As I said before, I’m taking a mindfulness meditation class and I can’t say as I particularly believe in mindfulness meditation. But, as I mentioned, I need to give treatments a chance if I want to get better, so, believe in it or not, I’m giving mindfulness meditation the ol’ college try.
The First Class of Mindfulness Meditation
In the first class we learned about deep breathing and the body scan (article to follow). These are really simple skills that anyone could do. But thinking about sitting still while “breathing” and “scanning my body” seemed kind of silly to me. I didn’t see how anything useful could result.
But I tried it anyway.
The First Mindfulness Meditation
Firstly, we were asked to find a “sacred space,” and “sacred time,” for our mindfulness meditation practice. Well, I live in a shoebox and I’m not really the kind of gal that calls a corner “sacred,” so I skipped that bit.
Instead, I sat down on a couple of red cushions in front of my matching red, cat hair-covered couch and bent my knees so that they rested against my coffee table. (You’re not supposed to sit like that either. Call me a rebel.)
I sat, closed my eyes and I deep breathed. Deep, cleansing breaths while my mind settled. And then I started my normal breathing pattern and focused on my breath and counting each breath. I counted to 20 or so always remembering to be in the moment and when my mind wandered, I brought it back to my breath.
Then it can time for the mindfulness meditation body scan and that’s when things got weird. I focused on the top of my head and how it felt. How my scalp felt. How my hair felt against my scalp. How the universe felt pressing down on my scalp. Serious, all-consuming focus.
And then I moved my focus slightly lower to a ring around my head that included my forehead. And as I did that, as I moved from place to place in my body, I found that a white scanning light moved through each part of the body. It was a wiggling, white light that glowed. It moved slowly. And where it was – where I was focusing my attention – I was warm and tingly. Very sci-fi. Psychosomatic, I know, but really, really cool.
And this isn’t to suggest that my focus didn’t wander – it did – or that my thoughts stopped – they didn’t – but each time my focus wandered I just gently picked it up by the scruff of the neck and returned it to the white light. I had to keep doing this during the mindfulness meditation. Over and over. But it worked and the light kept moving down my body, little by little.
The First Mindfulness Medication Result
We were asked to do 5-10 minutes of this per day for the first week but I found the complete scan took 15. Somehow, the white light “knew” how long it had to take when passing itself over my body. I know; weird, right? A let’s not forget, I don’t believe in this stuff.
And after the mindfulness meditation I felt a pervasive sense of calm. I felt like I could breathe easier and deeper. I felt like a voice in my head had shut the hell up. It was just a little quieter in there.[push]I felt a pervasive sense of calm. I felt like I could breathe easier and deeper. I felt like a voice in my head had shut up. It was just a little quieter in there.[/push]
Of course, there are many voices, so it’s not like my mind was noiseless. And the calm only lasts some time after mindfulness meditation, not all day or anything like that. And I don’t find that mindfulness meditation has any effect on my actions. But overall, it has a positive effect.
I can tell you on the fourth day I cried. And I cried because I haven’t had a therapy that was able to touch my psyche in so long that I can’t even remember the last time it happened. I can’t remember the last time any therapeutic technique (outside of meds) gave me any benefit. I can’t remember the last time someone said that something would work and it actually did.
Mindfulness Meditation – Week 1
So I would call it a very exciting and positive week. I’m not suggesting enlightenment or sudden glorious transmogrification. I’m just suggesting that the mindfulness meditation produced a full-body sense of calm and a slightly quieted brain.
And I will take what I can get.
* Note: This stuff takes practice and everyone is different so if you decide to try it, don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t work out the first, or second or third time. I had an instant result but that might be a bit more than one can reasonably ask.
