bipolar disorder

Focusing on Not Making My Bipolar Disorder Worse

→ September 19, 2017 - 3 Comments

Focusing on Not Making My Bipolar Disorder Worse

My daily life is based around the single concept of not making my bipolar disorder worse. It seems I’ve gotten past the point where I can do anything to get better, so all I can do is not make my bipolar disorder worse. This is an incredibly depressing realization. This realization posits that I will be in pain every day and the only thing I can do is not make that pain worse. I will continue to be bludgeoned every day, all I can do is make the club smaller.

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LGBTQ Youth with Bipolar Need Our Help — Stop Suicide in the LGBTQ Community

→ September 12, 2017 - 12 Comments

LGBTQ Youth with Bipolar Need Our Help — Stop Suicide in the LGBTQ Community

Suicide in the LGBTQ community is rampant. And in those in the LGBTQ community with bipolar disorder, it’s even worse. Please help stem that tide.

I know many of you are straight — most of you are, in fact. But I’m not. I’m bisexual. I’m part of the LGBTQ community and I’m asking for your help to stop suicide in this community and especially in the community where an LGBTQ person also has bipolar disorder. A queer youth with bipolar disorder has the very highest risk of suicide. This double-whammy of a sexuality that many won’t accept and an illness that can take your life is something that is almost impossible to deal with.

Almost.

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When You Don’t Know What to Do Because of Bipolar Disorder

→ September 7, 2017 - 12 Comments

When You Don’t Know What to Do Because of Bipolar Disorder

I’m often caught in the eye of bipolar disorder and I don’t know what to do. This can manifest as not knowing what to do next with treatment, what to write in my next article or even what action I should take next during the day. I just feel lost. Being overwhelmed with bipolar disorder is definitely part of this, but I think bipolar disorder almost zaps the thoughts of what to do next from my brain. I just don’t know what to do.

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Judging My Bipolar Disorder Disability

→ August 30, 2017 - 20 Comments

Judging My Bipolar Disorder Disability

I judge my bipolar disorder disability. I admit it. I do. I wish I didn’t. I wish I were more Buddhist. I wish I could show more enlightenment in this way. But I judge how disabled I am by my bipolar disorder and I just don’t know how not to.

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How I Know I Have to Take Medication for My Bipolar Disorder

→ August 24, 2017 - 13 Comments

How I Know I Have to Take Medication for My Bipolar Disorder

I know I need to take medication for my bipolar disorder. I know that going without medication isn’t an option for me. I know that I am far too sick for non-medication options to make even a dent in my illness. These things are clear to me. This is how I know I have to take medication for my bipolar disorder.

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Bipolar Disorder and Pushing Past Your Limits

→ August 17, 2017 - 13 Comments

Bipolar Disorder and Pushing Past Your Limits

Pushing past your limits when you have bipolar disorder is dangerous. I should know; I tend to do it. I tend to work too much and too hard. And while that might simply make a normal person a “workaholic” or an “A-type personality” it makes me sick, sick, sick. This is an article about doing what I say and not what I do. Don’t push past your limits if you have bipolar disorder.

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God Tests Those He Loves, with Bipolar, Apparently

→ July 6, 2017 - 28 Comments

God Tests Those He Loves, with Bipolar, Apparently

I know people are trying to help when they say to a person with bipolar, “God tests those he loves,” but, here’s the thing, it doesn’t help. It doesn’t help at all. All it makes me think is, “Is there some way I can make this god of yours hate me?”

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Bipolar Depression: Anhedonia, Lack of Pleasure and Motivation

→ June 14, 2017 - 11 Comments

Bipolar Depression: Anhedonia, Lack of Pleasure and Motivation

I suffer from anhedonia in bipolar depression and this leads to a lack of motivation. And when I say “suffer” I mean freaking suffer. I mean it’s horrible. I mean it’s probably the worst part about my bipolar depressions. Anhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure. Most people cannot conceptualize of this, but believe me, anhedonia in depression is a real thing and a real problem.

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Bipolar: No Amount of Pain Can Kill You – Power Over Suicide

→ May 17, 2017 - 6 Comments

Bipolar: No Amount of Pain Can Kill You – Power Over Suicide

There is no amount of bipolar pain that can kill you; we have the ultimate power over suicide. I have suffered and suffered and suffered for so long that I know this to be true. Yes, people attempt/commit suicide, I know. But it isn’t because of the amount of pain, per se, it’s because they don’t see a way out of it. Because emotionally, I can hit you and hit you and hit you and you just won’t, cannot, die. Some days I wish this weren’t true. Some days I wish that the extreme pain would just kill me, that I would just get walloped that one last time and die. Like running into the final brick wall that bipolar offers only to find it really took my head clean off. I have learned, though, that I have the ultimate power over a death by suicide.

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How Bipolar Disorder Has Changed Me for Life

→ April 24, 2017 - 15 Comments

How Bipolar Disorder Has Changed Me for Life

Bipolar disorder has changed me forever. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder, they said this wouldn’t happen. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder, they said I would go back to who I was before it started. When I was first diagnosed with a mood disorder, every question they asked what about comparing my medicated self to my old self. But they were wrong and their questions were irrelevant, bipolar disorder has changed me for life and no medication is going to change that.

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Bipolar Disorder and Mood Self-Monitoring

→ April 17, 2017 - 14 Comments

Bipolar Disorder and Mood Self-Monitoring

I’ve talked about mood tracking before but, really, mood tracking starts with mood self-monitoring. In other words, there is nothing to track if you don’t know what’s going on in the first place. If you can’t say that you’re anxious, for example, then how are you going to track how anxious you are? But mood self-monitoring sucks because it’s a 24-hour-a day, seven-days-a-week kind-of-a-thing. With bipolar disorder, you never get a break from mood self-monitoring.

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What Bipolar Mixed Moods Really Feel Like

→ April 4, 2017 - 14 Comments

What Bipolar Mixed Moods Really Feel Like

I’ve written a lot about bipolar mixed moods but not necessarily what bipolar mixed moods actually feel like. While it’s true mixed moods exist in bipolar I and bipolar II and it’s true mixed moods tend to worsen psychomotor agitation and increase the risk of suicide, this doesn’t tell you how bipolar mixed moods actually feel. This is different for everyone, but here is a window into how I experience mixed moods.

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