHING!!!!! i DON’T WANT EXISTENCE. I don’t know what this string is for but I found it and decided while crying to try and write something done.
pray. it helps me so much i pray almost constantly throughout the day, and force a smile, and say “God, take these feelings away, and take my life into your hands, I TRUST YOU”
just my 2 cents…
Hey Brian,
I know it’s been a while since you posted but I am going through this right now. And it irritates me that my boyfriend who says he’s there for me and will stick by my side through my problems, has not even attempted to educate himself about whats going on with me. He will google everything else in the world except anything about the Bi Polar disorder. I’m always scared and alone and and he still never understands it when I try to tell him these things. When I am having my flare ups, he doesn’t get it…in his mind and all his friends minds (because he made the mistake of telling everyone all of our problems) I’m crazy and I’m wrong and my way of thinking is f*^$#% up. And now that everyone knows including some of his family members i cant even show my face around them. I feel like a freak now and don’t even want to be around the people I once enjoyed being around because they all know i have issues. And in their mind that’s all it is I have issues and I’m crazy. I don’t know what else to do, feeling alone already sucks..sometimes I think there is no point for me to be with or around anyone because no matter what I try to explain about the Bi Polar disorder I’m still crazy to everyone else. Anyway just wanted to let you know I also go through this on a daily basis. I wish so bad I can make it all go away and I wish so bad my brain could just be re wired to normal. I hope things have gotten better for you since then.
Hi I am 41 and 3 years ago I was diagnosed with bipolar with psychotic features. It is the most scariest and painful feeling in the world to me..I’m really scared of the psychotic episodes for they are the craziest and scariest thing. I like go into this supernatural/ devilish and godly experience all in one..I used to have just the depression part of Bipolar now I really feel alone.. Has anyone else experience anything like this?
thank u again Natasha for expressing ur words to our feelings keep the fight people keep the fight
Hi.thanks for this post is all I can say . you’ve said the rest.
Natasha, you always seem to put into words the things I cannot articulate. I, too, am a “high-acting function” Bipolar I person w/ Anxiety and DID. On top of that, I have an inoperable (benign, thank you Creator) brain tumor – bipolar long before brain tumor. You talk about some head problems! Like you, I am a writer at heart and would love be able to put in words (w/ back-up links) to educate and inform. At this time, all I can do is share your posts with others frequently as I simply do not have the words and do not want to come off as a victim of my circumstances.
It’s a daily struggle for me to “show up” and participate in life. Alone? Yes, I feel very alone in my mental illness. It feels very often as if the more you try to educate and inform, the less people are willing to listen other than to pay lip-service to “oh we need to learn about the mentally ill and what it is they go through.” They talk understanding but they do not understand and in many cases, never seem to make the connection between education and application. The other day someone used my MI to demonstrate that a concern I had – a legitimate concern – was “nothing more” than my MI getting the best of me and NOT a real concern for things that needed doing months ago for an organization I volunteer with…and for which I’m serving as president this year. This was followed a day later by a very uncaring new doctor who – while I was dealing with anxiety – simply told me that I could either sit down, shut up and listen to him (we were having problems “communicating” according to him) or I could find another doctor. While I believe firmly that the mentally ill live in their heads 24/7, I think that there is a shame component, too, that shouldn’t be ignored. We feel alone because, in part, talking about our illness does not advance understanding, patience or tolerance in most cases. Why bother to explain if you know the outcome is going to be the same ole, same ole. Now I’ve just given them ammunition to use against me for their per-conceived notions of why I behave as I do. I’d rather feel alone then give others some strange ability or permission to use my mental illness against me.
Please know I do stand up. I do speak out as I’m able. I have begun the process of not hiding who I truly am with those I truly trust…and for that matter, anyone on social media! I’m not hiding anymore. Accept me as I am or I will simply move on to someone who does. Find the ones who care enough to ask about what’s going on inside your brain – they are the ones who will help you feel not so lonely.
