People are frequently telling me what to do to feel better:

Find Jesus
Hand your life over to a higher power
Think positively
Be grateful for what you have
…

(And actually, it’s the first two I get all the time, but I’m not going to talk about it because it’s just too touchy a subject.)

I’m Grateful and Yet Still Depressed

So instead, at HealthyPlace I address the issue of gratitude. I am, in fact, grateful for many things. Right now I am sitting on a comfy couch that’s paid for, watching my cats run around and play, enjoying the beautiful sunshine, with Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer. I am thankful for these things. In spite of gratitude however, my bipolar depression doesn’t seem to get better.

(And yes, it bugs me that people think I’m not grateful just because of depression. And yes, it bugs me that people think that if I were grateful I would get better. And yes, people bug me.)

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8 Comments

~ N on August 29, 2010 at 7:52 pm

Hi Anon,

I think it's tough for both people in the scenario you describe. The person helping you wants to feel like you appreciate it, and that it's helping, but although you may be grateful, it might not help, and you might not be able to express your gratitude very easily at that time. Both sides need to focus on understanding.

And yeah, snapping doesn't really work, but that reality is pretty hard for people to accept.

– N

Anonymous on August 29, 2010 at 6:25 pm

You have put into words what I have thought many times over the past few years. Often my spouse seems to think that I am not grateful for his support and love, especially during my toughest times. Although I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement, people often feel I should just be able to "snap out of it". If only it were that easy, right?? Thank you.

~ N on August 29, 2010 at 5:40 pm

Hi T,

In the article I do mention that I am grateful, and I do think gratitude is, in generally a good idea. And spirituality, well, that's a personal thing.

Yes, I've heard accusations of selfishness too, and that's just silly.

(Oh, and rankles – fabulous word.)

– N

Anonymous on August 29, 2010 at 5:27 pm

I have not learned gratitude as much as I have adopted it as something I need to do more of… I had a near death car wreck a few years ago and it sort of rearranged a few priorities in my life. I have become more thankful, more appreciative, more observant, more grateful, and yes.. much more spiritual and yet not anymore religious than I was prior.

Still, I suffer knee bending suicidal depression, over and over again in it's relentless cycle. Only breathing room I get is when I'm in hypomania which, is just too short lived in my opinion.

My brain truly does go offline sometimes and kicks out little error codes, so to speak. There is quite often times, absolutely no rhyme or reason as to cause.

Yet, I am still appreciative, thankful, grateful, and many days humbled.

What I do not appreciate is when folks tell that depression is just pure selfishness and self centered and if you just thought of others, and do for others, your life would be far more enriching and you'd not be depressed… that really rankles me.

—-T

~ N on August 29, 2010 at 10:44 am

Yes, in point of fact my life really does suck right now, but even when things were better, my gratitude made no difference at all.

Remind your husband you have a brain injury. Gratitude doesn't fix a broken leg either.

– N

midnight rainbow on August 29, 2010 at 10:37 am

I agree. My husband doesn't get the fact that I am surrounded with all this love and still be depressed. What can I say? I don't get it either. If the answers were so easy, we would know plenty of docs that would be out of a job. I wish it were always that easy.