bipolar disorder

Bipolar: No Amount of Pain Can Kill You – Power Over Suicide

→ May 17, 2017 - 6 Comments

Bipolar: No Amount of Pain Can Kill You – Power Over Suicide

There is no amount of bipolar pain that can kill you; we have the ultimate power over suicide. I have suffered and suffered and suffered for so long that I know this to be true. Yes, people attempt/commit suicide, I know. But it isn’t because of the amount of pain, per se, it’s because they don’t see a way out of it. Because emotionally, I can hit you and hit you and hit you and you just won’t, cannot, die. Some days I wish this weren’t true. Some days I wish that the extreme pain would just kill me, that I would just get walloped that one last time and die. Like running into the final brick wall that bipolar offers only to find it really took my head clean off. I have learned, though, that I have the ultimate power over a death by suicide.

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How Bipolar Disorder Has Changed Me for Life

→ April 24, 2017 - 15 Comments

How Bipolar Disorder Has Changed Me for Life

Bipolar disorder has changed me forever. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder, they said this wouldn’t happen. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder, they said I would go back to who I was before it started. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder, every question they asked what about comparing my medicated self to my old self. But they were wrong and their questions were irrelevant, bipolar disorder has changed me for life and no medication is going to change that.

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Bipolar Disorder and Mood Self-Monitoring

→ April 17, 2017 - 14 Comments

Bipolar Disorder and Mood Self-Monitoring

I’ve talked about mood tracking before but, really, mood tracking starts with mood self-monitoring. In other words, there is nothing to track if you don’t know what’s going on in the first place. If you can’t say that you’re anxious, for example, then how are you going to track how anxious you are? But mood self-monitoring sucks because it’s a 24-hour-a day, seven-days-a-week kind-of-a-thing. With bipolar disorder, you never get a break from mood self-monitoring.

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What Bipolar Mixed Moods Really Feel Like

→ April 4, 2017 - 14 Comments

What Bipolar Mixed Moods Really Feel Like

I’ve written a lot about bipolar mixed moods but not necessarily what bipolar mixed moods actually feel like. While it’s true mixed moods exist in bipolar I and bipolar II and it’s true mixed moods tend to worsen psychomotor agitation and increase the risk of suicide, this doesn’t tell you how bipolar mixed moods actually feel. This is different for everyone, but here is a window into how I experience mixed moods.

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Turmeric – Possible New, Inexpensive, Depression and Anxiety Treatment

→ March 19, 2017 - 4 Comments

Turmeric – Possible New, Inexpensive, Depression and Anxiety Treatment

Turmeric (curcumin) may be a new, inexpensive depression and anxiety treatment. It’s early days on this one, but it’s worth noting because it is so available and inexpensive. Here is where the research is on turmeric as a treatment for depression and anxiety.

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Headaches, Migraines and Bipolar Disorder

→ March 14, 2017 - 9 Comments

Headaches, Migraines and Bipolar Disorder

I get nasty headaches with bipolar disorder. I don’t think they’re migraines, but I do have to take medication and typically have to lie down for the headaches to go away. They tend to happen about two hours after I get up in the morning (meaning medication side effects may play a part, certainly). And I know that I’m not the only person with bipolar disorder suffering with headaches or even migraines – there is, actually, a known link.

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I’m Tired of Lying to Myself About My Bipolar Disorder

→ February 15, 2017 - 19 Comments

I’m Tired of Lying to Myself About My Bipolar Disorder

I lie to myself about bipolar. I lie to myself about everything being fine. I lie to myself about the next day being a clean slate and possibly a beautiful one. I lie to myself about the possibility of falling in love. I lie to myself that the bipolar isn’t that bad. I just lie and lie and lie and lie.

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Hating My Life with Bipolar Disorder

→ January 25, 2017 - 18 Comments

Hating My Life with Bipolar Disorder

Recently, I wrote a Facebook post and someone said it indicated that I hate my life. This is not something I said, but hating a life with bipolar disorder is a pretty easy thing to do. But I have to be clear on something: I don’t just have one life – none of us do. So saying “I hate my life,” is a blanket statement that just isn’t true. It’s a judgment, and it’s not fair.

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Bipolar – Our Feelings Are Too Big

→ January 9, 2017 - 13 Comments

Bipolar – Our Feelings Are Too Big

The issue with bipolar disorder isn’t that we have feelings, it’s that our feelings are too big. Emotions are normal, even big emotions at certain times are normal but people with bipolar have feelings that are too big far too much of the time.

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Doctors Blaming All Physical Pain on Bipolar Disorder

→ December 14, 2016 - 12 Comments

Doctors Blaming All Physical Pain on Bipolar Disorder

One of the annoying things about having a serious mental illness like bipolar disorder is that doctors blame all physical pain on bipolar disorder. It feels like if you have a hangnail it must be because of bipolar. It feels like the pain from a broken leg must be from bipolar disorder. Doctors just seem to leap to the conclusion that bipolar is always to blame even when other physical ailments are or may be present.

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I Fear Becoming a Burden Because of Bipolar Disorder

→ December 8, 2016 - 5 Comments

I Fear Becoming a Burden Because of Bipolar Disorder

I have a great fear – I fear becoming a burden to others because of bipolar disorder. I fear that I will become too much work. I fear that I will become too much bother. I fear that I will just become just plain “too much.” I know how burdensome bipolar disorder is to me and I don’t want to place that burden on others.

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I Know I’m Hypomanic, Depressed or Mixed but I Can’t Help It

→ November 30, 2016 - 17 Comments

I Know I’m Hypomanic, Depressed or Mixed but I Can’t Help It

Many of us have the insight to know when we are manic, hypomanic or depressed or in another bipolar mood state but, unfortunately, even though I might know I’m hypomanic, depressed or mixed, I can’t necessarily help it. I wish I could. I wish that knowing what my bipolar disorder was doing would somehow alter it, but it typically doesn’t. I just can’t help it when I’m hypomanic, depressed or in a mixed mood – even when it’s clear to me.

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