I was just told by a friend that everyone have issues and with a big smile. I can’t believe it. I thought she was supportive and in the end it feels not. And she’s aware of mental illnesses… I know there are others who feel alone with their mental illness, but I don’t know if we, as people with MIs, do really stand together. It’s difficult to find support and connect with others who feel as alone as you are.
Brilliant post, thank you so much! – I lived years with un- diagnosed OCD, (pureO) – I began having terrifying intrusive thoughts as a child, and they never stopped, but my OCD wasn’t actually formerly diagnosed until around 7 years ago, I’m 48 now. I was told I had depression, then clinical depression, then post natal depression, no one ever mentioned OCD to me, and as, like many still today, I had only ever heard of the more typical type of OCD, it never occurred to me that I might have it – I thought I was mad, and I was too afraid to talk about the more extreme thoughts, even today (though I do now blog about them) there are certain intrusive thoughts that I’m still unable to reveal face to face. Iv’e spent half my life, surrounded yet isolated. The loneliness/isolation, IMO, is one of the most devastating consequences of mental illness….Thank you again for such a fab reach out/awareness post – I’ve reblogged on my site.
Take care, Kimmie x
In may of 2013 my boyfriend drowned in a terible accident that i wad present foe. The boat we were sailing down a creek on ran into a tree in the water and it capsized completly. Josh was not recovered that night and after getting put of the water, the remaining people, myself and three others, had to walk hours in the darkness to seek help for josh. After getting to a house, we waitted there until my mom came and ahe called his parents. His body wasnt recovered until five long paunful days later.
While all of this was goong on, i was just getting ready to end my senior year of highschoo. I dodnt go to the last day, senior trip, or the awards show at the end of the year. Everything was tore from me in fleeting minutes. I didnt get that experience. I got to watch my friendships rip apart, torn by the grief of loss. I watched his mother scream and waste away while we waited for a body. I was there when the men told us he was dead, no way could ye live throught that, theu said. I watched his father cry and break and i watched as the people i came to love not rejected my very existence. My grief was and still is a burden to them. No obe even thinka aboit it anymore in this small town, but i
The first year is over and it makes me sick. I wrote out suicide notes and made lists of who i want taking my possesions after im gone. I wrote those about a month after the accident. Now im not as violently suicidal as i was back then but i still think aout it everymorning and everynight for aure and sometimes in between. It never really leaves mu mind and ot acares me. I always say i wont but what if i do? I just think of my mom and my best friend and i cant do it, i dont mean to be bold but my mom would die if i did. And my best friend wouldnt have me as a companipn anymore and we juat fit so well together.
Now im juat horribly depressed and i cant atop. Ill have high times that are very good when im at work or with my friend but after that im alone and i am moat of tge time. I hate how my life has become and im so angry. I need help but i dont have time and my friends wars are getting tired of my same old sob story everytime it comes up.
I just miss him and i try to think he wouldnt want me to be tgis way, so angry and sad. But its hard. So hard, i cant deal with it and it seems like ahit just keeos happening. Im worried about my life and im trying not to spin out of control bit that is a momentous effort.
I dont know whu i ppsted this on here, i just needed to say it to someone or somethong that i not sick of me.
My 17 (she’ll be 18 next month) year old daughter is bipolar. In November 2013, she ran away from a treatment home and has not been home since. She has been in touch with me, however, with texts stating i’m a horrible mother and I never tried to help her and all I want to do is watch her fail. She lost her father @ 4 when he OD’d on Heroin and I am her only parent. I know her rants about be are because of her Bipolar but It is very difficult to hear (or read, in this case). Since November she has gotten caught at the local liquor store trying to steal alcohol, she has gotten a ticket for Marijuana possession and has gotten a ticket for Retail theft for which she got 20 hours of Community Service. We have sent her to rehab 3 times, she has been in 3 different Psych facilities. I have tried everything i could to help her see her illness including a lockout where DCFS was involved to scare her into realizing there is a problem. Recently the people she has been staying with told her she has 3 weeks go get out. She tried to demand we let her back into our home and we told her she could not but we would be happy to help her find a shelter. She refused the help and told me that I don’t know what an emotional toll this has taken on her. She has been violent in the past and her disease has caused a lot of emotional toll on all of us. Because of her disease, she doesn’t see all the hurt she has caused and will never understand the emotional toll that it has taken on all of us. Her father was bipolar and i dealt with his problems until he died. I love her but don’t know how I can show her how much without risking our lives here. I feel she needs to hit rock bottom before she will realize what it really has done to the whole family. My sisters & brothers no longer talk to me because she has told them that I kicked her out but she ran away. We had it all set up for her to move into her aunts house when she transitioned out of the treatment home but she ran away before that could happen. She was to go to her Aunts house because we all felt that coming back home was not safe as all of her enablers were here. Unfortunately, she ran back here. I’m at my witts end. I’m scare that the next time I see her will be in a body bag the way she is going. I have since been put on meds for anxiety and depression because of all of this.
