It is a depressing reality most people with a serious mental illness will attempt suicide at some time. Yes, more than half will attempt suicide. That’s a very large number. More women will attempt suicide but more men will commit suicide. Women will overdose while men will use firearms. More than half of these people will not leave suicide notes.
We are lucky most suicide attempts fail. Most people who attempt suicide will be rescued by others.
A Suicide Attempt
Last Friday night a man I met online tried to kill himself. He posted his suicide note online. Thankfully, some friends of his called 9-1-1, the police entered his apartment and took him to the hospital.
I am very grateful he is still alive.
The Shame of Attempting Suicide
After a suicide attempt, many people are thankful they didn’t succeed. Most people who attempt suicide later realize the moment they attempted suicide was a particularly brutal part of the fight against their mental illness and death is not truly what they want. They end up feeling ashamed of their suicide attempt.
Please Don’t Feel Ashamed of a Symptom of Your Illness
I understand the shame that goes with doing something you later regret. I understand the shame of realizing you did something because of your mental illness. I understand the shame of acknowledging you admitted defeat at the hands of pain and depression.
But a suicide attempt is not shameful.
A suicide attempt is a symptom of an illness. It is no more shameful than sneezing from a cold. Attempting suicide is brutal and hard and painful on you and those around you. No one wants to see you die, see you gone. But the fact for one moment you gave in to the pain isn’t shameful, it’s human.
Those who do not know the pain may not understand. But sometimes you hit a wall. A wall of pain. And sometimes that wall tries to kill you.
You Are Not Who People Say You Are
Some people try to hurt you because you have attempted suicide. Some people try to use this symptom as evidence you are, in some way, “bad.”
But you are not bad. You are sick. Anyone that would use an illness to hurt another person is an abuser. Anyone that would try to use a suicide attempt as a weapon does not deserve a second thought. Or a first one for that matter. You are better than that. They are not worthy of you.
Humans Make Mistakes
Every one of us has done things we later regret. Some of us (most of us) have been complete assholes at one time or another. Humans are selfish, crass, hurtful, awful people sometimes. We’re like that. We’re wildly imperfect beings.
But these mistakes make us human. Recognition of frailties is a strength. It’s only after realizing what we don’t like in ourselves that we can change it.
A Suicide Attempt Isn’t the End of the World
Yes, a suicide attempt is horrible; a suicide attempt may run roughshod over your life; a suicide attempt may hurt those around you. A suicide attempt is painful but it isn’t the end of your world.
Attempting suicide puts you in the company of many of your fellow crazies. If you look to the left and to the right of you, you will see thousands of people just like you. Who made the same choice. Who now live to tell the tale.
A suicide attempt is horrible, but it is part of mental illness and not the end of the world.
Save Yourself Now
If you feel unsafe, don’t wait, contact someone right now. Here is information on how to get help. Let these people help you. You need to fight your mental illness.
I am extremely grateful my friend is still here. The people in your life want you to be here too.
Banner image by Elizabeth Ann Colette (Flickr) [CC BY-SA 2.0 ], via Wikimedia Commons.
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Know that there is zero latitude when commenting on this post. I will not tolerate negative, hurtful or sarcastic comments.
I fight the thoughts on a daily basis. I see a counselor and a Psy dr. I take mood stabilizers to help. The thing that keeps me here is I would not want my son to have to know his father wasnt strong enough to keep fighting the demons.
I am 15, I’ve had depression for 2 years. I had a therapist a few months back and my body just I guess “acted right” when I got around her. I still want to die. No one seems to help. I’ve had many suicide attempts but only one was accounted for, why can’t I get help.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder about 3 years ago after my second suicide attempt. It was after this 2nd attempt that I lost custody of my 2 children. I am not taken seriously and am treated like a criminal by my ex husband and his wife. Life, the choice to live and survive is a daily struggle. I have attempted suicide 3 times in the past 7 years. I hate that my mind is in constant turmoil. When I have suicidal thoughts now (almost every week) I’m able to reason with myself and conclude that dying isn’t the answer, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to die. I left my abusive husband early this year, right after losing my job and have been homeless ever since. This year I have felt more hopeless than ever before, but somehow I’ve survived. Hoping the holidays aren’t too rough this year.
