I Want to Die. What Should I Do?

I’m often asked by people, “I want to die. What should I do?”

It’s very, very sad.

But it is a reality for so many. So many people want to die at one point or another in their lives. It might be related to a mental illness like depression or it might not. But regardless as to why a person wants to die, it’s critical to know what to do if it’s happening to you or someone you care about. (Suicide and suicide attempt resources here.)

I Want to Die Right Now. What Should I Do?

The most obvious, immediate problem is when a person wants to die right now: acute suicidality. If this is you, if you are worried you are going to take your life there is only one thing to do:

Call 9-1-1 right now.

Seriously. Stop reading this and pick up the phone. Your life is worth saving and if you sought this out and are reading it right now then somewhere inside of you, you know this to be true. Calling 9-1-1 is never pleasant, but it’s worth it to see tomorrow’s sunrise. Take this on faith, just for today.

What to do if you want to die.I Want to Die Sometime. What Should I Do?

If you want to die, but you are not going to take immediate action, you still need help but you have options. The first, and maybe best option, is to call a suicide hotline. These people can help you through your immediate feelings and suggest resources that can help you.

You could also make an appointment with your GP (family doctor). Tell your doctor how you are feeling. Be honest. You doctor can only help you if he or she knows what is wrong. You doctor can provide access to resources that can offer more help.

I Want to Die All the Time. What Should I Do?

Obviously, this is horrific. I have felt like this before. I have felt like every breath is death. I have felt like every moment is just another tick of the clock towards my inevitable demise. I have felt that there is no reason to wake up ever again.

But this is not the end of the world. It probably feels like it is, but it actually isn’t.

I’ve written about the levels of suicidality and what to do when you start to feel suicidal here.

But the important thing to remember is that life isn’t always going to be this way. The sunrise will matter again. The pull of life will take over again. Your desire and your passion will return.

But until that happens, get help. Get help from doctors, therapists, friends, family, faith leaders and anyone else you can think of. Let them buoy you until who you really are returns. Because it will. And what you should do, what you must do, is remember that.

Leave a Reply

  1. I am shunned by everyone I know. It will never change. I want to die so bad. Even my husband and kids shun me now since everyone else does so much. People are mean. I am nice but the pain is too much to bear.

  2. I to have hit a all time low at fifty two years old I am living and taking care of two ill parents plus a grandchild . I have lost my job my friends mycar my life. I have no independence . They have a car that sits in their driveway that I am only allowed to drive if its running errands for them. I am in be d of asthma medication which I have meawns of getting and they don’t help. I have sacrificed so much and ask for so little. What kind of parents won’t get their child meds they need to stay alive ? I don’t care how old their child is. I feel unloved used , lonely, and sad and just want to die

  3. Hi,I’m Sidharath..
    I am always thinking that if i die then this would be the best solution of my all the problems.
    I lost my MOM and DAD last year,they had cancer.
    now i live alone
    nobody actually cares…everybody is busy in their works….why people are so greedy and heartless that they are just carer of their own…but from that day when i lost my parents.i am trying my level best to attract the people towards me…i love everyone and i give love to everyone but in return i always get abuse from them..whats the kind of life is this??where no one cares…
    i want my brother to be my bestest partner as a friend ,as a mom, as a father,as a lover…but the thing is same NOBODY CARES…I AM JUST 17 YEARS OLD…..but still finding love in others that someone will come and say yes i am with you sidharath and we love you…….but i am lonely alot..always cry all the time….missing mom and dad alot and alot..
    I AM NOT ABLE TO manage myself over here..everything seems to be wasteful…everything is seems to be burdened on me…..
    the problem is that i am attrating towards people now..that they will love me as a family….and my brother,i dont want to leave him but he still dont understand the situation…..I use to help people and also help poor people that something will happen good to me but every morning starts with tears and sadness…….now i am really tired from my life……………i wanna to die soon as possible…..

  4. i believe that allmy life is not neceeary starting from birthday up to now it is just suffering idid not achieve any target for my self till my age is 60 by now iam help less and lonely and iam loosing my energy iam poor and desperate then why should i live i asked my self there is no hope for me my wife who strulled with me for so long time simply died afew month before that make things worst for me and a lot to my sufferings do you believe that ahuman with such circumstances worth of living ?

    • I really hate to say this but that last line in the article is one Ive heard so many times its frankly trite (to ME) and bears no proof if you’re looking at my life. It was really hard to read this article, its always hard to hear it will get better when frankly at this point it sounds like a lie. I just turned 33 and the thought of turning 34 is almost unbearable to think of. But, thats just me.

  5. I’m just tired,
    I don’t really have an excuse or a reason, but I am so lonley.
    I spend all my time studying looking towards a future that scares me. I don’t have any friend because of it, I’m 18 and I haven’t even had my first kiss. I don’t have a job because I am literally studying 24/7 and my parents keep saying they’ll support me but I’m so scared, and they never taught me how to do anything other than study. I feel like a burden, a waste of skin. But my parents don’t care they see something in me and I don’t understand it. I don’t feel like I’m worthy of their love. I just want to die, stop sucking up their money and wasting their time. But I could never do that because it would hurt them. But honestly I wouldn’t mind if something happened. I just don’t want to hurt my family anymore.
    I’ve felt this way since I was 12, but nobody noticed.
    Honestly I’m kinda glad. I just want everybody to be happy. And I feel like they might be happier without me.

    • Zebb, what are you studying? Look into human development and social science. First believe in aliens, then study about individualism. That way you know the truth behind this World and the people in it. You are the kind of person society needs to combat real human evil. Knowledge about human kind will give you the power and skills to survive, really. I have a social science degree and now I know what makes everyone tick, why everyone is so messed up, and most importantly, I know myself. The aliens are in charge of the governments and the governments are in charge of us. Forget everything you were told about the bible, it’s all a bunch of nonsense, and what is true in the bible is what the aliens did. Ok, so there are other dimensions, im not saying that god doesn’t exist, im saying you are in charge now and in the afterlife if you believe so. If you don’t then some alien creep is going to send you back, maybe here. Take charge and study social science. You aren’t alone at all.
      Watch the history channel if you get a chance, their agenda is true., mostly.

    • Im so sorry you feel that way. Ive heard people say this but its true. You are super young and there is a chance you can come out of this. Ive been feeling the same way for ages and I just turned 33. Im hanging on because hopefully things get better. I think you’ll be ok. I hope that youre feeling better since writing this.

  6. Even if it gets better, it is only going to get worse again in time. The resources aren’t real; they’re just smoke and mirrors to delay your escape, but mental health is a business, and if you can’t pay, you can’t play. Only actresses and heiresses deserve to feel better, I guess.

  7. i hate those people who attempt for suicide or do suicide they all are lazy people that’s y they dont want to live anymore by the way if ur alone ur the person to judge ur own life
    Even i lost my mom nd dad at the age of 15
    the thing is i kept my life busy in making money
    i started making money when i was 15 after my parents death
    now am 22 have a big bank balance ,a sweet home ,a bike, no worries for food , some pets, live ur life by ur self
    dont ever rely on others
    the less friends u have the happier u will be no brothers no sisters just alone but am happy
    by the way i used a persons mail id srry

    • Must be a really horrible life to have so much hate in your heart. People who are lazy DON’T kill themselves. People who are mentally ill and pushed to the brink do sometimes. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to get a good job and have a big bank balance. I have a mentally illness and can’t work… but I guess, according to you, that would make me lazy. Oh the things in life you DON’T know. PS Your comment that if you’re alone, you’re the person to judge your own life. First, only Allah (God) can Judge you and your life. Second, yes you can make a determination on your life and where it is at and what not. Third, your statement is hypocritical because you say “the person to judge your own life” but you start out with hate and judgment by saying that you hate those people and that they are lazy. Not very becoming of a person, if you ask me.

      • Ignore that horrid comment. The person concerned is un-informed/ill advised, and has no clue about the dynamics of mental illness xox

        • The world is full of bigots and intolerant people such as the one above. Ignorance is bliss, that guy is in heaven.

    • I am 43, and I have been trying to end my life since I was 12. I work, have a family, and I still debate whether I should live or not. I am not lazy. I even almost got away with it, but my stomach was pumped on time. How dare you pass judgement of people who you do not know? Ppl who like me, have a mental illness? You can be mentally ill and be functional. And everyone reacts to situations in different ways. I’m amazed that your comment was even allowed. Shame on you.

  8. I’m totally exhausted,physically & mentally.

    I’m sick of the regimen of Drs Appts,getting meds,making certain bloodwork gets done…SOS different day.
    I’m very irritable,snappy,short fused.

    Then,I get feeling suicidal.
    I’ve nothing to complete the act,I realize to truly do yourself in you’ve got to have courage
    I’m a pussy then….example there’s trains close,to lie on the tracks,I don’t have the guts….

    I tried to nap,couldn’t …every muscle is so tight hurts to even type this post.
    My sister is lying to me about something,only increasing my irritability,I hate liars!!!!

    We are so different of course she’s not bipolar just annoying OCD & controlling.
    She treats me like a baby,like I’m a lame ass idiot who can’t get it together……

    I try try try explain ( the bipolar,crucial sleep is) I know she DOESNT GET IT at ALL

    Futile,I definitely feel like my sister is oblivious to my pain,bipolar & physical

    We can’t see each other scarcely as we always row,& I make her miserable as she says

    Of course it’s always my fault,she hardly praises & is rather cold …everyone else thinks she’s great..

    So,wonderful for them.

    I kind of don’t even know why I’m writing I feel so bad

    Everything ( coping mechanism) I’ve learned I’ve tried has failed me,my Dr won’t do anything(???)

    Likely cause when he asked if I was suicidal,I said no…he didn’t trust me..

    Too many times tried,I wish so deeply the most serious 3 or 4 yrs past had worked.

    Bad karma,I failed at killing myself just like I failed at going to uni cause of a breakdown

    My eyes ache from opening all hours

    I’m not into religion or God or BS

    I know this bipolar snaps 10 yrs off your life……..I wish it was now…because fighting all this plus fighting w everyone else is making me lose control like a snowball running down a hill,or the hamster on a wheel syndrome

    Sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach

    & fear.

    The loss of control?

    Hell,I never had any way

  9. I just lost my grandson Easter morning. He was 24 years old. I try to sleep but when I close my eyes I have
    nightmares of the police at the door at 5:30 AM to tell me he passed away. We were very very close. He lived with me awile and I helped him get his apt in Dec. I am very miserable and everytime I lay my head down I
    pray to God to take me, to please don’t let me open my eyes to another miserable day without him. His funeral
    is tomorrow.
    Yes old people can feel just like all of you. despair, sad, worthless, and just wanting to die now not later but
    let me tell you his story.
    He was born with Cystic Fibrosis. A terminal lung disease. Everyday is a constant battle just to breathe. His pancrease does not work and if he ate a snack or meal he had to take a handful pills(25 or more) every time. You think life is rough for what you’re going thru just look at his. As he got older, sicker, his friends s lowly left him
    and hard to find a good or any friend. They all had their own lives. So he turned to the Druggies” who will
    always be your best friend. I tried to make him see they are not your friends, cause friends don’t hook you
    on drugs, you are a customer. he got in trouble with police and we had to quickly go get him out of jail so he
    could get his meds and breathing machine. He destroyed what little healthy internal body he had. He was always
    thin and frail. It is a terrible disease that slowly suffocates you. He has had multiple operations, in coma’s.
    and strokes and should have died many times but I cried, begged God to give him more time, (selfish on
    my part) and he would bounce back
    He was always depressed. Earlier he was a cutter, overdosed several times and his home life was not the
    best. I had him living with me and even though had been around him forever, never really knew how he
    suffered till he lived with me. He would cough constantly for hours so hard he would stomp the floor
    and gag just to try to get clear enough to breathe alittle. He could do nothing physical because he had
    no strength or breathe. no biking, nothing, so how do you hold friends like that? He was depressed
    because he could never hold a job, never have a girlfriend (and he was so lonely) never get married,
    never had kids(the disease makes you sterile) and he loved them. he took care of cousins kids and just loved them to pieces. In Dec
    he wanted to get an apt and we talked. My greatest fear was he would die alone there. But he wanted
    for once in his life be free from everyone telling him what to do and controlling him. He was also bipolar
    and had all the issues with that. We had him in counciling, sent to Florida for 3 months drug rehab,
    (still was on drugs) and did all we could. I would have sold my soul to the devil for him. So what I am
    telling all of you
    I don’t want to live anymore either, but would never take my life because I have one other grandson, his brother
    who loves his grandma too just like all of you has SOMEONE who would grieve for you like I am
    for him and will feel the same as I do wanting to end it all. So when you feel like that, remember him.

    He pushed himself with all his problems and suffering everday to live life every day. You don’t have that
    problem. You are sad and depressed now but it will pass and someday you will have a family of
    your own like he could never have. You are hurting now but if you do kill yourself those who love
    you will be hurting a lot worse cause they have to stay and face everyday without you.

