Believe me, when I tell you bipolar disorder can absolutely feel like a punishment from God (or the universe, or bad karma, etc.) It doesn’t even matter if you believe in any particular god; bipolar disorder can feel like a punishment nonetheless. But why does bipolar disorder feel like a punishment from God, and what can we do about it?
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The following is indicative of a mixed mood. These are not necessarily my exact thoughts when I’m thinking more clearly.
It’s days like today when I’d like to punch anyone in the face who says I’m not crazy. I’m crazy. I’m CRAY-ZEE. I know you can’t see it, but if you were in my brain right now, it would be crystal clear to you. I’m feeling so crazy, in fact, that I suspect another person would think they were psychotic if they had to deal with the brain I currently have. I know this is not psychosis, though. I know this is a brutal, unfair, horrific bipolar mixed mood.
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Recently I was asked what to do when you don’t want to take your bipolar medication. What do you do when you’re battling medication noncompliance (also known as nonadherence) within yourself? I thought this was a good question as it’s something that many of us battle with. We know we need to take the medication, but some part of us doesn’t want to take the medication. I guess it’s a need vs. want scenario. This scenario is trickier than many people think, as not wanting to take medication is common and a very understandable impulse. So here’s what to do when you don’t want to take your bipolar medication.
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I have no motivation, but I still have to get things done, just like everyone. Getting things done without motivation is no easy feat, however. I find that my amotivation (no motivation) combined with the other symptoms of depression pretty much glue me to the couch. And while there seems to be a lot of recognition of a lack of motivation and other similar concepts like abolition and abulia in mental illness, there seems to be precious few solutions. But, as amotivation has been my state for many years of my life, I’ve had to come up with coping techniques. Here is one revolving around how planning can thwart a lack of motivation.
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Keeping productive and motivated during depression is a tall task. Depression wants to suck all of the productivity and motivation out of you to the point where you become nothing but a lump on your couch. I know all about this. I work from home and for myself and so without a boss or yearly reviews, depression really has a leg up when it comes to causing a lack of productivity. That’s why I have to take productivity and motivation very seriously. Here are a few techniques to maintain productivity and motivation during depression.
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The scariest parts of bipolar disorder depend on who you ask, I guess, but I can think of quite a few scary things; after all, serious chronic illnesses like bipolar disorder tend to be scary on their very face. From having to deal with bipolar disorder for the rest of your life to possibly losing your life to bipolar disorder, there’s a lot of which to be scared. So here, I want to talk about some of the scary (and the scariest) aspects of bipolar disorder. Let’s face our fears.
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Mental illness can prevent daily hygiene. I’ve been a victim of this and so have so many other people. Some people have come to me in confidence and said that they can’t brush their teeth and it’s causing major dental problems. Other people have said, in hushed tones, that they can’t do their laundry so they don’t leave their houses. These kinds of hygiene tasks are just too hard for some people disabled with serious mental illnesses. So, let’s talk about how mental illness can prevent daily hygiene. Let’s bring this subject out of the closet and into the light.
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I’ve experienced hypersexuality as part of bipolar disorder. Now, I’m not one to run about and have sex with everything that moves (but it’s okay if you are), so, luckily, this symptom of bipolar has not hurt me (although it has affected me). That said, hypersexuality is a real bipolar symptom with real consequences for people. One of the problems with hypersexuality, though, is that it is about sex. People have issues talking openly about sex, particularly in a sex-positive way. But this isn’t helpful to those who have experienced hypersexuality. So, for a moment, let’s openly talk about hypersexuality — just another bipolar symptom.
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Yesterday, I was asked how I know what is bipolar and what is me. As in, when I’m having a thought, emotion, or impulse, how do I know which of those things is coming from the bipolar disorder and which are genuinely me? This is not a simple question. The edges between me and the bipolar disorder are fuzzy. Bipolar disorder can be very loud and overtake my own voice. And while I’m sure I don’t get it right 100 percent of the time, I do know what is bipolar and what is me.
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