Hi Natasha, I had an attempt last weekend and it really shook me. I took a higher dose of pills than I should have and passed out the next day. I’ve been trying to work my feelings out and your article is helping me sort everything out. I am ok physically but just putting the mental pieces back together. Thank you again.
Great article except for the fact that you use the word “crazies”. If we are trying to get ourselves away from stigma I don’t believe calling ourselves ” crazies” is going in the right direction. It’s similar to when someone uses a diagnosis as an adjective. “On my gosh, he’s so bipolar” or “that’s so OCD.”
I want to die today. I have tried and tried to take care of those close to me and provide for them , but they take me for granted, hurt me and never really care about mey well being. I have no job, no money and no purpose anymore so there is no point in my opinion. The reason for my posts is to let others know that if you’ve haven’t experienced deep pain and feel like you have no other option or purpose in life you’ll never understand what people like me are struggling with. I feel I’m better off dead rather than continue with my pathetic excistance of an life. I’m not suren if today is the day but I’m getting close to that point . Please Don’t assume that I’m seeking attention or sympahaty Or anything from anyone. I hate myself with every fiber of my Body and that everything positive I’ve done in my 50 years nevernever really mattered. I feel bad for my family and adult kids but they never really took the time to see what was going on with me. No, they just take, take and more take from me emotionally and finacially. I wish I words of encouragement form others that share my pain but somehown I feel like I’d only makes things worth for you. Sorry for letting anyone done
I wish I had a magic wand and could just change my trapped exsistience. I have tried to end a toxic marriage for many years. I have all my finances going into a house my husband and I share. We have lived as a non couple for 5 year, he lives downstairs and I live in the upstairs of the home.He has not worked in 8 years and all through our marrige raising our son he could never hold a job longer than 6 months. In and out of work many times.Always leaving me to struggle paying the bills alone.I did try and end the marriage many times in past 20 plus years. Every time he would use our son as a threat. His bipolar and excessive drinking has caused a lot of stress and damage in our lives. This created isolation and being ostrosized by family members. I had friendly relationships with his two sisters, now for last 5 years they have cut me out of their lives. Not one member of his family offer any support toward me. His two sisters take turns once a month to pick him up to take him grocery shopping. One of them blames me for enabling him to drink and destroy himself. Yet they drive him and help him pick up more alcohol.After my only son and child left to make his own life , got married and started his own family. I tried to break free of this toxic relationship with my husband, sons father. His lifestyle and mess under the house prevents me from bringing a real estate person in.I have tried many avenues and seeked numerous help to end this terriable exsistience for both our sakes. But the little energy I have now at 51 years old I use to stay sane or try , now using to find myself employment.Alot of assistant nurses at my age are being cut back with their jobs because of funding cuts.I love my line of work it has always brought me joy. I try and keep myself separate from his sad exsistience. So many attempted suicides, over the last few years.Tonight as I was preparing my resume in my bedroom, I hear another knock on my front door. The two dogs barking their heads off once again. He had told me that afternoon he was up the hospital again this morning as he was suicidal. I hear this all the time. This time I let him know so have I been, just can’t find a sure way yet. I Let him know I have been at breaking point for along time. So ambulance is here once again at 9.30 pm as he has called mental health letting them know he is suicidal. Ambos now taken him to hospital once again, second time today. Every time this happens he is dropped back home ia few hours later. Once again I soldier on alone with no support. Of course everyone has had enough, me too.Son is even saying it would be a blessing. Don’t get me wrong he loves his dad. But just can’t handle any longer. All son and I can do is try and keep ourselves well. This whole situation is so sad and soul destroying. I do take some responsiablity for not freeing myself years ago , but I struggled with the abuse and threats everyday. I just existed the best I could with very little regard from any family members. After my parents died years ago my own family members were few. My inlaws were many . But they were never the supportive loving kind. Husband grew up with a narcissist mother. Siblings of seven all fighting for mothers approval. My husband was the scapegoat in his family.Iam so broken inside, so alone but hanging on. Has anyone got a kind idea to help me find a way out without loosing everything I’ ve worked for over the years. By the way I was giving him all the furniture I just wanted my half of the house. Which is still mortgaged. Thankyou for your patience in my long email. Kind regards Teena
Thank you for this post. While it’s not at all giving permission, it is taking account that it does happen…and my personal believe is that when it does occur, it happens in a vacuum. You’re inside a glass bell peering out but not able to hear or feel anything outside…
Your family and friends and healthcare professionals are screaming. However…you can’t hear. In my personal opinion, it’s very rarely because of selfishness. Your coping skills aren’t enough to save yourself.