    I tell you what helped me. He died on Sunday. On Monday I was laying crying alone (I live alone)
    and have no one to comfort me. I have no friends (I thought) I only lived her about 7 years and new
    t the church I went. I had my house dark and thought of taking all my pills. I live out of town on
    3 acres alone. My pastor and his wife heard and insisted to come out here. They got me to get up,
    open curtains, talk about it and pray for strength

    Please know that there is someone worse off than you. He would have loved to have your health
    and live on. Just also know, even if you think you have no friends, you have hundreds of family
    and friends whose life you have touched and not even know it. Reach out to a pastor-anywhere.
    Go help disabled children by volunteering, call friends you haven’t seen. do whatever it takes.
    The old saying “if it is to be- Its up to me” and you have to make the move. You say no one will
    listen or call you names. God listens. The mother who is despondant with children who posted on
    April 3, I know how you feel. I too did all those things you did younger, but that’s in the past,
    you can’t change that ever, but you can change today. Find a support group, anykind, A grief
    support, victims of rape support, you have to do it. You have those kids who love you and would
    you want them to live knowing their mom didn’t care enough about them to live, or to spend
    time with them.
    My grandson was not only dealt this bad disease he knew would take his life before
    30, but he never gave up. If he can do it, so can you, and if I can do it, I know you can, There
    are people that care. I hope no one has to go thru the pain and hurt I feel over the loss of
    my grandson. he was my rock, He never complained or felt sorry for himself. He always
    went out his way to help others. I ask you to live for him the life he could never have

    . If anyone needs to talk, I will, To those who say no one will listen and calls them immature and to move on
    I will never say that. There are those who will help you and listen. find them don’t give up.
    I know I have to find them. I am wishing my life would be over. That’s how I grieve for him
    and someone will feel that way for you. God bless you all and just kick like hell your way
    thru this.

  10. PLEASE HELP ME. i am 25 a mother of 5. every single day i want to die! i have tried numorous times since the age of 16. i found my sister hanging in the closet at 9 yrs old. at 13 i was munipulated and raped by a 40 year old who got me pregnant. at 18 yrs old i watched my father die. since then i have been going totally downhill. i became addicted to sex drugs and alcohol. at age 19 i settled into a relationship with someone much older then me , i love him, but i cheated on him numorous times, i cant stop drinking or doing drugs. Im ALWAYS depressed, my kids seem to dislike me. I lost all of my friends and it seems like everyone doesnt want to be around me. This hurts soo bad. WHat is wrong with me????thats all i want to know. counseling hasnt helped me, i have NOONE to talk to and when i try to talk to anyone they just call me sensitive, immature, and dumb. everyday i just to die. Please help me!

  11. Hey Natasha,
    I have been there more times than I care to remember. Honestly it is a constant thing. I have been pretty stable for almost two years after a short stint in the hospital against my will. I have a great family that I love very much. I just became a grandfather last summer. I have a lot to live for but I wouldn’t mind if I died. I just won’t do it myself like I have tried in the past. There is little joy in my life and I have little passion for anything. I am just going through the motions. Any advice for someone who just wants out but won’t do it himself?

    • Hi Kevin

      I can Identify with you.

      Im 46 – have a great family, grandkids, and live in a beautiful country.

      But I too would be quietly pleased if I slipped away to the next dimension. Or blackness – if that is all there is. I don’t presume to truly know that. Im unemployed for 6 months after a wonderful career and after over 50 job applications, (Ive had a professional career guidance company help me along the way with CV etc) – not one interview. Some of the jobs I applied for I would have said I was a sitter for, but nothing.

      I have really lost all hope. I feel demeaned and shunned by society, friends, my community.

      I won’t kill myself because I have a 12 yr old daughter with special needs who needs me. She would be devastated if I departed early and she needs my support. She is the only thing keeping me going. (She does not live with me)

      I found this today on TEDS….and wham I saw your message – I thought Id bring it to your attention – just in case it helps a bit. Heres the link.


      I guess just know there is people out here in the same boat as you. Im not sure what the future holds at this point. Hell, Im not sure what next week holds. Im planning to re-train. To go back to school to try to give myself some purpose. It will take three years to complete a degree – then Ill have plenty of working life left to use it. And look after my precious daughter along the way.

      Hope you find strength from somewhere.

      If you want to contact me directly for ongoing support/friendship Im happy to join you in that journey we are all taking.

      My email is d615d615@gmail.com If I hear from you, Ill give you some other direct links as that is an alternate email address which I just use for privacy reasons on open forums.

      Take care friend.


    • Ps….. I meant to say. The thing that resonates with me most of all about the above TED talk, is the part where he mentions how those people who have survived the fall from GGB, all said “the second I let go and started falling, I knew Id made a terrible mistake”

      Thats enough insight from my perspective to know not to be impulsive about this. Look at your own life as well, and think about all the times you’ve made decisions (with less dire consequence) and later changed you mind, or decided on another course of action. That old adage I hear frequently that “Suicide is a permanent problem to a temporary situation)

      Hang in there friends


  12. I oftentimes want to die. What’s the point of living? We’re going to die anyway. But I can’t kill myself because I have two boys and two cats. What would happen to them? So I would rather die but I can’t! It’s like some sick twisted
    I do see a therapist and a psychiatrist which are life savers.
    I am Bi Polar I.

    • As another human being I feel compassion for you. I am sorry for you and i can only imagine how you feel. I have a grandson who just yesterday was diagnosed with schizophrenia and I know that his experiences may be similar to yours. Good luck and I hope that you start to feel better.

  13. I want to die all the time, its just gotten so hard. i get bullied and talked about behind my back an i try to ignore it but i cant, its gotten so bad i have started cutting myself more an more. im losing friends an family they barely talk to me anymore.I get yelled at for everything like talking by my parents and i have also been called fat from family members all the time. i have not told any one yet besides people here because im afraid there not gonna believe me or if they do there gonna give me “happy pills”. I feel ugly and fat and i know its true. when i go out with my friend everyone hits on her and i just stand there while she talks to them and gives them her number i just get completely ignored. i have been thinking about killing my self sometime soon.

    • Hi, Kit Cat–you sound young. Why are you set on throwing in the towel already? Seems like a lot of your issues stem from your self-image. As I’ve told MANY people, only YOU can hold you back. Reinvent yourself–we always do–growing and evolving. Go to the gym and change your diet if you want to lose weight–this is a LIFESTYLE change, not a quick fix with no maintenance, either. It’ll take some time–I was doing it religiously for 6 months, and couldn’t be much more satisfied with the results. Okay, so that takes care of that. BUT what if the problems persist? Then it may be something else, entirely, but let’s focus on one thing at a time.

      Become the person you WANT to be–you can do ANYTHING you want–especially being so young. There is a HUGE world out there with MANY things you have not experienced yet. Surely, your tomorrow can be better than your today, right? Give it a try. Why not revisit these thoughts in 5 years? I guarantee you that you will be in a TOTALLY different place.

      Just do what I said, okay? If there is a Planet Fitness near you, you can get a membership for $10/month. You really have nothing to lose by trying. Good luck–and in the meantime, stop cutting yourself. Any scars could be embarrassing to explain in that 5 years.

    • I almost forgot (can’t edit my first comment): Looks only go so far. You will have to find confidence. I know it’s hard right now, but believe in yourself and what you TRULY know you have to offer. I’m sure you are better than you think you are.

      I will leave you with this: Only through challenge and adversity can we achieve greatness.

  14. i hate my life
    i’m only 16, almost 17
    i already don’t want to live anymore
    when i was six i was raped by two different uncles
    i had no power to stop them
    i was too weak… after that i got older
    things seemed okay
    but i met some guys
    a few
    and was constant:y cheated on and considered worthless
    in middle school i was bullied constantly being called fat or ugly
    i felt shitty
    then high school rolls around i’m still bullied and ignored a lot
    my friends don’t seem to notice me anymore
    my friend has been attempting suicide
    the second time he did he didn’t remember who i was even though i was there the whole time telling him not to do it… he forgot me
    he hasn’t talked to me… hasn’t remembered
    i don’t think he will either
    i’ve been contemplating suicide constantly
    i’ve gotten super close to cutting myself
    i’m super depressed all the time…
    i need help….

    • Talk to the school counsellor about how you are feeling. Tell them you feel suicidal and repeat what you’ve said here. You do not have to deal with this by yourself, and the good news is that there is help for you. Please find the strength to ask xox

    • life is worth living, stop looking for love and start loving yourself, I was bullied too because of my handicap but I made it through school. you need to walk away from all the things that brings negativity in your live even if it means cutting ties with family or so call friends (especially if they make you more depressed). you have overcome so much already giving up now would be pointless. learn to value yourself more and tell yourself that the people that bullied you are not going to be part of your future, you don’t have to please them and they don’t need to know you. you don’t need to impress no one. You are stronger than you think being in a better mental state will attract more positive people and friends. And love will come find you as it did me. Turn to god even in your darkest time he is there with you, even when you think you can’t take it anymore he is there holding your hand that’s why you are still alive. If god was not with you, you would not have come this far.
      there is so much more blessing in your life yet to come don’t give up.

    • look if u r girl or boy u have a futuer dont kill this futuer with ur hand forsure god see u and it will help u dont suicied suiciding is much horrible than ur life just pray and dont love too much cuz this too much will heart u too much and if u have any problem in love or something tell to me i will solve it my email is hwedahany@yahoo.com

  15. me depressed too although i have a good life, mum and dad dead and only have an evil brother , my ex girlfriend was with me just for money . Feel like finding a new girlfriend but , when someone is depressed , it doesn’t attract anyone

  16. This is for TILLY’s posting. She say’s her name is Justice,
    I just want to say that you ARE worth something! I love you and if I were there right now, I would hold you and hug you and tell you that you have something special to offer the world. It is ok to feel the feelings you have had toward your Dad. It is ok to feel the way that you do about everything however I want you to know that you are loved and you are worth something. I’m so glad that your nephew brings you joy. Please hold onto that joy as much as you can. I also wanted to ask if you have ever talked with anyone about your feelings and anxieties/ocd, etc. There are a variety of medications that can help you and they can try different ones until they find one that works. I hope that this message, gives you a little bit of hope to know that someone out here cares about you and I hope that you will try to find someone to talk to and possibly get some therapy and/or medications to help you. They will make you feel better and allow you to take a step back and see just how much you have to offer this world b/c you are special!!! I love you.

  17. Hi!
    I’m Justice, I’m 21 years old & have suffered from depression,social anxiety, OCD, PTSD & insomnia for as long as I can remember. All of these mixed together are just a recipe for self destruction. Also, I was sexually abused at age 9 by my father who also suffered from anxiety along with other things..He died when I was 14 from alcohol. Scorosis? To the liver. Well thats when things got really bad for me I guess you can say I was always shy & a little awkward. But after my dad died I was able to drop out of school & distance myself from everyone & the longer I stayed away from people the harder it was to be around them. I just got use to hiding. I was really depressed after my dad died i guess it’s because I never got closure for what he did not that I would have if he was still alive the hardest thing for me was wondering if it was wrong to miss him or be happy that he was gone. If that makes sence. What I mean is that I still loved my dad but I hated him at the same time & I felt guilty about the thoughts I was thinking which was he deserved to die. After he died I quit hanging out with people & isolated myself from everyone. I have no friends. I literally stay in my house all the time & when I say all the time I mean it. My dad made me feel worthless. I tell my self if someone that is biologically programmed to love you didn’t love you why would anyone else? I was bullied in school. I was the weird girl everyone felt awkward around. If I’m not being made fun of I’m being totally ignored. Which I like ignored better. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried into my desk or ditched school to bear the pain. I’m overly sensitive. I’m scared of everyone & everything. I’ve never drove. Never been in love. Never had a bestfriend. I lost my virginity when I was 12 to a 16 year old because I didn’t have the courage to say no! I’ve done so many disrespectful things to my self respect & self esteem for men it’s embarrassing! I have no self respect. But all I wanted was someone to hold me Even If it wasn’t good for me. Im that attached type. II fall in love with a single look. I’ve contemplated suicide numerous times. I lost count. I’ve held knives to my throat. Towels, pillows, blankets over my face. Choked myself. Beat myself. Took pills. I’ve never followed through. Obviously. I cry myself to sleep everynight. I love to cry. It feels soo good. I hate my body, my face, my teeth, my skin. I’m untalented. I’m a middle school dropout. A hermit, a homebody. I stay up all night thinking what if? Whys? & fantasizing. I sleep all day. I do weird ocd things that make me feel like I’m having a heart attack. I’m constantly stressed.I always have a bad feeling. I don’t talk to people because I feel like crying everytime I do. I feel shaky & overwhelmed around people. I don’t know how to act around or entertain people. I’m the mute in the corner not singing the happy birthday song because I feel like everyone is watching me plus I’ve been this way for so long it’d be weird to others if I wasn’t like this. I’m talked to like a baby or totally treated like a piece of shit because of my ways. I don’t know how to act. I’m walked all over & end up being the one left out. Every time. I’ve never fit in. I don’t know what to do. All I know is I don’t want to be me anymore. I always think that if I ended my life right now maybe I’ll be someone else in my next life. Someone loveable.. Well, time for my Insomnia to get the best of me.. goodnight. I mean good morning. It might as well be. I know it’s easier to talk on the internet or text messaging rather then in person. I just need someone to talk to..& if not I can just talk to the voices in my head there always there telling me to just do it. I haven’t let them win yet so I must be good at something. I must be here for a reason. I just can’t figure it out..I just think death would be so peaceful. Peace is something I haven’t felt in so long not since 09′ when my first nephew was born. With that being said, I can not leave out the fact that I have an amazing nephew who makes me feel alive he is definitely my savior!♡ I love him & I know he loves me. He is my hero! If he wasn’t here I wouldn’t be here to write this. Real talk! He’s definitely special. I thank god for him everyday. My momma too! & brothers & sisters. My neices & other nephews. My fur babies. I have an amazing family. Yes! But you can’t help how you feel inside. I’m so different! !!!! & I am ruined. I’ve tried everything. I hate the person in the mirror staring back at me!! & although my family is great I still feel alone. It’s not them. It’s me.. Well, theres my story. I wish it was better. I hope the ending is!