I was very cynical and dismissive of mindfulness but gave it a go at a time I was trying everything (I still have the SAD lamp, and glad I chose a stylish one that is just a lamp too;). And to my surprise something about mindfulness ‘just works’, taking the rough edges off mental states bester than any medication I’ve tried. There’s good evidence for it too: in the UK it is recommended by the National Institute for Clinical Effectiveness (NICE), who don’t approve things lightly, for the treatment of recurrent depression (which is not so different from bipolar especially bipolar II in my view) and the Mental Health Foundation have a great leaflet on it.http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/be-mindful-report/. See also a great Danish film Free The Mind which shows the effects of mindfulness on groups as disparate as ADHD children and Gulf war veterans.
But like all good things you have to work at it – its both the easiest and the hardest thing in the world to do and to do regularly. For many (not all) it’s worth persistence, suspending judgement and just giving it a good trial (at least two weeks). Good luck!
I don’t know if I’m very into meditation. It’s just too organized for me, like a school of thought or religion. Organization makes it a bit pretentious and not like something I can work into daily life. Relaxation is my thing; you can do it anywhere, any time. I guess it’s one and the same. I try to make my own “techniques” that work for me, you know? Watching the sunrise can be really relaxing, for example.
I must confirm a technique that really works for me. Background: anxiety makes it very difficult for me to sleep (it might also be hypomania, I’m not sure). Sometimes to function, but mostly to sleep. I notice that when I am anxious (usually when I start thinking about all kinds of things and my mind is racing), I have often hyperventilated. My breathing is shallow and fast when anxious, and breathing more air makes it still worse.
So in order to fall asleep, I hold my breath as long as possible to eliminate hyperventilation. I may have to hold it for longer than a minute in a bad case. Anything that makes me feel less anxious in my chest. And often when I do this I can fall asleep successfully. Just thought I’d share. The key to sleep is deep breathing. A lot of my problems act up at night because I’m alone and unsupported. If hyperventilation is a problem for you I’d strongly suggest you *exhale* more and hold your breath, it can help a lot.
I’m so pleased to read that you are having a positive experience with Mindfulness Meditation. I also did two courses as well as following the method by myself on a daily basis. I learnt the breathing technique, body scan and even walking MM. Unfortunately it didn’t help me at all. Yes I felt mildly relaxed but that’s all. It certainly didn’t help my bipolar at all in spite of practising it for six months. Interestingly the person I attended the second course wiith also only achieved mild relaxation. I wish it had been different for us but I’d still suggest giving it a go.
I have sever bipolar that is under control now. I finally after many, many years, found the right doctor with the right meds………..Tired of taking all these meds, I now know that there is something called The Fisher-Wallace stimulator. It is FDA approved, and I see my doc on April 9th to ask him about this type of treatment. If it works for me , I probably could go back to work after 11 years on SSD. Meditation does do it for me.
Oops, made a mistake, here, I meant meditation does NOT do it for me.
Hi June,
You are welcome to try any treatment you want, but this “Fisher-Wallace” device isn’t FDA approved for the treatment of bipolar, depression, or anything else that I can find. It might approved for _safety_ but that doesn’t mean that it does anything for psychiatric disorders. On a search on Pubmed, I found no mention of it.
It sounds like snake-oil to me. But, of course, I could be wrong.
If you want to try a stimulator, you should try one that _has_ been approved to work like rTMS or VNS.
Here’s an article on rTMS: http://www.healthline.com/health-blogs/bipolar-bites/depression-treatment-what-repetitive-transcranial-magnetic-stimulation
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there are treatments that work out there.
– Natasha Tracy
I am really enjoying your meditation posts, I have been meditating to get to sleep for years but only realised that that was what I had been doing recently.
Formally an atheist I attended a spiritual church a few months ago and feel it has helped me immensely. You are right to be sceptical, I still am even though I have had experiences that I cannot explain rationally, anyway my point is, that meditation is used a lot in spiritual study and learning. I have attended workshops where we have had guided meditation and I have found them very helpful, and similar to your body scanning i was taught about chakra balancing which involves spinning colours at various points in the body and cleansing those areas.
I have found the more I develop these skills the more I can use them when I have bipolar symptoms.
Religious aspect aside (and as i said i’m a former athiest), i have found that balancing my mind body and soul is really helping me.