Forgive me if this sound way too simplistic, but I place suicide into 2 categories:
1. Those who have thought through it for days, weeks or months and have carefully crafted a plan. Perhaps in all that time they did get occasional glimpses of ways out of committing the act. Perhaps they were fully cognizant that there was help out there.
2. This is the one that the survivors can’t and perhaps never will understand. That is understandable. Although I in no way can ever pretend to know the circumstances behind Robin Williams’ suicide, I truly believe that with some can be having a great day. All is well. The very next day they get up and the tidal wave hits them so fast they act on it and they sadly succeed. I consider ….as horrifying as it is….that they had a bad day. One solitary day when all hope was vanquished. Simply a bad day that in an instant turned horrific. Trapped inside the glass bell jar. That simple. But oh so horrific. Yet nothing to define an entire human being’s life by….which sadly often does.
I – in no way – could ever be angry. I only have compassion and empathy and totally get it .
I’ve had my “bad days”. Thank God the insanity of that hour, that moment, never played out. I lived to see another day….and it was ok.
Thanks for reading this. I do apologize to those that are horrified by my honestly held hypothesis.
Blessings to all.
B.
I attempted suicide this past July. My daughter found me. I spent 5 days in ICU. It took months before I could say I was happy that I survived. I felt like a failure. I would tell myself I couldn’t even get my suicide right. Now I’m happy, or rather, I’m content. I can look back and say I’m glad I’m still here. I would never have believed I could get to this point of stability. I don’t feel bad about it anymore. I look at it as a learning experience. When you feel like you are slipping into that feeling despair, get help. I won’t wait next time. I will see the signs and I will get help immediately. I won’t let this illness kill me. I have to tell myself everyday. I will not let this illness kill me.
Wonderful thread. I attempted suicide during a severe depression about 30 years ago. I remember feeling many shades of failure. Finding support outside my family was critical for me. The family can make you feel like you are exposing some weakness that they do not want to be associated with. Being told that you can’t even commit suicide right does not make recovery swift.
Well I Return …With my message that my identical twin committed suicide ..successfully ..that was 38 years ago and his live was not in vain ..For I Am still alive and with over 28 years of Episode Free Stability ..With Bipolar Disorder …I hope that Others will follow my Suit .. http://www.amazon.com/Power-Positivity-Bipolar-Anyone-Else/dp/1478110147
My oldest nephew just lost his only uncle on his dad’s side of the family to suicide. The man was NOT the type that one ordinarily thought of being suicidal. He did, unfortunately suffer from PTSD.
I have been there before…and sometimes now, I think about how it would feel for my siblings to be without me. I get frustrated at my situation, aggrevated at myself and turn to the old tapes….
I had a roomate/friend to commit suicide. So, yes I know how hard it is to live through all the guilt, shame about being left behind. I saw her family be split apart about all the “what if’s” and “what could have happened”
Although, for now suicide is not an option, that doesn’t mean nothing though! Life sometimes becomes hard to handle. Don’t like to suffer and it’s becoming to that point again. For now, I am ok…….
I am not sure if anyone has posted the link to Samaritans; have a look at the website and it may be a place you feel safe to talk about how you are feeling. It is based in the UK, however you can email from anywhere with complete confidentiality. Check out the website and see what you think.
I have been reading through many of the comments, they are mainly people who feel suicidal. My son committed suicide in February, 2011, I would like to hear some comments for parents or people who have lost their loved ones! I don’t understand about Bipolar, it seems most people who contemplate suicide suffer with this, is this true? I need support, i am seeing a councillor & psychologist, I seem to cope most of the time but i have an anger problem at present, I’m not sure that I have really grieved the loss of my son, my daughter was killed 3years & 7months prior to my sons suicide so I focus on her & try not to think about my son as I don’t want to go through the pain I felt when my daughter was tragically killed when hit by a semi trailer..I have just separated from my husband as we have to much pain & anger towards each other. Please if you have or know of a site that could be of help to me could you please inform
me. thank you, Brenda
Hi Brenda,
I’m extremely sorry to hear what you have been through. I know that must feel unimaginably painful. I’m sure I can’t understand the depths of what you must be feeling.