    • Tilly (lily is that you?)i have been dreaming with a girl for a few years now,and just 3 days ago i dreamt with her and i always feel some connection to her,and found this website, by accident.

      i have been in some ways through a lot of emocional drama through all my life similar to tilly eccept for the sexual part.(rape,abuse etc.)
      have had many women in my life but,never felt “complete” with any of them (and no i have no homosexual tendencies,wish it were that simple.)

      i have always felt out of place and time,(i am not from this planet),I would rather not go into much details of myself publicly.
      tilly,i am an imnsomniac since birth,i would only sleep on daytime since birth so my mother tells me,I am 35 years old now.
      I am solitary,depressive though i no longer have suicidal tendencies,not since i found purpose for myself.
      In my case “knowledge” is my purpose,trying to understand who I am,why I am here, and why I CHOSE to come here< I know this because,I remember it.

      i am not friendly at all, I am introverted,and solitary,anti-social,etc.
      But I also Feel Lonely as hell,is romance dead?
      I am not obviously talking about sex,but unity.
      I also have no friends,and have no desire to frankly.
      I do LOVE gardening/farming,so nature is my friend.
      I smoke so I plant tobacco,(i do NOT do any Drugs nor drink,though i have some wine(sealed)and scotch,etc bottles gathering dust.

      Write back If you would like to start a conversation,if you want to only.
      not sure if i should share my email-
      but i do give permission to moderator or admin to give it to you.
      in case you wish it,or i forget about this place.

      Hope you find purpose for life (there are no second chances)I know this for a FACT.

    • Tily, Listen inner peace is the way… I find that good family which you mentioned that you have sometimes brings the best out of you such as the children , innocence of their love ~ try to focus on what they need from you and why they love you…You are strong I see it in your letter ~ stronger then the voice that is inside your head! So prove to yourself and everyone else that Tily will overcome the past and press on to the future. I am not trying to dismantle what Doctors have diagnosed you as but….. with that said ….. the diagnosis sometimes hinders us as humans , we will cling on to every word if it gives us a reason to react the way we feel is acceptable. So with all this the incident with your father was defined through your life as tragedy but dad is gone now and it is okay to still love him (that shows your not as bad as you think you are) but you have to put it behind you and let go of the past so that you can move forward , stop regressing and try to look at this death with your dad not as a question within yourself about his death and how you hate him but love him and the guilt that you feel with his death and you wanting him to die…. it is only natural to feel that way after being hurt. He is gone now try to move on and work on yourself stop being so hard on yourself I think this is most of the problem. Seems as if you are punishing yourself and want to continue to do so … this gives you reason to find your hole …Get out of it….. Start working on one issue at a time and I am almost certain things will get better…….. :)

  18. I don’t get any job I was useless in my home I don’t know why I’m living in this world doing nothing till now so please tell me how to die soon without pain easily

    • Sudha, getting job in private in not such big task… my problms are more teriffing not getting govt job and family fight , and all alone in this world… I also think of comiting sucide all my way … but I really wish your long life . If want to talk mail me

  19. I feel horribly bad when I read what other people are going through. I don’t want to die but I don’t feel I have a solution to my problem and that is why I constantly think about it, along with the anxiety that I’m experiencing. The anxiety symptoms can be controlled with medication, to a point, but the actual reason I feel scared, cannot be solved. I haven’t been able to find anyone else who feels the way that I do. I’ve searched and searched. I know it is just an illusion in my mind, my perception of the world and it is just fear. I also know it cannot be controlled with medication b/c I’ve had anxiety/depression for several years and this spin on it, is different. Even when I put it into words, people do not understand b/c it doesn’t make sense to them and surely medication must be able to help it. You see, I feel like the world is unsafe. I was living in denial and just using a Band-Aid and when the Band-Aid came off, I didn’t realize the world was going to feel like one big scary place again…. I’m talking about the outside world. I feel like I can’t look at the sun, the water, the sky b/c I will fall into it but that doesn’t cause me panic attacks. It just causes me to feel weird and I don’t like that feeling and so I force myself to continue to do things. I’m not depressed. I just feel anxious and b/c my living situation was supposed to change, that’s what made me fearful again. I felt safe where I’m living and once that person is gone, I cannot live here anymore. Even though that person has now said that I can continue to live here, my anxiety and suicidal thoughts persist. I just want to go back to a few months ago when I felt normal and didn’t feel this way. The last time I felt this way, was in 2008 when I had several major life events happen all at once and my world came crumbling down. I know it sounds like an easy solution but my stupid mind won’t let me feel safe unless I’m living constantly with someone and nothing matters to me til I fix this (which I know sounds like depression) but I just feel like it is inevitable so if I even eat or enjoy tv or anything, then I will suffer more. I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t want to die. I keep reading that anyone who commits suicide will need to be reincarnated and do it all over again and I don’t want that either.

    • well.. I am just such a person.I am a male(not sure if this is more prevalent in men but surely there are women who feel the same). the reasons why you haven’t found yet another person to share these feeling with you are diverse but I assure you that we both are not the only ones who feel so deeply this angst. As of reincarnation I don’t believe in it, in fact I don’t believe in anything I don’t have a verifiable proof of. Like you I have a constant awareness of death and suicide but suicide even if it can be considered a solution is just a lame way to go for me as I have no other illness but this constant awareness of death. I think the solution lies in keeping busy with other thoughts and things to do at least until we find a way to overcome death or death overcomes us.

  20. Am sick and tired of life i just want to die, life sucks no matter what good you do you will surely enter bad situation.I want to die, can someone just tell me what is the meaning of life.

  21. when im happy i believe there is a GOD, but when im sad and lonely i don’t if there is really a GOD and I want to diie now

    • when u r sad nd think that god does not exist…just remember that a teacher is always quiet during a test.

  22. I’m scared sad and feel aloe I just want to be me again who ever she may be please help me feel better this to shall pass

    • whenever we feel alone and feel like no meaning of life like that.. then their is a opportunity with us and god only select us to know us better than other most important feel and real meaning we understand when we work for other ….so without loosing ourself use ourself for work for society u will be the most important person and became most motivational person in the world so think positively and just start work for poors or needy.

    • people always pass through trouble if u try to be friend with ur enemy u will win. dont belive people by their word belive only by ur god

  23. I’m not a teenager, I have no teenage angst. I’m educated but have been denied by the hiring managers of this country. I’m a good, smart, and talented person who has only been given student debt for my efforts. I’m alone and scared about never having a future. Relative experience doesn’t equate to the most talented, “best qualified” eliminates unrecognized talent. What I thought would be my future wife wants to be free, which leaves me alone. I’m on the verge of a total breakdown every other minute.I feel unloved, unfulfilled, lost and insecure, which leads to an overwhelming feeling of emptiness. My parent’s basement is not a place to grow, but rather a place that illuminates my failures. So what do I have left that is worth living? I am not a contributing member of society no matter how hard I try and aspire to be I am the lost generation of the unwanted in America.

  24. What I would give to just never wake up, I know for a fact if I didn’t live with my father I would have ended it by now. I just couldn’t do that to him because I fear it would kill him especially after all the turmoil he has endured in his life. Ever since I was a child I always felt that I was meant to die young. I remember being 5 years old right after my grandfather passed away and something inside me just clicked and my entire being told me that I was meant to die young. Everyday I hope someone runs a light and kills me or that they won’t notice me in the crosswalk and just end it there but each day I remain unscathed, at least my physical body, but my internal war finds no calm. Just wish I had an off switch. My grandfather had given me two pistols over the summer a matching set of Colts. I asked my father last week to get them out of the apartment and away from my knowledge for I was fearing that would have been my method.

    • i really have bad life
      i am in heartbreak one i love him boy iam too young 11 years today i will not see him in the school we took vecation and idk why he is sad and i am seeing him everyday in y dreams and my heasd is alawys thinking about him so what can i do
      please help a girl that has a bad life and she is too young

  25. I feel worthless all the time cause I am I shattered both my legs ankles and feet and my accident was life changing for the worse I am a worthless gimp that no one wants and hate my life I can’t find work I’m always in pain whenever I walk I can’t afford to see a doctor cause I’m homeless no money no family my wife threw me away cause I couldn’t find work and sometimes I want to die as well..its been 14 yrs since my accident and still no help I should just give up defac won’t help social security won’t help welfare won’t help I’m useless

  26. So why are we alive? What’s the point? I really don’t feel like living anymore. Its just pain and suffering. Its the same day over and over again.

    I feel like there should be a law, like if someone wants to die, they should just let them. I mean we’re already over populated, do we need more neurosis? Another thing is, that death is frowned upon but its actually natural.

    Now, every night, I go to sleep hoping I won’t wake up but then I do and then I’m like, ofcourse I did, when did I get what I want?

    People say time changes things but it really doesn’t. My motivation to do anything is at all time high. I used to go out and watch movies, now I don’t even do that. There are times when I’m at home for 2 weeks or so and the only activity that I do is, go out and shop but I even delay that.

    Now people will be like, then go out and do it, yeah I’ve heard it all, it doesn’t happen. Then the self condemnation starts, the guilt starts and then I try to stop thinking but all I end up doing is more thinking and then I condemn myself some more.

    Yes, its a story of ‘poor little me’ but its there.

    I’ve isolated myself and feel like an outcast but that’s not even the point. The point is that I don’t really see any point in living anymore. If God (that is, if he exists) asks me what do you want? I’ll grant your every wish, My answer would be, that I just want to end it.

    I’m like, you keep your money, you keep your women, you keep your power, you even keep your enlightenment, fuck all of it. I’m done.

    Then I’m like, how should I go about it? There is something that doctors do, if patient is really ill, they can choose to die but they’re not gonna do that to me.

    They’ll be like, you’re depressed, take this pill, fuck them.

    Any safe way to end it? I don’t want to fail at killing myself

    • I have read many of all of you that contraplate suiside. Just try your best to hold on for another day!!!! Because your life means something!! Whether you believe or not, we are here for reason!! And its finding yourself, what is your talents? Do you listen to many people? Do you council? Do you love? Are you a giver? Do you craft? Do you work? Travel? Anything!! All things, help other people and their lives!! Like a giant circle! The entire planet! Think how it would be if everyone stopped!! We are here as humans as a collective one! And one person has power to add to this. If suiside you believe will end it all, wow, you are really mistaken!! Because the world is continues! And when it ends then, people will end. Life is hard, soft, mushy, clammy, cold, rough, comfy, cozy, happy, sad, hot, frozen…..ect.. Be life, that’s all you need to do!

      • Okay, here’s the thing…. I have felt that way many times for a long time–more so during the past few months (August – about 2 or 3 weeks ago). I researched and researched and researched fool-proof methods to kill myself. You wouldn’t BELIEVE the rate of failure for some of the conventional methods! Prayed for death every night and yelled at God every morning. But then I realized that there is no escape. We’re here. And we’re likely to be here for a LONG time.

        So, what can we do? Re-invent ourselves. For instance, I thought my problem was that I wasn’t in great shape–I changed my lifestyle. I eat better and I’ve been at the gym at least 3 days a week since September. I am in tremendous shape now! Had these ugly homemade tattoos on my arms–got em covered up with real tats. I started venturing out more–at first, it was weird to go places by myself, but now, I prefer to. You see, what happens is–well, in my case–you develop your own sense of confidence–one that is not connected to or a product of the comfort you receive from being WITH someone. I understand this may not pertain to your situations, but the bottom line is: We’re here, so you might as well have fun. Life sucks–change it. You can be happy–at least most of the time.

        “Only through challenge and adversity can we achieve greatness.”
        — Mike Vaughn

  27. I found your article because I googled I wish I could die in my sleep. I am not going to kill myself. I just wish I would die. Your article says my life is worth saving. Actually no it’s not. I’m tired of being a disabled, social drain who only has a few friends who essentially use me. I’m done! My life is worth saving, why? If I die in my sleep I don’t have to worry about being saved and the jerk who tries to save me better hope they fail. ;(

    • Hey you – I just want you to know I feel for you. I can imagine Id feel the same from time to time if I was in your shoes. Just one thing, don’t feel bad if you don’t have many friends. Id say the majority of us don’t. I personally have about 4 or 5 friends, and Im 46, so Ive had a lot of time to make them. I believe we all get very much caught up in our own lives, and especially in todays technology heavy world, we are tending to become even more isolated from each other.

      One way you might make a difference if you want to expand your social horizons is to “start a movement” or a group – as they say. You’ll find there will be people in your area who feel the same, but have no one to bring you together. Keep it simple and don’t have huge expectations….you could call it a coffee club or something and just encourage people to come along for relaxed social time without any other expectation. Maybe organise a guest speaker from your local community to kick things off. Don’t be dis-heartened. You are not alone in this sense of despair. xox

  28. nothing well going in my life…….i could not pass out my b.tech….i have one supply…and not find any good job….i want to die but because of my parents cant die…..i am a lot in strain….

  29. Suicide – a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I came here because I cant afford to live. I suppose I could abandon my job and go live in the bush……but my kids ( whom live with their Mother) would be heartbroken if I disappeared. I’m stuck. Thinking about ending it. Hopefully my insurance will pay out and at least the kids will have enough to be comfortable.

    • Not sure where you live Paul, but in the US, most insurance policies do not cover on-purpose death, only accidental death. Read your policy.
      Are you seriously thinking of killing yourself over money? The love of money over the love of your kids who’d be devastated for life. How much are they worth? Sorry for the guilt trip, but seriously, you are important to them even if you have no money. Hold your head high. You ARE valuable!!!
      Living in the bush would be fun and your kids could visit with you and learn so much about the land. Camping is fun! I know of a lady who is raising her child in the woods. She is a naturalist and herbalist. I heard that the state tried to take her kid from her but she won the case. Look outside the box for your answers! Dream big and go for it! If not for you but for your adorable children that love you a bunch.