I have been searching the internet for someone or something to make me feel better. Today, in this moment, after reviewing this article and comments (particularly David Cassles on January 13, 2012) I feel slightly better. I relate to David 100% and I am going to seek out even more groups because my loneliness in my illness has been peaking since 12/21/2012. I have been dealing with depression successfully most of my life and I am now 62 and unsuccessful. I am grateful for finding all of you.
hi Eddie,
you are not alone, there is a hope and help
i dont know which state you live in but you still can get in touch with NAMI pls look up on internet if there is in your town.
they’re having a group of people have same illness like you and also support group too
for people who has family has mental illness.
it help people a lot.
hope you will find somebody to talk too.
good luck
Thank you so much, ratna, you do not know how important your kind message has meant to me today. I did the local NAMI walk last year and probably will again this year. I have made it through another year, without family or friends but with peers such as Natasha, this blog, and other groups that I have been led to be a participant. It is not easy and the heart is a lonely hunter. Nonetheless, it is necessary to put one foot in front of the other. I am moved by you reaching out to me.
Hi,
I just wanted to say thankyou… i have now been able to shoe friends and family this page as it so describes things…
THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU
XX
Thank you! I know and have always known others suffer like I do. I have tried explaining to my doctor and husband that I fake life. They don’t get it. My doctor drugs me and my husband gets sad and angry. I can be the most normal person in the world outside my home and even in home when I have company.. but inside myself and when only immediate family is home I am one huge mess. Angry, sad, confused, scared, phobic, compulsive ect…. Lithium the latest of drugs 750mg a day along with zoloft and my premarin helo some.. but most days I would prefer a sleeping pill to sleep the bad days away.
In the short time that I have been reading your articles, I have seen practical wisdom and real help for just about everyone in some way dealing with mental illness. You have gone way beyond just letting ones know they aren’t alone. You have generously used your “higher-functioning” talents and energies to comfort, encourage, and support others. Thank you, for all your hard work.
Dame,
Thank-you so much, that is beyond kind of you. I do what I can. Thanks for your comment.
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha another wonderful, invaluable post! I’m a high functioning bipolar too but my problem with feeling alone stems from no one in my family being able to truly understand what it means to be bipolar. Because of this I’ve turned to self medicating (low doses) of opioids. It’s as if they see me and outwardly I seem well and good but they don’t get that some days I’d sooner smash all the windows with the broom than sweep the floor with it. I really feel pretty grounded on my cocktail of psychiatric meds but there’s that edge always hovering within reach that can send me either flying or crashing to earth.
That’s what they don’t get. That although I seem stable, it’s a fight I fight every single day and it IS an illness, just like diabetes or fibromyalgia, etc but you can’t see it because it’s in my brain. That’s why I feel alone.
Hi Twiddle,
You’re not alone in that. It’s common for people to not understand what it is to be bipolar. I’ve written for years about it and even those who read me have trouble “getting it” if they aren’t ill themselves.
But please, please don’t self-medicate. You’re better than that. You’re worth more than that. you can’t let other people’s ignorance drive you to harm yourself. You’re just so much more important than that.
