People are frequently telling me what to do to feel better:
Find Jesus
Hand your life over to a higher power
Think positively
Be grateful for what you have
…
(And actually, it’s the first two I get all the time, but I’m not going to talk about it because it’s just too touchy a subject.)
I’m Grateful and Yet Still Depressed
So instead, at HealthyPlace I address the issue of gratitude. I am, in fact, grateful for many things. Right now I am sitting on a comfy couch that’s paid for, watching my cats run around and play, enjoying the beautiful sunshine, with Ben and Jerry’s in the freezer. I am thankful for these things. In spite of gratitude however, my bipolar depression doesn’t seem to get better.
(And yes, it bugs me that people think I’m not grateful just because of depression. And yes, it bugs me that people think that if I were grateful I would get better. And yes, people bug me.)
This is not of the quality you typically find here. Sorry.
I knew I was hypomanic because yesterday I couldn’t sleep.
Not sleeping. Waking multiple times during the night. That’s hypomania.
I’m sleeping too little, eating too little, producing too much and feeling too OK; that’s hypomania. It makes you brilliant and insightful and creative and magical. It also makes me completely fucked up.
The hypomania is probably from being on Pristiq and Welbutrin together. That’s a long story.
There is so much to know about Seroquel, and really, you’re so right to be afraid.
Over the last week-and-a-half I’ve been writing at HealthyPlace about the full prescribing information for Seroquel. I’ve done this to make a point – the full prescribing information for Seroquel or any drug is a treasure trove of knowledge. The full prescribing information really let’s you know what you’re getting into bed with and in the case of Seroquel, you’re getting into bed with a very dangerous substance. (That’s OK. I mean really, the only people worth getting into bed with are dangerous.) And whenever you take a (psychotropic, psychiatric) medication it’s worth knowing the risks. Seriously. Like, really worth it. And the risks of taking a medication are laid out in black and white in the prescribing information.
Antipsychotic Seroquel Information
I discuss Seroquel prescribing information section by section:
And just to be clear, I’m not attacking Seroquel here. Seroquel just happens to be the highest grossing psychotropic medication and that’s why I picked it. Prescribing information and all its nastiness is available for any drug. I do think though, particularly everyone on an antipsychotic should look at its full prescribing information. I’m not suggesting these are bad medications, but what I am suggesting is that they are very dangerous and you need to be made aware of it before you stay on them for years.
No One Can Make Mental Illness Treatment Decisions But You
The thing is, I can’t tell you what to do with your mental illness treatment. I can give you information, I can try to help, I can suggest reliable, mental health resources, but you have to make the treatment decision. It’s a scary thing I know. I still hate it myself.
I’ve been “living the bipolar lifestyle” for over a decade now, and due to my general obsession over all things factual, I’ve done lots and lots and lots of research on bipolar treatments. Lots of research on lots of psychotropic pharmaceuticals specifically, but I’ve looked at, and tried bipolar disorder treatments too. I’ve written about unusual mental illness treatments here from time to time but I decided to put together the top 5 list of bipolar / depression treatments you might not know about for HealthyPlace.
Thyroid Hormones – I was on Levoxyl, oddly I didn’t write about it.
Light Therapy – somehow I can’t find anything on this either. Which is weird, because I actually like this one.
It’s probably that I just didn’t get the chance to write about the last two. Sometimes I really mean to say something but I don’t get around to actually doing it. Anyway, you can check out the HealthyPlace article for more.
A common question bipolars and depressives ask is about the duration of side-effects and delay for effective treatment. These are completely reasonable and understandable questions. unfortunately, the answers aren't great so I created a short video addressing how long...
I’m not sure that remission is something we will all get to enjoy, as bipolars. And the remission from depression, the remission from hypomania, the remission from bipolar we do experience seems to be a very watered-down version of the lives we want, the lives we deserve and certainly the lives we’re promised by doctors and treatments. So if remission isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, what is remission in bipolar disorder?
I have had two doctors give up on my bipolar disorder (mostly depression) treatment. One almost a decade ago, and one just a couple of months ago. I didn’t take the most recent doctor abandonment all that well, as I’ve mentioned. In fact, if I saw the woman today, I’d still want to call her a cunt. An unfeeling, malpracticing, cold-hearted cunt. It seems I’m still a little upset about it.
A Doctor Giving Up on You is Unacceptable
But regardless as to my personal feelings about this woman, I feel that a doctor dismissing a patient without referral, medication, treatment or care, is unacceptable. It leaves the ill person with few visible options outside of suicide. A depression, suicidal person with no options. Peachy. These doctors are killing people through their own ignorance.
So, what should you do if your doctor gives up on your treatment? (You know, other than call them nasty names online, which I heartily recommend. It’s cathartic. HealthyPlace isn’t a fan of such things, however.)
When you think of mental illness, bipolar disorder, do you consider yourself to be bipolar or do you think of yourself as someone who has bipolar disorder? Just like: Bipolars have mood swings vs. people who suffer from bipolar disorder have mood swings. (I also think I’m crazy, and no, I don’t think “crazy” is derogatory necessarily.)
HealthyPlace Writing Clears Up Bipolar Confusion – I Am Bipolar
Personally, I say I’m bipolar all the time. I don’t have a problem with “being bipolar.” I know some people do dislike this concept for psychological reasons though, so on Breaking Bipolar there’s Are You Bipolar, Or Do You Have Bipolar Disorder?
It’s pretty common to deny you have bipolar disorder, before, and even during diagnosis of bipolar disorder. None of us wants to be sick, and none of us wants to be crazy-sick (sick-crazy, crazy and sick?). And it can take us a long time to come to terms with living with a mental illness like bipolar disorder.
Deny You Have Bipolar Disorder?
But sometimes, worse is the fact that those around us want to deny, or want us to deny, our bipolar disorder. They want us not to talk about bipolar, or to “control the symptoms of bipolar” or they just don’t believe in mental illness or treat it like a disease at all.
A couple of posts ago I talked about getting off of the antidepressant, Pristiq. I just thought you might like to know I was unsuccessful at getting off the final 50mg of Pristiq. I stopped taking the final Pristiq pill while increasing the antidepressant, Welbutrin and fell entirely apart in withdrawal. I became a swamp of tears, echos of choking sobs and a rainforest (?) of suicidality.
Yeah, so I gave into the withdrawal and just took the Pristiq again. Ah…failure. Failure getting on antidepressants, failure getting off antidepressants, and failing to get better. Sheesh. That’s quite a lineup.
Drugs are bad. Just say no. Or ow. Or please god stop.
There are two types of writing I do about bipolar. The first type talks about being bipolar, what it’s like, information around it and so on. It’s generally not overly emotional. The second type is written from the point of view of my bipolar, period. It’s not therapied or controlled or softened.
And that second type really bothers people.
Showing People Bipolar Disorder
It has happened many times over the years that people have come onto my blog and gotten upset at my very “real” writing. Often bipolars tell me it expresses exactly how they were feeling and they are grateful. Others though, complain that I’m illogical, need help, and am just generally crazy. They want to yell at me, for expressing the sickness. Yell at me for showing bipolar disorder as it is.
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