  30. I was loving a girl from my school days it was 10 years of relationship and after that we got married and we loved each other like anything.we traveled around the globe and also i traveled with her at every part of my country.She was a negative thinker always so when something happened in us she used to say that I will suicide and one day she did..Now it has been 1 year after her death and I am crying like anything I feel I am responsible for death..

  31. life i lived i do have so many problems but i never think about to kill or suicide my self why should I, i wanna step up and try to open new doors…am sure u will feel releif if u try Islam…when i said Islam u will feel or say what is she crazy but no am not am politely asking to contact ill show u simple ways the u can change life into amazing life. I love u all we do deserve to be happ

  32. I think nobody likes me in this world ,not even my family .I want to die ……i m 21yrs but I m fed up of my life from past 5 years …its not a single reason to mention…but now finally decided to end my life,and think not even a counselor can give me a solution ….there is lot to tell but its useless…..nothing can be done its my fate………guide me plsss …..y shud I be alive?

    • Please dont do it. I am really upset too, i hate mylife… But u r just 21, things for you will get better soon. Please dont harm urself. You are awesome… N will become even better. Dont do it Girl. I dunno your problem but ill be glad to make you smile again.

    • ….just a think , life is very beautiful , u need to understand it ! It’s ok that your family not like u bt u like u ? Nd if not than u need it . Try to prove yourself in any field ! It is not necessary that a one boy nd your family like u ….. If u think that a one ought to love u than need to know it i love human being nd life . It is enough to be alive u ! Love your life . God always with u . Nd at last u can pray and love to god till whole life ! Think in history period , there was a ”Meera” nd she love lord krishna ! U also have a reason for live a life !

  33. I have prayed for death almost every night for the past 21 years. I can relate to the most recent of these comments. Something similar happened to me a couple months ago. I was with a single mom for 4 years, and I was a great “father”–the kids’ real dad didn’t talk to them or anything during all this time. We were talking about getting married and having a kid and life was only going to get better. Before I continue, allow me to explain the praying for death part–even when the day was PERFECT, I didn’t ever want to lose that–I’d rather die at the end of a great day than a day like the ones I’ve been having. Anyway, back to the story–I’m keeping this VERY brief because it’s really long, and we’re all on here for the same thing. We’d just gotten back from a vacation in Florida and had an awesome time. A few weeks later they took a trip up to Pennsylvania to visit family up there, and her ex-husband comes out of the woodwork claiming to have changed and this, that, and the other. He’s an alcoholic who, it seems, has a hard time keeping a job, he’s got no license due to having 6 DUIs, he is $8000 behind on child support, he was (is) verbally and psychologically abusive toward her and the kids (14 and 18 now), he was (is) a liar and a cheater. I proposed to her, and she accepted, and when we got back home, she went upstairs and I took the dogs out, came back in, said goodnight to the kids, and went upstairs. She’s up there holding the ring and says she can’t accept it right now, and I’m like, “What?” “Stephen’s (her ex-husband) my soulmate! He’s changed!” Blah, blah, blah. There’s more to this story, but that was the main part.

    At any rate, *I* was the one who walked out–BUT that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It hurts everyday. I hardly enjoy anything anymore. I can’t stand the thought of love or happiness or marriage. I want to pull the sky down and smite the earth. I want to destroy everything. Or… I can just kill myself and spare everyone else. Only problem is, I’ve got too many people counting on me for things–friends and family–mostly family. If it weren’t for them, I would have no problem with it, so I just suffer in silence. And that doesn’t help. Anyway, thanks for allowing me to share. Keep your heads up, everyone. Maybe tomorrow really WILL be better. If nothing else, let this drive you–accomplish whatever goal you have and go as high as you can go. And that’s another reason I can’t–I have promised that I would achieve great things, to spite my enemies (those who have hurt me or doubted me). I guess you can give that a try.

  34. 3years I was in this relationship with the girl I love , I love here from the bottom of my heart ! 2days ago she left me for another guy , no call , no text , no nothing . 3 years of caring , 3years of holding her close , 3 years of doing everything she ever wants , financial supporting her , seeing her through her worst .
    She was with a guy before me but she swore I was her world , we even had plans to get married in a year . now she just played me , used me, my resources ,my love .
    I am an introvert but I opened up to her as I felt here love was true . she ripped me apart , mind ,body and soul .
    You tell me now , is life worth living ? Wouldn’t death put an end to this ? Why do I deserve this ? Never have I absued her, never have I hurt her and never did I no for anything . yet she left . is this the price of being good ? Is this the price of being a guy who loves only one girl ? Is this the price of love?
    Tell me if its worth living .

    • Brother, i feel you and the pain you are going through is terrible, but hey you are going through it and soon you will smile. Just hang on. You can always email me if you are low. I will help.

    • Dear, i m a boy nd i love whole world , u r not alone now also , ur parents nd god with u plz be alive for your parents, think about them , they both is your creater , nd now u can love them nd your god . Live for others nd also die for country ! U r also a part of this world ….so plz don’t do sucide ! If u r alone in this world than plz come with me u r always welcome ! In really i love a life !

    • look i know ur feeling cuz i put in this case 2 times with two boys the first boy i love him but he just played me and the onther we were best friend i fell love with him now we r not texting talking or neven say hi i dont know why but not me answer for the love to suised no just call ur lovely girl call her text her give her gifts maybe at ur last times u didnt give to her enough much for her but anyway say to me the whole story in my email is hwedahany@yahoo.com

  35. Ive read many of these honest confessions and I can relate to many. I have bipolar and am 52. Ive wanted to xie most of my life. I really believe the underlying problem is we strive all our life to be happy and pursue whether good or bad the goals we think will give us happiness. And thede is constant pressure to be happy. But I believe the truth is we are only passing through hers on earth. Eternity is what is real. If we live 99 years, it will be only a minute in eternity. This world is horrible. Families ars broken apart, so there isnt the support at home that there was 60 years ago. There is so mu h violence and disease people are afraid to get close to anyone, and when someone is nice you have to be concerned about their intentions. There are many reasons for a rational person to want to exit this life immediately. People that seem to never think of death and negative things and seem only happy are often people in xenial about everything. I usually read the Bible, but I have been so depressed I couldnt find anything that I thought expressed my horrific sorrow until I read this:
    “Oh why give life to those in misery and life to those who are bitter. They long for death and it wont come. They search for death more eagerly than for hidden treasure. They’re filled with joy when they finally die, and rejoice when they find the grave. I can not eat for sighing my groans pour out like water. What I always feared has happened fo me. What I dreaded has come true. I have no peace, no quietness, I have no rest, only trouble comes.”
    Job 3:21-26
    This was written by a man named Job who had just lost all his kids and wealfh in one day and waz devastate. God later restored Job’s life. But the tragedies of his kids being killed and a complete financial wipe out in 1 day made him want to die and question everything. The only thing that keeps me from killing myself today is that I know I will be accountable to God for my life. Therefore Im staying as close to the Lord as possible and obeying Him and pdaying constantly for strength anx Im focusing on making it to heaven. I have a family in heaven that lovez me, I have a home in heaven whereas now I feel homeless, homesick, alone. Thede is no more sickness and wars and violencd and injustice there. So Im not ashamed to admit I am miserable in this life, everyday is a struggle, things are unfair and wrong. To try to muster enough motivation to get out of bed, shower and open the blindsis iimpossible FOR me without God giving me hope about eternity with Him.

  36. What I searched too find this page is the question “why do I want to die just because?” And I found this… But I am still curious. I know I get mad at the stupidest things… When I am upset I feel hopeless. I want too do self harm or die. I have a family that loves me and a boyfriend that well I think loves me. Is it because I don’t love myself? Am I manically depressed? I’m usually a fairly happy person… I just want to know when I get upset it gets to this point. I don’t even feel like dying I just want too it is hard too explain.. Please help me figure this out I do not want to go see anyone..

    • Omg This is exactly how I feel. Im generally a happy person, then suddenly I get so sad and small things trigger this.I get so sad and it feels painful I contemplate life. I too think it is because i don’t love myself. And i feel like it is not worth talking about it with anyone because they wouldn’t understand, they will think it is a phase.

  37. I am currently at the point where I just don’t see the reason to try any more.
    I have planned this out for at least a year so I pretty know how i’m going to execute my plan.

  38. I am a professional female near 40 years old. I frequently feel hopelessness. I would like help for my depression, but I am afraid that others will find out and the most important things to me would be over.
    In May 2014, I took a bottle of sleeping pills in hopes of falling into a deep sleep and never awaking again. The results of taking the pills, I could not fall asleep for hours and had extreme diarrhea. I tried to surround myself with things that make me happy (exercising, dining out, reading and traveling). I have difficulty with trusting and interacting with others. I would like to socialize but it terrifies me. I avoid other people to avoid being hurt. I know what most of my triggers are and do everything possible to avoid them.
    I have 3 daughters 16, 14, and 12. They have emotional social disorders as a result of the interactions I have modeled for them. They are the reason I live. Even though I know that they are the reasons I live. I found myself asking God to let me die in my sleep, because I don’t want to live anymore. I am always asking him why do I have to live?
    The truth is I do not want to die; I just don’t want to live like this. PLEASE HELP

    • I am a divorced father of two boys 14-16. I love so much. I feel a lot like you. Let’s see if we can’t help each other with good conversation and exchange stories. Need a friend as well:)

  39. i’m really happy, have a fucking great life and I love getting out of bed in the morning. i’m 52 and that feeling won’t last forever. How can i gracefully retire?

  40. I want to want to live. I’ve suffered from depression for many years. My kid’s keep me alive, yet my quality of life isn’t. I’m getting help with counseling and medication. I learned, too late, that the meds I was taking the over last several years were making me more depressed. Regrettably, my former psychiatrist referred me to ECT that didn’t work for me, it erased memories of my children’s childhood. Please, no judgment about seeking ECT. Now, I feel I cannot go on without those treasured memories. And, I am withdrawing from the meds causing my depression which is causing me more despair. This is the most severe depression I’ve endured. I’ve also been dx with PTSD from memory loss. People tell me how strong I am. My therapist told me many people would take their lives in my situation. I ache for my children seeing me suffer. I yearn for the day when I look at my kid’s and am relieved I’m alive. I have given permission to my husband to leave me because I’m in such despair. I am 50 and for the first time feel absolutely hopeless. I guess I needed to share this in case anyone else has been in shoes and made it to the other side.

  41. I am stressed about everything. I am worried that I am not going to make it to my 18th birthday. I mean, I don’t celebrate birthday anymore, but u know. I know it sounds common to say that I am stressed by school work, but it’s more than that, I swear. I feel behind all my classmates. I feel self-conscious (sorry for the repetition) I can’t live like this: under fear and unconscious supervision of others. There is a sense of helplessness that comes up every now and then. I know there are resources in a lot of places, but I don’t trust them. I tried them though…I think about suicide very often, but I can never make myself do it. It’s going to impact too many people.

    Think about someone who cries when sunlight comes out

  42. From my childhood i remain alone,, i have a familyy but i didnt get enough love from them,,,,, now i am 22 till now for 21 years i saw many people ,,, every one in this world are selfish ,,,, none live for someone,,, i had many dreams on my life but i know my dreams will remain as a dream,, i think its my fate which made me to be alone,, for some days i felt some happiness but again my loneliness hugged me,, iam sure my life wont be good,, i cant continue this tearfull life, but i am not dare enough to committ suicide,, my country is a well populated country in that i am alone,, i need care i want some love ,, i want warm hands to hold my shiverinng hands ,,, but i lost hope,, .. the only solution i found is death,, which i cant dare,,

  43. I need help. I don’t know what to do. I have some health issues, and some mental health issues. Due to this I have not been able to work. I am not able to provide for my own life, so my family is having to do it. I know my dad does not have a lot of money, and he needs to save for when he no longer can work one day. At first, having my dad and mother help me was ok because I had never allowed them to give to me as an adult. I always earn my way and even give a lot to them. I felt that them having to help me was short term and I’d be back on my feet. It has been 7 or 8 years now. I have went back to school and graduated. Now, I feel I’ve done all I know how and still can no function in the world. I’m scared to leave the house often times. My mental health and physical health have destroyed who I am, or who I want to be. I am now useless, and a burden to my family, to friends who love me and want me to do well. Some don’t even understand. They assume I am lazy, or just a loser. They judge and think that I have just settled for this type of life. I need help from people who understand. I need to get out of my parents house. I am 43. I never relied on them like tis and now I am stuck being a burden. I know they love me and I know my friends care very much for me, but I will not be this person. I will not be a loser, a burden. I’d rather them hurt because I am gone than to stay here and hurt them daily. If I can’t find help, I will kill myself. I will die. I have no other reasonable choice. I need help please.

    • HI Joe,
      I feel really weird being on this website, especially because I feel like I’ve finally found people I can relate to. I am about your age and have the same type of situation (parents helping me out financially), except I have an 11 year-old son. He stays with my 75 year-old parents a lot lately because I’m so depressed and don’t want him to see me this way, don’t want to destroy his childhood. He is the only thing I am still around for. Yet I push him away. I don’t get myself. it’s the inability to get a job to support myself that is destroying me. Which stems from my depression. My parents are paying for my rent, which kills me, even though I hate them. They judge and backstab me every time I fail. They misled me so many times on my career path growing up and now I am without competitive skills and in the most competitive world. I can’t compete with the world and feel so damn scared that I’ll be homeless and a failure, I’d rather die. I feel so much better when I work, but there is nothing I can do! so many hours I spend looking for a job that someone with my mental state could hold down, and I see nothing. nothing. I have a bachelor’s degree ( a useless one), I had a 4.0 GPA in college. In high school I was even the valedictorian, but depression has destroyed me. I know we each have our own situation, but I kind of related to yours. I need help, too. I tell my son I need help, because he’s the only one who cares, but he can’t do anything, and I’m destroying him by telling him things like this. I’m a failure. I used to be OK. I am so close to wanting to die. I feel so alone.