You need to make you peace with this ignorance and try to help them understand as much as possible. Have you seen this book? http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2012/07/loving-someone-with-bipolar-disorder/
Give it to your loved ones.
Yes, you fight every day, just like so many of us. Don’t let other people make the fight harder.
You are not alone. We are here with you. Maybe join a support group. You will find people there who truly understand and can support you.
– Natasha Tracy
Ironically it is knowing you aren’t alone that can be depressive as well. It is not a moment or time you would want anyone else to feel or go through. So high functioning for some might lead to maybe delusional thinking in some ways. I think the alone feeling comes from the inside of us. We see others appearing to have a life and we feel cut off from our own. But like you pointed out behind the walls of our homes our real faces are allowed to be seen.
Hi Debra,
Well, I haven’t found that to be the case for people, but then, everyone is different. I find people respond to finding others like them to be a huge relief.
“We see others appearing to have a life and we feel cut off from our own. But like you pointed out behind the walls of our homes our real faces are allowed to be seen.”
Yes. Exactly.
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you for the article, I can relate to everyone seeing my smiling face the one everyone at work would go to, no one knows the pain once I enter my home and close the door. It is quite exhausting
Hi Amri,
Yup, exhausting is the word for it. I’m sorry you’re in that place but I hope it helps to hear you’re not alone.
– Natasha Tracy
I LOVE LOVE reading your blogs! After reading your blogs and comments posted, I can finally believe that I am not the only crazy person in this world, even though I know I still I’ll at times. ;) I think in a way, we are all a family. Reality is only WE can understand each others thoughts, feelings and hard times we walk through. Others can encourage and of course try to tell us how to deal with it, what we should feel, ect. I think that sometimes makes me feel alone because I don’t see or feel what they say I should. When I was first diagnosed I had a friend/co-worker tell me that she didn’t see me as bipolar, and thats not the only time I have heard that but she followed that by saying “well when you just get over whatever it is bothering you it will be better” I’m not aggressive but I did want to smack her. I mean wouldn’t we all just love to “get over it” Now just a little, and I mean little to her defense I to am a very good high acting functioning bipolar person. She has no clue that i have struggled with drug addiction, self injury, wanting to end my life, ect. Was good at hiding it my life until recently when I realized how bad my life was getting out of controll and I was self medicating myself for 6 years with prescription pain meds every day. That’s a tough act to keep up to!! Even my husband wasn’t sure he agreed with the bipolar until I filled out my paperwork for my appt with my psychiatrist. I am a mom of 3 great kids to so I felt like I needed to be a high acting functioning person. Still do a lot of times, when I can anyway.
Sorry for the long comment. My main point was, you are so right that just because we can smile, go to work, go to my kids games and cheer them on doesn’t mean I don’t come back home and cry myself to sleep. Last week we had so much going on one day I had to work and push extra hard to put on my happy face. My girls had softball games, my husband left for work trip that same day and the biggest was my daughters 11th birthday party sleepover with a trip to the bowling alley and a surprise attack with silly string that night. Thankfully I was able to pull it off but I did pay for it the next day. All that suppressing came out like 2 bad days in one.
Hi Wendy,
Thanks so much :)
I’m glad you realize you’re not alone and not the only “crazy” person. That’s a great lesson to learn even if you forget it now and then (we all do).
I do agree with you that we can understand each other’s thoughts best. It seems that no matter how much I communicate about how I feel (see years of blogging) it’s still really difficult for others. And I agree when others tell us what we “should” feel it can feel isolated when we know we can’t. But that’s not intentional on their part and it’s up to us to realize that they just don’t understand. We have to understand for them. (Oh and wanting to smack someone now and then, totally understandable. Maybe just don’t do it though ;)
Thanks for your comment and sharing.