As for suicide, approximately 50% of people with bipolar disorder do attempt suicide and up to 1-in-5 do complete suicide. Suicide attempts are common in other disorders like depression and eating disorders as well.
I’m sorry, I don’t know of a support group for someone in your circumstance. I know they must be out there though.
I wrote this and you might be interested in reading it: http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2011/07/for-loved-ones-after-a-suicide-attempt/
I’m very sorry for your losses.
– Natasha Tracy
Hi Brenda,
I just came across a recommended book on this subject and thought I would share:
Fine, C., (1997) No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One, Doubleday
I hope that helps.
– Natasha Tracy
I talk with a lot of people who are seeking help for suicidal thoughts. I am struck by how many will say “the only thing that stops me is fear. I’m a coward.” Nothing about fighting suicide thoughts is cowardly. Nothing about acting on them is cowardly either. It’s a battle. Keep fighting!
Goodbye and goodnight.
I think about suicide all the time. The best way to go about it, the best time. Can’t afford the bill of a hospital , already swimming in bills, have much responsibilities and am drowning and am tired. Just tired. Mixed bipolar 1, rapid cycling..and hate it. I have no support , won’t call crisis line, they just send ambulance which equals bills. No where to turn so figure , turn it all off.
Hi Kay,
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I understand thinking about suicide all the time. I have been through times in my life when I thought about it all the time too. I know what that is. I know what it is to want to just turn things off because it’s all too much.
But I got past those times and I know it _is_ possible. I understand what you’re saying about bills, but as you know, hospitals have to accept emergent situations – even in the States when you can’t pay and I would say being acutely suicidal is emergent.
Moreover, you can call a helpline just to talk. No one says you have to call an ambulance. There are people who will just support you by talking to you.
And I know it’s tough to find resources when you don’t have money, but places do accept sliding scale payment (how much you pay is based on how much you make). And you can contact local groups like NAMI or the DBSA who have free resources in many communities.
This is not the end. This is not “goodbye and goodnight.” If that were true, you wouldn’t have reached out to me in this blog. You want to be here. It’s really hard, and you don’t know how to do it, but you do want it. So please let someone help you: https://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/
And please read this: https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness/depression/continue-fight-pain-depression/
Your life matters and your struggle matters. It’s not the end.
– Natasha Tracy
Being mentally ill = suicide attempts or suicide ideation/ = you’re crazy!!!
.if that’s NOT the case, let me know
E
You say: here’s information on how to get help…
And that’s what happens: NObody wants to be branded, but most of us need help, and we are fairly
certain there is no help out there, the people you.trusted n reached out before… They’re not on your side, tv hey don’t have a clue, that’s how you got there n why would that change now…
I am so grateful for forums like these. Having attempted to harm myself several times over the past few weeks, I am now staying with a friend who is watching me very closely. She has been non-judgmental and very supportive. I feel even more ashamed and guilty but grateful for her.
Hi Ladysun,
I’m grateful you’re here. I’m honoured by any help I can offer.
It’s good to hear you’re staying with someone. That can be some of the best medicine when you’re going through hard times. It sounds like you have a good friend there. Cheers to her and to you.
Try not to feel ashamed. I know how hard that is, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. You’re ill and you’re experiencing the symptoms of your illness. There is no shame in that.
I also understand guilt in relying on someone so strongly. But remember, we all need people sometimes. You will be there for others when they need you.
Your feelings of guilt and shame are totally normal – but don’t believe them. They are just your illness talking. You are taking the right steps in trying to get better and that’s the best that anyone can do.
We’re with you.