      • Dear Stephanie,
        I just read your comment. I have severe bipolar and I constantly feel guilty as though I could be sane if I wanted to but some how I just keep acting crazy. Its terrible. People act very bizarre in other countries and no one questions it but in the US theres a way to act thats proper. Whatever. Please dont be so hard on yourself it only amplifys the pressure. Thank God you have a good place for your son and hes not in foster care! You have already proven you are motivated and competant by your scholastic achievements. It could be some different medication could begin toturn things around. Sometimes I think if it was proven to us with bipolar just how wacked out our brain chemicles are we might be surprised how well we are doing for such a disabling condition. There are plenty of places such as Goodwill Industries that hire people with disabilities. You may have an opportunity to encourage other people who feel the same way you do. As for myself I am completely helpless. I very rarely leave the house. I have a lady who takes care of me. I get through everyday hour by hour just praying God will help me. I had to clean out some drawers and I have such a mental block about going through every little paper clip and receipt that its taken me a week, praying for help to do it. I finally got it done but I was hyperventilating and yelling the whole time because it was just too much to think about with the other 20 voices going on NONSTOP in my head. But I got through it. On days like that no task is too small.
        Hope you feel better,
        Dr. Love

  44. I’m here now, but after 31 years I can be sure I’ve got only a few months left in me. The pain, it’s incredible isn’t it!?
    Selfish? Of course. Give a fuck about those I’ll possibly leave behind? Yes of course.
    Gods love is the only thing that might save me.
    God help me.

  45. I’m jealous of people who die . I’m miserable on this earth all day every day.
    I have a mother who loves me who I treat like shit a boyfriend who loves me who I treat like shit .
    I make everyone around me and in my life miserable. So what’s the point any more? Honestly to go on , I don’t have the guts to kill my self can’t even accomplish that , just like I can’t accomplish anything else in my life. I’m 26 years old and going no where. A girl I just know was killed in a wreck 26 days before her wedding she was. Beautiful nice and happy , she leaves behind a son and was an amazing mother and friend to all I can’t help but keep asking god why was it her and if I could trade places I would in a heartbeat . It’s just not fair I say I want to die yet I’m so scared to die. Has anyone ever felt like this or am I crazy. My boyfriend says I suffer from bipolar depression but I don’t think that’s it I think I’m just an in happy person that is tired of going on

  46. I feel like taking a bunch of pills and fall asleep so I never wake up, but when I think about it and look at the bottle of pills I can’t do nothing but cry and cry and think about the ones I love and how it would hurt to not see my mom again. I think about the reasons why I want to die and it makes me cry. It’s not worth it, it’s a shame killing myself for stupid stuff I’m feeling right now, but nothing else makes me feel better. Why do I cry so much when I think about it?….

  47. I’m so sorry that all of you feel this way, I feel this way often and it is no fun. I came to this site with one intention but as I read my heart mourns for you all and my reasons haven fallen way side. For all of you who are hurting and feel unloved or mistreated or not worthy of significant just hold on there is good in this world and it exist in you, with all your hurt and pain comes a very significant gift as you become the observer of your own life and I would assume that you all see and feel other things most people do not. We can do this together, I always say I know I’m going to heaven but I’m in no hurry to get there although sometimes I wish I was just there. We are all here for a purpose and the purpose I have found is to help and love others through hour understanding of pain and suffering that others have not went through and this is what qualifies us to help.

    BE strong and of courage and I will try to do the same. I don’t know you but I send out my love and the hope of peace to you all!

  48. I want to die every time. I belong to an orthodox family in India. I haven’t got a single bit of love in my entire lifespan of 22 years. Every night I go to the bed crying. Everyone says I am beautiful . But then I got used by 4 men ,who allured me of love and then dumped me. I wasn’t a dumb girl but my father ,mother and two elder sisters who are so abusive towards me for no reasons , that I fooled myself , thinking that mean men on this universe cal actually love. Now, I am 22 , my parents think I am a burden at home and want me to get married , which I do not want as I used to be a very good student in my school so I have made some goals in my life to achieve. My college life didn’t begin ; after , like a thunder in the bolt , I found out that I couldn’t pass my 12th boards pre-selection. It came as a shocker , as my family went more abusive towards me , because of my failing in one subject , just one subject made them criticize me more. I am so unlucky that ,a student who used to be the topper in class , is now called a failure cause she didn’t pass in just one -subject. I tried my level best to clear that subject so that I can get into college, but I couldn’t do it as my depression increases profusely. 4 years I have been sitting at home . Then came like an angel a guy in my life, who showed me that I can get out of all these and gave me all the love which I didn’t get for the past 19 years. I had been in a relation with him for 2 years 8 months . And now he is all changed. It’s like he cannot tolerate me anymore thinks this relationship is a burden for him and wants to get out of it. He is abusive towards me at every slightest pretext , finds faults in me and is least interested in anything about me . It’s not that I am feeling suicidal only at this point of time, but I have been feeling the same since the past 10 years,since I started understanding emotions ,first because of my family , then the men who ‘used’ me to get physical , then my results and now for the man whom I gave my heart wholly . But I couldn’t do it as I had some beautiful moments in life, I want to see the world, I fear death , I fear not seeing the sunrise again. But the depression I am going through is just making my life hell , every night I go to bed crying , every morning I get a strong headache ,and a heartache. The depression is hampering my health too . Please help .

    • If u r a real nd saying reality ! Then i want to tell u that , if u have a special qvality like that [painting , shooting, driuing, boxing, etc] in yourself than improve in it nd prove yourself that u r also unique nd difèrent ! i love whole world , u r not alone now also , ur parents nd god with u plz be alive for your parents, think about them , they both is your creater , nd now u can love them nd your god . Live for others nd also die for country ! U r also a part of this world ….so plz don’t do sucide ! In really i love a life !

    • hii..i would like to help u i just wants to say reality in life that automatically energize u and motivate yourself to find out actual meaning of life …..whenever u feel depressed plz observe surrounding life that definetly suffer lots of problems then us then this people trying to live life happiest ….remember real happiness coming from work and sacrification our life for society u have life so use it for social work dont weste it and make others happy help childrens joind NGO so many sources and platforms are available for getting happiness and live life meaning full dont expect anything from anybody ..just perper yourself for social work thank happiness for others u automatically have full of happiness and u become celebrety just read P M modi life Abdul kalam Life swammi vekanand life story Babasaheb ambedkar …then u actually undurstand the mraning of life…. thank u ..if u feel good rely me..thanks

  49. I want to die not because my life is bad I am not depressed I don’t have a mental illness I just want to die. My name is Qamar I am 13 and I want to die for the line sake of finding out what happens when I die, I found I found out a few sites that tell me what happens, but now I want to experience it I don’t know what to do. Should I wait or should I end it and find out plus this world is too full of hatred to live in so there is not much of a point in staying alive . I have enough money to make me happy I have lots of friends that are nice but I want to know please tell me why to do ad can you please reply on my email.
    HoW DoEs DeAtH FeeL LiKe?

    • I understand how you feel. Something that really helped me was watching a video by Bill Wiese called 23 minutes inhell. There is nothing quite like this mans experience. And than on a positive note I watched 98 or 86 (Sorry cant remember), but something like 86 minutes in Heaven. The person who experienced this had to overcome great agony after being in a fatal car accident. These videos make me excited about life after death and it makes me focused on being ready. I think youll be very encouraged by these videos, because it sounds like you think the way I do. Im sure you could find them on youtube.
      Good Luck,
      Dr. Love

  50. Hi my name is becky. I try too be strong,I have for so long.days go bye. I try not too cry.my life has been a lie, no one can denie. My life was shattered from just one call. I try my hardest, not too fall. No more I stress I get treated less. My life has become one big mess.I move on I try I can not express.my life I cry I want the best.

  51. at school no one likes me my dad is mean i never see my mom i am always in my room alone and thinking should i die or stay alive please help me

    • Hi Tierra, I know you said at school no one likes you but i highly doubt every single person in your school doesn’t like you. If it’s your friends that treat you like bad then i’d suggest you find some new friends. If it’s not then you can try your best to ignore them. I know it will be hard but it’s worth it. If someone is psychically hurting you i urge you to tell a reliable adult immediately. School is only a very small part of your life it will be over before you know it. I am so sorry your dad is mean to you but you won’t have to live with him forever. Tierra, i don’t want you to die and i’m so sorry you are feeling so bad right now, maybe you can try to talk with a counselor at school about what you’re going through. It might help. I hope you feel better :)

  52. I too want to die. No one helps anyone in this world without wanting something in return. i am TIRED. i give everything to the people i love and i feel shit on………oh well i suppose……..what can i do? i feel my depression is because of the actions of a person…..how do i change that? i cant………it blows…..want to stop feeling so much…….it sucks and hurts

    • Sean, I want to be able to help you as much as I can without wanting anything from you – in fact, I don’t know you at all and perhaps no one will even recognize me on the street as the one who writes this reply. I get on this website because right at this moment, I want to die too. So I googled “I want to die” and I got here.. I understand the hard feeling of feeling hurt, it is particularly hurtful when we are hurt by someone we love dearly. But you are so right – we can’t change others’ actions. We can only do so much, do everything under our control – and we have done our part. The part that we can’t control, we let it go. We choose to give everything to the people that we love, because we love them and want them to be happy, which often times make us happy. It’s our choice to give everything to them, we can choose not to give when we don’t want to. The choice is yours. I hope you read this, and I hope that you feel happier!

  53. just so tired of living this life . cant change the past, cant alter the future , cant correcxt my mistakes.how do i end it without hurting others?

  54. Tired of games being played on me. I do the best i can and in return cheated on time after time. Why do people have to cause such pain. I can’t deal with it anymore i want it over.

  55. So much to love, so much to be greatful for yet my body hurts, my heart hurts, my body crawls with disgust I look in the mirror n I want to scream I look at the old men when they look at me and I want to cry how can this get like this why can’t I say no or I open doors in conversation through naive remarks n get myself in these fun king situations I I want to run n hide I want my time to come! !! I often pray that my time will come and he says I can join him!!

  56. one of these days im gonna be too weak to hold on. ive heard all of the coined phrases and anecdotes. truth is theres not really anything wrong with my life, im just so fucking miserable all the time and dont see a point in living in a world where no-one gives a fuck about anything other than stroking their own self acclaimed identities and bullshit. one hand groping their own respective genitalia and another throwing an oily condom out of their 4X4 window. FUCK YOU ALL.

  57. Find comfort in that one day It will be over.
    For some sooner then later but in The end that’s whats waiting for us, The end.

    • Yes, that is comforting. Strange because people who have it made and like this life don’t like to hear that, but for me, it’s kind of what helps me get through. The depression has stolen my joy and every day is so hard, with fear of the next day.

  58. Thank you Natasha for sharing and writing this article. You made me listen, and I ended in laughter even though I started reading in tears.

  59. I am really pissed off.. I feel life sucks.. I don’t have any motive to live. I earn well. Have a good family life; still i am not sure why i should live anymore. I don’t wanna meet any people, not interested going in any party. Not even like anybody to visit my home. Not want to meet / call any relatives. not even mom n dad. Everyday start from morning till i go to bed, think why i should live. I will definitely kill myself…

  60. I have a good government job 600000 annual
    I am 23 year old
    still I am not happy
    I think that I cant live in this world
    I am very shying person, less talk to other person
    lots of problem
    somebody help

  61. I hate myself. I hate my life. I’m addicted to pornography, sexual acts, hurting myself. I was sexually abused and beatened when I was younger. I want my life over!!!!!!!

    • Hi Mindy,

      I’m sorry to hear you are hurting right now. That sounds very painful. But I want you to know that help is available and, I promise, it gets better.

      I know that sometimes things happen to us and it feels like we’ll never get over them. You might be experiencing posttraumatic stress disorder from these events. But you have to know, people recover from posttraumatic stress disorder every day. I know it. I’ve seen people do it. I’ve done it myself. When you talk about being “addicted to pornography, sexual acts, and hurting yourself” these are things that are so common of people who have experienced sexual abuse. You’re not alone. So many people have struggled in exactly that way.

      I can understand that right now you feel like you’re in the mire and muck and that it’s impossible to get out. But it’s not. Therapy can help you. I promise. A good therapist knows how to deal with issues like the ones you’re facing. Please let someone help you. Life doesn’t have to hurt so much.

      Death isn’t the way out – treatment and recovery is. You have a long life ahead of you and it _can_ be good.

      Please, get some help now: http://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/

      – Natasha Tracy

  62. i am so sick of this! i am too old for this! they say we are more prone to heart attack, BRING IT ON BABY! it has to stop!!! i can’t do this for 20 or more years!

    • You just have to do this for a day at a time. No one promised tomorrow. Besides someone worse off then you is depending on you for something or other. Look around, reach out and try to figure out who that is. Before you know it, you will forget about your own problems at least for a little while.

  63. First of all I bounced off the bottom after 3 manic months and a crash.Everyday I felt a flat emotionally and depressed.I had to fight these thoughts of death and suicide until my Lithium,Seriquil and Clonazapm raised me to a middle mood.

    I discovered two things down there.

    1) We don’t want to die we just want the pain to stop.