– Natasha Tracy
I admire how you express your thoughts in such a raw, yet poignant way. Everything you say is original and unfiltered. Your words are so encoraging to those of us who feel so alone and misunderstood at times. I used to try and hold back my own truth until it just started spewing out, first on paper and eventually in my everyday conversations. It becomes addicting, being true to yourself. I worked as a case manager for severely mentally ill adults for years but in time I dreaded going to work. How could I take care of a 52 client caseload and my messy Bipolar mind without at some point walking in front of a train. Symtoms were on fire. I grew up in a family consumed by mental illness but it was never talked about until I began confronting it and never stopped. They wanted to tape my mouth shut but I knew I had a purpose. Now I am volunteering for the Glenn Close organization, BringChange2Mind. We help people by referring them to resources that can help their specific needs. I value the opportunity to work for this quality organization that gives people hope and strives to demolish the stigma attached to mental illness.
Hi Laurie,
Thank-you so much.
I agree, if you hold back your personal truth, sometimes it will explode! And saying it can be addictive. That’s a great point.
BringChange2Mind seems like a great organization. Good on you for getting involved. That’s amazing. You’re giving a gift to all of us.
– Natasha Tracy
I’m high functioning bipolar to the point people think I’m really well (is ironically the point I’m most ill) I don’t think of it as an act. I am still myself. I don’t have outbursts (anymore) or have stereotypical crazy public behaviour (I don’t know like jumping on desks singing) I think it’s very hard to convince people that elevated mood has negatives. This article really resonates with me. Thanks I never feel alone. I have wrote a “I’m coming out as bipolar” for a UK magazine and I hope that helps and challenges stigma. I always find referring genius people from current times and past famous people comparison helps. Most people get the genius/madness
Hi Mike,
Often our acting is the best when we’re most ill. Ironic, yes.
It’s hard for people to think of an “elevated” mood as something negative, but that’s just because they haven’t lived it and have been educated on the subject. Just think about how you would have reacted before learning about bipolar disorder. Elevated mood – great! But then you didn’t know about things like the irritation that makes you want to rip a person’s head off when you’re “elevated.” (That might not be you, just an example.) Then there’s the coming down. Another rather large problem that the average person doesn’t think about.
I’m glad to hear you never feel alone and that you’re reaching out. That’s good news for everyone. :)
– Natasha Tracy
From the beginning, I have been considered a high-functioning person with bipolar disorder. Because of this, I pushed myself just as hard as ever after my diagnosis, didn’t really consider ways to decrease stress, or think about finding a less stressful job, until I realized that my high-functioning status was getting in the way of reaching a satisfactory level of recovery and living a fuller life. Life is about so much more than ambition and achievement.
I felt very isolated for a long time because my psychiatrist told me that since I was high functioning, a support group would probably bring me down. He also said that I didn’t need therapy, only medication, since what I had was purely a chemical imbalance. I hate to say it, but he was lying to me. It is a well known fact that therapy in conjunction with medication is the best treatment for bipolar disorder. Now that I am in therapy and attending a support group, I am much happier. The support group really keeps me from feeling alone in my struggle with a mental illness.
Hi Andrea,
“Life is about so much more than ambition and achievement.”
I think that’s a really important statement and sometimes it take an illness to make us realize it. It’s great you’ve learned to slow down and give yourself a better chance at recovery and happiness.
I’m sorry your doctor gave you such bad advice initially. I recommend therapy for everyone regardless of functioning because we all have psychological issues and we all can get better, no matter where we start. It’s great that you’ve sought out your own support and that it’s working for you. Unfortunately doctors are just plain wrong sometimes.
And yes, support groups often give people a sense of community that they don’t get anywhere else. Thanks for reminding us of that.
