I have spent many holidays seasons being unhappy. Usually, this is thanks to bipolar depression. Depression strikes as it wishes, and it often wishes to do so at the holidays, thanks to stress. This might be the most wonderful time of the year, but it’s also one of the most stressful times of the year for many. And, of course, unhappiness can be a product of a myriad of situations and not just a mental illness. So if you’re handling an unhappy holiday season, read this.

Unhappiness at the Holidays

The holidays can be a very unhappy time for people. The holidays remind people of family, which can be a very powerful positive or a very powerful negative association. You might think of your favorite aunt or you might think of your abusive father. This can definitely create unhappiness at the holidays.

The holidays are also chock full of obligations. I, personally, despise obligations. I believe people should do what they truly want, but there is no time in the year when this is less the case.  Obligations can be stressful and/or something to slog through. There is no doubt that this can lead to holiday unhappiness.

And as I said, an illness, mental or another type, can induce unhappiness any time, and certainly one of those times can be at the holidays.

All this is to say that if you’re facing holiday unhappiness, you are not alone.

Handling Holiday Unhappiness

Many have to handle an unhappy holiday season this year. If this is you, you're not alone. Learn 10 ways to deal with an unhappy holiday season.

First off, you don’t have to feel bad that you’re not “feeling” the season. It’s okay to feel Grinch-y. It’s okay to want to hide. It’s okay to want to avoid every piece of tinsel. 

That said, you likely can’t avoid every inch of tinsel. So when you realistically look at what you can do this unhappy, holiday season, consider this:

  1. It’s okay to be unhappy, but it’s okay that other people are happy. Don’t try to drag other people down. You won’t like yourself for it. 
  2. Try to ferret out what you want your holiday to be. Try to have your own genuine experience of this time of year and remember to let others have theirs as well, even if they differ dramatically from yous.
  3. While I hate obligation, I do try to consider compromise. For example, you might have three holiday gatherings you are supposed to attend you want to attend none. How about attending only one? That will get you out being social (which is important) without overwhelming you. Another compromise might be attending each event for a very short period of time. There’s no reason you have to stay for hours — how about just poking your head in and saying “Hi?”
  4. Make only small commitments. If you’re unhappy during the holidays already, over-committing is just going to hurt you.
  5. Find the parts you like and celebrate those. Yes, I get it, the holidays are chock-a-block with traditions, engagements, activities and more. But even if you’re unhappy, there might be a tiny part of one of them that you like. Focus on that. Take what you want and leave the rest. You don’t have to get involved in everything.
  6.  Step back from the holiday if you need to. While I don’t think that isolating completely is healthy when you’re already unhappy, you can choose to step back from holiday-themed events and plan others. Plan a brunch with friends — no gift exchange. Plan a walk along the water with a family member — no Christmas lights in sight.
  7. Fake it ’til you make it — a bit. Sometimes you do just have to suck up how you feel a fake a little merry. For example, where children are involved, this just might be the way it has to be. That says, don’t feel like you have to do this constantly. Constantly faking things isn’t healthy.
  8. Reach out to your loved ones (or professionals, if you need). It’s important to have support when your unhappy or depressed during the holidays. It’s okay to be selective about who you are honest with, but don’t shut people out entirely.
  9. Explain what you want but only what you want. I’m a firm believer that you need to reach out to people you trust when you’re feeling unhappy, depressed or in other ways compromised. That said, when it comes to a random aunt or your father’s friend, don’t feel compelled to share too much. Your personal business is yours. When someone asks how you are, simply say something lukewarm and noncommittal.  
  10. Remember, nothing lasts forever and neither do the holidays, your unhappiness or your depression.

Unhappy at the Holidays? It’s Okay

Everyone would prefer to have a happy holiday, no doubt about that, but an unhappy holiday is survivable and doesn’t have to make you feel worse. It’s okay to be unhappy. Even now.

If need to reach out and don’t know how, click this to see how to get help now.