    2) Don’t worry I guarantee everyone death if your just patient and hang on a few years .I’m a dead man walking at 54 anyway ……..so why rush something that is inevitable ??…..It’s not like you will be cheated and have an eternal life…..Once I realized these things and used self talk to get the Depression to shut up I just bounced off the bottom waiting for a lift from the Lithium.

    3) I realized what doctors now know about coffee.2-3 cups in the morning works better than any anti deoressant.I said 2-3 in the morning as a medicine not 8-12 after 12 noon and your hyper,angry and aggressive while unable to sleep.

  64. i wanna die now.
    its hardly matter to anyone.
    after death its not matter to anyone where there will be next sunrise or not.

  65. I haven’t been happy since I was a kid. Sometimes I think I already died and I don’t know it and that’s the reason I can’t feel love or happiness. Being alone is without a doubt the main reason. Nobody wants anything to do with me because they know I’m depressed. Can’t blame them. They have their own lifes to worry about. The choices I’ve made have inadvertently led me to this conclusion. So there’s a lot of self hate. I’ve started talking to my family about it so the shock won’t be as bad. I’ve been thinking about making a series of video diaries of the last days so they have something. I’d like to revisit some childhood places.

    • I know how that feels, my whole life all i ever wen through was hell its now even worse that i failed my grade 12 now every single day i wake us angry because i am still alive, i pray to not wake up ever again, my dad makes me feel stupid and worthless every day he has to remind me off how stupid and dumb i am. Telling me i should even be ashamed of my self him and my step mother love manipulating me and calling me all lines me names and any human error i make they use it against me! For ten years i have been nothing more than a thing to them i hate life

    • i m sorry i feel this way too…..but i know theres gotta be more then this right…then feeling this way i know what iam.
      thinking are lies ..but its hard to get. past it.. i know exactly what you mean about
      hating yourself because youve faild yourself..im trying to get back up again
      and i hope you are too….inever post on these things ever but your words stuck with
      my life…prayers is all i say and cry out to God..i know lifes gottta get better.

  66. Amazed to see that so many people want to die ,,,
    Sometime I want to die too but the problem is that I have done any thing good ………..
    Feeling all these comments make me realize I am not alone ,,people are having more tough time than me .

  67. I dont want to die. I believe others feel like me. We just want the the pain to go away… My pain started in many ways when I was 5 and now I can clearly see how it ruined so many aspects of my life.. I worked and worked form 13 on not knowing what was happening to me. I became successful, then BOOM, I got slaughtered by this. No one knew back then and it took almost 10 years to get a real diagnosis. Some of my doctors even showed a stigma towards me. A few days without pain for me would be heaven. I dont deserve this, neither does anyone else.. WE WERE ALL BORN INNOCENT BABIES AND WERE DEALT A REAL BAD HAND SOMEWHERE DOWN THE LINE. I believe they call it pediatric BP and can only imagine the meds these children are being given. Pharma customers for life. I DONT WANT TO DIE. I WANT THE DAILY PAIN TO STOP. I MA SICK AND TIRED OF GETTING HIT WITH A BASEBALL BAT EVERY DAY. I read that rapid cycling for most is 1 to 4 time a year. How about 1200 per year as I can cycle anywhere from twice to 4 times. My doctor told me last week that I was dealt a real bad hand. Gee doc, I just paid you 150 dollars to tell me that.

    • Fight back. You are a protected part of society as a whole. People that react to me and my disability which is one and the same, they are the ones that are disabled since they have a choice to not react to a situation, but they choose to retaliate against me and the disability which violates my civil rights and the ADA. Empower yourself. If you are like me you most likely were born different and due to the law concerning the American with Disabilities Act as of eight months ago I have stopped apologizing for my United States protected Disability Impairment code of 2940.

      People that react to >me/my disability< including my wife and the local police departments are not trained enough on how to handle the onslaught of what comes out of my mouth due the disability. My wife has had seventeen years of practice on learning how to handle me, as this disability needs only understanding and empathy from the people around me when it occurs.

      I truly feel sorry for the people that react to me by arbitrarily in one example of changing my pass code on my cell phone to the word "FAGGOT" and charging me with $648 worth of calling cards however they made a conscious choice to react to my disability which if people that are disabled understand "Is a crime in the US".

      I am tired of people that have no earthly clue disabled or otherwise thinking that our disabilities are something to be ashamed of. They are not. After the passing of the ADA we are just as much a part of mainstream society as anyone that has an alternate lifestyle which could mean that they are "nudists", "Gay", "Lesbian" or any myriad of niche groups.

      We are America. Start associating with people that acknowledge what we are with respect to what we are. This is still America, those people that hold disdain for us in their hearts and minds can do so, however as long as the ADA is there those people had better keep their thoughts to themselves.

      • By the replying to myself. I am really big into Holistic medicines although they are not considered medicine in the US, that, and since I am not a doctor, I am not preaching anything that is effective for anyone else, that after the research I have done (I have read over 25,000 articles and 100000 pages of info in the last three years) from sites such as pubmed.gov – US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health, or http://www.mskcc.org – Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, or http://www.compmed.umm.edu/default.asp
        University of Maryland Center for Integrative Medicine which is a part of a legitimate medical school and I came across something that is quite effective for me, below:
        SKULLCAP (Scutellaria lateriflora)

        Family: Lamiaceae

        Parts commonly used: Aerial.

        Properties/energetics: Nerve tonic, sedative, neuro-restorative, antispasmodic/Cold, dry; bitter, bit sweet.

        Systems predominantly affected: Nervous, musculoskeletal.

        Uses: Skullcap, innately high in mineral nutrients required for a healthy, balanced nervous system, is a safe and reliable central nervous system tonic, neuro-restorative, and sedative with an antispasmodic edge. It soothes the heart and decreases excess heat, effectively cooling overheated emotions such as temper tantrums, anger, rage, hatred, and jealously. This plant releases tension in the skeletal muscles and is specific for relieving nervous anxiety and irritability where there is physical or emotional overexertion. It promotes rest and can sedate heart imbalances caused by overactive nerves. Skullcap is a useful remedy for treating conditions of excess that result in anger or cranky overt irritability while also treating conditions of deficiency that exhibit nervous anxiety and irritability, with feelings of being overwhelmed or overexposed. Skullcap helps break addiction to tobacco and alcohol by helping people get through withdrawal-stage symptoms such as sleeplessness and crankiness.

        Combinations: Use with Gotu Kola as a tonic that promotes clarity of mind and with Chamomile for allaying restlessness and sleeplessness.

        I have been learning that natural is the better way to go and self discovery and a lot of reading (an extreme amount of reading) gives me peace as I know what I am doing works.

        In April of next year I have an appointment with an integrative board certified psychiatrist that is as versed as I am concerning what I have learned over the years. The mainstream psychiatrist is the one that started me on this path when I asked him about the use of Theanine.

        I go to a holistic medical doctor already and after the results that my wife has seen, she is also going to the same doctor who is light years beyond mainstream doctors. Now her mom wants to go. I have maintained my sense of humor which does not mean I like what my disability does to unprepared people, but almost if I knew that my mother-in-law was going to come to visit four times a year and go to our doctor, because of what I now know and what the holistic doctor knows, I might not have gotten into this holistic medicine, not.

        This is a path for me. I am not smug, but if I was not doing what I am doing now then this letter would not have been possible.

    • I want to dead because I want to end my life . I really don’t know what should he from me
      I really respected to but he forced me and I completely in mad I want to dead how I dead without pain

  68. I want to die, my family wanted me to do BE i did my best i also wanted to do that but from another college not from this college currently i am in! they’ve very strict rules:( that’s the only thing really sucks:'( today i caught using cellphone in exams they snatched my phone and they will call my parents i simply cant face the problems bcz i have already faced them once:(((( wat shud i do:((((

  69. I don’t have any problems in life, I get well paid at work but I feel like to die every moment. With no reason, just don’t feel like to live, don’t feel like to wake up every morning, don’t feel like to go out, don’t feel like to see anybody. The feelings of wanted to die become stronger day by day. I know I need help but I rather just die. Somewhere in my mind keep convincing me that I have mental problem & to get help. But it’s just too hard.

  70. I have been resticated from skwl 1 time and again from college i am so ashaked of myself i cannot face anybody at my famiy i dont wanna live anymore what shall i do ?? Help me

  71. I feel it every moment.. I have no idea why we are here, what should I do, what will happen after death… is there another life? May be.. may be not…

    I am a 23 years old Coptic orthodox engineer.. I have spent last 7 years of my life searching for the truth.. the truth of us.. and simple I became sure of only one fact.. I will never be sure of anything.. I will never believe anything..

    People think they have valid arguments regarding their beliefs.. but actually all of this beliefs are not built on logic.. its built only on their needs.. they believe what the need to have in this world…

    Why our life deserve saving?! Why have you assumed that life is better than death?! Even this is not a valid argument as we have no idea about it…

    My only problem now is that I care about other people around me.. I don’t want my family to be sad because of me.. I know it is all absurd, but this is really what I feel…

    Currently I am agnostic, not moving forward, have no direction in my life..

    Any idea how to get some cyanide? :)

  72. i lost her,she is ma everything, thou i feel ma responsibilities towards ma family, i cant overcome her loss..
    still she loves me, under small misunderstanding she turned to sumother guy,, still she loves me but she s not able to exit from current relation, also she dont wants to lose me,, she needs me as a fren. i cant jus stop her accepting as fren. Im losin al ma hope.

  73. i am reading in 10 th class in red sr sec school chhuchhakwas jhajjar .i have a big problem in my home. it was difficult to live in home my mother lives in my mamas home. my father was a police man at asi cost. my father was a very bad person. my father beat my mother and abused everyday. so my mother dont live with my father and me and beat me also it was difficult to survive for me i want to suicide. i face many problems in home and school.i think that what is life life is nothing some one who come to this earth he goes on his/her time. god is grate he dont do this in everybody life. my heart beat is stop any time…………….god help all my friends.

  74. Um.. hi. Not sure anyone is going to read this, but I’m giving it a shot.
    Everything is so terrible and scary. I have been feeling awful for a long time, but since my mom moved away to another town (my parents have been divorced for 10 years but I used to live with her every other week), everything has fallen apart. I miss her so bad and I want nothing else but to go back in time. About a month after my mom had moved I suddenly started feeling numb and lost/confused. Then I started having difficulties understanding my own emotions (kind of like Alexithymia). This last week I started getting really bad panic and anxiety attacks, and this Thursday (the 18th) I got a emergency appointment at a nearby hospital. They told me what I was already expecting, I’m depressed. I was diagnosed with depression in March 2012 too (but I’d probably had it longer than that).

    But my problem is that I’m scared of all these changes happening in me. Not a day is the same. I’m always confused and my feelings keep shifting from despair and emptiness. I’m scared that I’m randomly getting better because I don’t know what I want or what I think anymore – nothing makes sense..! I hate being depressed, and I have hated it for as long as I’ve been. But I’m more scared of getting better!
    I have always been “disabled”, I have a light form of Autism. I stopped going to school in 7th grade due to problems that still are unknown, and has been sitting at home since. I’m almost 19 now and I’m terrified of living a ‘normal’ life, and even the idea of it. I’m afraid of growing up, find a job, move out, live by myself, see my parents get old, sick and die…! I just can’t take the idea of it! I’m stuck between not wanting to get worse and not wanting to get better.

    I’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot this week (and before that as well). I feel guilty about it because I know that my parents do want to support me. But there isn’t much in me that want to keep going anymore. I’m too scared to live and I want to die because it feels like there’s no other option!
    Before everything I knew was pulled away from me, I was ‘fine’ with being depressed and having to depend on everyone else (even though I hated it, too), maybe because I was avoiding everything. But now I feel insecure all the time and I just can’t take it! I don’t want to live but I’m scared of dying. What’s wrong with me and what do I do?

    • Aawh just hanging in there mate, I really feel your pain and i’m crying reading your staff because i’m depressed too:(! …….My family don’t get it at all and i feel like they are always judging me which makes me angry! i fucking want someone to understand me, someone to just care, to hug me and tell me everything will be alright…………..i want to fucking be loved for once, i’m soo sick and tired of living like this! i can’t take people’s fakeness anymore and being misunderstood all the time

  75. Natashatracy…
    pls help me give me guidance….m so trapped i feel like i wanna die….
    i was in a relatn wwid a guy for 1 n half years…. my parents didnt knw…he 4ced me to go physical….he 4ced me 4 evrythng….bt i still used to love him….he even showed our private pics to all my skul collg mates…now i hav no self respect….i broke up wid him….nd was happy bt now hes threatnin me dat he vl show my parents our private pics too if i get into ny relationshp further……hes threatnin me…pls help…wot do i do…

    Sin Si

    • that guy was a very bad boy.. ignore him, don’t talk to him never.. ignore him as much as possible.. you may talk to me, i will try to help you as much as i can.

  76. Everything in life is just horseshit. Wife thinks i’m useless, fucking up at work, got fired from a previous job. Living with my mother in law and my two 12 year old twins, son starting to realize how messed up i am, starting to hate my guts. Fuck it all.

  77. death, suicide, isn’t that a lovely word?