– Natasha Tracy
Thanks for sharing, thanks for being an advocate Natasha. Also, what’s with the lighthouse? I suffer from bipolar disorder and have a huge thing about lighthouses. Someone asked me recently what my favourite job would be and I said: ‘a lighthouse keeper’. This would also give me lots of time to write of course! Is it the isolation we crave, the desire to help others in their hour of crisis; interested to know what you think. Best wishes, Elizabeth.
Hi Elizabeth,
Well, your reason for liking lighthouses sound good, but that’s not what I was thinking.
I used lighthouses because I wanted the subtextual message that there is hope and protection for those who have been in the most desperate of times. I like the idea of a beacon of light through the darkness.
– Natasha Tracy
I really am glad you posted this. It’s extremely helpful and insightful.
Hi Madeline,
People have really been touched by the writings on suicide. I’m glad I could lend a positive voice to the discussion.
Thank-you.
– Natasha Tracy
Posts like these are very uplifting, atleast for me. There are so much to cope with in life and we need all the support we can get. thank you.
Hi Maude,
You’re welcome. I believe we all need support too and this is a little-mentioned subject that needs to be brought out into the light.
– Natasha Tracy
Thanks for that. I needed it.
Samantha,
Well then, I’m glad you found it. :)
-Natasha Tracy
Natasha thanks for posting this , There are many of “us” out there so it is so important to remember that in this strugle we are not alone , many of us even at our darkest hours really deep down inside desire help , desire love , desire a honest connection to another human being that can restore that feeling of lose repair that severed intamacy , diaglog on our mental ailments . Most often this can only be accomplished by either a trained medical professional or another who has walked down the path . I will gladly reach out my hand to anyone who wants to talk and unburden the painful loads we carry .
Below Im attaching a previous conversation we had on this very topic for the benefit of those reading ..
I wish my father would read this and get in , I cant tell you how many times he has said ” Snap out of it ” or “When are you going to get off those pills and get a job ” I am accute rapid cycle Bipolar with a heavy overtone of clinical depression if fact my life has been numb since my marriage dessolved 4 yrs ago , today I have been sober for 18 months which is an amazing feet considering I relapsed durring my divorce and was drinking 3-4 fifths of vodka a day for a long time and had 2 failed suicide attempts before being hospitalized and diagnosed and propperly treated . Today = Seroquel 800mgs a day lithium 1350mgs a day , propanolol and viseral prn and ambien for insomnia . wow I better slow down …. ok its just so good to find someone that “gets” it … Thank You
No please feel free to always be open and honest , that honesty amoung us is the kind of therapy each of us need in our own way . Ive tried many other meds that didnt work , the seroquell helped me emmerge from the clinical depresssion enough to function / on some level , Mine was a case a true love lost , actual broken heart ( with translate into the worst feeling of loss I could comprehend) , before I meet her I was a east Baltimore neighborhood guy former drug dealer , ex-con , then when she came into my life , the meaning of love came together and I realized what being a man and a husband and father really meant we married and had our amazing daughter and bought a house and lived a normal incredible life , then after 4 yrs she grew apart while my love was constantly there , she became indifferent we wnt from an amazing sex life to the last 2 yrs of marriage maybe once every 3-4 months …. the constant physical and emotional rejection literally broke me …. I think it did something to my mind . she traded me in while I was working night shift for another guy and an upgraded bmw and a memebership to the country club , she took everything that was dear to me and tossed it over her shoulder on her way out the door . I still struggle with the emotions 4 yrs latter when we meet each week for custody of out daughter …that is a curse I must bare .
Joe Watchinsky
Joe,
Thanks for your words and the reminder of the importance of human contact. I think I’m going to write a post for HealthyPlace today about a suggestion for loved ones after a suicide attempt.
– Natasha Tracy
Please link this valuable post to my mental health linky Natasha. We all could learn from it.
My brother hung himself 2004 and I have tried to kill myself many times – thankfully I failed. Suicide is a double-edged sword. You think at the time you’re doing everyone who loves you a big fat favor – in-reality you’re consigning them to a terrible agony.
http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/07/all-new-monday-madness-linky-plus.html
Shah. X
Shah,
I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you want me to do. Do you want me to leave a link in the comments?
(I’ve read through your Monday-linky material several times and I just don’t understand what you’re trying to do.)
– Natasha Tracy
Mind if I throw in another factor of shame here?