– Natasha Tracy
I was diagnosed Bipolar 2 3&1/2 years ago. I am A surgical Physicians Assistant specializing in Heart surgery. I have 35+ years in that field.I did my Heart training 1972-1974 With Dr Michael Debakey I Houston Texas. For the last 23 years I have been the only first assistant for to Heart surgeons.I have never missed a call night or day in 23 years. One night after surgery I just cussed every one out and quit on the spot. I had no idea if quitting that morning at all. I tried a very good suicide attempt. 5 days in ICU on a ventilator. Went to the mental hospital came out with a bag of drugs that I just took for 2 years. I did no research on what I was taking. You would think I wold think I would after all the Death’s I have seen from Doctor mistakes. I just laid on mu couch for 2 years.I finally looked up these Horrible Drugs. All they did for me was to make me Sexually Impotent (Permanently) !! Gave me a Liver disease that is serous at this point. Here I am now on Wellbutrin trying to regain any sort of sexual function at all. I am now severely depressed I have never in 60 years been depressed like this. I do Not understand how can I assist in Heart surgery 23 years straight. never missing any call. 24-7 night and day?? Now I am just worthless. I had a very active social life now I don’t leave my house. I have always had a high stress high power Job. In one act that night now I Have lost my Texas License to practice, I won’t ever get it back,I am a liability now to any Hospital.(Is it Possible to Be Bipolar for Year after Year and Function on a high level??) I have worked 24 -28 Hours getting only cat naps. Never made One mistake in all those years. I am just baffled and confused how this could be. The Doctor reported I had had this from my late teen’s. She also reported me to the Texas state board. I was a navy Hospital during Veit Nam 1965 -1972. I have NO IDEA WHAT to do. This is not living, what I am doing now. Thank you for my Rant. Dave Cassles THIS IS NOT A DUPLICATE COMMENT
Hi David,
I’m sorry to hear you in this situation. It sounds very difficult.
I don’t know about your history, personally, but I can tell you that a psychological break is possible at any age. The current thought is that over time, stress can cause the manifestation of the illness in those with a predisposition. But yes, you can be very high-functioning, even with the illness for a time. Many of us have done that.
My suggestion is to work with a doctor you trust to find the medication that works for you and see a therapist. If you haven’t tried cognitive behavioural therapy yet, I recommend you look into it. If you can’t find an expert in that area, there are good books and workbooks on the subject that can help you.
Don’t give up. I know it can seem hopeless at times, but there are options and there is help out there for you.
– Natasha Tracy
I was diagnosed Bipolar 2 3&1/2 years ago. I am A surgical Physicians Assistant specializing in Heart surgery. I have 35+ years in that field.I did my Heart training 1972-1974 With Dr Michael Debakey I Houston Texas. For the last 23 years I have been the only first assistant for to Heart surgeons.I have never missed a call night or day in 23 years. One night after surgery I just cussed every one out and quit on the spot. I had no idea if quitting that morning at all. I tried a very good suicide attempt. 5 days in ICU on a ventilator. Went to the mental hospital came out with a bag of drugs that I just took for 2 years. I did no research on what I was taking. You would think I wold think I would after all the Death’s I have seen from Doctor mistakes. I just laid on mu couch for 2 years.I finally looked up these Horrible Drugs. All they did for me was to make me Sexually Impotent (Permanently) !! Gave me a Liver disease that is serous at this point. Here I am now on Wellbutrin trying to regain any sort of sexual function at all. I am now severely depressed I have never in 60 years been depressed like this. I do Not understand how can I assist in Heart surgery 23 years straight. never missing any call. 24-7 night and day?? Now I am just worthless. I had a very active social life now I don’t leave my house. I have always had a high stress high power Job. In one act that night now I Have lost my Texas License to practice, I won’t ever get it back,I am a liability now to any Hospital.(Is it Possible to Be Bipolar for Year after Year and Function on a high level??) I have worked 24 -28 Hours getting only cat naps. Never made One mistake in all those years. I am just baffled and confused how this could be. The Doctor reported I had had this from my late teen’s. She also reported me to the Texas state board. I was a navy Hospital during Veit Nam 1965 -1972. I have NO IDEA WHAT to do. This is not living, what I am doing now. Thank you for my Rant. Dave Cassles
Thank you so much for writing this article.
Recently I have been feeling a lot of what you have described in this article but reading this has made me reflect on the fact that whilst I may not physically have people there to support me there, I have the support of everyone else who is suffering from a mental illness because they at least know exactly what it can feel like.
Thank you so very much again.
Hannah,
You’re welcome. I’m happy whenever I can help remind someone they’re not alone. It’s one of the most powerful messages I can give and one of the most powerful things you can remember.