    I’m not telling you to death soon,
    but, isn’t it has been too short life that you want to make it shorter?

    what’s a pity, if you death with nothing left. I mean, if you have a plan to take your life, you should make a plan to finish your revenge, tell everyone all what you want, being crazy, do anything you want. so there’s no regret left
    and maybe you’ll understand, that this world is full of happiness :)

    Be your self you’ll be fine (Fruit basket-Japaneses anime)

    a~ sorry, I just want to peek it a little bit, but there’s always death mark in every life people. because it really natural, every life people they will be death soon, no one will notice it, because it’s come smooth and fast. um…for several people it’s much pain left. that’s all…

    have a nice day ^_^

  78. I tried to get professional help, but I couldn’t handle it. There’s too much to talk about besides feeling suicidal every day, and the campus counselor I finally went to for my depression made it clear during our talk that depending on what I said she’d be required to alert authorities and it would wreck my academics. I had to backtrack, lie about and sugar coat my own screwed up mental state just to get someone to help me, and even then she couldn’t; she referred me to specialists that I can’t afford to see, so I can’t get a diagnosis (which I’m not too sure I would believe anyway). I had a follow up appointment to let her know how it went and I just forced a smile and told her I didn’t need to anymore because it was fine, faked my way through her suspicions, and then left as soon as I knew she wouldn’t get the college to take action.

    I can’t rely on friends, I tried it when I was a kid and I ruined those friendships because it was the same thing day after day for years and they couldn’t take resetting our progress every 24 hours for no reward. Now I keep everyone at arm’s length and save my constant breakdowns for the internet, where you can have the same crisis every day on a forum and never risk changing the opinion of someone who cared about you.

    • Wow, Nick. I can’t believe the campus couselor actually told you that from the onset. That sounds awfully threatening, not to mention incorrect. This counselor sounds like (s)he is overreacting.

      Btw, is this an academic counselor? If so, they probably aren’t equipped to deal with such matters, and should have referred you to student health services, which probably could give you options. Almost all college campuses has health services that you probably paid some bucks towards – including mental health. This exist because many students experience what you are experiencing now.

      If that fails, and you are really afraid you will hurt yourself, would you be open to calling a suicide hotline? From my understanding, it is pretty confidential and completely separate from your academics, if you are worried about your personal issues affecting it.

      I hope you look further into this but can understand your reluctance to do so. It doesn’t hurt to inquire further though, and may actually help you.

      • She was with the health services. There are counselors for depression and anxiety among other things, but she asked from the start if I’d thought about hurting someone else and I answered too honestly.
        I may go back to see someone else since I’m already paying for it.

        • Nick,

          Yeah, unfortunately with the string of school shooting they take that stuff pretty seriously, even though you would never intentionally do something like that. Still, I think the counselor overreacted a bit and should’ve tried to determine whether you actually have a violent nature, or it was a matter of expression. There is a difference, but thanks to all the media coverage, it is hard for people to make that distinction while on high alert.

          Since you posted your comments under an article on suicide, I am making the assumption that this is your primary concern. I do hope you decide to go back and talk about your concerns about suicide.

          Such a tough place to be and frightening. I think your friends are disappearing simply because it is hard for them to wrap their head around something like death, nor do they want to. They cannot see what you see. Depression can really change the way the world appears.

    • I understand. You can’t tell anyone your true feelings or they will leave you. I am a really nice person and many people enjoy my company, but I have very few friends. If I truly confide, I have no friends anymore. This makes me really sad. I can’t talk to anyone except my husband and my dogs and cats, otherwise they don’t like the real me. I can’t help that I’m bipolar, it’s genetic! It’s not fair to say the least…

      • It’s unfortunate. But what can you do? I was very shocked to find out how ignorant people are – in this day and age. And some of these folks are very educated.

        Pets are great!! German dog trainers use the term Gefuhlsinn (a feeling for feelings) to describe how dogs can sense our moods. At your worst moments, animals will prove to be better friends than your best friend. At least they understand what being present means.

        And your husband sounds nice.

  79. Sik of life. My whole life has been 4 nothing. Was sent away when I was 9 to liv with my grandmother. Didn’t no it at the time but I was suppose to only b ther a yr. Well this is the kind of family I hav. I didn’t no wat was goin on I was only 9. They kept me there til I was out of highschool to take care of her because they didn’t want to. I’ve worked hard all of my life. Got married,she died. 8 yrs later got married,she divorced me. All I want in life is a woman to lov n 4 her to lov me bak. Ive had girl friends too that didn’t work out. The last 1 turned out to b a junky. I loved her so much n she used me just to get her drugs because I knew people she said she loved me n I believed her. I even went as far as to do them with her. All I want is somone to love. It is so hard to find someone. Especilly we u are fukked up. I shake always hav. My doc wants me to c a neurologist but 1xst thing he does is orders an mri. I can’t afford that so I cancled. That’s not my only problem. I hav axiety wich I take meds 4. I also hav ed. Cialis works once in a while. Wat woman wants a man that can’t get hard. I also hav been out of work 4 2n1/2 yrs because I injured my bak. I’m tired of bein alone noone wants me. Every one I no tells me they care about me but wen I talk about my problems they basically just push me out. Tired of bein alone don’t care anymore. Just want to die. I will never find anyone to love. Noone wants me. I probly shud tell u I hav tried to kill myself with pills but I keep surviving. Someone called the cops once n they made took me to the hospital that cost me 1500$ now I’m about 5 grand behind in bills. I lied n told them I was trying to get hi. Another reason. Bills.

  80. I am 41 years old. I am married and have 4 children. I have pretty much wanted to die as far back as I can remember. I just hate my life. Sometimes things are ok, when I am distracted, but reality always comes back. I hate my wife, my kids are a disappointment. Everything around me is so disfunctional and broken! I just can’t stand living life this way! I feel like I just need to lean into the strike zone and take one for the team. If I really had a heart, I would take my kids with me so they never have to suffer the miserable, messed up life that my crappy genetics has destined the to! It’s all my fault they are all f’d up! Why can’t I just die???????? God, have some compassion and take me so I don’t have to disappoint everyone even more! I hate my life!

    • Are you serious? You are a terrible human being if so! Take your children with you? What is wrong with you? Please get help immediately and do not take your own suffering out on your family! That is wrong in everyone’s eyes including God’s. If you care about where you end up. It sounds like you just need to leave the situation and leave everyone alive, go get some counseling! Please just start something new, move someplace else, don’t hurt your children or your wife!!!! Please, dear Lord, protect them!

  81. i really liked what. you wrote as its logical and convincing. i think about suicide a lot and the only thing that stop me is preying to allah. but i don’t prey nowadays. i just want not to be exsist. الحمد لله

    • yes,i m whit you my friennd .allah gives us the life to be happy to be sad but not to sad all the life he gives you the sad first but in the last gives you the happy .makes you happy all of your life.i just want to thanking allah .لا اله الا الله محمد رسول الله

  82. I pray every night for God to bring me home. I don’t want to wake up and every morning I do I cry. I can’t kill myself because I believe my soul will go to Hell and I want to be in Heaven. I am 60 years old and have forgotten how to live life. So PLEASE just let me not wake up

  83. The truth is I’ve attempted to kill myself in the past, I am sitting here in bed making plans so I don’t fail. I can’t stand the feelings of being let down anymore. I have only one answer.

    • Bob,

      You are wrong. There isn’t only one answer. There are many. I know it might feel like there is only one. I’ve felt that way before too. But I was wrong. There are helplines and new doctors and new therapists and new friends and new hobbies and new lifestyle changes and many other things.

      What I’m say is, like doesn’t have to be this hard. Life doesn’t have to hurt this much. But you have to reach out in order for things to get better. http://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/

      – Natasha Tracy

      • Hi Bob,

        Yes, I can understand that. I understand being tired. I have been exhausted more times that I can count. It’s reasonable. It’s understandable. But please know, you are not alone in that and it _does_ get better, but you have to be here to see it.

        And please don’t take your death out on another person. Be above that.

        – Natasha Tracy

    • I went and got the help I needed, another adjustment in my meds and more time in the hospital. Still not 100% but feeling better. Thank you for helping! At this point I always wonder when the next time will be. All of this makes me feel old and tired, but no voices and not seeing things again.

  84. I’m 30 years old and feel I’ve spent more than half of my life wanting to die.. I developed avoidant personality fairly early in life,and it’s gotten to the point that I can’t have relationships with women, keep a job or even do simple everyday things. I’ll go a stretch where I can keep a job and things seem better until one day I wake up and immediately know that I’m not showing up to work, and I end up staying in bed for a month. If it wasn’t for family I know I’d be homeless too. I’ve basically just given up on facing the world and having human contact. I stay indoors and avoid even having to acknowledge that there’s stuff out there. I’ve done therapy and medication. I found therapy helpful, much more so than medication, but I feel beyond that. Suicide doesn’t feel like enough, because everyone remembers people who take their own lives and what I really want is to be forgotten , I want to have never existed.
    I found this by searching”wanting to die” so I’m sorry if I don’t belong here but I spend all day everyday wishing I’d die.

    • you have no idea Bobby how much I can relate to “Suicide doesn’t feel like enough, because everyone remembers people who take their own lives and what I really want is to be forgotten , I want to have never existed.” Hope you will feel better soon.

    • Hi Bobby,

      Of course you’re in the right place. It’s completely OK to come here and talk about these things. It’s what we do :)

      I’m sorry you feel that way. I know how hard it is. I know how hard it is to want to die every day. I know what it’s like to avoid human contact too. And I know what it’s like to spend years this way.

      What I can tell you is that it doesn’t have to be that way. You can get through it. I can understand that you’ve been through treatment and I can understand that you don’t feel like it’s been successful so far. But it can work. Even after years. Really. I can understand if you don’t want to try but I have to tell you that life doesn’t have to be this hard. But you do have to reach out.

      I hope you consider it. And drop by any time.

      – Natasha Tracy

    • Thanks to both of you. I guess I just needed a place to say all that. And I do want to go to a therapist again, Natasha. It’s the meds that never felt right for me, although anyone who hasn’t tried that route should give it a chance. Thanks again. With all the psych websites out there recycling the same obligatory cliches about suicide, it’s nice that a search for ” wanting to die” leads to some real people who know what it’s like. I’ll check out your ire some more

    • Hi Ricky,

      I can understand feeling that way. I have felt that way for years of my life. I have felt like it was time over and over.

      It really wasn’t.

      And I know that because things got better. I know that because treatment works.

      Believe me, I know it doesn’t feel like, but it’s true.

      It’s not time to die. It’s time to fight. My guess is that you’ve been fighting for years and probably feel really tired. I don’t blame you. It’s exhausting. All I’m saying, is, it can get better.

      Please get some help. People want to help you. http://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/

      – Natasha Tracy

  85. Hi
    I’m from S.A – been married for 12 horrible years. I have 2 kids 11 years and 2 years. I love my kids ye, but not my wife at all anymore. She’s guilty of alot of issues in my life (don’t want to blame her for everything though). There is no understanding and it’s driven me far apart for a long time. I sleep in another bedroom even though we just moved into a new house. I refuse to make it work because I was hurt too many times. I trust and then it’s disaster. I can’t keep getting hurt anymore. I contemplated suicide many times, but my kids are who keep me going on. I thought of divorce many times, but then my kids again will be affected. Don’t know what to do and how to handle this thing anymore. I want my freedom and have my kids, but I can’t have everything I want so I am considering that the only way out is suicide.Since I am a Christian and currently in Bible studies I know it’s wrong to do this. I have searched many engines to find out life-after death situations here. I acknowledge that I married the wrong person and we’re severely not matched at all. How do I escape out of all this. I contacted divorce lawyers with the help of my dad previously and they talk me out of the divorce. The church pastors do the same thing. With all these negative consequences of divorce- the pain etc that I am always informed about – I wish there was a way to just get out of this entire world. I can’t stay without my kids even though they also drive me crazy sometimes. I just can’t cope anymore. I am not living my life of who I am and it’s too complicated now. Want to just get away from it all!!!! These suicide thoughts enter my mind but obviously I do not want to do it cos of my kids and life after death etc.Surely I have a chance of being happy with someone who really loves and cares for me where we can team up together in ministry,…but then it’s my kids – If I had no kids then it would have been a different story but now it’s all the more complicated.Any advice on this.By the way I am not seeing anyone else and am faithful to my marriage for so long. I had the opportunity to start up a relationship with someone I did want to marry previously but since my marriage was looking fine this person after her first marriage quickly remarried someone else. But we’re only friends now and it’s too late. But then it’s not about finding anyone else because I can end up in a more miserable state, it’s just about my peace and happiness and my kids. My heart is hard with all this and I am making the situation impossible for me, I think quite purposefully because I want out. How do you live with someone who is driving you up the wall and is turning me into someone that I never was or dreamt of becoming – Considering all consequences of divorce, the kids, life after death by suicide etc I am on the fence.Please help.

  86. Hi Natasha. I wanted you to know think it’s great what you’re doing here. You’ve turned your experiences with a potentially debilitating condition into a positive for yourself and a boon for others. It’s kinda heartening, I must say.

    I’m not bipolar, but I have unipolar depression. I’ve tried just about every medication available since I was a teenager, but unfortunately for me nothing has helped (and in some cases I was made much worse). I’ve been in counselling on and off for so long now, and while it’s nice to have someone to talk to it has only been helpful up to a point. Fundamentally, the chemistry of my brain prevents me from experiencing happiness, and I’ll admit that I found your site after googling self-harmfully drastic things. I’ve gotten to a point where I’ve run out of steam to endure the wait until bedtime each day. I write this because I don’t have any family or friends at all, but I felt compelled to say these things to out loud in the midst of what I feel to be a very low point in my life. I need to feel like I exist, for a moment. I hope that makes at least a little sense.

    Please keep up the great work ok? I think it’s important that you know your efforts are so very much appreciated :)

  87. I wanna commite suicide really bad, cause I feel like I’m all alone in this world. The one person who care about me (my mother) died last year, so I always wanna leave this earth. Don’t know wat to do and I have no one to talk to who understands. I’ll try and be good for a while and then I crash.