It’s most bothersome to me, anyway, and possibly others, especially if one is responsible for handling their own financial responsibilities.
This factor is, of course, the financial obligations that accrue due to one’s suicide attempt.
Due to an incident back in December, I have approximately $2500 of new debt. I’m still trying to figure out how to pay it off. My only income is from Social Security Disability. My only insurance is original Medicare.
So, in addition to battling the roller-coaster ride of my bipolar, I get constant reminders in the mail, and by phone, telling me what a failure I am. Seems like no matter how much I want, and try, to get better, there’s always someone else telling me I’m worthless. Let alone what my own mind is telling me about that subject, which, of course, is much worse.
Thanks for letting me share/rant, I appreciate ya.
Hi Seeker,
Sure, you can share, and you can rant. That’s what we’re here for :)
“Due to an incident back in December, I have approximately $2500 of new debt. I’m still trying to figure out how to pay it off. My only income is from Social Security Disability. My only insurance is original Medicare.”
This isn’t something I had considered (probably because I live in Canada) but it’s a very real problem. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I think many people have been where you are. Unfortunately the sickest among us are the ones most like to attempt suicide and the least likely to be able to pay for such medical bills.
And I know it might seem like a monthly reminder of “failure” but really it isn’t. Really it’s a reminder that you fought back and won. It’s a reminder that you are a success. Yes, without a doubt you are facing major challenges, but those bills prove you have stood against death, you didn’t back down. You won.
Anyone who goes through an attempt and has the strength to stand up and keep going is nothing but amazing in my book. Bills never feel amazing, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are.
– Natasha Tracy
Natasha, what a great topic and wonderful thoughts on your part which in my opinion should always be addressed periodically.
And thanks to the commentators who all too well have unfortunately come to know the insidious and sometimes unrelenting nature of these illnesses. From what I have seen and experienced as support person it forces individuals to go against one of the very basic and strongest laws of nature; self-preservation.
In my opinion one should not feel shame for a momentary lapse in the battle to regain stability, wellness and remission over such an overwhelming and potentially lethal foe.
More importantly and hopefully what one comes away with is the knowledge and experiences to quickly reach out in the future for help before those same forces once again overwhelm one’s reasoning, logic and strength to fight back.
I leave you with the kindest words to my ears, “I’m happy to be alive” as uttered by my spouse to me some time ago after the last of her attempts.
Warmly,
Herb
vnsdepression@gmail.com
http://www.vnstherapy-herb.blogspot.com/
Thank-you Herb, for your thoughts, and for this:
“. . . the kindest words to my ears, “I’m happy to be alive” as uttered by my spouse to me some time ago after the last of her attempts.”
I’m glad you got to hear those words.
– Natasha Tracy
I attempted suicide twice during my teenage years. Both times I OD’d and took enough pills to kill about ten elephants. Even the docs who treated me said that it just wasn’t my time to go the word “miracle” was used a lot. Today my faith keeps me alive.
Hi Massiyat,
I don’t know about miracles, but I will say that I thanked the universe that my friend didn’t succeed. (I’m not a religious gal.) I also ask that people never be in such pain as to feel the need to attempt suicide. But I don’t think that’s under my control.
– Natasha Tracy
You are so right about this, I couldn’t agree more.
In many cases of attempted suicide the environment is not supportive at all after it, it even gets hostile, criticizing the sufferer, adding guilts, stop communicating…
This can lead to another attempt, possibly successful…
This is tragic!
Nobody wants to die, when we feel we’re better off dead it is because life is a torture, becomes unbearable… when living is a hell, death can’t be any worse-you know what you’re trying to escape from, you don’t know where you’re heading to, but you know nothing can be worse- so there’s the attempt…
And all the psychologists thinking that your attempt was not meant to be fatal, but was just a cry for help… I’ve met one who has this opinion and that is what they teach them, how can a person like that help someone who is thinking about/unsuccessfully tried to suicide?
Unfortunately what is written in the books is stronger than the personal opinion of a patient, or two, that is so sad… having to explain to professionals you were not manipulating anyone, but merely, plainly, wanting to get rid of your suffering and pain!
I’m so sick of them and I know this is bad for me, if I can’t trust them I can’t get any help from them… and I can’t trust them at all!