– Natasha Tracy
My god. Today I finally told someone about how screwed up my brain works, and how I am sure that no one has ever experienced anything like I have. She told my that honestly believing these things about yourself are what people with manic depression, and there was the answer to the question of “what the hell is wrong with me.” I am bipolar. What you said about the exhaustion in pretending to act normal in everyday social situations almost made me cry. Thank you for enlightening me.
Hi Andrew,
You’re welcome.
You are not alone. I know how alone it feels, but you’re not the only ones with those feelings. Get help. You are with many of us and know that you can get better. You have taken the first huge step to getting better. Congratulations. And for the record, there is nothing wrong with you. You just have an illness. It could happen to anyone.
Any time you need a reminder, pop by. I’m always crazy and I’m always here :)
– Natasha Tracy
After reading this and the Healthy Place article on “high functioning”, I’m curious: What is your “fake” personality like? Are you able to act cheerful, outgoing, engaging, and confident during your workday? I think our public face is the kind of person we wish we could be if not for the bipolar.
I think of myself as “high acting” also, but I know I’m not good at projecting confidence or an outgoing personality, because I just don’t have those traits right now. I guess I just make it through the workday on intelligence and determination. Then I mentally collapse when I get home, to the detriment of my family life. Frustrating.
Hi Rob,
I wouldn’t really call her “fake” as much as I would call her carefully selected bits of me. And yes, I’m cheerful, outgoing, engaging and confident in many situations. And you’re probably right, it’s more like the person I would be without the illness. I can see her down there. Under the illness.
Intelligence and determination aren’t exactly the worst qualities to have either. I survive a whole heck-of-a-lot on those two.
But you’re you and not me. If you don’t feel up to confidence and outgoing, it’s OK. Not everyone is. I can’t do it all the time. Neither can the “normals” either. I’ve seen plenty of “normals” crawl into holes or cry in their office. (Working at the Empire these things happened more frequently than in other workplaces.)
And absolutely, it is horrible on our home lives when we collapse after all the effort. “Frustrating” is absolutely right.
But here’s something for you: I live alone. I do it because I don’t think I have it in me to go and get what it takes for a family. – You have done that – .You’re amazing.
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha,
Thank you for this entry; I think it’s wonderful that you have this comprehensive website for this! I just started one specifically talking about my bipolar disorder, and I hope to someday be able to have comprehensive resource lists like you.
Take care,
Jess
Hi Jess,
Thanks for the compliment and stopping by. Good luck with your own blog.
– Natasha
Hi Laura,
There are lots of options besides just raising a dose on an antidepressant. If you’re not getting better I would recommend seeing a specialist (ie, a psychiatrist). A GP is _not_ equipped to handle a severe mood disorder.
Do not give up. You have many options ahead of you.
– Natasha
Thank you for this.
I just feel so alone and desperate.
Reading this has helped.
Seven years on anti-depressants….it’s a joke. I think they make me worse, but now not taking them is not an option. I have felt much worse over the last 2 months but I know my GP will just increase the dosage again, and I do not feel this is acceptable. I am not sure where to turn – it just seems to be such a waste of time and effort and I am exhausted with it all, which I know is dangerous.
Sorry to ramble.
Natasha, i just had to say thank you. I was diagnosed with bipolar this week after 10 years of being treated for depression. Thank you for being so honest on your website. I dont feel as alone.
Tracy
Hi Tracy,
Welcome to the party. Sorry your invitation got lost in the mail.
—
OK, maybe not a party, but a gathering, of sort. And you’re welcome here. I hope your new diagnosis helps you get the treatment you need.
You are, of course, welcome. I write for people like you.
And you are not alone. Not at all.
– Natasha
Love this. Really, really love this. If talking with people who are struggling with a mental illness – whether it’s OCD, anorexia, bipolar, whatever – has taught me anything, it’s this: we live with the same loneliness and feelings of not being seen for who we really are.
Hi Holly,
Absolutely. And we all deserve to be seen as we really are.
– Natasha
I completely understand. Thanks for making me feel better:)