    • Cheryl,

      Believe me when I tell you, there are more people who care about you. It might feel like they don’t, but they do. You reach more lives than you know and your suicide would reach many lives as well.

      I know how hard it is to live the way you’re living. I know what it’s like to be good for a while and then crash. I’ve had it happen more times than I can count. But there is help out there, you _don’t_ have to live like this. There is hope.

      Please get in contact with someone who can hep you. http://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/

      At the bottom of that page there are mental illness resources and at the top there are helplines. Choose your help – but get help. People care about you. Even people who haven’t met you yet.

      – Natasha Tracy

  88. Suicidal thoughts are good, that means your body is still alive, but some part of you isn’t. Yes, find help immediately. Getting help isn’t easy because we really aren’t interested in a cure, only being made to feel different. The difference is a monumental personal change that happens over time. Knowing that a change is possible, and sticking around until it happens is the real cure. (Sticking around means working towards that cure – a good therapist ignores your guilt and shows you enduring hope. )

    I still have suicidal thoughts, but thats all they are, thoughts. If I do things I enjoy, then I begin to like myself. I’m doing it right now – I like to write. I like to help people. The reaper can wait, and he will…

  89. Pingback: Handy Photo For People Passionate About Photo Editing | iOS Affairs

  90. My wife asked me for a separation, and I have come to realise she does not love me anymore or want me, I don’t sleep, I have started to drink to much, and I just want to be dead! When I don’t sleep all I can do is think that the best thing all round is for me to be dead, I drove over a unexplored bomb in Afghanistan last year and it didn’t go off I now wish every day most of the day that it did and it had killed me.

  91. Hi I ve lost the desire of living , I got injured at work abou t four years ago, and im always in pain with my lower back, that for a lot of people might think its not a big deal, well for me it changed my life completely, I just lost the point of living, I don’t see why are we here for? Why do we have to live and go thru alk kind of pain and shit if we are going to die anyway, some of my friends tell me there’s millions of people in a worst situation than mine my answer is well too bad for them, I feel for them but I don’t understand why are they still here just finish it, im not saying I will finish my life right now, but at some point I will do it , a week from now? A month? I don’t know but I’m waiting for when I feel the time is right , if I knew for a fact there is no more pain after death I will do it right now, only thing that holds me here is the thought of what if its worst afterwards , but as I said I will know when the time is right, it will get to a point where I wont have to think about it anymore and I will just get done with it … no matter what others say life its absolutely pointless, its like trying to watch the same movie several times in hopes it will have a different ending , well we all know that s not going to happen ……………

  92. My life has completly fallen apart i have lost every thing i will never see my four kids again my ex beat me every dat for over a year and a half and now he is in jail i got back together with the only man i have ever loved and no matter what he says i cant make my self believe that he really wants me and i can hardly get him to talk to me i got throughn out of my house and have no friends or any one that will even listen to me i dont think that anyone wants me around and that i am always in the way i just want all of this to end and be over i really want to die most of the time and i have no one to

    • I understand how you feel. There are times when I just want to die and actually beg God to take me, but I’m glad he hasn’t. I have three kids to live for even though it is very rough. I’ve done committed suicide 4 times and left from cutting to burning myself. At times I want to burn myself but I keep thinking of my kids and what they will think or what might happen to them. My thoughts are all over the place. Sometimes I cry for no reason at all or I’m feeling three emotions at once. It is so overwhelming that I scream at times. My boyfriend of 13 years don’t even understand me. Everyone around can’t tell what mood I’m in or if I’m depressed. I hide my feelings so well. I don’t trust anyone. I was rapped at 16 years of age and molested throughout my childhood by my mother’s boyfriends. I’ve told her once about it she didn’t even believe. Imagine how I felt as a child to have my own mother not believe me about something so serious. I even have thoughts of hurting others not just myself. No, I will not hurt my kids, but other ppl yeah. I have very dark thoughts at times. I even feel like someone else has taken over my body. All I can do to keep getting by is pray and that’s all I have been doing. I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist and at times I hate going to them, because I still feel as though they don’t understand me or they want something or do something to me. I hope your situations gets easier and you get your kids back.

  93. my parents are not close they want to be annuled but i dont like their decisssion i have many problems so i want to die we dont have a lot of money my parents can;t buy what i want my mother has another guy and she is in london my father have another girl too but he;s here in the philippines they can;t take care of us ihave 2 brothers…here in our house we are 14 people here! i have a lot of cousins they are so noisy i can;t handle my teper any more i want to die because i have no hope i am so dumb i am jealous on many people around me ~!!!!i want to die i hate myself ,,,,sorry god for what i wrote here :(

  94. I want to die! I wish this desire would stop haunting me but it never stops. My wife could do a great deal to help the situation but she doesn’t care to try. She doesn’t love me and frankly I don’t know why she still sticks around.

    • hi david, i feel the same way. my problem is i want to take my life the easiest way, the way that no one can trace that i committed suicide. [moderated] you know what every time i wake up when i think of my problem, it became more depressing, i wish i would die to finish this burdens.

      • Hi No One I Can Run,

        The answer is _not_ trying to find a way to step out of life, the answer is to deal with the problems you have today. With very few exceptions, there are no problems that cannot be solved with help and with time.

        I can hear that you’re in pain and that pain is very real. People can help you alleviate that pain. Reach out: http://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/

        – Natasha Tracy

    • Hi Joanne,

      I have been where you are. I have been scared and not scared of death so many times. I know what it is to want to die. Please know, you are not alone and you can get through this.

      Please, please get help now: http://natashatracy.com/get-mental-illness-help/

      Reach out to a friend or family member or call a helpline. You don’t have to be alone at this time. We all have rough ones, but you can be here to see 2013. It will get better.

      – Natasha Tracy

  95. I’ve thought about death a lot. And I know I don’t want to die. I want to live. I am a sixteen. My family constantly puts me down. I feel like I have no one to talk to. My heart seems to scrape against my lungs. I feel like I’m drowning.
    But I realize although there seems nothing good in my life right now, I can make my future better.
    I realize I can reach my dreams, can find people who care about me.
    But this hope seems so uncertain, so far away, I just cannot imagine ever being happy.
    But it is a big world.
    I agree, life is like waves with ups and downs. And even if their are more ups than downs all a person can do is keep on trying to catch a wave.
    No one knows the point of life. But no matter how hard it is, we’ve got to keep to keep breathing..
    For this is the one and only chance we have to try try to make sense… of this funny place we call life.
    And eventually if we keep trying we will catch the wave.

    • Hi Cleo,

      I can understand that this hope seems uncertain and far away. I remember when I was your age. Just waiting to turn 18 and start my life. It seemed like it would take forever. And it did, in a way, but it happened and, for me anyway, things got a lot better once I was able to put some distance between me and my family.

      Your comment is so full of hope. Yes, it’s tenuous hope, but it’s there. Try to hang onto it and thanks for sharing.

      – Natasha Tracy

  96. I tried twice, ending up in the hospital, but released after 24 hours. I’ve thought about it a lot over the years. Because I just couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did, sometimes I felt on top of the world, stayed up for days, then crashed. With no one to explain, and me thinking it had to do with my childhood abuse. I went on. I thought/think about it still, but because of Mom I also had a spark of light in me. That even in the darkest times a part of me wanted to live. Surely somewhere, sometime it would get better. I don’t say to anyone else “if I can make it so can you.” I dislike that saying having heard /read it so many times. They can read my mind or anyone else’s to tell us we couldn’t possibly feel worse then they do. Human’s have a bad habit of judging and assuming. I try not to anymore, but it’s a hard habit to break.

  97. It is hard having those that i love dearly tell me that i am not allowed to consider death.
    It is equally hard not answering truthfully when those same people ask how i feel.
    I am not dead because i am a coward where pain is involved and i do not have pain free method available.
    It is really hard not having anyone to talk to, about how hard it is learning to lie to loved ones because they do not want to hear the truth.
    It is really hard having no one to talk to at all truthfully.
    To all those that read this that have caring and understanding responses, you may care, but no you don’t understand.
    I have dreams where it is all soon to end, for instance i can feel the gun snuggled in my hand and the barrel resting on my temples, i am elated, i am so happy that tears roll down my cheeks.
    Then i awake and continue to cry because it was only a dream and i must lie to the world that states it loves me but can not afford one bullet to give me peace!

    • i sorta feel that way tooo…..i am never turhtful to my wife anymore about my thoughts of death because it pisses her off……….i m tired of everyones feelings mattering but mine…..

      • hi sean,
        i am the same, in that i stopped telling people how i truly feel; it does piss people off, maybe their anger is more fear, but it comes across as anger. they just don’t want to imagine it i guess. i noticed that i don’t even tell my therapist when i am thinking suicidal thoughts. i just figure, if i do it i do it, “no need to discuss it, just shut up and do” it is what i say to myself.

  98. Life is so bad and the fact that we are living each day to fight for our happiness is just so sad , Why can’t we be just happy no worries and no hurts , We are broken inside but yet try to move on , People may see that you are fine but \can’t explain how you feel deep down , I am broken , Hurt , sad and no one can see it , I wanna die each and every day , This is my only wish .

  99. Tired of life: Do Opposite Action: REACH OUT! Talk! Eat! Drink! Get Rest! Make an appointment with your doctor! Keep it! Emotions are like waves; they have height and then recede. You will not always feel like this! Don’t judge yourself for how you are feeling! Be compassionate to yourself. Use Opposite Action!

    • Totally agree with you “emotions are like waves”. I know how I’m feeling right now. That time was feeling really low. Thanks for your advice. You don’t even know me but still u did that. Appreciated….you doing a great job.Well if you still wondering how’s my situations are? let me tell you things are like before having rough days but the person I was,now I’m accepting the challenges and planning for new projects.I guess I’m the same person but looking forward for whatever circumstances going to come…Feeling stronger…:) hope we will be in touch.Thanks again..

  100. Life has becoming very depressing at this point of time.The reason is my loneliness I think no one takes me seriously.I have been trying to move on from this situation but very next day depression takes over.Everything I do is a failure I keep on working new projects but due to this failure I feel like not continuing anymore I dont want to die but I dont see any point on living.Sometime I wonder why I’m I living for.I think I’m a looser I tried you know but my life has become miserable.I feel alone all the time.Please help me.

  101. Thanks for the practical suggestions for people who are suffering and contemplating suicide. Like you say, things will not always be this way. Life will get better; everyone needs to realize that.


  103. Of course we realize that they, ones that contemplating suicide need help. If they are not in Emminent danger they need to stay in contact with their P Dr and not be afraid to let him know whats going on. The consumer needs to realize that they hace to work on trusting their P Dr & theripists.
    I f they are not satisfied with their P Dr. then they must move on and find another P Dr. until they find one they are happy with. It’s no different than a medical dr.
    They have to be comitted to their own wellness plan.
    There are no magic pills or plans. People want a fix it now attitude but it doesnt work like that.
    Thank You

  104. Read the article and another one of yours thats referenced in. I am at the point of not knowing if iam barely hanging on or if iam actually ok. Being a mixed episodic Bipolar 2. Problem for some is that the “support” group that they had placed their emotional investment on are…. Well… Lets just say bad investments. Be it family members, spouse, etc. So one wonders, if the person you had hoped that should understand and help you cope is actually… The worst. Thats when things get bad. Right now i just tell myself that she may actually have borderline personality disorder just to make things more bearable. My hypomaniania she likes… My depression she cant bear due to my failures at work. Apparently she wants a REAL man… LoL.

    Some of the reasons why most people dont talk about suicidal tendencies is, what i find in myself, that we dont want to burden other people. We dont want our misery to be part of theirs. I would be more than happy to tell everyone iam bipolar just to get it off my chest. But my wife would not have me do that. Misery likes company so when i talk to my good friends i tell myself that they all have their own sets of problems and that i would not like to add to them.

    Ill try to talk to my doc. Never told him about theae thoughts.

    Great article by the way. Am with some facebook acqiiantances. We are in the process of startIng an advocacy group. All of us are BiPolar… That does make me laugh. Can you imagine all of us in an administrative meeting all on a manic or hypomania state… It would either look funny.. Or horrific LOL

    Keep up with the good work you are doing.

  105. I would love to hear more about people who want to die almost continually. It is always in my head. Sometimes it is recessed, but always there. Night times are the worst – that is when I am threatened by my own wishes to die. Sometimes I don’t know how I make it till the light of day. (Joy cometh in the Morning.) When worse comes to worse, I will take a prn medicine to just knock me out, so that I can sleep through the “death threats”.
    I am blessed with a magnificent psychiatrist and support system.
    And yet,
    And still,
    The suicidal wishes persist.
    Maybe I simply need to accept them, as part of my life, part of me.
    But I am sure you will believe me …. sometimes I really really do not wish to be alive.
    Thank you for allowing me to be honest.
    Honest communication around these issues would be so helpful, so I am really grateful, Natasha.

  106. Another item to address is IF you don’t have support of family or friends, there are incredible resources online or in your community. IN california call 211 for assistance, for yourself or for some one you are concerned about

  107. I agree, it was incredibly hard to utter the words to my therapist. I had never felt that bad before, the pain of living was too much for me to handle. I love the saying “this too shall pass” because while I’m still not feeling all that great, the desire to cease existing has left, and I’m glad it left me here. Thanks for this post!

    • Actually, my experience is that my statements *are* taken seriously for the most part. The bureaucracy moves in ponderous slowness, but there are some people in it who really do care and have taken me at my word. And it has been true for me in two different cities.

      I don’t know if this varies from place to place; just giving my own feedback here.

      I hope you will try again, just in case you reach one of those people who really does care.