Hi Smaro,
I agree that no one wants to die, I wrote about that here, if you’re interested: https://natashatracy.com/mental-illness/depression/people-attempt-suicide-dont-want-die/
“And all the psychologists thinking that your attempt was not meant to be fatal, but was just a cry for help”
I didn’t address this above and I haven’t run into it, personally, but I know it happens. I know that people with borderline personality disorder sometimes exhibit behavior that attempts manipulation.
There are many reasons why an attempt might be motivated by a type of manipulation, but basically, desperate people can do desperate things if they think it will get them what they want. It’s not logical and it’s not necessarily malevolent but some people have learned this unhealthy way of being.
That being said, I believe that to be the tiny minority of cases.
People say the “cry for help” line to minimize what the person has gone through to make the bystanders feel better. It speaks to their own neuroses more than that of the attempter.
As for therapists, they are trying to get to the bottom of what drives people’s behavior and sometimes that may come across as calling it a cry for help when that’s not really what they mean. Really, they just want to find out the driving force of the behavior. And some therapists may be too quick to attribute behavior to a some sort of “cry for help.”
I’m sorry if you’ve had the experience where people didn’t take your pain seriously. That isn’t right. You deserve to be heard and acknowledged for what you’ve gone through. All I can tell you is that not all therapists are like that. Any suicide attempt should be taken seriously and not be dismissed.
I hope you can find someone you can trust because as you said, you can’t get help from someone you don’t trust. Now you need someone who is worthy of that trust. They are out there.
– Natasha Tracy
Thank you for your answer,
now I have to make things clear by saying it was not a psychologist that I visited as a patient, but a friend’s friend (who happened to be a psychologist) that told this thing about suicide- she knew I was bipolar, but didn’t know if I had ever attempted suicide, so it was not personally about me…
Strangely, it made me even worse impact, made me believe that’s what all psychologists think about this matter, so I lost entirely my trust to the whole profession… that’s why I’m seeing a psychiatrist instead, even for psychotherapy!
Hi Smaro,
Well that explains it a little.
I might just add that perhaps you want to consider that a remark in a social situation isn’t the same as in a professional one. We all say things outside of work that may just show our frustration without professionalism.
So perhaps it’s worth considering the profession again, should you need them.
Oh, and you know, it’s OK to see a psychiatrist for therapy. It’s rare, but some psychiatrists do offer it and even like to offer it, so if it’s working for you, sally forth.
– Natasha Tracy
Thanks for this article. BP got the best of me about 3 months ago. Tried to strangle myself and wound up in State Hospital. What a nightmare! Once I got out, I began to realize everyone was treating me with kid gloves. A friend hugs me tight now every time I see him, like he doesn’t expect to see me again. Husband and son don’t trust me anymore and are always watching me and asking me how I’m feeling. The worst is the shame I feel, how I let everyone down.
I really needed to be reminded that it’s the illness that makes me do this and I’m not a bad or weak person. Or crazy or dangerous. And also to be reminded that I must always be watchful for the signs and symptoms that tell me I’m walking too close to the edge, and ask for help before I topple off.
Hi Becky,
It’s really tough to know how to approach someone who has done something like attempted suicide. It’s such a hard subject and no one wants to make it any worse. For the person I mentioned above, I wrote him and told him I was writing this and, of course, I hope it doesn’t hurt him. It’s not that _it_should_ but it’s a difficult time and, well, you just never know.
I suspect you need to earn back the trust with your loved ones. It’s unbearably painful to think of someone leaving your life via suicide. You are in pain and so are they. Hopefully if you’re honest and work openly together, you can repair the relationship.
Try to be gentle with yourself. You didn’t “let them down” the disease just won. For a little while. Now you’re back and you’re fighting again. We all fight our best. We all do the best we can. But we don’t always win. That’s not a deficiency in you, it speaks of the tenacity of the disease.
And you said it exactly right:
“. . . it’s the illness that makes me do this and I’m not a bad or weak person. Or crazy or dangerous. And also to be reminded that I must always be watchful for the signs and symptoms that tell me I’m walking too close to the edge, and ask for help before I topple off.”
– Natasha Tracy